miss-alex Posted June 1, 2018 Posted June 1, 2018 (edited) Hey everyone. I guess this is one of the ways I want to get the pain out and also find some white lies that would console me, because I wasn't given the truth (I think). Any of your thoughts would be appreciated. He is not the type to lie, yet I don't believe anything he said. I (mid-20s, female) was dating him (40, male) for about 6 months. Everything went great, I sincerely cannot spot any negative changes now that I look at it...we spend almost every day together, except maybe 2 days a week that he was working in another city. I had my clothes and cosmetics at his place (I still have). We had an amazing sex life, he was a terrific cook and loved cooking for me, drinking wine, playing board games, anything...sexually, he was almost obsessed with me, in the first 3 months, we'd have sex maybe 5 times a day. He talked how he wants to take photos of me pregnant, joked that he wants twins and was pretty serious that he'd be going on full paternity leave, because he already has a solid career and I don't. Made plans about having business together. Then he was away for a week recently for work, when he came back, we had amazing sex again. The next week, he said he'd be working out of town for longer than the usual 2 days a week. His department is threatened to be dissolved, so they all are trying to save it. We exchanged messages on Saturday, he said that I am a special woman, promised to meet me that day, etc. Then went silent after 8pm. I waited...and waited until Monday morning. I asked what's wrong, he said "we need to talk" and left me waiting in limbo until Wednesday, repeatedly promising he'd meet me in person. I couldn't stand the sudden, cold silence and made him call me on Wed evening. Here, I cite: He said that the problem is not me. He had and still has problems (family problems I think he said) that do not concern me. He doesn't want to fight to keep me, because he doesn't want to hurt me. But he loves me more than any other woman ever. I was his last attempt at love and he doesn't want to meet any other women in the future. He had the best, me, in everything. And doesn't want to experience these feelings with anyone else, but wants only the best for me and cannot give me that right now. Saturday was all fine and now this??? I am still so shocked now that I write this. We never even had time to have an argument in the 6 months we dated and now this? Fast forward to Thursday, I wrote to him that I miss him and I am sorry. He said "I miss you too...wanna play tennis on Sunday?" WTF is this, please? I am going crazy. (I know he had problems with mafia chasing him in the past, bcs he found out they were stealing crude oil worth millions of dollars daily from the plant he works at...he had to flee the country and live elsewhere for 3 years, but that was 6 years ago. I don't know what he's gotten into and if it's even true...but still, would that make you break up with someone so suddenly?) Edited June 1, 2018 by miss-alex
d0nnivain Posted June 1, 2018 Posted June 1, 2018 It may have been sudden from your side but this was on-going on his side for a while. Here are the red flags I see that you are overlooking: The age difference. Almost a full generation separates you. Too much too soon: at a mere 6 months, you spent too much time together without enough independence. The conversations about pregnancy & twins were too fast. What starts so fast ends abruptly as you are learning Work stress: this is a killer for middle aged men. They define themselves by their careers & when that is threatened everything else takes a back seat He's a liar: this mafia story is complete BS His other life that you know nothing about. These "Family problems that don't concern you" are most likely a wife who has found out about you & wants it stopped.
Author miss-alex Posted June 1, 2018 Author Posted June 1, 2018 (edited) It may have been sudden from your side but this was on-going on his side for a while. Here are the red flags I see that you are overlooking: The age difference. Almost a full generation separates you. Too much too soon: at a mere 6 months, you spent too much time together without enough independence. The conversations about pregnancy & twins were too fast. What starts so fast ends abruptly as you are learning Work stress: this is a killer for middle aged men. They define themselves by their careers & when that is threatened everything else takes a back seat He's a liar: this mafia story is complete BS His other life that you know nothing about. These "Family problems that don't concern you" are most likely a wife who has found out about you & wants it stopped. Well, the mafia story...it's well-known in the news that things like this were happening some years ago and I also know which groups did this, so that may be true, but I don't know if it has resurfaced again or what...and, for context, we're talking Eastern Europe here. Re: wife, I again don't think he has a wife. I dated married men previously, also those who wanted to hide their marriage, but this was not the case. He introduced me also as a "girlfriend" to his colleagues and clients, so I don't believe he'd be so adventurous as to do that AND hide a wife...a love child maybe, but a wife? Edited June 1, 2018 by miss-alex
Art_Critic Posted June 1, 2018 Posted June 1, 2018 (edited) He talked how he wants to take photos of me pregnant, joked that he wants twins and was pretty serious that he'd be going on full paternity leave, because he already has a solid career and I don't. Made plans about having business together. Okay.. simply put.. you dodged a huge bullet. WTF kind of conversation is that to have and you haven't been dating long. He wants to knock you up, take pictures of you, have a business together and then leave you with the mess... My guess.. he is already in a committed relationship and they were on a break of sorts and you filled the gap and he told you all that crap because he wanted to keep having sex 5 times a day and thought that would keep you around.. and it did... Time to let this guy sail into the sunset and count your lucky chickens you never got pregnant by him because you would be raising the child by yourself. Breakups suck and hurt but this one was to your benefit.... Edited June 1, 2018 by Art_Critic 1
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