Middle Posted May 31, 2018 Posted May 31, 2018 Ex and I broke up a year ago, though I always wanted things to work. We had some off and on spouts after that... It seemed we never could just stay no contact - usually it was her messaging me after a couple weeks. In Jan, I realized for the umpteenth time that she was not interested in a committed rship with me (my hopes were up bc we had slept with each other a couple times, and the way she texted me). Frustrating messages led me to ask that we say our goodbyes and not speak to each other again, and really make it permanent. She responded with not the kindest of words telling me not to contact her again. And I told her I cared about her a ton, and said goodbye. That was over four months ago, full no contact. I thought after this time that I was over her. But she was still very special to me, and I hated the way our last conversations went. And I’ve been wondering if she’s ok/alive/etc (she’s not on social media, and I hardly am myself). Anyway, I emailed her yesterday - it was short and kind, and I asked her how she’s been. I was nervous sending it to her, and sort of thought she might not respond at all - but that seemed better to me than not attempting to clear the air. She responded a couple hours later, and her message was short and kind as well. And I wrote back, and she wrote back again very quickly (both times asking questions, inviting conversation). I waited until this evening to respond again - nothing heavy, just updating eachother. Long story short, I’m suddenly thinking about her constantly, looking forward to her response. I do not think getting back with her is possible, and it’s clear that I still feel more for her than I should... I’m wondering if I should just fade away now. I don’t want a dramatic hurtful goodbye exchange again. More than anything, I’ve just wanted to know that we aren’t on hateful terms. And I’m worried that I’ll let my emotions get the best of me, and that I’ll end up saying something to her in an overly emotional way that I’ll regret - or that we’ll end up having another brief fling ending in the same kind of pain.
fredflint Posted May 31, 2018 Posted May 31, 2018 If you can't see you getting past the issues of the past, then yes it was a mistake to message her. If you think there might be some chance to resolve those issues, even a long shot, then sometimes it's a risk worth taking for love.
bathtub-row Posted May 31, 2018 Posted May 31, 2018 Who knows if it was a mistake or not? You did what you felt strongly about doing and got a decent response. One thing I’ll say about these kinds of tumultuous relationships is that they haunt you and drive you nuts and they almost never work out. They can really put you through the wringer. I know you won’t just walk away and leave it alone but that’s probably what would cause you the least amount of pain. But most of us seem to have the need to learn things the hard way.
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2018 Posted May 31, 2018 It wasn't a mistake. You wanted to reach out. You did. You now know she's alive. It's dredged up some old feelings & set your recovery back a bit but you at least now intellectually recognize that you two are not getting back together so in that sense it's a victory. You are making some progress. Just keep the intellectual analysis at the forefront to keep the emotional responses in check. 1
Mac0908 Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 I don't know what the future can hold, but I do know this... These types of things just simply DON'T happen in good, healthy relationships. On and off, emotions all over the place, no contact, emails sent months later, etc. If you both truly loved each other, there's no WAY you'd ever be apart for anything longer than a few weeks. In my honest opinion, it probably was a mistake to reach out, but you'll only realize that in due time, bc ultimately, more than likely, this won't go the distance. My concern for you is more heartbreak though, which you will only have yourself to blame if you move forward with this woman who clearly wasn't for you the first time around. You were rather lonely and maybe even unsuccessful with dating in the NC phase which is why you reached back out. Had you met another great woman who knocked your socks off that you deserve, and your ex wouldn't even be close to the front of your mind. My advice is to continue moving on with your life without this girl.
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