James89allen89 Posted June 3, 2018 Posted June 3, 2018 I'm new to dating and it's hard. I was always a introvert who never got out and tried dating over the past year or so with no success. I have been talking to this one girl and we actually went on a date over a 2 day period. I invited her to a local car show/festival and we went for two days over the weekend. We both had a blast! (She mentioned the next day she wants to get together again) I know I don't want to come off as clingy or needy, so how do I talk to her between dates? It's been a week and we have talked everyday but yesterday (Saturday). They weren't long drawn out conversations but not short simple "hey", "what's up" conversations either. More joking around! A big question I have is when can I ask for the second date? We saw each other last weekend, so if I ask about dinner this upcoming week is that too soon? Would it be Better to wait for the week after? I don't wanna look disinterested or take to long but I don't wanna look needy either. So would it be ok to ask for this week?? Thank you for the advice!!!
d0nnivain Posted June 3, 2018 Posted June 3, 2018 Weak & needy are when you act like you can't function without the other person. A genuine desire to spend more time with somebody because you enjoy their company is confident. Today is Sunday, if you want to spend next weekend with her, ask no later than Wednesday. Weekends are prime. You have to give more notice & not assume she has nothing else going on. Do not try to build a relationship through text. A daily good morning is not required by some folks. I'd find it smothering. But a call between dates is acceptable. Keep it short, < 15 minutes. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 3, 2018 Posted June 3, 2018 I think it's perfectly fine to ask her out to dinner for this week.
rightondude Posted June 3, 2018 Posted June 3, 2018 dude you need to ask and quit beating around the bush or else she's going to think you just want to be pals.
preraph Posted June 3, 2018 Posted June 3, 2018 (edited) Instead of trying to think of something to text, just text her a photo of a cool car or something. Don't even get into the habit of habitual texting. It gets really boring and feels like a chore and also like you're checking up to see what she's doing, so you're not into that and don't do it. Call, not text, and ask her out. I liked your first date. Always ask at least a couple days in advance. When you call, you can just say "How are you doing this week?" Listen...see if there's more convo....then "Hey, do you want to go to _____ this saturday?" And when you're out on this date, hold her hand a little, then when you drop her off end of the night, kiss her goodnight. Not a big production unless she grabs you wanting more. Just a nice warm kiss and then turn and leave. You have to get he physical started quickly, no later than the 3rd date, because otherwise you will be friendzoned for being too afraid to do it. Edited June 3, 2018 by preraph
smackie9 Posted June 3, 2018 Posted June 3, 2018 You don't need to take her out for a grand Saturday night dinner. Don't go out of your way/overboard with trying to impress her. The key thing here is to keep it simple, casual and fun. This will show her you enjoy her company and that you are a kool guy that's fun to be with. Building a connection is key, and time spent is where it's at. Not texting and crap. So far the communication between dates is positive, so don't change anything there. Ask her out for something during the week like to a nice patio at a fun bar for drinks and a casual dinner or find a happy hour, they start early. 2 hours max so no one has to worry about being too tired the next day. Just keep up the friendly banter, and stop worrying about how you rate. When you over thing/over analyze, the confidence level drops and it will show. I get it, you want success, but you have to let things happen organically. The more laid back and aloof you are, the more she will feel comfortable and interested. A little mystery goes a long way.
act00 Posted June 3, 2018 Posted June 3, 2018 It's already been a week. Ask her out or she might move on to someone else. You can ask her out for tomorrow or ask her out for Friday or Saturday...just do it. It's not clingy to want to spend time with her. Every single day might be too much too soon, but once or twice a week is a good place to start. Don't get lost in the all day every day texting, and even daily phone calls for hours can get to be draining. It's not sustainable and few people have that much to talk about. It's normal for communication to be high at first, but it levels down to something more sustainable, given you see each other in person and you have confidence this is going to maintain...hopefully for a long time. Don't push back seeing her another week. If you'd really like to see her before the weekend, see if she can meet for a drink or dinner mid week - also get a date out of her on the weekend, and don't wait until the last minute. Get your foot in the door now.
Author James89allen89 Posted June 4, 2018 Author Posted June 4, 2018 UPDATE** Our conversation today Me: Hey dinner and drinks this week? Her: Can we next week when I have money? Me: I appreciate that fact you are offering to pay but I'm asking you on a date, so don't worry about the money. I don't make women pay (laughing emoticon) Her: Well then let me check my schedule tonight and we will figure out the day.
cheersbar Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 UPDATE** Our conversation today Me: Hey dinner and drinks this week? Her: Can we next week when I have money? Me: I appreciate that fact you are offering to pay but I'm asking you on a date, so don't worry about the money. I don't make women pay (laughing emoticon) Her: Well then let me check my schedule tonight and we will figure out the day. Sounds promising! 1
lakerman34 Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 (edited) UPDATE** Our conversation today Me: Hey dinner and drinks this week? Her: Can we next week when I have money? Me: I appreciate that fact you are offering to pay but I'm asking you on a date, so don't worry about the money. I don't make women pay (laughing emoticon) Her: Well then let me check my schedule tonight and we will figure out the day. Just be careful. Some women think the whole "the man pays" thing is outdated, and I could see a woman taking offense to this. From the very first date with my girlfriend, she set it straight: "Fine. You can pay for this one, but know that I have a well paying job, so I can pay for myself from now on. Since you're paying this time, I've got next time?" I found it incredibly sexy. Juxtapose THAT attitude with a more recent ex: I paid for EVERYTHING. She never even offered to pay once. She knew she was super hot and sexy, and she could have any guy groveling at her feet if she so desired. Still, I'm young and early in my career, so paying $100+ every night when I was with her was HARD (I had to convince myself that the sex was worth it, but honestly, it wasn't. You kinda get over the attractive piece pretty quickly. A vagina feels like a vagina, no matter who it belongs to). Moral is this: don't suppose because she is a woman, she expects you to pay. I'd say start a culture of taking turns paying for each other, and start that culture early on. Also, I think 'light, casual, and fun' is a good way to go about finding dates. My dad has a wealthy friend who is in his 50s now, never married. His big issue is that because he is wealthy, he goes ALL OUT on first dates (limo rides to NYC, expensive dinners, shows, gifts), and ends up scaring the girl away. I bet he'd have MUCH more luck if he went more for 'picnic in the park' sort of vibe. Edited June 4, 2018 by lakerman34
Jasonntot Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 (edited) Sounds like you're doing great. In my experience, a week between the first and second date is fine. My advice from what I've learned when it comes to asking for you what you want: Keep it honest, keep it simple, keep it consistent. UPDATE** Our conversation today Me: Hey dinner and drinks this week? Her: Can we next week when I have money? Me: I appreciate that fact you are offering to pay but I'm asking you on a date, so don't worry about the money. I don't make women pay (laughing emoticon) Her: Well then let me check my schedule tonight and we will figure out the day. In my opinion, the whole "I appreciate that you're willing to pay...etc" is unnecessary. Just a simple, "Oh, don't worry about it, I'll cover this one," should suffice. You don't have to explain yourself each time you make a choice, can be a little overwrought. Edited June 4, 2018 by Jasonntot
Lotsgoingon Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 I love the way you handled that exchange dude ... And you can talk about (in between) the fun you had on the previous date ... interesting thoughts that cross your mind during the day or at work ... Stay real and positive ... You can just literally say hi ... and hope you are having a great day. Some people throw out questions: do you have any interest in attending X? Rock and roll brother! ....
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