Love2015 Posted May 30, 2018 Posted May 30, 2018 I dated this guy in 2016 who wanted to get married. I was going through a very bad divorce (xhb cheated) and it was too soon for me. I fell really hard for this date but he was talking about finding someone to get married...and I froze and then he backed off. We connected this year 2018. I have dated others however nothing became serious. Longest was 7 months. Anyways we met twice and it was as if time had not passed and chemistry intact. Nothing happened physically as he claimed to have gotten married (arranged marriage) I kind of didn't believe him but let it go and we continued in touch but very sporadically. Last week we met again and as soon as we met, it took us less than 5 minutes and we became physical. We both didn't think about it. Just went with the flow. The thing we have never had sex in the past...just kissing and very light make out session back in 2016. Nothing this year.This was great and at the end of it , he states that he realizes I don't believe that he is married. I told him no. Anyways bottom line is once again he claims he is. So I have to believe him. I deleted his number and didn't contact him at all. I won't even go there. I don't believe in that and I kind of feel really bad at what happened. The part that makes me most upset is to realize I am good enough for being a side dish but not for a relationship? Any insight are welcome. I am against cheating so I will not go there...I am not proud of what happened either although it was beautiful. I wonder why something so wrong felt so right?
Chilli Posted May 30, 2018 Posted May 30, 2018 Well if you feel so bad after the fun why didn't you ask him before the fun if he was still married , you could've walked away . Doesn't matter if you believed him or not the first time you'd still make sure.
BaileyB Posted May 30, 2018 Posted May 30, 2018 Marriage is not an abstract concept. Either is is married, or he is not. He "claimed to the married" and you chose not to believe him. A little more clarification before you decided to take your clothes off would have been important, for both.
lurker74 Posted May 30, 2018 Posted May 30, 2018 It seems like you come from an interesting culture, one where meeting people who have arranged marriages is still common enough to not be shocking. As a gent in the States, I have not heard of an arranged marriage in decades that didn't involve first generation immigrants. I point this out because it may lead to another cultural misnomer: If someone tells you that they are married, it really doesn't matter if they are married or not. They are indicating that they are unavailable. Yet despite your own history of being cheated on, you participated in an affair. Whether he was married or not, you willingly flirted with and then slept with an unavailable man. On top of that, you are upset that you are good enough to be a side piece but not in a relationship when by all appearances, he had previously wanted to be in a relationship with you. And finally, you haven't been in a "serious" relationship in the last ~2 years but you were in one that lasted 7 months, which seems relatively serious to most people. I point these things out because I don't think you are done with your marriage...it seems like you have a lot of work to do on yourself and you should definitely not ever contact this guy again, for his benefit as well as your own. I would suggest some therapy if you can make that happen so that you can unpack what you are going through. As for affairs, you can head over to the OW/OM forum but they rarely turn out well because of one of the following reasons: 1) The married person just wants a side piece (often called a cake eater because they want to have their cake - a spouse - and eat the cake too - the affair) 2) The excitement of an affair without the doldrums of every day life create a fantasy world that makes an actual relationship impossible 3) If they actually care about you, the stress of sneaking around makes taking the concrete steps of exiting a relationship too difficult for them to actually start. So keep him deleted, get help, and good luck!
Author Love2015 Posted June 4, 2018 Author Posted June 4, 2018 Thank you everyone for your feedback. This story is done. Yes, big mistake but today at same time I realize I was put in a bad situation. Believe it or not I have been liking this guy for two years and he even indicated knowing that I don't believe him he is married. I understand there is no justification but a mistake is a mistake. I have not been in touch and plan to continue not being. I am anyways dating others. The only jerk like issue here is he projecting in me saying he did that so I could move on from liking him. Really so you cheat on your wife with a woman you know feels love (or so she thinks) for you since two years and after the fact tell her you did it for her? Anyways chapter closed but in a way I kind of learned the other side of the story..the one of the OW....
CrazyKatLady Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 I hear you. Eve was easily deceived/persuaded too...if you believe in the Bible...I am with you on this one...I think I should be able to take my cue from a man when it comes to moral issues, but alas, women have to defend their own causes now...men have been led astray, and people are quite neglectful of one another in these times. Others are right on this thread...you must develop a strategy to protect yourself from emotional/physical affairs that will lead no where...don't ever depend on a man to be the stronger form...women are hardly protected from being stripped down naked, used for their body, then left behind without further ado...oh, and yes, the most beautiful part is, "well, it's your own, entire fault you got treated that way." If it takes two to tango, then he is half as irresponsible too...just saying...I think it is fine to deflect half of those upset feelings right back on him...maybe he will learn to choose better as well-fair is fair...hope you feel better and it's ok to vent it...we all make mistakes, justg learn what causes pain and what doesn't...but be prepared for a much longer list of the things others will do that hurt the heart rather than bringing it joy...you will have to bring your own happiness to your life and try to stay away from men like that. Hope you feel better soon, take care of you, and let that jacka** go on back home to his poor wife. He's tied down, you are free, he is probably jealous and envious and selfish since he wanted you to remember him...enjoy your freedom!
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