Virgogirl77 Posted May 30, 2018 Posted May 30, 2018 Ok, so I met a Bumble guy for drinks last week. I could sense he was shy and he disclosed that he has been single for awhile after his divorce. He also told me that he would be going to Las Vegas the next day for a sports event. I can be reserved at first when I meet a guy. So-I reached out a few days after we met and this is what I wrote: "Hi John! I had a great time chatting with you Thursday night. How was Vegas-or is it a 'what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas' kind of weekend?" If you received this text, would you assume I was interested? Just wondering? And-no I have yet to receive a response. He has a good sense of humor and figured he would find the text amusing. Thoughts?
Happy Lemming Posted May 31, 2018 Posted May 31, 2018 If you are interested in this guy, why not call him (instead of texting). Nothing wrong with you planning the next date and asking him out... You'll know immediately, if he is interested or not. You won't have to wait on a text message. Just my two cents....
Author Virgogirl77 Posted May 31, 2018 Author Posted May 31, 2018 Thanks. In retrospect, I should have asked him out. I already sent him a text. I think my intentions are clear. The ball is in his court now. I don't want to follow up with another text and come off as needy or scare him. 1
Happy Lemming Posted May 31, 2018 Posted May 31, 2018 Thanks. In retrospect, I should have asked him out. I already sent him a text. I think my intentions are clear. The ball is in his court now. I don't want to follow up with another text and come off as needy or scare him. Wait a day or two and call him up and say "Hey my favorite band is playing at the ______________ (fill in the blank), would you like to join me??" or "My favorite cellist is playing at the local symphony and I can still get tickets, would you like to join me??" Or some other movie or play or whatever... I've missed texts from people, so that is why I suggest a phone call. If it goes to voicemail, leave a message. If he doesn't return your phone call in 24 hours, then I would have to conclude that he is not interested in you. It is not needy or scary for a woman to plan a date and ask a man out. I was very impressed, when a woman I was newly dating (quite some years back), called me up and asked me to go to this local "Greek Festival". We had a blast!!
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 31, 2018 Posted May 31, 2018 I think you've handled it perfectly. Wait for his response. 1
preraph Posted May 31, 2018 Posted May 31, 2018 Yes, it's fine. If you had no interest in him, you wouldn't have contacted him at all. Good luck.
Author Virgogirl77 Posted May 31, 2018 Author Posted May 31, 2018 Thanks guys! One last question-my guy friend says the reference to Vegas may have a sexual connotation. If some nice guy texted me the same text if I was in LV, I don't think I would interpret negatively??
carhill Posted May 31, 2018 Posted May 31, 2018 Yes, your interest is clear Sarcasm is an art and Alpha is a master If you received this text, would you assume I was interested? Just wondering? And-no I have yet to receive a response. He has a good sense of humor and figured he would find the text amusing. As a giddy virgin, perhaps. Any response from a woman was like manna from heaven. As a divorced older man, which I am, it doesn't blow my skirt up. And, yeah, when younger, I was shy. Now I'm just cynical That's from a ton of life experience and being on the receiving end of manipulation many, many times. But I digress. The Vegas angle is good. Remembering something about a guy should catch his attention. Personal stuff, like you notice his physicality, not sexual, just individual, also is a plus. Here's what would've swung it for me... You call, he hears your sweet voice 'I'd love to hear all about Vegas over dinner on Friday. You game?' If a woman ever approached me that way (none have), I'd have a real hard time saying no, even if my mom was on her deathbed. Well, maybe....
mortensorchid Posted May 31, 2018 Posted May 31, 2018 Yes I think that text shows interest on your part. But I do have another question which some may or may not be aware of. Thanks to Bumble and Tinder, I have found, there is another phenomena that shows interest levels. Do you have his PHONE NUMBER or are you communicating through the app? Because if one person is not offering their phone number and you are texting them through their phone number rather than the app, this person is keeping you at a certain distance. I have met up with a few people through Tinder, I always make sure to give them my cell phone number in case of an emergency. Now you may be thinking to yourself "What's the point of that? They have their phone in their hand anyway, what difference does it make if they text through the app or directly to the phone?" Well, a lot, honestly. Once I was going to meet with someone (through Tinder) and I sent him my cell through it earlier that day. I heard nothing. About a half hour before we were going to meet, I texted him through the app that I was on my way there. About a half hour after we were supposed to meet, he canceled on me through the app. Needless to say I never spoke a word again to him. And there have been other times I have texted the person after we met face to face and it just tapered off like texting usually does, but if they don't respond to your phone number and do it through the app if you have offered it to them, they are keeping you at a distance. For a reason.
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2018 Posted May 31, 2018 I do not believe you can begin or grow a relationship over text. With that disclaimer, your message was fine. You waited a bit because he was out of town. It was flirty but it certainly didn't convey that you were DTF this minute. I think you would have been better served leaving the invitation open by adding something like you would enjoy hearing about the trip. . . sort of giving him a reason to reach out. Hindsight is 20/20 after all. For now see what he does. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
alphamale Posted May 31, 2018 Posted May 31, 2018 Sarcasm is an art and Alpha is a master actually carhill, for once I wasn't being sarcastic
carhill Posted May 31, 2018 Posted May 31, 2018 Indeed! Well, let's hope the object of the OP's desires sees it the same way.
smackie9 Posted May 31, 2018 Posted May 31, 2018 I don't know why women think that saying "I had a great time, let's do it again, or how about dinner? I know this place_____" is being needy. 1
lakerman34 Posted May 31, 2018 Posted May 31, 2018 There's this weird game we play with ourselves after a date. "Ohmygod, did it go well? Does he/she like me?" If I received a text from a lady like the one you sent, I would know INSTANTLY that she was into me. If I wasn't interested in the lady, I wouldn't respond (or, I'd wait a long time and give a very short, disinterested response). I honestly think your best move is to wait. 1
Author Virgogirl77 Posted June 1, 2018 Author Posted June 1, 2018 Thanks everyone for your suggestions. In response to your questions, yes, I did text my date directly to his cell number. I continued a thread we had going. There is always the possibility he just is not into me. At least I learned to ask a guy more directly to meet again if I like him. I can be shy too and so meeting another shy person is like the blind leading the blind. :-) Thanks again everyone!
Author Virgogirl77 Posted June 1, 2018 Author Posted June 1, 2018 "If I received a text from a lady like the one you sent, I would know INSTANTLY that she was into me." Thanks for the reassurance. Yes, time will tell, and if there's no reply-onto the next guy.
guest569 Posted June 1, 2018 Posted June 1, 2018 It’s super obvious. Nothing wrong with a text. If he doesn’t respond soon then I doubt he is interested. In my experience, they will text soon after the date.
joseb Posted June 1, 2018 Posted June 1, 2018 If I get any message after a date, I'll assume a certain amount of interest (well, unless it's something like 'nice meeting you but I'm not intetested'!) One thing about your message no-one mentioned, it might be perceived as a bit of jealousy/prying, e.g 'did you hook up with someone, after our date...' I'm sure that's not what you meant, but just a possibility. 1
mortensorchid Posted June 2, 2018 Posted June 2, 2018 I went back and reread this story and I'm afraid the level of interest on his part is low based on what you said. You said it was over a week since the get together and you didn't hear anything from him after? Unfortunately it's dead in the water. If you haven't heard anything from him within the first 48 hours after the first meeting, you will not hear from him again 90% of the time. The other 10% of the time? In the days before texting, I would say he might call you a few days/a week later, you might even have a second get together with him, but he doesn't really care if you say yes or no. Since we now live in the days with texting, it's a bit more complicated … If you hear from him the next day after the get together and he texts you with "I had a nice time last night", that's just a courtesy. And you may respond as well with something like "Thanks I did as well". But be ready for a few days of polite texting back and forth, then … He'll go poof. Unless he asks you out DIRECTLY via text with something like "I had a good time last night, I want to see you again. How's (date) looking for you?" then it's dead in the water. Texting is a passive means of communication, not direct. Unfortunately we have come to rely on it a lot when we should not. Eventually what will happen is he will disappear, then a few days/a week later you will send a text saying "Hey you disappeared" and he might reply, but don't hold your breath.
preraph Posted June 3, 2018 Posted June 3, 2018 Whatever the outcome, it's not because you did anything wrong. Your text was just right, casual, and about something specific.
lakerman34 Posted June 3, 2018 Posted June 3, 2018 Exactly what preraph said. You played this as best you could. If he's not into you, it's just because he's not into you. The text you sent was perfectly appropriate.
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