Ex girlfriend wanted to stay friends, suddenly stopped talking completely

[thro0wawayyyyy]

Cliffs at the bottom since this is pretty long.

 

We were dating for 2 years long distance but visited eachother. Were eachothers first. We were great together, great friendship everything was perfect except some small fights which is unavoidable.

 

She started texting other guys and i told her i wasn't happy with that. She decided to break up at that point (i believe she was monkey branching)

She later told me she had a crush on this new guy at college but he had a girlfriend already even though they talk a lot.

 

Anyways we were best friends as well, always had each others back. Best friends before we started dating even. So since i know how difficult it is to find good people on this planet, i was 100% fine with being friends. I rather have her in my life than not at all. There's no reason we cant stay friends if we stay respectful of the break up. And that's what she wanted as well.

 

Fast forward to a month later. She started saying how she misses me, how she wants to meet and cuddle, how she wants to kiss and do stuff together (not getting back together but just getting physical) etc.

So i thought we were getting closer again, not expecting getting back together but at least be more than just distant friends who talk once in a while. But then she started texting me less and less afterwards.

 

I never text first because i don't want to bother her or seem invasive, however she would always text me, even though i told her she didn't owe me anything and i just want her to be happy, in case she needs space. The last few days, she texted me for maybe 30 seconds a day. Always an excuse. Sorry i don't have time, sorry i couldn't text you yesterday, sorry this sorry that.

 

I just let it go. I know it's not that difficult to take 1 minute out of your day to text someone.

Anyways a few days ago she texted me to start a small conversation. Then asked about my day. But while i was talking, i saw my messages taking a long time to be seen as ''read''. So i knew she was talking to someone else at the same time.

She then made an excuse saying she had to call her work, even though her work was closed that day (dumb excuse) and half an hour later, she just said she had to go cuz she didn't feel good but would text me tomorrow.

 

Those were all lies. She was busy snapchatting someone cuz her snapchat count kept going up (stalking is bad i know)

And it was obvious she just ditched me to talk to some other guy.

Whatever, i don't mind, i would've just preferred if she told me the truth.

 

But now she didn't text me ''tomorrow'' at all. She didn't text me all week.

And i kept thinking why? Why ruin a friendship? We were great for 2 years, i'm always respectful, always helped her through hard times.

She's the one who wanted to stay friends.

But then i googled similar stories and everyone says the girl stops texting out of ''respect'' for her new boyfriend.

So all i can assume is that she finally got official with some other guy and just stopped talking to me completely.

 

I think that's pretty messed up because we could at least stay friends. Or if it bothers her that much, she could at least tell me the reason why she can't talk anymore. Even though it's ironic that when i wanted her to not talk to strange guys, she broke up with me but aparently it's perfectly fine to ruin a 2 year friendship for some new guy she hooks up with.

 

Anyway my question is: Does any of you went through similar?

Where the ex just stopped talking completely even though you were good friends?

1 moment she talks about meeting up and cuddling etc, the next she acts like i never existed, lies to my face about why she had to go and doesn't care at all about texting me. I honestly never knew a girl who used to be amazing, could turn so heartless and cold in a matter of weeks.

 

TLDR: 2 year relationship, best i ever had. Broke up cuz she was texting other guys, laying the groundworks to move on to someone new. Decided to stay friends because we were best friends before we started dating and why lose a perfectly fine friendship just cuz someone fell out of love? Ex girlfriend says she misses me and wants to get close, but then a week later she starts texting less and less, until last week where she lies to me and ditches me to talk to some other guy and now she won't text anymore at all. No closure, no explanation, just nothing. I haven't texted her myself because i figured, if she doesn't text then there's no point to bother and i should just accept it.

 

Thank you for reading.

[c.a.f.]

I am going through a similar situation, my ex and I broke up a couple months ago because she was texting other guys too. You're not alone, from the small time I've spent on this site there are many stories similar to this one of gfs leaving their guys because they get bored or whatever, and end up having another guy available directly after or overlapping the relationship.

 

It hurts that girls can do this to us, but it's a fact of life that women have more options than men, so they can be choosier. I guess by evolution stand point it will end up creating stronger and better men because those will be the only ones who end up procreating. But for us regular guys where does that leave us?

 

The only advice I can give you is don't accept being friends with her. She monkey-branched you, why do you still want to be her friend? I know that you probably still have feelings for her, and maybe by remaining friends there's a bit of hope. But that's not the strongest move. You could take control of the situation and refuse her friendship because she obviously isn't your friend if she pulls that kind of thing on you.

 

Maybe she stopped talking to you because you made yourself way too available and it turned her off. She didn't respect you or your relationship because she was talking to other guys, and you still want to hang around her because "why lose a perfectly fine friendship". How many perfectly fine friendships do you have that include friends lying to and disrespecting the other friend? Not too many I imagine...

 

You gotta let go of her man, for your sanity. You won't get her back by remaining friends with her, at least not in any meaningful way. She won't respect you for staying around either. Just remove her from facebook and other social media sites and stuff and delete every text conversation you've had with her. Delete her number from your phone, delete all of your texts with her. She might send you something if she notices you gone for too long, but delete it again and don't respond. Maybe every fiber of your being will be wanting to hit send on that hot response you've tapped out, but you gotta resist the temptation.

[thro0wawayyyyy]

I wanted to stay friends because we started off as best friends. And i have zero friends in real life. Zero family. I literally have no one.

So to me, she meant a great deal. Not just as my girlfriend but as my best friend as well.

 

Even without the hope, even with no chance of ever getting back together.

I would appreciate her friendship. Someone to talk to, someone to rant to when i have a bad day. Someone who listens. And in return i do the same for her.

 

Like i said, i have literally no one and it's not that i'm not a social person. It's just extremely diffcult to find friends who care about you. Most people already have their own friends and most people are really selfish who just genuine don't care about you.

 

Anyways, i agree with you on the reasons why she left. Probably got bored, probably wanted that honeymoon phase with some new guy where it's all exciting and everything. I'm just really surprised at how easily she dropped me and stopped texting all together.

 

Maybe i can understand her lying point of view as to not trying to upset me but also just preferring the new guy to the point of not wanting to talk to me at the same time. But it doesn't bother me much that she's with or going to be with someone else. That's reality we all have to face. I just have a hard time believing that 2 years meant nothing to her and that she easily throws away our friendship just like that. When she kept saying she wanted to stay friends etc.

It's like she became completely heartless and only cares about getting new dick.

It's just a tough pill to swallow because she changed so fast. And i would've felt better if she gave me some closure as of why we couldn't be friends anymore or why she doesn't want to talk anymore. Not that the end result would be any different, but at least i would feel a bit more cared about or respected in a sense, but yeah she doesn't care or respect me so i don't even know why i'm posting this.

I guess i just wondered if people went through similar that's all. It sucks.

It would've been nice to have her as a friend because getting a bond that we used to have even before we started dating is really difficult to find.

 

Thank you very much for replying and for giving your advice. I appreciate it a lot.

Edited May 30, 2018 by thro0wawayyyyy

[SpecialJ]

Sounds like she wanted to break up (due to the distance?) but then realized she still had feelings for you and wasn't moving on like she wanted to so she's distancing herself. It also sounds like you broke up pretty recently. If you are really okay with just being friends and not trying to get her back, just give her the space she needs to move on. It's likely she'll be back when she feels she can handle just a friendship, and if not (ie she's the type of woman who lets a boyfriend determine if she can stay friends with other guys), you'll have already had the space to start moving on too so it won't suck so much. But give it a couple months for both your sakes, then say hi if you haven't heard from her in that time and are still interested in doing so.

 

Again, doesn't sound like someone trying to intentionally be mean, just sounds like someone trying to move on from a painful situation because she thinks it's for the best.

[preraph]

You may or may not be able to resume a friendship between partners, but most partners aren't going to be fine with you carrying it on while they're dating either of you. She knows this, which is good.

[ExpatInItaly]

Most exes do not remain close friends after breaking up, OP. In rare cases, two people can resume a friendship, but this is usually after plenty of time has passed and both parties have moved on. More often than not, exes drift out of each other's lives. It's just part of moving forward in your separate directions.

 

The dynamic of your pre-existing friendship changed when you and she started dating, and then broke up. It is likely not going to go back to what it used to be. You still want her, but she doesn't feel the same way. Expecting a platonic friendship under these circumstances just isn't realistic.

 

Also, as you're gathering, most people would not love their partners being good friends with an ex. That could very well be a contributing factor here. If she is dating someone else, she is rightly prioritizing him over you. Friendship with an ex, especially when said ex is still in love and wants her back, isn't going to work if she's got someone else in her life.

 

I know it hurts. But breaking up really does involve a lot of emotional detachment, which you need to start doing. You will have to try to learn not to turn to her for support, comfort and companionship. We've all been where you are now, and it is very unpleasant to lose your partner and best friend. But that's what breaking up generally entails, and it does get easier as you have more time and space away from the ex.

[Marc878]

Go NC. You are prolonging the hurt.

 

Move on like she has.

 

Why would you want to hang onto this?