my gf asked her ex to meet up basically

[Twelve9]

My girlfriend and I have been together since March. Everything went kind of fast in the beginning I admit. At this stage things are going pretty good. Sunday my girlfriend was over my house and she stayed over. She left her phone on and every 15 minutes it would go off to the point where I got irritated and woke her up and asked her could she turn the volume down or just silence it while I was studying. she turned over and told me to just swipe down her notifications and the noise would cease. I grabbed her phone and swiped down each notification, I swiped all the way down into a text message from her sister and went back and kept swiping the next text message was from her ex.

 

 

their text log went like this :

 

6:14 pm - her: hey how are you doing

 

6:30 pm- him: im doing good about to finish some work up

 

6:35 p. m.- her: okay thats cool how was your weekend

 

2:55 am- him: it was good just went by too fast, what about yours

 

4:22 am- her: it was alright mine went by fast , when can i come see you

 

6:30 am- Any day but Wednesday is cool , just let me know

 

thats where the conversation ended, she stopped replying after that

 

My gf works in a warehouse and she gets up at 4:15-4:30 to get ready for work. so what it looks like is that she woke up saw that he had texted her back and replied. Monday I asked my gf about the text and she said " well , I wasnt fully awake/half asleep/didnt mean to put that last part/I dont remember saying that" her excuses were that she had just gotten up basically. I believed her until i thought about it and said well she did reply to his weekend question so she was woke enough to read that. or maybe she meant that in the heat of the moment. but then again she dindt reply after he told her his schedule for the week?

 

 

[phineas]

rule #1 is don't GF up women who still talk to their ex's.

sorry but this will not end well for you.

downgrade her to FWB and start looking for another girl or if that isn't your style break up and delete/block her and just be single.

do not let her talk you into ome BS like she did after you caught her planing to cheat on you. Presumably again.

[preraph]

She's lying. She asked to come see him. Nobody does that by accident. Sounds like they are speaking regularly and seeing each other regularly. Doing what? Who knows, but since she seems to be keeping it a secret, it's probably not good. I'm sorry.

[Twelve9]

rule #1 is don't GF up women who still talk to their ex's.

sorry but this will not end well for you.

downgrade her to FWB and start looking for another girl or if that isn't your style break up and delete/block her and just be single.

do not let her talk you into ome BS like she did after you caught her planing to cheat on you. Presumably again.

 

I didnt know she still talked to him, until I went through her notifications.

[Twelve9]

I LEFT out a piece to this story, she admitted a few days ago he texted her but she said she ignored it but then she saw him out in public and she decided to intiate a new conversation and text him back

[Zahara]

Sounds like they may have already met previously.

 

Don’t be a fool. That whole half asleep texting is complete BS.

[Twelve9]

Sounds like they may have already met previously.

 

Don’t be a fool. That whole half asleep texting is complete BS.

 

yeah like she will admit to the first half of the text but not the last.. she ended up changing her excuse today to "I was joking with him, I didnt mean it"

[Twelve9]

She's lying. She asked to come see him. Nobody does that by accident. Sounds like they are speaking regularly and seeing each other regularly. Doing what? Who knows, but since she seems to be keeping it a secret, it's probably not good. I'm sorry.

 

I ASKED HER ABOUT THAT TOO AND SHE SAID "we havent hung out in months"

[Zahara]

yeah like she will admit to the first half of the text but not the last.. she ended up changing her excuse today to "I was joking with him, I didnt mean it"

 

My ex was a cheater. Fed me the same excuses and I gobbled it up. And he did the same, kept changing his excuses when he sensed I was not buying it.

 

Your best bet is to exit. Only months in and you’re dealing with shady behavior. It’s not a good sign for you.

[Twelve9]

Your girl is still banging her ex and her excuses for asking to come over to his place are beyond dumb. She has zero respect for you.

 

Her conversation with him also displays a lot of familiarity. I don't know how long you have been with her, but she didn't need to ask where to meet him, did she? She knows where he lives still. There was also no build up to her asking to come over. This shows that it is something that they have already talked about or something they do on the regular.

 

You should downgrade your relationship with this girl, immediately. She is not GF material.

 

yeah its been 4 days and I keep going over it in my head , Im trying to give her the benefit of the doubt I just cant see her doing something like this

[LostOnes05]

whats shady? I havent dumped her yet. Trying to give her the benefit of the doubt but her responses are casual and she wont even tell me why shes keeping in contact with him anyway

 

There's nothing casual about asking an ex "when can I come see you". And she went from being half asleep to just joking with him. Sounds like she putting her feelers back out there. I'd be wary if I were you. When someone gives you irrefutable evidence, you don't throw it in the trash and then complain about being blindsided.

[fredflint]

The sooner you dump this girl, the better. You don't really want her back afterwards, it's probably a bad idea to take her back, but you stand a much better chance of a workable relationship if she respects you and she won't respect you now *unless* you dump her. Still I stick with the preference that you're better off finding someone who won't cheat and lie.

Edited May 31, 2018 by fredflint

[Twelve9]

There's nothing casual about asking an ex "when can I come see you". And she went from being half asleep to just joking with him. Sounds like she putting her feelers back out there. I'd be wary if I were you. When someone gives you irrefutable evidence, you don't throw it in the trash and then complain about being blindsided.

 

i mean her responses to my questions is as if "i dont care" like she keeps saying she wasnt attentive to have typed that out and actually send it

[Zahara]

yeah its been 4 days and I keep going over it in my head , Im trying to give her the benefit of the doubt I just cant see her doing something like this

 

I think it’s pretty blatant to be giving one the benefit of the doubt. You’ve known her since March. Trust that you don’t really know someone in that short period of time.

[OnlyHonesty]

If you've had sex with her, go get yourself tested. You can dump her before, or after doing this.

[Marc878]

yeah its been 4 days and I keep going over it in my head , Im trying to give her the benefit of the doubt I just cant see her doing something like this

 

Really? You got it in black and white man.

 

You have a bad case of denial.

[Twelve9]

I get it, man. You like the girl and you have been having fun with her. You don't want to think that she would do this sort of thing. Problem is, you caught her doing this sort of thing.

 

You're in denial here. People in denial like this don't generally do the right thing, so I don't expect you to, either. You will likely stay with her, but this crap is gonna eat away at you because deep down, you know what it means.

 

I am all for trusting your partner...until they give you a reason not to trust them.

 

 

 

i know thanks! need to take off the rose colored glasses

[Twelve9]

Really? You got it in black and white man.

 

You have a bad case of denial.

 

i was in denial until i realized she responded to his weekend question smh

[Twelve9]

I think it’s pretty blatant to be giving one the benefit of the doubt. You’ve known her since March. Trust that you don’t really know someone in that short period of time.

 

thats a good point as well

[Poutrew]

Bluntly, you are NOT her boyfriend. She already has one of those. You are the janitor. You can set her straight by dumping her. It is not your job to clean up the mess other men make... because for sure she is banging him on a regular basis. Yeah... like others have said, I'd def get an STD test or three on this one. Sorry...

[Highndry]

That exchange leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination. She is having sex with him, and she is the initiator. I would look her in the eyes and call her a liar as I walked out the door, never to return.

[ExpatInItaly]

Your relationship is over, OP. Her heart and mind are with her ex.

 

As someone else pointed out, you still didn't know her very well if you've only been dating a couple months. You want to be able to trust her, but you have just learned you cannot. She is showing you very clearly she is that type of girl.

 

What compounds it is that she thinks you're dense enough to buy her terrible excuses, indicating her complete lack of respect for you. Her text back to him was no accident, no slip because she was "tired." No, she's done this before. I promise you they've met without your knowledge prior to this.

[snowboy91]

I'll play devil's advocate for a brief moment. It is possible for people to continue to be friends with an ex long after the relationship has ended - one of my close friends still is and they are much better off as friends.

 

However, when that happens there needs to be full communication with any new partners that this is the case. She's kept it a secret. As they say, those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. She is being super vague about this, so she's hiding this for a reason. It's possible that she is trying to avoid an argument with you while preserving the friendship with her ex - this is dishonest enough in itself. The more likely scenario is what everyone else has mentioned so far - she is cheating on you with her ex. You need to bring this up with her ASAP - hiding something of this nature is not OK.

[Twelve9]

I'll play devil's advocate for a brief moment. It is possible for people to continue to be friends with an ex long after the relationship has ended - one of my close friends still is and they are much better off as friends.

 

However, when that happens there needs to be full communication with any new partners that this is the case. She's kept it a secret. As they say, those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. She is being super vague about this, so she's hiding this for a reason. It's possible that she is trying to avoid an argument with you while preserving the friendship with her ex - this is dishonest enough in itself. The more likely scenario is what everyone else has mentioned so far - she is cheating on you with her ex. You need to bring this up with her ASAP - hiding something of this nature is not OK.

 

this is not the first time Ive had a problem with her ex

[Twelve9]

Your relationship is over, OP. Her heart and mind are with her ex.

 

As someone else pointed out, you still didn't know her very well if you've only been dating a couple months. You want to be able to trust her, but you have just learned you cannot. She is showing you very clearly she is that type of girl.

 

What compounds it is that she thinks you're dense enough to buy her terrible excuses, indicating her complete lack of respect for you. Her text back to him was no accident, no slip because she was "tired." No, she's done this before. I promise you they've met without your knowledge prior to this.

 

thanks < i shes giving me the run around with answers so thats my cue