briandee Posted June 1, 2018 Posted June 1, 2018 Ok so a brief history. I (48) was with a woman (47) for 3 years. We couldn't have been happier. She would tell people that she could not imagine life without me, loved me, we had a good sex life, would care and respect each other, write little love notes and put them in our packed lunch box etc etc. We never argued, rowed and everything was great. We didn't live together but for the last 4 months she has been at mine every day. She changed jobs, (and because of this change she'd need to live back at her house mon -fri), had a week back at her family home with her grown up boys and then came to me 4 weeks ago and said she doesn't want to see me anymore. She gave minor reasons and it didn't seem like her talking. She's since told people that we rowed and she'd been unhappy but we never rowed and if she was unhappy why be with me for 4 months non stop??? I've met her once, sent an email and asked her out but shes not interested. She is happy back home and I know she is angry as if it's me that's dumped her. I'm assuming this is anger because she is frustrated it's over???? I found this article on this very site. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/275415-if-you-have-been-dumped-out-blue-read My ex wasn't loved by her Mum when she was a child and it totally fits as she's never been married but has had long term relationships and then sabotages them due to a dynamic change in my case the change of job. My question is this. How do I go about getting hr to see this article in the hope we can get some professional help for her? I know if somebody came to me and said I've got a problem it wouldn't be nice so I need to know the best way as I need to remain supportive. In my dream I hope she can read it, see she has a problem and come with me to get it fixed.
preraph Posted June 1, 2018 Posted June 1, 2018 Oh, don't try to fix something that runs that deep. Even if she got 24/7 psychiatric care, the likely outcome would be that if you are right, that she would see the logic in it and understand that's how she is -- but that it would not change her being that way. I am so sorry this happened to you. How heartbreaking! I mean, on one level, it just looks like she chose to go home to her boys, which is a very typical thing for a mother to do, choose her kids over a relationship. But I can't explain why she had a relationship for that long and then went back nor can I explain why she's acting as if you did something wrong. Now, there's always the possibility that she is one of those who can't confront a person and was a little annoyed but kept it inside rather than talking about it. Still, you can't expect to be able to communicate with someone who simply won't deal with things, so I just don't have an answer for you other than I'm very sorry and that you should't waste any more of your time on her unless she comes back of her own accord with a good and proper explanation, which I can't fathom what it would be. Also possible she got re-involved with an ex or father of her kids and isn't telling you.
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