c.a.f. Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 I still get bouts of anger about my break up 2.5 months ago. These tends to spiral to really far places, at times generating anger towards my father for being weak and not giving me a good male role model, and then to my grandfather, who died a month ago and there was no funeral, just 15 or so of us in the family who haven't seen each other in at least a decade. There was one bristol-board sheet with photos glued to it depicting various things about my grandfather's life. We ate dinner, awkwardly made conversation and then left after an hour. No one said anything about grandpa. No one shared a memory they had of him. My father didn't engage with his sisters or console his mother. Long story short: these episodes can be quite hurtful to me I think. I am trying to shift the blame to someone else as far removed from myself as possible to avoid feeling hurt for my responsibility for what happened. I am searching for justification for my actions which lead to our breakup, without trying to find something I did wrong so I can fix it for the future. Anyone have any tips about how to get out of this mindset? Writing it down in this post helps a bit, but maybe tomorrow it'll start to show up again, when I remind myself that I have no marketable skills and no degree, with no career aspirations or any romantic interests, as well as low monetary supply. This is really not a fun stage of my life, and I just want it to be over. Maybe there is some way to quicken the process, some techniques?
guest569 Posted May 29, 2018 Posted May 29, 2018 Sorry you’re going through a terrible time.. What is it about the break up that makes you angry? Also do you want to share some memories with us about your grandfather?
Author c.a.f. Posted May 30, 2018 Author Posted May 30, 2018 I'm mostly angry because she failed very hard at communication. I thought the relationship was going well because we were both happy. However I was wrong, because she was starting to question the relationship a long time ago and I was blissfully unaware. Looking back on it now, I can see clearly how I could have improved, had I only known. So that first is painful because you know what you could have done right but you were too dumb to see what was going on. So towards the end of the relationship she lost respect for me and felt superior because she was judging my every word and move with the intent of judging it negatively. She began looking for bad things about me, and started talking to a guy from her work about her issues with me. She swears she never physically cheated, only fell in love with him, but of course her word isn't to be trusted around here anymore. It's infuriating because I feel so powerless, so neutered. My future with her was destroyed, as well as our past. All of our stories, every memory became instantly tainted, and it made me sick.
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