Butterflying Posted June 1, 2018 Posted June 1, 2018 I have been dating this guy for just over a month. We’re still getting to know each other. When he visited my house & met some of my friends for the first time, he was impressed. He’s always talking about properties he owns, vehicles, land, all material things. I don’t really care about any of that stuff. But I expected him to show me something when I visited his place. He didn’t. He showed me instead, places he’s “thinking about” purchasing. He wanted my input on rather it’s a place I would like to live someday. When I asked why he wasn’t showing me any of the places he already has (because maybe I would like to live in one of those someday); he shrugged his shoulders & said there will be plenty of time for me to see those places later, if our relationship progresses. There are other details like strange phone calls he gets early in the morning on some days when I sleep over. He asked for privacy when I asked why he has 3 monitors for his computer. He told me it’s for a business he runs. I asked what type of business. He told me it’s too soon for me to be asking those kind of questions. He feels that I’m trying to get too deep into his life. And that’s a turn off for him. So I backed off. But now I’m afraid to ask him anything because I don’t know what’s off limits. Our conversations have dwindled to brief hello & goodbye. He used to call & text me every morning & throughout the day. We talked for hours about many things. Now we don’t speak for several days. He doesn’t respond to my calls or texts. I’m wondering if I truly was asking too many questions, too soon.
carhill Posted June 1, 2018 Posted June 1, 2018 Sounds like a BS'er to me. The brother of my best friend's wife is like that. A million schemes, rags to riches and back to rags again, everything is nebulous. I remember the women surrounding him at his step-brother's funeral gathering while he regaled them with stories but he had a hard time finding his wallet to pay for gas back to the bay area to get home. Always a deal in the works. If you like that kind of guy they can be exciting but a rollercoaster of ups and downs. I've seen plenty of them in my life. Some are mentally ill. Gotta admit though, they seem to gather the women. They've got charisma. 1
Gaeta Posted June 1, 2018 Posted June 1, 2018 This thread + your last one are flashing with red big neons! *Alert* This man is not looking for your best interest. He's controling, manipulative, and now secretive. You need to end this relationship. 4
fredflint Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 I have been dating this guy for just over a month. We’re still getting to know each other. When he visited my house & met some of my friends for the first time, he was impressed. He’s always talking about properties he owns, vehicles, land, all material things. I don’t really care about any of that stuff. But I expected him to show me something when I visited his place. He didn’t. He showed me instead, places he’s “thinking about” purchasing. He wanted my input on rather it’s a place I would like to live someday. When I asked why he wasn’t showing me any of the places he already has (because maybe I would like to live in one of those someday); he shrugged his shoulders & said there will be plenty of time for me to see those places later, if our relationship progresses. There are other details like strange phone calls he gets early in the morning on some days when I sleep over. He asked for privacy when I asked why he has 3 monitors for his computer. He told me it’s for a business he runs. I asked what type of business. He told me it’s too soon for me to be asking those kind of questions. He feels that I’m trying to get too deep into his life. And that’s a turn off for him. So I backed off. But now I’m afraid to ask him anything because I don’t know what’s off limits. Our conversations have dwindled to brief hello & goodbye. He used to call & text me every morning & throughout the day. We talked for hours about many things. Now we don’t speak for several days. He doesn’t respond to my calls or texts. I’m wondering if I truly was asking too many questions, too soon. Healthy relationships come from openness, transparency and caring communication. You should try to forget him, he is bad news. 1
basil67 Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 Oh Butterflying, he's giving off all these HUGE red flags and you're questioning if you've done something wrong. Hon, when a guy's story doesn't make sense....and he's secretive to boot, you need to cut him off. 3
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 Well, three monitors is not that unusual. I use two. But everything else is super shady. 1
smackie9 Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 Girl if it doesn't feel right, it not. Always trust your gut instinct...get out now!
central Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 The secrecy is a huge red flag. The nature of his business shouldn't be a secret, unless it's criminal - he doesn't need to share details at this point, of course. I'd question whether much of what he's said is even true, but the key here is the manipulation and secrecy - it doesn't bode well for honesty and equality in a relationship. (The 3 monitors doesn't mean anything. I've had 4 when I was actively day trading stocks.)
lakerman34 Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 Sounds like a scam artist. When I like a girl, I try to show her my place ASAP My girlfriend showed me her place the first night I met her.
act00 Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 The high level of secrecy is a major red flag. I question fraudulent behavior as well, possibly sucking money out of you, but maybe this guy is just simply playing himself up...who knows? Regardless, it's sketchy and not a good foundation to start a relationship on. The fact that you have been dating for merely a month and discussion on marriage and potential home to live in (out of multiple lush properties) is a red flag...frauds and abusers get you sucked into the fairy tale as fast as possible, and make you believe it. Don't be complacent to the dangling carrot either. He's spewing all these fine and fancy things and these properties, but then stating the time isn't right to show you these things yet...he's probably lying about the properties, but if he's not, he's being manipulative if you have to jump through hoops and "prove your worth" to be garnished with the ability to even view these properties on a drive...and he's probably lying. The answer is no. This man is shady in character. If he is concerned about women seeking sugar daddies, he won't disclose his financial wealth or worth or brag about it to women he's just barely met. He's pulling a bait and switch. This house-flipping, rich as a result scenario is what I have encountered more than once in the land of dating and fraud...and in my real life, the friends and family who have invested in a house flipping adventure have not fared well in the end...it may be successful, it more than often is not Your boyfriend has a lot to say and not a lot to back it up...it's becoming harder and harder to even have a normal conversation. The reason for that is he's not real. There is only so long a lie can be maintained before it breaks down. He can't talk to you about normal daily life because it doesn't exist. Always, always be on high alert when someone you just barely met is showering you with all kinds of hearts and flowers of love and marriage and choosing properties or a ring...they are usually frauds. 1
lakerman34 Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 I think he's trying to appear as "mysterious" and "important." Perhaps it's some sort of "game" thing he's read, or perhaps he's a drug dealer?
HiCrunchy Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 It's so strange for him to be so vague about what he does for a living. He says it's too soon, but I find it hella weird he hasnt done so already after 1 month. He seems so shady op. Seriously...
ExpatInItaly Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 You should be glad this guy has stopped contacting you. He sounds like a total farce. Next! 1
preraph Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 I think he's one of those guys who pretends to be rich and businessy to impress the women but isn't really, but I'll tell you exactly how you can find out. On google, do a search for (your state or any other he claims to own things in) and "taxable entity search." Then put his name in once there. If he has any businesses, they will show up. If he owns multiple places, it's likely some are investment properties so something should come up. If you know any of the towns he owns homes, google "appraisal district (name of city) and then put in his name and see what comes up. the appraisal district may have a checkbox for both residential and commercial, so check both. There's lots of liars out there trying to make themselves look better so they can get better women (such as yourself). Also, since there are some red flags there, I'd go ahead and get online and just pay $25 and do a background check on him. Get out ahead of it, and never ever tell him. 2
mortensorchid Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 Yikes … He's hiding something or trying to make you think that he's something that he's not. I would just move on before you get to invested in this because … It's bad.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 In my experience, when a man really likes you and is thinking about a future with you, he's very transparent. It's reasonable to know what kind of businesses someone is involved in when you've been dating for a month - even for a couple of dates. I think if he really liked you, there's no way he'd let a few days go by without communication. You're being reasonable and doing nothing wrong. I sense you're questioning and second-guessing yourself because you really like him. I think relationships only work when the feelings are mutual and well-balanced. 3
preraph Posted June 3, 2018 Posted June 3, 2018 I will just say as a blanket statement that if a man is hiding anything from you and being secretive, it's a very bad sign.
d0nnivain Posted June 3, 2018 Posted June 3, 2018 Creating & running a business is like having a baby. It's all consuming, takes a lot of time & is a source of tremendous pride. Of course at 2 months in he's not going to throw open the books to you or trust you with operating decisions but for heaven's sake he would say I own the {blah blah} company & we make widgets. Second, all that bragging is a bunch of lies. He's telling you this garbage trying to impress you. He doesn't own anything, except maybe the house where he lives with his WIFE. I'm not usually one to jump to the OW conclusion but that is the only logical explanation for his behavior. If you are willing to invest about $20 you can learn what a scam artist he is. Go to the home page for the Secretary of State for whatever state you live in. Find the business registration page. Type in his name. For a small fee, usually about $5 the cite will give you info about whatever company's are attached to his name. Then go to the County Clerk page or the tax assessor page for wherever these properties supposedly are. Again type in his name & see what pops up. I bet he owns nothing or what he does have proves he has a wife, possibly a foreclosure. Please notice I'm sending you to official government web sites not commercial find people cites. 1
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