First time posting, feeling lost!

[alalalla3456]

Hey guys, so I REALLY need some advice. I’m a 25 year old female. I’m totally straight, well-educated, and (from other people’s feedback), I’m good looking. To switch it up a bit, I started dating a girl for the past two years. She’s 10 years older than me. Basically, I made a lot of mistakes, but she just made me feel SO bad about myself the entire time. When she abruptly ended things a month ago, I was DEVASTATED. I moved to a new place two years prior, and had no one to lean on except for her (my problem for not branching out). Deep down, I know I’m not into girls, but I just decided to take the plunge and she was really cool. After we “broke up,” I was super lost for that whole month. I tried to keep myself busy, even dated a little bit. Then out of no where last week, she reached out to me and said she wants to hang out with me on a “trial basis.” So we had a great weekend (Memorial Day weekend). It all came to an end the Sunday of that weekend. She was spending the night at my house, and I had made myself a mixed drink while she was sleeping. My plan was to go out, and I was getting ready. She woke up and FLIPPED OUT. She was like “It’s so sketchy to drink alone, wtf are you doing, blah blah.” She wouldn’t even listen to me try to explain, and immediately grabbed her (our) dogs, and left. I was shell-shocked. The next day, I foolishly tried to send her flowers, stopped by her place, and kept apologizing. She would have none of it. She texted back “Stop staying glued to your phone waiting for me to respond, get a life, and move on!!!” I’ve tried to reach out to her this week, but I keep getting really cruel responses. I don’t even know how Ive gotten to this point, why I’d even try to seek her approval. I’m in therapy, but this whole thing just hurts. What did I do wrong?! And what can I do from here?? I admit I was way too co-dependent on her, and now I’m going to try a bunch of new things/meet a lot of new friends. But the whole thing just makes me physically sick for some reason. Any advice? Thank you!!

[d0nnivain]

Gender & sexual preference aren't the problem here. You stayed with somebody for 2 years who constantly made you feel bad about yourself. You need to get to reason behind that in your therapy.

 

I also don't understand your choice. You want this woman back. You get her back . . . sort of . . . as in she's in your house but while she's sleeping you are getting ready to go out without her? Huh?

 

I don't care that you drank by yourself. I do care that you drank & were preparing to drive yourself out. I also care that you are pre-partying, getting a buzz on before you go out. That never leads to any thing good.

 

Your EX hit the nail on the head with her mean spirited dismissal that you have to stop clinging to your phone waiting for her. While she was mean about it, she still has a point. You have to cut this cord.

 

You know this wasn't a good relationship, but since it was all you had, you clung to it & her. Now you have to stand on your own two feet & build a network where you are. This is your summer goal -- meet new people. Take it one step at a time but the 1st step is letting go of her.

[fredflint]

Hey guys, so I REALLY need some advice. I’m a 25 year old female. I’m totally straight, well-educated, and (from other people’s feedback), I’m good looking. To switch it up a bit, I started dating a girl for the past two years. She’s 10 years older than me. Basically, I made a lot of mistakes, but she just made me feel SO bad about myself the entire time. When she abruptly ended things a month ago, I was DEVASTATED. I moved to a new place two years prior, and had no one to lean on except for her (my problem for not branching out). Deep down, I know I’m not into girls, but I just decided to take the plunge and she was really cool. After we “broke up,” I was super lost for that whole month. I tried to keep myself busy, even dated a little bit. Then out of no where last week, she reached out to me and said she wants to hang out with me on a “trial basis.” So we had a great weekend (Memorial Day weekend). It all came to an end the Sunday of that weekend. She was spending the night at my house, and I had made myself a mixed drink while she was sleeping. My plan was to go out, and I was getting ready. She woke up and FLIPPED OUT. She was like “It’s so sketchy to drink alone, wtf are you doing, blah blah.” She wouldn’t even listen to me try to explain, and immediately grabbed her (our) dogs, and left. I was shell-shocked. The next day, I foolishly tried to send her flowers, stopped by her place, and kept apologizing. She would have none of it. She texted back “Stop staying glued to your phone waiting for me to respond, get a life, and move on!!!” I’ve tried to reach out to her this week, but I keep getting really cruel responses. I don’t even know how Ive gotten to this point, why I’d even try to seek her approval. I’m in therapy, but this whole thing just hurts. What did I do wrong?! And what can I do from here?? I admit I was way too co-dependent on her, and now I’m going to try a bunch of new things/meet a lot of new friends. But the whole thing just makes me physically sick for some reason. Any advice? Thank you!!

 

Get rid of reminders of her. Install healthy habits like exercise and/or taking up a new hobby or class. Take it as a jump start to work on self-care.