baradam Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 Hi guys, hoping for your insight. To cut a long story very short. Met a girl, went out for 18 months. Amazing relationship first 15 months (with a few silly arguments caused by me), last 3 months we began arguing quite a lot as I had to take on a new job which meant we didn't see each other much. This led to tension, arguments, and eventually we broke up. We continued arguing for a week after we broke up, I went to hers for an evening (which was actually really nice), then I didn't contact her again. Fast forward 5 weeks, I'm at an event she's at. She approaches me and starts chatting. I politely cut it short and excused myself. I left the event early. She texts me saying it was nice to see me. The next day I get another text her saying she thought she'd just seen me in a city (which she knew I wouldn't be in), reiterated how nice it was to see me and asked if I'd like to meet up soon. Between then she initiate some texting e.g. "hey, so what are you up to today?" etc. We meet up a week later. We had lunch then she asked if I'd like to go for coffee. We did that. She then asked if I'd like to go for a walk and we did that too. On 3 occasions I asked if she'd like me to take her home (I'd picked her up) and she said "no, not yet, I want to stay here". We ended up staying out together for 4 hours. She told me how excited she was to see me, and that she was nervous. She told me that she often sees something that she wants to text me about, or when she needs advice she wants to contact me but feels like she couldn't. She even began crying at one point. She talked about how excited she was previously about the summer we were going to have together. She also, quite interestingly, said that she didn't feel she'd processed the break up until this week as she'd been so busy with work - she had been working 14 hours days every day for the last 6 weeks (I know this to be true, because I was in the same role as her not too long ago). She also got quite upset when we discussed that the next time we'd see each other wouldn't be until October. An important thing to know is that a lot has fundamentally changed since the break up. And some (if not all of the previous main issues) have been resolved. I recognise that most people argue 'great couples work through these things' - but sometimes they don't, right? I figured that the meet up would tell me one of two things. Either I still have a chance, or it's over and it was closure. After I did finally drop her off I got a text a couple of hours later saying "it was really nice to see you today". I sent back "good to see you too". She then replied "we should do it again". For me this was confirmation that something was still there. The way she'd behaved when I was with her during lunch, coffee and the walk told me that, but I wanted further confirmation - and I thought I had it. I knew that we wouldn't instantly get back together, but I wanted some hint that there were still feelings there. I played it cool and just said "yeah cool, when were you thinking?". She replied a jokey text saying "6 months? [and that crying laughter face]". I replied "I was thinking 5, but 6 will work". She then responded "It was really nice being with you today. I hope we can still carry on seeing each other and be kind of normal". I responded "I will be completely honest. I don't think we can continue seeing each other and hanging out as just friends" She replied " :/ so you don't want to see me again? " I said "I do, but I don't understand how we can be just friends?" She said "I'd rather that than not have you in my life" This is when I got really confused. EVERYTHING about today led me to believe there was something still there and we were on a good path to reconciliation. It's only 7 weeks since we split. How can she think we can start being friends and hanging out?
Author baradam Posted June 2, 2018 Author Posted June 2, 2018 That's fair enough. Not quite sure on some of the advice around here though? Everyone seems to think that unless your ex is instantly available/willing to jump straight back in to a commitment/relationship, there's no point?
kgcolonel Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 why continue dancing around the topic....straight up ask her, would you like to go on a date?.....don't burn daylight when you don't have to....
ExpatInItaly Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 If she doesn't want to go on a date with you, I would not advise hanging out as friends. You are more likely to wind up getting hurt again than you are likely to wind up getting back together. She thinks you can be friends because it appears as though it was her that wanted to end the relationship. Meaning, her feelings had already changed to a large extent and she doesn't struggle when she sees you as much as you do. She might not want to jump back into anything, true, but she also isn't giving you any indication that she is interested in slowly rebuilding a relationship either.
CantTakeMySmile Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 Ask her on a date. If she says no, then you have your answer.
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