Blimps321 Posted May 29, 2018 Posted May 29, 2018 Been dating this girl for about a month now. We are coworkers in different departments. I'm 27, she's 24. She's religious, and goes to the temple every week. I'm not religious, but we're both of the same ethnic background, and my family believes in the same god that she does. I think that's why she's interested in me, since our families are similar and she would only marry a guy from my background. She's never had a boyfriend in her life, and I don't think she's even kissed a guy. Anyway, it started off with innocent lunch hangouts at work. We both connected very well, and had great conversation. For our 3rd hangout, we actually went to a nearby temple to pray together, since she goes every week. She actually wanted to take me, and I had a great time even though it isn't my thing. I invited her out to dinner over the weekend after the temple hangout, and she agreed. We had an amazing time. Good convo, touching, teasing, it was very playful and fun. The following week we then went mini golfing, and had another excellent time. I tried to kiss her at the end, but she wasn't ready for it and pushed me away, and actually apologized for how she reacted. I apologized too, and things went on normally. Then she had to go on vacation for two weeks, which kinda sucked. We texted everyday though, and she would share pictures with me through instagram direct messages. It was great, and we got to know more about each other a lot. I even flirted with her a good amount and she liked it. She was very responsive, and really seemed to enjoy talking with me. When she got back, I asked her out again after work. She said she was busy with no counteroffer. I then asked if she was free on the weekend, and she gave some excuse again. I then just straight up asked "Hey are you into this or not", and she replied "No sorry I'm not". All I said was "Mmk" after that since I didn't want to look desperate and hurt. This is SUPER perplexing to me as we had amazing dates, great chemistry, talked while she was on vacation, and now all of a sudden she's not into this anymore? It all felt so right to me. Our families align, we have similar views on life, have a great time in real life. Now I don't know what to do. People say just forget about her and ignore her and maybe she'll come back, but I'm here still thinking that she just might be unsure about us still? Maybe I should ask her out again? But maybe that'll come off as too desperate and just make her run away even more? I still want to make this work. What do I do guys?
act00 Posted May 29, 2018 Posted May 29, 2018 She could be putting a stop to it due to her faith and you not being as devout or following the tenets as she does. She is going to want a spouse who is equally devout and will raise the children as such. Unless you're willing to live by these tenets for the rest of your life, follow all the rules, attend regularly, etc., you're really setting yourself up for an uphill battle. Sure, couples of mixed faith can and do work through this and are happy, but I think that most of the time, it will be problematic, especially if you decide you simply don't want to do it anymore or you decide you don't want the children raised this way, or not as strictly. I promise you, there could be massive fights over religion. It can depend on the religion and how strict it is. If she's not interested in you anymore, her faith and your lack of it, could be playing a role. There could be pressure from her family due to you not being as devout. She may simply not be interested in you in general, and we may never know why, but I do suspect religion to play a role in this case. TBH, if this really boils down to religion, it's probably better this way. Having been raised in it, it's not foreign to you and you could live by the rules, but for how long? Are you willing to devote yourself to this faith 100%, forever? You really do need to consider this. I married someone of a particular faith, and while neither of us were religious at the time, his faith did cause problems, big ones, as I learned I wanted nothing to do with it outside of family events that may require attendance, and it did cause some big problems. We had lots of problems, but this really did not help matters, so think long and hard about this. It's probably better to seek out someone not as religious.
JohnM Posted May 29, 2018 Posted May 29, 2018 Doesn't sound like there is that much chemistry to me. Perhaps you are reading too much in to her responses as enjoying the flirting. If someone pushes you away that isn't a good sign really. If she apologised perhaps she thought she was just being rude rather than it being too soon. I would chalk this up to either being inexperienced and not knowing how to handle the situation or that she wanted to see how the friendship went and when it started veering more clearly into being a romantic thing she realised it wasn't what she wanted. She would have to contact you now for anything to happen, so don't initiate again. If she does, let her take the lead on whether it is romantic or platonic. Don't presume it is either, just analyse it afterwards if it ever happens.
mortensorchid Posted May 29, 2018 Posted May 29, 2018 Some people can and will use an excuse as to how/why they can't be with you. They can be a lot of things (religion, work, distance, etc.) or it can be a person outside of the two of you (friends or family) who doesn't like you and/or the other person. Whatever the case may be, a person who is into you or wants to make even the slightest bit of respectable commitment to you (even if that I as low level as being on time to meet for an OLD), will not have excuses as to how / why something can't be done. They WILL make excuses for why something CAN be done when they want something bad enough, even if it's a lost cause completely. Facts.
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