DontBreakEven Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 A couple weeks ago I matched with a girl on Tinder while we were both in another town on vacation. So, we lives about 1400 miles apart, but that doesn't seem to bother either of us. Anyway, she could not be more opposite than me. I work in tech - she's a hippie who disconnects often and basically proclaims "down with technology". We seem to have a connection though, but she's just not on her phone often. She doesn't have any social media on her phone, and she says she's not tied to her phone and sometimes is very slow to respond to texts. And she is not kidding. We will have spurts of texting where she is attentive and very detailed, etc, but sometimes it literally takes her days to respond. I can't handle it. I've brought it up, but she just said that's how she is, and maybe it'll be a potential issue with us. Well yea - and I'm the only one who really suffers from it. It's weird because it doesn't seem to stem from lack on interest on her part ... just how she is. But I am left over here sometimes wondering if I said something wrong - if she's ghosting me finally - if she's met someone else. Like it's driving me insane and I have no idea how to handle it. I feel like after two weeks, and never having met the girl yet, it's over the top to be upset about. But, I still am.
rightondude Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 she told you what was up, now it's up to you whether you want to deal with it. Like you said it's just how she is. Find something else to do, flip the script, and you be the one to respond slower than normal, and see if things change brother.
Author DontBreakEven Posted May 28, 2018 Author Posted May 28, 2018 she told you what was up, now it's up to you whether you want to deal with it. Like you said it's just how she is. Find something else to do, flip the script, and you be the one to respond slower than normal, and see if things change brother. Yea -- I've been thinking about how I want to deal with it. I'm not sure that I want to. I'm pretty put off, and definitely couldn't deal with this within the context of a relationship - especially a long distance one. I thought about flipping the script, but a) I'm really not into playing games, and b) I don't even think she would notice and/or care. Since clearly texting is not a big thing for her, not hearing back from me for a while will probably not even register in her mind. It's just weird to me. When you are feeling someone and getting to know them, it's just odd that you wouldn't want to talk more often. Idk. But yep you're right. She's told me what's up. I don't think I'm impressed.
Grey40 Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 Just move on man. Don’t bother dating people that love insanely far that you can never see. That just sucks and it very rarely ever works out well. Eventually the distance will break you apart either from growing tired of it or with someone cheating etc. why do people bother with that crap? Find someone at least who lives somewhat close to you. That being said, because you’re long distance and not able to see each other that often, she’s probably keeping her distance. If she gets too attached she knows it’ll suck because she’ll want to see you more. That’s my take anyway. I’d just tell her that you can’t take the bad texting and you think she lives too far to make it work I’m having this same issue with a girl who lives 30 min from me, she’ll respond when I text her but she never initiates and always takes 1-6 hours to respond. It’s never immediate. And we’ve even had sex a few times and been out together like 4 times. I don’t get it either.
Author DontBreakEven Posted May 28, 2018 Author Posted May 28, 2018 Just move on man. Don’t bother dating people that love insanely far that you can never see. That just sucks and it very rarely ever works out well. Eventually the distance will break you apart either from growing tired of it or with someone cheating etc. why do people bother with that crap? Find someone at least who lives somewhat close to you. That being said, because you’re long distance and not able to see each other that often, she’s probably keeping her distance. If she gets too attached she knows it’ll suck because she’ll want to see you more. That’s my take anyway. I’d just tell her that you can’t take the bad texting and you think she lives too far to make it work I’m having this same issue with a girl who lives 30 min from me, she’ll respond when I text her but she never initiates and always takes 1-6 hours to respond. It’s never immediate. And we’ve even had sex a few times and been out together like 4 times. I don’t get it either. Well, the reason for the distance is that I am a woman as well. And as hard as it is to understand for straight people, the dating pool for women is very small. So, once you essentially date everyone in your town, you have to open up other avenues.
Grey40 Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 Well, the reason for the distance is that I am a woman as well. And as hard as it is to understand for straight people, the dating pool for women is very small. So, once you essentially date everyone in your town, you have to open up other avenues. Oh, well that changes things. You didn’t mention that in your original post. Have you ever tried online dating? They have same-sex specific dating apps too. She could be struggling with her own sexuality herself too—maybe she’s unsure about being with another woman even though it may feel “right”
littleblackheart Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 Well, the reason for the distance is that I am a woman as well. And as hard as it is to understand for straight people, the dating pool for women is very small. So, once you essentially date everyone in your town, you have to open up other avenues. The distance will bring the same exact issues to your relationship, notwithstanding your gender. If that's who she is, you'll need to accept that or explain to her how it bothers you. If no compromise is found, you may need to rethink this.
Author DontBreakEven Posted May 28, 2018 Author Posted May 28, 2018 Oh, well that changes things. You didn’t mention that in your original post. Have you ever tried online dating? They have same-sex specific dating apps too. She could be struggling with her own sexuality herself too—maybe she’s unsure about being with another woman even though it may feel “right” Sorry I wasn't clear. Yes, we met on an online dating app when we were both in another city. She's very sure of her sexuality - as am I - we are both in our thirties and it's not the issue. I think it's just the way that she is, and I either need to deal with it or not. Not sure what I want to do at this point. I certainly don't want to go off on her or make a big deal over something when we've only been talking for a couple weeks, but this will just drive me insane forever, I'm sure.
Author DontBreakEven Posted May 28, 2018 Author Posted May 28, 2018 The distance will bring the same exact issues to your relationship, notwithstanding your gender. If that's who she is, you'll need to accept that or explain to her how it bothers you. If no compromise is found, you may need to rethink this. Yep yep. I've brought it up to the extent that I feel I can (being that it's so early and we are still just chatting and getting to know each other). And she seemed to step up her game for a few days, but now she's back to how it was - we are going on three days now that she hasn't replied. That's actually the longest yet. I just find it kind of disrespectful in a way. To essentially leave someone on "read" for that long. I'm sure she doesn't see it that way, but I certainly do.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 I don't think you two are on the same page at all. She is keeping this pretty casual. I can just about promise that if she truly wanted to keep in contact, you'd be hearing from her more frequently. Sure, she might not love technology - but she's also on Tinder. She doesn't despise it that much. I have a feeling she likes you well enough but isn't very interested in taking it further. She is very far away and not motivated (for whatever reason) to communicate regularly. I would not bother with this one; there is too much working against you here. 1
Author DontBreakEven Posted May 28, 2018 Author Posted May 28, 2018 I don't think you two are on the same page at all. She is keeping this pretty casual. I can just about promise that if she truly wanted to keep in contact, you'd be hearing from her more frequently. Sure, she might not love technology - but she's also on Tinder. She doesn't despise it that much. I have a feeling she likes you well enough but isn't very interested in taking it further. She is very far away and not motivated (for whatever reason) to communicate regularly. I would not bother with this one; there is too much working against you here. Perhaps. Just confusing then why she's even bothering.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 Perhaps. Just confusing then why she's even bothering. Is she really bothering, though? Texting someone back doesn't take much effort. She goes days without doing so. She's responding when it suits her, and she probably does like chatting now and then, but that seems to be where it stops. 2
Chilli Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 (edited) 2 things. 1, believe me if she was interested enough she'd be checking her damn phone.'so does she sit there and watch it and squirm for 3 days just to be clever or not , this is the question. or does she just not giva fk,me l go with that one. Buttttt, then there's the other side of the coin. yaknow , people are so dumb they splatter all over the internet in every damn forum, don't answer too soon , don't be needy , don't do this don't be effg that. fk me l've even read times, you must wait X amount , l mean wtf and they think they're being clever . Umm, do they realize everyone else reads all the same bullshyt and probably do the same thing.yaknow. Could people do any more especially guys , to cut their own nose off. l think not. So option 2 is she's just doing all the same bullshyt trying to be clever, but l doubt that one's it with her. l go low interest, if any at all. Edited May 28, 2018 by Chilli
coolheadal Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 Well, the reason for the distance is that I am a woman as well. And as hard as it is to understand for straight people, the dating pool for women is very small. So, once you essentially date everyone in your town, you have to open up other avenues. So your from the tech pool so am I but doesn't mean you need a techie woman. This woman you have spoken too is not techie nor does she want a guy who is. Just not going to work. I know you won't give up the computers and electronics for her. You won't be able to watch that UHDTV play again online games you'll suffer more than ever. Tinder women have a mind of their own. Where do you fit into their tiny world.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 When you are really excited about someone, you just can't help but check your phone *all the time*. Even if you are not a "texting person". Truth is usually pretty simple, everything else are just excuses. 1
fredflint Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 A couple weeks ago I matched with a girl on Tinder while we were both in another town on vacation. So, we lives about 1400 miles apart, but that doesn't seem to bother either of us. Anyway, she could not be more opposite than me. I work in tech - she's a hippie who disconnects often and basically proclaims "down with technology". We seem to have a connection though, but she's just not on her phone often. She doesn't have any social media on her phone, and she says she's not tied to her phone and sometimes is very slow to respond to texts. And she is not kidding. We will have spurts of texting where she is attentive and very detailed, etc, but sometimes it literally takes her days to respond. I can't handle it. I've brought it up, but she just said that's how she is, and maybe it'll be a potential issue with us. Well yea - and I'm the only one who really suffers from it. It's weird because it doesn't seem to stem from lack on interest on her part ... just how she is. But I am left over here sometimes wondering if I said something wrong - if she's ghosting me finally - if she's met someone else. Like it's driving me insane and I have no idea how to handle it. I feel like after two weeks, and never having met the girl yet, it's over the top to be upset about. But, I still am. Could be a scammer? Have you even heard her voice?
FilterCoffee Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 Well, the reason for the distance is that I am a woman as well. And as hard as it is to understand for straight people, the dating pool for women is very small. So, once you essentially date everyone in your town, you have to open up other avenues. Hey OP, I think you should stop pursuing this girl. The distance and the lack of communication would just make it a waste of time. Have you considered moving to a bigger city? You’d have a lot more options.
Author DontBreakEven Posted May 28, 2018 Author Posted May 28, 2018 Hey OP, I think you should stop pursuing this girl. The distance and the lack of communication would just make it a waste of time. Have you considered moving to a bigger city? You’d have a lot more options. I live in the fifth biggest metropolis in the US lol. That's how bad it is in the gay world. No, she's not a scammer. Yes, I've found videos of her online she's a real person. I guess I'm just gonna give up on her. Just not sure how to even do that. Not text back when she inevitably responds?
vickyp Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 @ don't. I'll text you. Letting you know now, if I take some time, I'm either at work and can't text or I'm doing something. What do you say?
FilterCoffee Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 I live in the fifth biggest metropolis in the US lol. That's how bad it is in the gay world. No, she's not a scammer. Yes, I've found videos of her online she's a real person. I guess I'm just gonna give up on her. Just not sure how to even do that. Not text back when she inevitably responds? Damn that sucks. Well you at least have four more cities you can try! There’s a high chance that she won’t even reply but if she does just ignore it and move on.
Sgthaytham Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 Take a step back and read what you’ve posted. It shouldn’t take a genius to figure out what’s wrong: - You live thousands of miles from one another. This is probably the greatest flaw. Do you hope to date her? Form a relationship? How on Earth is it physically possible? Sure some couples start off as a LDR, but realistically and predominantly, both parties in any relationship need intimacy. Doesn’t matter if you say that *you* can deal with not having it - she might not be able to. - Then there’s the question of trust: it’s apparent to me that trust won’t exist if you start dating. You’re already a bit annoyed she’s not texting as much or is slow to answer... I’m probably missing some things out, but these two stood out.
Sgthaytham Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 I live in the fifth biggest metropolis in the US lol. That's how bad it is in the gay world. No, she's not a scammer. Yes, I've found videos of her online she's a real person. I guess I'm just gonna give up on her. Just not sure how to even do that. Not text back when she inevitably responds? I’ve had to severe contact with someone I truly loved before. It was hard, really hard - in fact it still is hard. I just told myself to carry on, that it was the best for both of us. She might get in touch, if she does either ignore her, or tell her that you have to step back.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 I live in the fifth biggest metropolis in the US lol. That's how bad it is in the gay world. No, she's not a scammer. Yes, I've found videos of her online she's a real person. I guess I'm just gonna give up on her. Just not sure how to even do that. Not text back when she inevitably responds? I misunderstood; I thought you had actually met her in person when you were on vacation in that same city. Given that you've never met, I would strongly advise you to just let it go. The chances of anything happening under the current circumstances are very slim. She doesn't know you from the next person, and is showing little interest in going beyond some idle chatting. If she doesn't respond back with any question to keep the conversation going, then no, I wouldn't reply. If she does, then I would just be honest that you'd like to get to know her better but the logistics seem too difficult so you wish her well.
FMW Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 LD relationships are hard enough, and I would think just impossible without regular (prompt) communication. Seems like maybe she's just amusing herself by occasionally checking in, she's not really looking for a relationship, just occasional flirtation. Maybe she's already in a relationship and just seeing what else is out there. I'm sorry your pool of options seems so limited, but hang in there. I just don't see this one as worth your time or emotional effort. 1
Author DontBreakEven Posted May 28, 2018 Author Posted May 28, 2018 LD relationships are hard enough, and I would think just impossible without regular (prompt) communication. Seems like maybe she's just amusing herself by occasionally checking in, she's not really looking for a relationship, just occasional flirtation. Maybe she's already in a relationship and just seeing what else is out there. I'm sorry your pool of options seems so limited, but hang in there. I just don't see this one as worth your time or emotional effort. Ugh. I agree. It just sucks because we discussed the distance aspect and what she's looking for, etc, and we seemed to be on the same page with all of it. We've also been having super deep discussions about our childhood and family life etc, so it wasn't just surface talk. We also discussed how she's super slow to respond to texts and she just said that's how she is - not on her phone much. But. This is coming up three days now. It's a holiday weekend, so she's probably ... who knows ... camping without wifi or something. But she didn't even tell me what she was doing. It's just annoying. A day, okay. But three? Not sustainable. It's getting to the point where I'm wondering if I'm being ghosted. Which is so weird, because the conversation was so good and we were last talking about skyping each other this week. At this point, I'm so angry, that I don't even know how I'd be able to keep my cool if she DID text me again.
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