My girlfriend [29F] of 3 years left me [26M] and got back with her ex-husband

[Andrew91]

Hi guys,

 

We've been together for 3 years and she just left me. She basically got back with her ex-husband because she said our relationship wasn't going great and she couldn't stand it anymore. I'm calling him "ex-husband", but he's pretty much still her husband.

 

She never told him about me and her (we live in a different country from him), kept us a secret for 3 years (told her family and everybody, but never to her husband), because "he's like a brother to me now, why should I tell him about my personal life? I don't know anything about his personal life".

 

Once every 2-3 months she'd go and visit him and stay with him for a week. She planned a vacation together with him last year and I had to find out by looking at her Booking account (yeah, she went in the end).

 

She never wanted to divorce because "it doesn't really matter, I'm with you, not with him".

 

I don't even know why I'm sad about it. I've been treated like garbage and she's also the kind of person that screamed at me in every discussion. Spoke with her about this multiple times and she just went "I scream because I'm hurt and you should listen to me while I scream". Also told me I'm a bad person because I don't want to hear her screaming, which means I don't care about her feelings.

I should be happy because all of this was basically ruining my life and I could keep going for hours about the things she did.

 

P.S. Also, since she broke up with her husband before knowing me, I don’t know how things can go well between them. She used to talk about him like if he was the worst person in the world... and now she’s back with him?

 

TL;DR: My girlfriend of 3 years left me and got back with her husband after keeping us a secret (to him) for all this time.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Well, as someone who reconciled unsuccessfully with an ex-husband, I feel like I can assure you that there is an extremely high probability that it will crash and burn. An ex is an ex for a reason (is my motto now...).

 

With that said, you put up with way too much crap from this woman in the three years you were together. You know you're better off, right?

[fredflint]

Hi guys,

 

We've been together for 3 years and she just left me. She basically got back with her ex-husband because she said our relationship wasn't going great and she couldn't stand it anymore. I'm calling him "ex-husband", but he's pretty much still her husband.

 

She never told him about me and her (we live in a different country from him), kept us a secret for 3 years (told her family and everybody, but never to her husband), because "he's like a brother to me now, why should I tell him about my personal life? I don't know anything about his personal life".

 

Once every 2-3 months she'd go and visit him and stay with him for a week. She planned a vacation together with him last year and I had to find out by looking at her Booking account (yeah, she went in the end).

 

She never wanted to divorce because "it doesn't really matter, I'm with you, not with him".

 

I don't even know why I'm sad about it. I've been treated like garbage and she's also the kind of person that screamed at me in every discussion. Spoke with her about this multiple times and she just went "I scream because I'm hurt and you should listen to me while I scream". Also told me I'm a bad person because I don't want to hear her screaming, which means I don't care about her feelings.

I should be happy because all of this was basically ruining my life and I could keep going for hours about the things she did.

 

P.S. Also, since she broke up with her husband before knowing me, I don’t know how things can go well between them. She used to talk about him like if he was the worst person in the world... and now she’s back with him?

 

TL;DR: My girlfriend of 3 years left me and got back with her husband after keeping us a secret (to him) for all this time.

 

This is similar to my story except I was with her for less time, and without the overseas component. She used to complain about her H to me too.

[Blanco]

Based on your threads over the years, it seems like you've ignored some pretty blatant red flags (anger management, poor boundaries with her ex). I'm sorry you're going through this, but try to maintain some perspective that this didn't happen overnight. You've been overlooking some pretty big issues for years in the name of "love" and maintaining a relationship with this woman.

[CupCakess]

Yeah.. problem is he was never an "ex".

 

 

They probably split years ago because they were going to be living in different countries, and they chose to end it cause long-distance relationships are hard to manage. However, those kinds of splits are because of circumstances, not because they lack feelings.

 

 

 

My guess would be that she is probably studying abroad for a master's degree or something in your country, and both of you met in college? And now that she is done, she is going back to him, because that was always her plan.

 

 

 

Perhaps something along those lines?