Relationship Ended Abruptly and she's already with someone else (Rebound?)

June 2, 2018

Here's my long and sad problem (I'm a 23 year old guy btw, she's 22):

So I dated this girl who I was previously very good friends with for about two years. She was my first friend when I moved off to college, and for the last seven months of that time (in addition to the two years we'd previously known each other) we ended up dating. I went into it with a bit of caution and we took things slowly, but it ended up being more than I ever could've imagined. I came to really love her with all my heart and things went great for the seven months we were together. We never had any major blowups or arguments, just the occasional small verbal scuffle here and there that we'd either realize was stupid or we'd work it out in a calm and mature manner.

Our relationship kept growing, she went back to my hometown and met all my family (they loved her) and I went to her hometown and met her family (she said they loved me). Everything was going extremely well, until I had to move back to my hometown after I graduated college (she's a year behind me) because I was having a hard time finding a job. We agreed to give long distance a chance, but she was very apprehensive about it (the only time she previously tried LDR, she was cheated on). I moved back on January 7th, and lived about 4.5 hours away from her by car.

Everything was going well with LDR. There was the occasional "this is tough," "I hate this," and "I really miss you" from both sides quite a bit, but I still was able to drive up there every weekend to visit her, and it seemed to be working very well, given the circumstances.

So on February 17th (a Saturday) I'm unable to come visit her for the first time on a weekend since I moved back to my hometown due to a family event. We still texted and FaceTimed a lot that weekend, keeping up with each other. That night after my event was done, we got into a really serious talk about our future together; she said she was over the moon for me, loved me, and would love to consider marrying me someday. Lots of tears were exchanged, blah blah blah. Very emotional and special moment to me. (FYI, we were definitely out of the honeymoon stage by this point. All the crazy sex and holding hands every waking moment was about two months behind us)

Fast forward to the next weekend. I'm back up there again visiting her. I get ready to leave Sunday night, per usual, and her best friend that she's known since she was six years old (and her roommate for four years and counting) pulls me aside privately and tells me that "She really loves you. I've never seen her love someone like she loves you before. You treat her so well and she's always bragging to me about it." So that obviously feels good.

So the next week, I get to come up there early for a freelance gig to make some extra money. I plan to head up Wednesday, and come back Sunday. So I get up there Wednesday night, and she seems a little off. And the next morning, she breaks up with me (Just 10 days after she said she wanted to marry me someday). She says she's concerned about our future, her uncertainty about being able to find a job near me and my uncertainty about where I'll get a job, and is worried about finishing school. I'm very upset about it obviously, but I understand her reasoning to a degree, and the breakup itself goes very cordial. She also says if I end up getting a job back in our college town, she's open to dating again. We both also agree to go no contact on each other for awhile just so neither of us is holding onto anything or throwing our emotions after a breakup out there.

So this is March 1st. Fast forward one month to the start of April. We still have a lot of mutual friends, and one of them tells me she got a Tinder account. I'm kinda confused and put off by it, so I break NC and ask her about it (probably not a good idea, but I did it. Can't change that now), since I thought her uncertainty with her own life was as much as a concern with mine in her reasoning for breaking up with me. She says isn't using it and she doesn't plan on being in a relationship with anyone anytime soon. I say "okay, thanks for the clarity" and we go back to NC.

Then, out of the blue as I'm scrolling through social media a couple weeks later, I've discovered she's blocked me on everything. instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, you name it. Come to find out from the same mutual friend, she had met someone on Tinder just a couple days before I asked her about it, and they started officially dating by the end of the week. Five weeks to the day she broke up with me and barely 40 days over talking about wanting to marry me. Apparently they were already "Facebook Official," with the occasional post on Instagram and Snapchat and he's been basically spending every minute at her apartment and sleeping over there.

This has left me feeling very hurt and confused. I recently got a job back in our college town - she texted me a congrats out of the blue (breaking NC) about it, and said she wants to try to be friends again eventually, but she's not quite ready yet. But she also threw in this long message about our breakup, how she was not in the right place mentally at the time and needs to focus on herself before being in a relationship with anyone again (no matter that she's been dating someone else for the last seven weeks).

Needless to say, I'm extremely hurt and saddened by this. I'm wondering:

1. What happened? Everything seemed to be going extremely well and then ended out of nowhere.

2. Is this new guy just a rebound? Five weeks after a breakup to date someone you've barely known for a week seems very odd, and then already acting like he's been there for awhile. (Also note, she's told our mutual friends that this is a serious relationship, but she has doubts whether it will last)

3. Do I have any chance of getting her back? I still love her very much and have never loved anyone like I have her. Now that I'm living near her and know about this new guy, it's a massive punch in the gut feeling.

4. Why is she hiding this new guy from me?

Any help is appreciated.

June 2, 2018

Here's my long and sad problem (I'm a 23 year old guy btw, she's 22):

So I dated this girl who I was previously very good friends with for about two years. She was my first friend when I moved off to college, and for the last seven months of that time (in addition to the two years we'd previously known each other) we ended up dating. I went into it with a bit of caution and we took things slowly, but it ended up being more than I ever could've imagined. I came to really love her with all my heart and things went great for the seven months we were together. We never had any major blowups or arguments, just the occasional small verbal scuffle here and there that we'd either realize was stupid or we'd work it out in a calm and mature manner.

Our relationship kept growing, she went back to my hometown and met all my family (they loved her) and I went to her hometown and met her family (she said they loved me). Everything was going extremely well, until I had to move back to my hometown after I graduated college (she's a year behind me) because I was having a hard time finding a job. We agreed to give long distance a chance, but she was very apprehensive about it (the only time she previously tried LDR, she was cheated on). I moved back on January 7th, and lived about 4.5 hours away from her by car.

Everything was going well with LDR. There was the occasional "this is tough," "I hate this," and "I really miss you" from both sides quite a bit, but I still was able to drive up there every weekend to visit her, and it seemed to be working very well, given the circumstances.

So on February 17th (a Saturday) I'm unable to come visit her for the first time on a weekend since I moved back to my hometown due to a family event. We still texted and FaceTimed a lot that weekend, keeping up with each other. That night after my event was done, we got into a really serious talk about our future together; she said she was over the moon for me, loved me, and would love to consider marrying me someday. Lots of tears were exchanged, blah blah blah. Very emotional and special moment to me. (FYI, we were definitely out of the honeymoon stage by this point. All the crazy sex and holding hands every waking moment was about two months behind us)

Fast forward to the next weekend. I'm back up there again visiting her. I get ready to leave Sunday night, per usual, and her best friend that she's known since she was six years old (and her roommate for four years and counting) pulls me aside privately and tells me that "She really loves you. I've never seen her love someone like she loves you before. You treat her so well and she's always bragging to me about it." So that obviously feels good.

So the next week, I get to come up there early for a freelance gig to make some extra money. I plan to head up Wednesday, and come back Sunday. So I get up there Wednesday night, and she seems a little off. And the next morning, she breaks up with me (Just 10 days after she said she wanted to marry me someday). She says she's concerned about our future, her uncertainty about being able to find a job near me and my uncertainty about where I'll get a job, and is worried about finishing school. I'm very upset about it obviously, but I understand her reasoning to a degree, and the breakup itself goes very cordial. She also says if I end up getting a job back in our college town, she's open to dating again. We both also agree to go no contact on each other for awhile just so neither of us is holding onto anything or throwing our emotions after a breakup out there.

You're both young. This happens. It sounds like she met someone and wanted to explore. It may have even been brewing awhile.

So this is March 1st. Fast forward one month to the start of April. We still have a lot of mutual friends, and one of them tells me she got a Tinder account. I'm kinda confused and put off by it, so I break NC and ask her about it (probably not a good idea, but I did it. Can't change that now), since I thought her uncertainty with her own life was as much as a concern with mine in her reasoning for breaking up with me. She says isn't using it and she doesn't plan on being in a relationship with anyone anytime soon. I say "okay, thanks for the clarity" and we go back to NC.

Never chase. What she does is her business and I suspect she lied a bit.

Then, out of the blue as I'm scrolling through social media a couple weeks later, I've discovered she's blocked me on everything. instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, you name it. Come to find out from the same mutual friend, she had met someone on Tinder just a couple days before I asked her about it, and they started officially dating by the end of the week. Five weeks to the day she broke up with me and barely 40 days over talking about wanting to marry me. Apparently they were already "Facebook Official," with the occasional post on Instagram and Snapchat and he's been basically spending every minute at her apartment and sleeping over there.

She got a whole other life and you interfered. That's why you were blocked

This has left me feeling very hurt and confused. I recently got a job back in our college town - she texted me a congrats out of the blue (breaking NC) about it, and said she wants to try to be friends again eventually, but she's not quite ready yet. But she also threw in this long message about our breakup, how she was not in the right place mentally at the time and needs to focus on herself before being in a relationship with anyone again (no matter that she's been dating someone else for the last seven weeks).

How sweet she wants you to live life on her terms.

Needless to say, I'm extremely hurt and saddened by this. I'm wondering:

1. What happened? Everything seemed to be going extremely well and then ended out of nowhere.
2. Is this new guy just a rebound? Five weeks after a breakup to date someone you've barely known for a week seems very odd, and then already acting like he's been there for awhile. (Also note, she's told our mutual friends that this is a serious relationship, but she has doubts whether it will last)
3. Do I have any chance of getting her back? I still love her very much and have never loved anyone like I have her. Now that I'm living near her and know about this new guy, it's a massive punch in the gut feeling.
4. Why is she hiding this new guy from me?

Any help is appreciated.

She's not ready for a relationship and is fickle. You need to go completely NC and quit taking her breadcrumbs.

Move on like she has. Giving her any headspace will get you absolutely nothing.

She's not some special irreplaceable snowflake. The world won't end and the sun will come up in the mornings I promise.

June 2, 2018

It sounds like she couldn't manage the distance and met someone else. Or at least wanted to meet someone else. The talk about marriage and so on may have been an attempt to convince herself not to throw in the towel just yet; I have seen that happen a few times when one person actually has one foot out the door but hasn't yet been able to admit it to themselves. Over-compensation, in other words.

My sense is that this guy has been on her radar longer than she's been telling people. To go from break-up to new relationship that quickly, when one is the dumper, often means the new person didn't just pop up into their lives. In any case, I wouldn't necessarily consider it a rebound, since she is the one who ended the relationship. Rebounds are usually the territory of the heart-broken dumpee who will turn to just about anyone to fill the void. It doesn't mean her new relationship will last, but simply that she didn't turn to him for the same reasons dumpees often do.

She's hiding him from you because she knows it looks a little suspicious that she found a new boyfriend so quickly. I wouldn't try to reconnect with her; as Marc pointed out, she is young and fickle and not ready to settle down. I am sorry you're dealing with this, OP.

June 2, 2018

It sounds like she couldn't manage the distance and met someone else. Or at least wanted to meet someone else. The talk about marriage and so on may have been an attempt to convince herself not to throw in the towel just yet; I have seen that happen a few times when one person actually has one foot out the door but hasn't yet been able to admit it to themselves. Over-compensation, in other words.

My sense is that this guy has been on her radar longer than she's been telling people. To go from break-up to new relationship that quickly, when one is the dumper, often means the new person didn't just pop up into their lives. In any case, I wouldn't necessarily consider it a rebound, since she is the one who ended the relationship. Rebounds are usually the territory of the heart-broken dumpee who will turn to just about anyone to fill the void. It doesn't mean her new relationship will last, but simply that she didn't turn to him for the same reasons dumpees often do.

She's hiding him from you because she knows it looks a little suspicious that she found a new boyfriend so quickly. I wouldn't try to reconnect with her; as Marc pointed out, she is young and fickle and not ready to settle down. I am sorry you're dealing with this, OP.

To that I say, some more details/backstory: As for him being on her radar, I'm pretty sure (though could be wrong) that he hasn't been. Her best friend/roommate, who I'm still on good terms with, said they didn't even start following each other on FB, SC, etc. until right just a couple days before they became "official." Couple that with something else: me and her both had some major trust issues, as both of us had been cheated on before. As part of an attempt to solve that, we both were incredibly open about everything to each other to the point where we had each other's phone passcodes and what not. Not sure if that's the best strategy in the world, but up until the breakup, I never saw head nor tail of this guy anywhere on anything.

Also (from the same roommate/best friend) told me she had been bawling her eyes out less than two weeks before her and this guy were official about missing me and wondering if she made the right decision.

(As I'm typing this out, I'm wondering if my network of knowledge might be a bit too good here lol)

June 2, 2018

Just like marc said...

She found another guy, you should have found another girl already, good grief you less than 25 freaking years old.

This is going to happen.

And look, whenever a woman give you any of the BS this one did, for gods sake learn from this and ghost her already.

And don't do long-distance.

Further, please don't ever, ever chase a woman, it makes you look weak and pathetic.

Learn these lessons now and save yourself some trouble...

June 2, 2018

Ouch. I'm sure that hurts. But, people are allowed to change their minds, and some people do it a lot. She appears to have decided she does want a relationship after all. It may be a case of simply missing the attention or being bored. Doesn't stop it from stinging though .

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