Still can’t get over what happened (update)

[tpt10]

Last night the girl I’ve been talking to went out on our second date. First date went awesome. She showed high level of attraction. And we kissed. She then texted me that night and the next day saying she wanted to hangout again.

 

Date two, about a week late, (last night) was going awesome as well. She was flirting hard. We went to dinner and went back to my apartment for wine/listen to music. This girls attraction was at a whole other level. She was trying to figure out if I am talking to other girls etc. I even told her I am in a few weddings this summer and she said she wanted to be my dates for all of them. Again, showing high attraction.

 

Here’s when things went south. We made out 2-3 times throughout the night. We the decided to go lay down and put a movie on. We started making out again and then starting undressing. We then started having sex, I’m pretty positive she finished but I didn’t. After like 5-10mins, she said she had to go to the bathroom. She then got out of the bathroom and started getting dressed and immediately it felt like the vibe was sucked out of the room. She asked me to drive her home, so I did. She was very quiet and I asked her if she was fine and she said yes (she wasn’t) and i dropped her off and we kissed.

 

I think she isn’t over her ex boyfriend. She didn’t mention him on the first date, but when we got to the restaurant last night she said she had been there with her ex. She then said they dated for a year and were off and on for 6 months and it was a toxic relationship. He made her feel like scum, etc. I just said “okay that’s good to know” and changed the topic. Later that night she brought him up again and said he has a girlfriend now and she saw him the other day because he had to pickup his golf clubs. Apparently he was a dick again to her. She then told me she still misses him but doesn’t love him. All i said was “okay, that’s normal he was a part of your life” and that was it. The rest of the date she didn’t mention him and again was flirty/saying how much she can’t wait to spend time with me.

 

But when I dropped her off at her house, I got on twitter when I got home and saw she tweeted “I wish I wasn’t like this :/“ and then she liked a tweet saying “i wish i didn’t miss you”

 

 

All i got to say is wtf? I don’t know what I did to make her think of her ex and flip emotions after hooking up. It was insane how much she changed like that. I don’t know what to do. I think I am just going to give her her space and if she reaches out to me I don’t know what to say. I actually really enjoyed her and was interested in seeing her more.

Edited May 25, 2018 by tpt10

[smackie9]

What to do? dump her! Don't be a fool for some faked/half baked interest....you know you are a rebound right? The interest and all that is for the benefit of her needed to feel good about herself because she's not. She misses him bad, her self esteem is low, she still has a taste for the toxic..RUN Forest RUN!

[tpt10]

What to do? dump her! Don't be a fool for some faked/half baked interest....you know you are a rebound right? The interest and all that is for the benefit of her needed to feel good about herself because she's not. She misses him bad, her self esteem is low, she still has a taste for the toxic..RUN Forest RUN!

 

The chemistry was there. I feel like it is too soon to cut things off completely. Then again, I am not a fan of what happened last night

[PegNosePete]

Clearly there's something going on but I don't think there's enough information to make a solid guess as to what it is. Could she be hung up on an ex? Sure. But there could be a million and one other things. Maybe she got her period and was embarrassed. Maybe she swore she would never have sex on a 2nd date again. Maybe she just realised she forgot her pill. Maybe you just weren't that good...? There's really not enough information to know.

 

Don't put too much meaning on some dumb social media stuff. People "like" all kinds of things for all kinds of reasons.

 

I would ask her about what happened last night, sensitively.

[tpt10]

Clearly there's something going on but I don't think there's enough information to make a solid guess as to what it is. Could she be hung up on an ex? Sure. But there could be a million and one other things. Maybe she got her period and was embarrassed. Maybe she swore she would never have sex on a 2nd date again. Maybe she just realised she forgot her pill. Maybe you just weren't that good...? There's really not enough information to know.

 

Don't put too much meaning on some dumb social media stuff. People "like" all kinds of things for all kinds of reasons.

 

I would ask her about what happened last night, sensitively.

 

you’re right. but who’s knows... But her tweeting 10 minutes after our date (when she hasn’t tweeted since like 2-3 days ago) “i wish i wasn’t like this :/“ isn’t something to be ignored

[smackie9]

The chemistry was there. I feel like it is too soon to cut things off completely. Then again, I am not a fan of what happened last night

I think you should look up what a rebound is. It's always intense chemistry AT FIRST but it's in the moment and it wears off fast. You two on different emotional planes.

[ItsJustMyOpinion]

Dude, you got straight up ditched for an ex boyfriend.

 

Keep her as a friend with benefits if you don't mind being tunnel buddies with some other guy, or a platonic friend if she's pretty cool.

 

Otherwise, throw her to the curb. And next time she ditches you for her ex, give her bus fare, not a ride home. WTF.

[tpt10]

Dude, you got straight up ditched for an ex boyfriend.

 

Keep her as a friend with benefits if you don't mind being tunnel buddies with some other guy, or a platonic friend if she's pretty cool.

 

Otherwise, throw her to the curb. And next time she ditches you for her ex, give her bus fare, not a ride home. WTF.

 

Lol she didn’t leave me for her ex. It was like 12-1am and her ex has a gf

[d0nnivain]

Any chance that it was just the restaurant that triggered her?

 

I think you need to schedule a low key public date . . . go get a quiet drink somewhere & talk. Tell her you feel bad about what happened but confused by her social media posts. Explain that you like her & would like to keep seeing her but you don't want to get hurt if she's still hung up on her EX, then ask her what she thinks you ought to do.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

Avoid, Avoid Avoid! She isn't over her ex and in the end that'll just be more hurt for you. I've learned to never get involved w/someone who has their ex in the picture in any way (unless they have kids). The ex should stay in the past.

[Lotsgoingon]

Brother this was the red flag ... the loud buzz ...:

 

Apparently he was a dick again to her. She then told me she still misses him but doesn’t love him.

 

In other words ... she still misses him ... In other words ... she wants to get back with him (in a large part of her heart).

 

In other words, she is not available to you for a relationship ... doesn't matter what she does with you physically.

 

I once ignored a red flag exactly like this ... and the woman burst into sobs in the middle of sex ... and says how much she wants to see her old boyfriend ... yes, the one with the temper and who treated like her dirt at times. Oh ... so painful at the time ... I can see the humor now.

 

Other red flags: she kept bringing him up ... People who have genuinely moved past the ex don't bring up the ex without being specifically asked.

[tpt10]

Idk I’m also starting to think maybe I rushed her too quickly with sex. She didn’t say no and we were kissing a lot throughout the night, but she did 100% change after it...

[Gaeta]

Who can date a woman that admits of missing her ex!

 

She's a mess. She runs off in the middle of the sex then after her date with you she's on social media posting stuff about being down and missing him. Why in the world would you want to get involved? Don't try to be her savior. She has issues and she's not ready to invest in another man.

[ExpatInItaly]

She misses her ex. She told you that plain as day.

 

To me, her actions strongly suggest she is rebounding. Very intense the first couple dates, then as soon as she had sex, she was reminded it was no longer him being intimate with her and she bolted.

 

I don't think it was anything you did, OP. I think this is simply her not really being ready to date.

[tpt10]

For sure. Just a bummer and really annoying

[tpt10]

Any chance that it was just the restaurant that triggered her?

 

I think you need to schedule a low key public date . . . go get a quiet drink somewhere & talk. Tell her you feel bad about what happened but confused by her social media posts. Explain that you like her & would like to keep seeing her but you don't want to get hurt if she's still hung up on her EX, then ask her what she thinks you ought to do.

 

Probably. Idk i don’t think i should spend time with her for a while

[tpt10]

It’s been almost a week since my last post on the situation

 

http://https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/656975-ex-still-picture and i still cant get over what happened.

 

So 2-3 days went by, and I decided to text her. We had a small convo and I eventually attempted to set up another date.

 

This was her response:

 

“i did too! but i don’t know if i can i don’t think i’m ready to be seeing anyone yet i just should keep working on myself for now but that doesn’t mean we can’t still talk and stuff!! i’m just not ready to be doing what happened on thursday for awhile and i know that now i’m sorry”

 

And i left it at this with my response about two days ago:

 

“yea i kind of figured that you might be still hung up on your ex, understandable. we do have some good ass chemistry and its fun talking **** with you and just having a fun time. when you feel you are ready to date again, feel free to reach out to me and we can set something up ”

 

Basically I am still mind blown about all that went down. Literally she showed she was basically in love with me and wanted to spend every second this summer with me and then, no exaggeration, showed the complete opposite after sex.

 

I know we only went on two dates. My game was on point (not being a dick, not being a nice guy, teasing, her literally laughing at everything and basically molesting me).

 

I am always trying to better myself and learn something from every situation that goes wrong. This one I just can’t. I have always been taught that women don’t reject men they find as a catch. Was she actually emotionally unavailable and telling the truth because of her ex or making up some excuse because somewhere I went wrong?

 

(PS, I already have met a couple other girls that I might try to get to know, not sure yet though, dating game is exhausting)

Edited May 30, 2018 by tpt10

[Gaeta]

You will have to just accept the facts - she is not into you anymore - and move on. You will find NO comfort in knowing why. It is what it is and you have nothing to do with it, it's between her and herself.

 

 

 

We all went through a story like this at some point. I remember dating a man for 7 days straight. He'd call each day, picked me up every day, spoke about how amazing I was, that he could not sleep he was so excited to have met me and one day POOF, it was all gone for him. Even him didn't know why all of a sudden all the butterflies were gone. It happens. You move on. Spend your energy on finding someone better suited for you.

[CrazyKatLady]

She wasn't ready for sex with you, I agree, a rebound.

[tpt10]

She’s even on social media retweetinf stuff saying “can’t wait to find someone and settle down”. I had to basically block her because of this. But still, don’t know how someone can be so hot, then cold in the blink of an eye. Then say you aren’t ready for sexual stuff/date because you aren’t over your ex, to wanting to settle down. I’m triggered beyond belief

[mortensorchid]

She's not over him. And with you, she bagged it, tagged it, gave it cab fare. It happens. Move on.

[Gaeta]

She’s even on social media retweetinf stuff saying “can’t wait to find someone and settle down”. I had to basically block her because of this. But still, don’t know how someone can be so hot, then cold in the blink of an eye. Then say you aren’t ready for sexual stuff/date because you aren’t over your ex, to wanting to settle down. I’m triggered beyond belief

 

 

If you date alot you will come across those often. You have to be smartter than all of them. You don't get carried away with a new meeting or new sex and you observe and take notes. The genuine ones prove themselves over time.

[fredflint]

No ones said this here yet, but maybe the sex just didn't do it for her. I'm sure that happens quite often in the early stages of relationships. It's kind of a make or break experience.

[tpt10]

No ones said this here yet, but maybe the sex just didn't do it for her. I'm sure that happens quite often in the early stages of relationships. It's kind of a make or break experience.

 

I’ve been thinking this too but she did show signs during it that she was enjoying it and I’m 99% sure she orgasmed tbh

[tpt10]

If you date alot you will come across those often. You have to be smartter than all of them. You don't get carried away with a new meeting or new sex and you observe and take notes. The genuine ones prove themselves over time.

 

What do you mean?