housebaby Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 I had a one night stand with a guy...or so I thought. We met at a bar, he took me home...right after sex, I had to leave - he drove me home. On the way to my house - I was trying to make plans for the weekend...he said he wouldn't have money and couldn't do it. I offered to take him out & pay, and he still refused. When we got to my house (5a.m) I asked for his number. He said "do you want it?" I said yes, and he gave it to me. We pecked a kiss and he left. I called a couple of days later - and he talked briefly - I asked if he had a good time, he said "oooh yea" then told me he was at a family dinner and couldn't talk. I said "have fun" and said good bye. He didn't ask me to call back later so I never did, because he didn't seem very interested. About 3 weeks later, I got a call from him. He explained that he didn't save my phone number on his cell - thinking that I would call back..... So, he waited for his phone bill to come in so that he could get my number - and that's how he called me back. I was out of town, and then was going on vacation for a month....he tried to make a date - but I couldn't make it before I left. So, we called each other and text messaged during my vacation. He asked why I didn't call - and I told him that I didn't realize he wanted me to. He isn't the most open person, a man of few words. But he did want to see me when I got home. I text messaged him on my way to the airport saying I was on my way. I got home and didn't call. He texted me and asked me to go for a few drinks. I went, and when I did - he seemed really into me...hugging, holding hands telling me how great I looked. I told him that I was glad he called-because I thought he didn't want to see me. He said he was glad too. Then, we went to his place and had sex. I went home. He did keep in contact, but we were supposed to see each other again. We saw each other again. But he keeps ditching on plans and not texting me back right away...and so I thought it was just sex....so I asked if I was just a booty call. He said "no - actually I was going to ask you to come out..." I went out and we ended up back at his house. I spent the night. I would text him and he would take awhile to get back - and I would ask if he didn't want to talk to me. He replied that he "noticed I am always thinking that" then nothing. I just don't understand what he wants. I want to know if he's just using me, or he is getting scared off! Help!
Maria46 Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 I would question what he really wants. Why don't you try not to contact him for a while and see if he makes the effort to contact you. Be careful!!
fadi20 Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 He wants you for sex only. Reasons as fowllow: 1- You met each other at the bar, and of course you were there for enjoyment. 2- you had sex very fast. 3- After that, the inititve was from your side only. When he missed the lovely time he spent with you, then he thought to call you. And his reason that he lost your Tel. Number and then found it from the Bill it is just a lie. Also, when he called you and you met him again you had sex fast. So, it is just a sex relation. The decision in your hand either to continue or not. Regards
Author housebaby Posted August 31, 2005 Author Posted August 31, 2005 Well - there are a few details I left out - that make it confusing for me: He is the one who initiates the dates, and on the times that he backed out-he actually made plans for the next weekend. We also went to Edmonton (a city 3 hours away) the week after our second sexual encounter - where he dj'd and we hung out all night - he met my best friend and I met his best friend....the night ended without sex. Also, after I asked him if I was a "booty call" and he denied it: we went out on a date. He was very hesitant to have sex. He was constantly asking if it was o.k with me, and if he should stop (when it was getting heavier). I wanted it (he's great in bed, so of course I went for it). We spent the night and did the deed again before breakfast. He has introduced me to his best friends and his mother and step-father. He also has met my 7yr old daughter and grandmother and said he would meet my parents (they live 6 hours away, so I don't see them much). He also said that he would help me with my car (oil changes, tune ups, etc). My question is: should I confront him? tell him that I think his intentions are just to have sex with me? Should I tell him that I want to know where we stand with this? Or, will it scare him off? Another thing is: I don't want a relationship, because I don't have much time either (I have my own business, and a 7 year old daughter) - but I would like to be officially dating him and not just playing around. I can't offer him much time and he knows that too. This is all too complicated! so, your suggestions will help! Tell him I need to know where I stand? Or, just let it be the way it is.....and stop freaking out if he takes a day to get back to me?
curiousnycgirl Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 I don't understand, if you don't want a relationship - why are you stressing it so much. Bottom line is that you enjoy his company and you enjoy him physically. I would just keep going with the flow - you started free and easy, why not continue? Making a pronouncement that you two are "officially dating" is the same as saying you are in a relationship - simply put, you can't have it both ways. Sounds like you have rushed this whole thing with him a bit - a few dates you've met his parents and he's already met your daughter and talking about meeting your parents? hmmmm sounds fast. I would just let him reach out if/when he feels like it - and if you are up for whatever he is proposing, go for it - if you are otherwise occupied, then say you would love to but can't. If someone else comes into your life, you are free to see him as well. See how it goes and don't overanalyze or push for definitions - sounds like you guys aren't there yet.
noname Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 at first i was going to say he wants a two night stand. then i read further... then i was gonna say he wanted a three night stand, but he got that too... then i was say he wanted a quartet night stand and realized that was grammatically incorrect... you guys are having sex. you have no need to ask what he wants until he expresses that he wants more... btw. meeting family means nothing. people put so much emphasis on it because they personally value when someone thinks enough to meet their family. but a lot of people just don't give a f*ck. just because someone is down to chill with fam does not mean they are a keeper. My question is: should I confront him? tell him that I think his intentions are just to have sex with me? Should I tell him that I want to know where we stand with this? Or, will it scare him off? Another thing is: I don't want a relationship, because I don't have much time either (I have my own business, and a 7 year old daughter) - but I would like to be officially dating him and not just playing around. I can't offer him much time and he knows that too. Tell him I need to know where I stand? Or, just let it be the way it is.....and stop freaking out if he takes a day to get back to me? wtf is this? i feel really bad. i am not trying to be cruel, but i am cracking up as i type this. you want advice about how to confront him about officially dating him when you don't even want to officially date him. i can't even begin to have a clue... you know what? you are going to have to explain this one.
kgal Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 I hate when I read posts like this.. I feel for you! I would leave him alone..sounds like he just wants you for sex.
Author housebaby Posted September 3, 2005 Author Posted September 3, 2005 Ok. So, it is true: I don't know what I want. I do know that I don't have time to give to a realationship - but I really like this guy...and do want it to be a little more meaningful than just sex.... But posting on here helps - the advice and the ability to try see the situation by writing about it, has made me conclude that I need to think about what I want before asking him what he wants. Maybe he'll ask first, who knows? I decided not to contact him since the last contact on Tuesday. He knows I am out of town until Monday - so I will see if he makes an effort.....when/if he makes an effort ~ I will ask him what exactly this is to him...what exactly it is in his eyes. I think I just need to know where we stand.
kgal Posted September 3, 2005 Posted September 3, 2005 Good for you! I think that he does need to make more of an effort and let you know where he stands/ what he wants out of this. Stay strong & Good Luck!!
Author housebaby Posted September 8, 2005 Author Posted September 8, 2005 So you were all correct. He was just using me for sex! I found out after the weekend. I asked him if I should bother keeping in contact, or just leave him alone: and he replied: "ya, I think you should. I'm getting tired of all these messages asking me if everythings ok - it's like you want a boyfriend or something - and I don't do relationships" and that was it. Pretty sad. I am just glad I am not confused anymore though - at least now I know where I stand - what a loser!
kgal Posted September 8, 2005 Posted September 8, 2005 Good.. at least now you can stop wasting your time w/that guy! Smile, you have a great future ahead with someone who wants you for all the right reasons!!
DacaInaru Posted September 8, 2005 Posted September 8, 2005 The most important question is what do you want?? was it just a one night stand for you??? are you okay with being seen as a "booty call"? Do you want a relationship with him?? is he worth it? a lot to think about here. good luck OOPS!!.. lol.. just read the last reply from you.. Your better off.. you don't need a loser in your life.
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