HumanMachine Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 I’ve been seeing this girl for a couple months now, she’s a nice ‘normal’ girl who comes without drama. She seems trustworthy and honest, no orbiters or exes popping up. I’m used to high paced, unstable, bipolar women who come with a tonne of drama, and fun. Recently the girl I am dating is becoming quite annoying, for example: Tickles/scratches me with her nails whilst we are chilling. I move, playfully brush her hand away or jokingly tell her ‘stop’ but she constantly does it. Today was my first lay in I’ve had in a while and she woke me up at 5:30am by scratching my arm, she was awake but I pretended I was asleep. She has literally just mentioned to me how much I annoyed her because I didn’t cuddle her...... Sarcasm; I hate sarcasm. She’s very sarcastic, if I ever mention being tired she will put on a whole song and dance saying “you tired? No way, i don’t believe you, you’ve never been tired before”. It makes my skin crawl, yes I am tired, I get up early and have a stressful day at work. On top of all this I don’t ever feel excited to see her, and I’m not sexually attracted to her. I feel awful and almost forced into this situation. My friends tell me that this is normal in a relationship, and I’ve just become accustomed to the high drama crazy girls. Maybe they are right but I don’t feel happy. Maybe this girl just simply isn’t for me. I’ve never broken anything of with anyone before, I’m petrified of hurting her as she’s done nothing wrong. What would be the best way around this LS? Obviously I will be doing this face to face.
JeanGray Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 I’ve been seeing this girl for a couple months now, she’s a nice ‘normal’ girl who comes without drama. She seems trustworthy and honest, no orbiters or exes popping up. I’m used to high paced, unstable, bipolar women who come with a tonne of drama, and fun. Recently the girl I am dating is becoming quite annoying, for example: Tickles/scratches me with her nails whilst we are chilling. I move, playfully brush her hand away or jokingly tell her ‘stop’ but she constantly does it. Today was my first lay in I’ve had in a while and she woke me up at 5:30am by scratching my arm, she was awake but I pretended I was asleep. She has literally just mentioned to me how much I annoyed her because I didn’t cuddle her...... Sarcasm; I hate sarcasm. She’s very sarcastic, if I ever mention being tired she will put on a whole song and dance saying “you tired? No way, i don’t believe you, you’ve never been tired before”. It makes my skin crawl, yes I am tired, I get up early and have a stressful day at work. On top of all this I don’t ever feel excited to see her, and I’m not sexually attracted to her. I feel awful and almost forced into this situation. My friends tell me that this is normal in a relationship, and I’ve just become accustomed to the high drama crazy girls. Maybe they are right but I don’t feel happy. Maybe this girl just simply isn’t for me. I’ve never broken anything of with anyone before, I’m petrified of hurting her as she’s done nothing wrong. What would be the best way around this LS? Obviously I will be doing this face to face. Not being sexually attracted anymore is a definite sign that you should end this relationship. You definitely need that excitement & spark for it to last long term. It's natural for anyone to be upset over breakups, but remember that this is your love life and if you don't think that she or any other can make you happy, then don't worry or feel bad about breaking up. It's about your happiness too. Simply tell her, I don't think we are compatible & you would be wasting her time by dating her any longer. If she gets angry, remain calm and try getting outta of there as fast as possible! Lol
Logo Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 (edited) I don't understand why you've been with her this long if you don't find her sexually attractive and you don't feel excited to see her. I think your friends are wrong. It's obvious that your annoyances are rooted in your lack of attraction. While I was reading your post, everything seemed playful and fun and she seems to really like you and is begging for your affection, until you mentioned that you are not attracted. So, what gives? Send me her picture. If I find her attractive, she can tickle me, scratch me and cuddle all she wants. Seriously, whatever you do, don't tell her that you don't find her attractive. But, you might want to break up with her instead of wasting both her time and yours. Tell her you've finally decided to come out of the closet or something. The compatibility excuse is too broad. I have a feeling she's going to ask you for specifics and will offer to change her habits or behavior just to stay in the relationship. Sometimes you just have to learn to deal with the guilt. It'll be a learning experience. Edited June 2, 2018 by Logo 3
smackie9 Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 It's not the drama you are missing....you just haven't met the right person yet...she's not the right person, call it quits.
central Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 You're not into her. She senses it, and is begging for attention. You don't provide it. The cycle repeats. Do both of you a favor and end it. She isn't right for you, and what you are experiencing is NOT normal for a good relationship. 1
act00 Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 I agree with Logo, it's your lack of attraction that's causing a lot of the annoyance that you're experiencing, and dreading spending time with her is obviously not a good sign. In other relationships, have you tended to be more affectionate? With other girlfriends, would her rubbing your arm with her nails be the same issue? There are things you could do like talk to her about toning down the sarcasm. It hurts when someone downplays and devalues how you feel or can't be serious when you bring things up, even simple things like feeling tired. If you don't like to be tickled, you need to say so. She might be doing this to try to get some more affection out of you, and if you're not an affectionate person, it's difficult anyway, but add the fact there is no attraction, everything is amplified and you have no desire to extend that affection towards her to appease her...a compromise. You put in some time and tried to make it work. I can see what you were doing in that you're concerned that maybe you're just not used to a no-drama type of girl and you have no idea what normal is, but what's going on with you extends beyond not being used to a normal relationship, but extends to just a lack of compatibility and attraction. Sense of humor is one of those things that needs to be somewhat on the same level, and level of affection needs to be similar as well or an ability to extend some compromise. There are no magic words to a breakup, but I applaud that you're breaking up instead of blowing her off. You can only say that you don't feel compatible and you feel it's time to break things off. It's going to hurt and she's going to cry and you're going to feel like the worst person in the world for it. My suggestion would be to meet at her place or even in a semi-private public setting...someplace where you can leave. If you do this at your place, you may find yourself having a difficult time getting her to leave, or she may state she'll change her ways and you'll agree to another try in order to get her out of your living room, which only prolongs the inevitable. 1
BaileyB Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 On top of all this I don’t ever feel excited to see her, and I’m not sexually attracted to her. I feel awful and almost forced into this situation. If this is truly how you feel, then you need to let her go. She deserves to date someone who is excited to see her, is sexually attracted to her, and doesn't feel forced into spending time with her. Good luck.
Gaeta Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 I agree with the others and I'd like to add there are plenty of 'drama free' women out there that are not annoying or boring. It's like anything else you need to search till you find one. 1
lakerman34 Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 I agree with everybody else. Look, I've been on LS for years (I think 7 now?). I've come here for a LOT of relationship advice, dating advice, sex advice:p, and coping advice. Some of the advice you get is crap. HOWEVER, I was in your shoes before, being with a girl that kept pestering me when I also had an INCREDIBLY stressful job and absolutely needed my sleep (I was working 70 hours a week in a job that didn't even give me a lunch break, and they completely mistreated me -- I considered hiring a lawyer, but instead they terminated me with an incredibly severance package knowing that I had a LOT on them). The girl was super annoying, was licking me, scratching me, and just not letting me get my 8 hours of sleep. She wanted sex after I've had a hard day at work, and would act all pissy when I wasn't in the mood (even if it was only once a week that I rejected her). People on this site told me to get out, and I would always justify not. "But she's so cute," "she's so sweet, I couldn't do that to her," "I don't want to hurt her," "things aren't THAT bad," "once I get a better job, things will get better." Let me tell you: It doesn't get better. Not at all. You'll break up with this girl (or she'll dump you), and, down the line, you'll kick yourself for not doing it sooner. Trust me. Dump her. Not only would it be a huge relief for you, but she'll eventually realize it was best for her too. I'm now dating a girl that, when we are having stressful days, we are understanding, communicative (for the most part, some blips along the way), and supportive. If she wants to be cutesy and bug me and I'm not feeling it, I let her know, she stops, no one is offended. Please. Do yourself the favor. Dump her (but me a gentleman while doing it). 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 The girl was super annoying, was licking me, scratching me, and just not letting me get my 8 hours of sleep. Omg, if anyone was trying to interrupt my beauty rest by licking me, they wouldn't have any teeth left! :lmao: 2
preraph Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 Doesn't sound like this is the woman for you. Some guy will eat it up, I suppose.
lakerman34 Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 Omg, if anyone was trying to interrupt my beauty rest by licking me, they wouldn't have any teeth left! :lmao: It was cute and endearing when we first meet and for the first few months, but when work got stressful (and she got a bit nastier towards me -- I consider that job and that girl to be reasons why I have PTSD when it comes to relationships and other jobs), it became too much.
Highndry Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 She actually sounds fun. I like gals who are silly like that. But if you're not sexually attracted, WTF are you doing with her?
act00 Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 She actually sounds fun. I like gals who are silly like that. But if you're not sexually attracted, WTF are you doing with her? And this comes straight down to personality compatibility. I don't like being teased, and I don't like that everything is a joke and my stress is downplayed with sarcasm like I'm being a big baby, and I absolutely don't like being tickled...I just don't. Practical jokes are humiliating...other people think they are funny and love them...I embrace this for other people to a degree, but don't do it to me...personality conflict...and the OP is dealing with this conflict.
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