kezza222 Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 Hello Firstly - my apologies. This is a pretty lame post and I need a slap with a wet fish however, my current situation is driving me mad because of past experiences. I am a worrier in life. I know this myself plus people have told me also. This is down to past situations when something has been going amazing then it suddenly ends. For example I worry about work because I have had 2 jobs which i've worked my back side off and then cruelly been fired when I have genuinely done nothing wrong. Sam with women Ive had something amazing then its taken away for no reason. Ive now been single 3.5 years and I am now 32. Ive been single so long due to a lot of heartbreak and being messed around even more. Also the next relationship I get in it needs to be the one so Ive passed opportunities that have come my way because i dont see enough potential. Theres a girl at the moment and I talk to her only on snapchat after matching on Tinder. For over a month there have been many times Ive asked her out, she has said yes and i've not followed through with it. Thursday just gone we met up for a drink and it went really well. She's 21 a big age gap I know but has a really mature head on her shoulders and is wanting someone older. She has not been n a date for around 5 months and she states she has never had a boyfriend as she wants her first boyfriend to be the one. I'm impressed - she is very sensible. We finish our drinks and she asks do i want to go on a dog walk which i agreed to. At this point im thinking this is going really well. We meet up again and went on an amazing 3 hour walk chatting constantly. This is my ideal first date because you can talk away without any distractions. There were no awkward silences, lots of flirty banter and we even kissed. Im so shocked how mature this girl is, she's so polite and lovely too shes exactly what i want in a lady. So I asked if she wanted to go out again and she said "that would be nice" she said she was free the next day (friday) and saturday. I said lets go out Friday then after i've finished work. Friday evening comes and she says shes tired and she will have a nap - fair enough. She instead texts me all night. Im thinking - you havent seen me because your having a nap but instead youve messaged me all night. I suppose you could say thats my fault i've stopped her napping by messaging her. So the next day comes Saturday. She said shes coming out but shes going food shopping. This was around dinner time - fair enough i'll see you when your done. She then posts snapchat stories showing her in loads of shops saying her mum is dragging her in and out of ever shop. She messages me to confirm this but I had plans at half 4 to give a lift to someone. Its now around 2pm so she says we will have to re-arrange. Again not really much issue with this because i genuinely think she was going to see me, has been taken shopping by her mum and she didnt know I had to be back for 4pm. She probably though shes out shopping but she will see me later on. We end up staying in contact for the night anyway messaging. So the next day (today) shes up for work at 5am working 6am - 3pm. Im thinking leave her to it. Shes working plus I dont want to keep asking her out every day. Going off her snapchat story shes finished work and gone the gym. Shes not messaged me so around tea time i just message saying "hey I hope your ok". She doesnt open the snapchat and im thinking shes asleep which is fair enough shes been up since 5am working on a very busy sunday. around 9.30 pm she still hasnt opened my "hey hope your ok" snapchat message but instead has posted some snapchat picture which appear to show her walking the dog as the sun is setting. This i have issue with - she will know I have messaged but is choosing to not open it. This is the type of thing that really gets to me to be fair to her in the past i have messaged her at say 7pm and the next day she has opened it and ive had a reply. We are both similar in the sense that we dont like being mithered. Ive told some friends about her not opening my snapchat message but she has posted pictures and they see it as a bad sign. One friend said she has lost interest. Maybe im just over reading the situation and my past experiences are causing me to over think. My friend said she hasnt rushed to see me because she sounds like a good girl which I agree. She has never had a boyfriend so doesnt want to rush and wont be dropping things like mother daughter shopping trips to see a guy she has been on a dog walk with. Also judging by her keen behaviour on the dog walk and the contents of messages she has sent to me she is very keen. Saying things like she feels relaxed and comfortable with me she can be herself. Im a bit concerned because i told her abut the above saying i worry about situations because ive been hurt and messed around a lot and maybe opening up like that has put her off a little but then again she replied saying shes not completely opening up to me yet and ill find out why - basically shes probably been messed around too. I just wanted to get the serious chat out of the way - i wear my heart on my sleeve and just basically say it how it is and reveal my feelings. I dont believe at all in game playing. This to me is so hard and its driving me mad. I feel if it was 4 weeks and 8 dates down the line i'd feel way better because 4 weeks has passed and its obviously going somewhere. You need to find the right balance of not been overly keen and then not being too reserved. My attention now draws to tomorrow - we are both off work and free all day. Shes still not opened my message hahahhaas so i see the ball as being in her court and i havent spoken to her all day but im bloody keen on the girl and i dont do game playing. Im the type of person that thinks just bloody message who cares if i sent the last message If i dont message her tomorrow i could miss out seeing her. Again apologies this is pathetic i know its just how i am unfortunately i've been ruined by ex's who have caused me to lose hope, lose confidence and suffer like this. Non sarcastic advice is very much welcome. Thank you
Grey40 Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 Hey, if you read my latest thread, you’ll see I’m going through the same thing. O think this seems to be generally an age thing. Al women I’ve met under 24 years old seem to have erratic behavior when it comes to hanging out/showing interest. I think it’s partially to do with being afraid of moving too fast, being unsure of the situation, and also just being young with a lot of options. Women who are young and attractive like that could have 100s Of guys if they want them and usually get attention from tons of them. If they pursue or go out with just one of them too much, they lose the option of having someone else: they feel like they are “committing” to someone instead of keeping their options open. This is just a theory I have, so I have no idea but it seems like something that makes sense.
Author kezza222 Posted May 28, 2018 Author Posted May 28, 2018 Hey, if you read my latest thread, you’ll see I’m going through the same thing. O think this seems to be generally an age thing. Al women I’ve met under 24 years old seem to have erratic behavior when it comes to hanging out/showing interest. I think it’s partially to do with being afraid of moving too fast, being unsure of the situation, and also just being young with a lot of options. Women who are young and attractive like that could have 100s Of guys if they want them and usually get attention from tons of them. If they pursue or go out with just one of them too much, they lose the option of having someone else: they feel like they are “committing” to someone instead of keeping their options open. This is just a theory I have, so I have no idea but it seems like something that makes sense. I’ve just read your post now - what’s the latest with your situation ? It seems she just wants you for sex. Have you actually been out anywhere publicly like the cinema etc? Excuses to me become unbelievable when it gets to the 3rd excuse. That’s too many excuses for me. I was recently talking to a tinder girl who has a son and the son was the excuse a few times. We arranged to go out on a Friday and she again used her son as an excuse so I just messaged and said if you do want to go out let me know when your free and left the ball in her court. She hasn’t messaged me since. You can’t keep chasing and chasing without nothing in return. If I was you I’d see if she wants to meet yo bit actually date if not it’s clear she doesn’t want anything more. Any update on my situation - she’s finally opened my snapchat and is out and about with a guy. She posts Snapchat’s now and then with a guy so when we went on the dog walk I asked her about him and I can’t remember what she said but she brushed it off. I’m assuming thus is a young lad anyway you can’t see him you can just hear him mutter a few words. It’s frustrating as I was meant to see her Friday and the Saturday and it didn’t happen but today’s ive been ignored and now she’s out and about when she could be out and about with me hahahaa I bet she wants to take things slow she’s never had a boyfriend
Grey40 Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 Yeah that’s exactly proves my theory. It has very little to do with you, she’s just a young attractive girl with a lot of options and she’s going to see multiple people because A) she’s testing the waters to see what kind of guy she wants B) doesn’t feel a need or urge to be committed to just one person So she has multiple guys she’s seeing and testing out, and you are just one of them. How do you stand out and be above the rest? You can’t, she has to figure that out herself, but constantly texting her or asking her out a lot with multiple rejections definitley won’t help. Best to go No contact for a few days and then ask her out again. If she starts fading there’s not much you can do. But this is why we as males have to also multi-date, because if you don’t you get burned easily and it hurts much more.
rightondude Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 brother I stopped reading after seeing she'd never had a boyfriend (cause she wants the first to be "the one") but y'all met on Tinder. That doesn't compute.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 Eh, she's mature yet posts her every move on Snapchat? Keep in mind, she is very young and her behaviour reflects that. I am not saying she's a bad person, but she isn't in the same frame of mind as you are. You are looking for something more serious and focused, and she is casual and keeping her options open. Neither of you is necessarily wrong in what you want, but you appear to want different things. I would give this one a pass. She might be a good girl, but at 21 and 32, you're at very different points of your lives.
LifeBeginsAt40 Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 What I've come to realise with women is that they can blow you out for a range of things, and not all of them are bad. As per other posts, I have been going through the wringer with a girl the past few months, and if I had put up some of the stuff she did on here then everyone would have been saying not interested, move along. We are now however an item. Reasons for not texting back, or not opening your snapchat messages could be that she has lost interest of course. But, it could be she was tired after work and couldn't be dealing with personal stuff at that time. As an example, I had a wonderful day / night with my new lady a few weeks back, and I texted her a couple of times after leaving the next day. She took 2 days to get back to me and I was of course thinking what did I do wrong, she's lost interest, she's playing games etc. Turns out she had had a big argument at work with her boss, and had gone to the pub that night with a friend, got wasted, then slept most of the next day, then was too emotionally drained to deal with me, and so only got back to me 48 hours later. One thing I read that has stuck in my mind was that men and women process emotions very differently. At the start of a relationship / dating, men are driven by sex. We need to be around our new lady 24/7 because that is the only way that we can satisfy our needs. For the ladies however, they are driven by emotions - is he a nice guy, do I like his character, does he treat me right, am I feeling sexy with him, does he make me feel special. A woman therefore does not need to be around you to experience this. She therefore can be much less pushy in terms of meeting up. Us men would miss our mothers funeral for a shag, but girls won't drop their shopping trip, walk with the dog etc etc for you. It's just how it is. I would echo some of the sentiment however that at 21 she is very immature, even if she appears to know what she wants. She has a lot of growing up to do, and you may just have to accept that this is going nowhere simply because of that. She may not really want anything serious, but is just testing the waters to see what she likes / doesn't like in men. You may be that older man who is more financially secure than men of her age, and that might be a turn on for now.
act00 Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 She's immature in her thinking, and she's immature in her dating and relationships. She's young, and a decade younger than you, and surely she has a lot of suitors through Tinder and other apps she may be a part of. It's completely unrealistic to expect any dating with any one person to be "the one." This is what dating is for. At 21, not having a long-term boyfriend isn't horribly alarming, but her naivete means you're going to have to guide her in how relationships work...not that you're in one, but pretending like this could go somewhere, she'll be dealing with a lot of "firsts" while you have a lot of "baggage" you have to deal with, lots of baggage...not an easy path. She has no life experience to draw from and garner empathy from, particularly when it comes to long-term relationships and the trials that occur...these take work, and if she's living in this princess-fairy tale ideal, she can't even comprehend the level of work it takes to make a relationship work. There are sacrifices and compromises, but she's lost in snapchat and dog walking, and if she had interest in you and a little more maturity (emphasis on interest in you), she would check in, reach out, and tell her mother she has plans at noon and stick to it, because this is what we do...we adhere to our obligations as grownups and sometimes we have to tell people no...flying by the seat of our pants doesn't always work. You can stick around and see how things play out. It's not like you're getting married. At her age, I also preferred older men because they were in a place that they were ready to settle down where men my age wanted to play, but her ideals seem very immature and it's going to be terribly difficult when her fantasy doesn't play out in real life...and you sound like you have serious baggage you need to contend with, and I don't know how flexible you can be with someone who is a full generation behind you. Let's remember, she just barely graduated from high school.
Author kezza222 Posted May 28, 2018 Author Posted May 28, 2018 (edited) Hello Firstly - my apologies. This is a pretty lame post and I need a slap with a wet fish however, my current situation is driving me mad because of past experiences. I am a worrier in life. I know this myself plus people have told me also. This is down to past situations when something has been going amazing then it suddenly ends. For example I worry about work because I have had 2 jobs which i've worked my back side off and then cruelly been fired when I have genuinely done nothing wrong. Sam with women Ive had something amazing then its taken away for no reason. Ive now been single 3.5 years and I am now 32. Ive been single so long due to a lot of heartbreak and being messed around even more. Also the next relationship I get in it needs to be the one so Ive passed opportunities that have come my way because i dont see enough potential. Theres a girl at the moment and I talk to her only on snapchat after matching on Tinder. For over a month there have been many times Ive asked her out, she has said yes and i've not followed through with it. Thursday just gone we met up for a drink and it went really well. She's 21 a big age gap I know but has a really mature head on her shoulders and is wanting someone older. She has not been n a date for around 5 months and she states she has never had a boyfriend as she wants her first boyfriend to be the one. I'm impressed - she is very sensible. We finish our drinks and she asks do i want to go on a dog walk which i agreed to. At this point im thinking this is going really well. We meet up again and went on an amazing 3 hour walk chatting constantly. This is my ideal first date because you can talk away without any distractions. There were no awkward silences, lots of flirty banter and we even kissed. Im so shocked how mature this girl is, she's so polite and lovely too shes exactly what i want in a lady. So I asked if she wanted to go out again and she said "that would be nice" she said she was free the next day (friday) and saturday. I said lets go out Friday then after i've finished work. Friday evening comes and she says shes tired and she will have a nap - fair enough. She instead texts me all night. Im thinking - you havent seen me because your having a nap but instead youve messaged me all night. I suppose you could say thats my fault i've stopped her napping by messaging her. So the next day comes Saturday. She said shes coming out but shes going food shopping. This was around dinner time - fair enough i'll see you when your done. She then posts snapchat stories showing her in loads of shops saying her mum is dragging her in and out of ever shop. She messages me to confirm this but I had plans at half 4 to give a lift to someone. Its now around 2pm so she says we will have to re-arrange. Again not really much issue with this because i genuinely think she was going to see me, has been taken shopping by her mum and she didnt know I had to be back for 4pm. She probably though shes out shopping but she will see me later on. We end up staying in contact for the night anyway messaging. So the next day (today) shes up for work at 5am working 6am - 3pm. Im thinking leave her to it. Shes working plus I dont want to keep asking her out every day. Going off her snapchat story shes finished work and gone the gym. Shes not messaged me so around tea time i just message saying "hey I hope your ok". She doesnt open the snapchat and im thinking shes asleep which is fair enough shes been up since 5am working on a very busy sunday. around 9.30 pm she still hasnt opened my "hey hope your ok" snapchat message but instead has posted some snapchat picture which appear to show her walking the dog as the sun is setting. This i have issue with - she will know I have messaged but is choosing to not open it. This is the type of thing that really gets to me to be fair to her in the past i have messaged her at say 7pm and the next day she has opened it and ive had a reply. We are both similar in the sense that we dont like being mithered. Ive told some friends about her not opening my snapchat message but she has posted pictures and they see it as a bad sign. One friend said she has lost interest. Maybe im just over reading the situation and my past experiences are causing me to over think. My friend said she hasnt rushed to see me because she sounds like a good girl which I agree. She has never had a boyfriend so doesnt want to rush and wont be dropping things like mother daughter shopping trips to see a guy she has been on a dog walk with. Also judging by her keen behaviour on the dog walk and the contents of messages she has sent to me she is very keen. Saying things like she feels relaxed and comfortable with me she can be herself. Im a bit concerned because i told her abut the above saying i worry about situations because ive been hurt and messed around a lot and maybe opening up like that has put her off a little but then again she replied saying shes not completely opening up to me yet and ill find out why - basically shes probably been messed around too. I just wanted to get the serious chat out of the way - i wear my heart on my sleeve and just basically say it how it is and reveal my feelings. I dont believe at all in game playing. This to me is so hard and its driving me mad. I feel if it was 4 weeks and 8 dates down the line i'd feel way better because 4 weeks has passed and its obviously going somewhere. You need to find the right balance of not been overly keen and then not being too reserved. My attention now draws to tomorrow - we are both off work and free all day. Shes still not opened my message hahahhaas so i see the ball as being in her court and i havent spoken to her all day but im bloody keen on the girl and i dont do game playing. Im the type of person that thinks just bloody message who cares if i sent the last message If i dont message her tomorrow i could miss out seeing her. Again apologies this is pathetic i know its just how i am unfortunately i've been ruined by ex's who have caused me to lose hope, lose confidence and suffer like this. Non sarcastic advice is very much welcome. Thank you ** UPDATE** She stayed overnight somewhere last night with a guy and he’s been out with him today but he’s just a mate. She posts snaps with him on now and then which prompted me to aks when I first met her if she’s dating someone and she said no. I messaged her today and we have just gene on another lengthy dog walk. We talked again loads never having a boyfriend etc and it was good. I feel really shy it’s driving me mad and I’m orobbwky being a bit reserved. Anyway I said thus is a 2nd date so we’re classed as dating and she actually agreed. Yeah we’re not bf and gf but it’s exactly what I What right now I guess I’m just not used to a girl who isn’t much of a texter and she’s not. I’m the same though I hate people that want to talk all dya everyday. I just can’t what to go on more dates and start to relax a bit more. Happy ! Edited May 28, 2018 by kezza222
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