Sunnyla Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 Just a bit of insight : We’ve met on tinder about 2 months ago and went seeing each other consistently for 3 times a week , everything seemed so well and I’ve messaged him this morning to wish him a good morning (7am) didn’t hear from him since he has never done this before and I guess my insecurities are kicking in .. he’s very good looking ( so am I ) but I feel like something’ s not quite right. (He was always keen to see me and travel an hour to see me we went for dates out to resturants hotels etc.. always tells me he missed me everyday and more than me ) I’m so f... sad right now .. just sent him another follow up test if there is a reason he is not replying but - nothing . Any thoughts ??
Romantic_Antics Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 (edited) I think that a more appropriate text to have sent as a follow up would've been to ask him if he was ok. There's always a chance that something bad may have happened like an accident or emergency of some kind. Maybe he left his phone somewhere or the battery died and he can't find his recharger. You don't know for sure so try not to make assumptions. I say don't send any more texts and give him a call tomorrow sometime to see if he's ok. Try not to sound upset, hurt, or accusatory and make it more of a "Hey, I didn't hear back from you yesterday and wanted to make sure you were ok" type of call or voicemail. I hope it works out for you. Edited May 27, 2018 by Romantic_Antics
Author Sunnyla Posted May 27, 2018 Author Posted May 27, 2018 I think that a more appropriate text to have sent as a follow up would've been to ask him if he was ok. There's always a chance that something bad may have happened like an accident or emergency of some kind. Maybe he left his phone somewhere or the battery died and he can't find his recharger. You don't know for sure so try not to make assumptions. I say don't send any more texts and give him a call tomorrow sometime to see if he's ok. Try not to sound upset, hurt, or accusatory and make it more of a "Hey, I didn't hear back from you yesterday and wanted to make sure you were ok" type of call or voicemail. I hope it works out for you. Aaaawghwgwh I know I might have screw up cause I come across insecure .. but in reality I am insecure . We’ve never had “what are we” talk and he seemed pretty chilled about everything but me I might have gone out of my way to show him how much I like him . I’ve cooked a dinner for him , took him for a trip etc.. I was planning another trip together ( which he wanted to go too btw) so maybe I might sound desperate a little bit + the good morning text . Almost 12 hours gone by and nothing .. Yo know his life it’s pretty simple just goes to work , work out and see his friend ocassionally si to me thinking he would lost his phone is unrealistic . You made me feel better tho .. a little bit
I'veseenbetterlol Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 Best thing for you to do is forget about him. I've had guys treat me like and it sucks, but you are better off not chasing him. Delete all the messages, phone history and his number.
Romantic_Antics Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 Best thing for you to do is forget about him. I've had guys treat me like and it sucks' date=' but you are better off not chasing him. Delete all the messages, phone history and his number.[/quote'] It's too soon for something that drastic. She hasn't heard from him for a day and while it's not a great sign it's a bit premature to jump to conclusions and delete all traces of him from her life. 1
Author Sunnyla Posted May 27, 2018 Author Posted May 27, 2018 I’veseenbetterlol As much as I want to do that, cause I’m upset, Romantic_Antics might be right .. it’s too early for that as I ve mentioned, he have never done this before in 2 months. I remember him telling me once he has a problem with his text messages ( we ve been texting through snapchat most of the time ) , but yesterday we have texted through messages and no problem . He replied in timely manner. So not really sure .. I’m going out tonight as I have to get it out of my head and hopefully will wake up to his text or call ( I’m in Brisbane Australia ) it’s evening here
heavenonearth Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 Just a bit of insight : We’ve met on tinder about 2 months ago and went seeing each other consistently for 3 times a week , everything seemed so well and I’ve messaged him this morning to wish him a good morning (7am) didn’t hear from him since he has never done this before and I guess my insecurities are kicking in .. he’s very good looking ( so am I ) but I feel like something’ s not quite right. (He was always keen to see me and travel an hour to see me we went for dates out to resturants hotels etc.. always tells me he missed me everyday and more than me ) I’m so f... sad right now .. just sent him another follow up test if there is a reason he is not replying but - nothing . Any thoughts ?? two months of dating and you haven't discussed something along the lines of exclusivity ? weird.... if you see each other so often, don't you want to know where you're at after 2 months? 1
Author Sunnyla Posted May 27, 2018 Author Posted May 27, 2018 two months of dating and you haven't discussed something along the lines of exclusivity ? weird.... if you see each other so often, don't you want to know where you're at after 2 months? Hummm .. I would like to know but I’ve thought guys should bring it up for some reason . I’ve never done it before it always just naturally unfolded for me without any talk necessary
coolheadal Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 Hummm .. I would like to know but I’ve thought guys should bring it up for some reason . I’ve never done it before it always just naturally unfolded for me without any talk necessary Sorry to say you won't hear back from him, even if you did not going to be the same way he was. Most likely he found someone else to hang out with. Tinder remember not a real relationship type of people on their. They're goal is to get in the pants concept. If they don't get it then they move on to the next and the next. Men and women only looking for casual sex, not what your seeking true love and relationship. He might have felt you were going to serious for him and decided not to talk with you anymore ghost as you pointed to it, easy the way out for most. So many men out there for you my child don't settle for the jerks that ghost you. Don't let this get to your head. Your attractive, your a go getter you know what you want then GO FOR IT!
act00 Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 Three times a week with an hour drive (one way I presume) is a lot, plus the trips, and you're in a place of "relationship landmark" where things start to get real and reality hits, the honeymoon phase is reaching an end...is this level togetherness sustainable? In the beginning, you might be willing and able to bounce back from staying up late, long drives, weekend getaways, giving up hours of your evenings and other responsibilities to make the time, but at some point, something's gotta give. The whole situation sounds very, very busy, which is fine if you're a busy type of person, but exhausting otherwise. One would think that at 2 months, you could have a discussion on whether this works or if there needs to be some adjustments. It's normal for some of the communication to drop off and maybe not see each other all the time, as you have to get back to some responsibility and some of that newness and excitement wears off...you hopefully settle into something else that works. It sucks he's pulled a complete disappearing act, and hopefully you can have this discussion on what will work or not. I'm assuming he was gung-ho to drive to you, as you don't express you're making the treck to see him, and maybe he's reached a point that he just can't do it...not on weekdays, at least, or not on a consistent level as before. Even on weekends, this is a tough drive...for me. Lot's of people will think this amount of time and distance is nothing, but for me, it's a lot...too much, and it's a sucky drive when you're tired and worse, if you have to be up for work the next day, and let's not forget the cost of gas and wear and tear. For his three hours of time on a date, I have to add an extra two hours (one hour there, one hour back) plus time to get ready, gas up, pack something to change into as needed, rearrange my routines, money...etc. Who knows why he pulled a complete 180, and it hurts, a lot, and maybe you'll never hear from him again or maybe he'll reach out. My thought is to have a discussion on what is sustainable. Are you willing and able to drive out to him and share in some of that back and forth? Can you sleep over on the weekend so you're not driving home in the middle of the night? Can he sleep at your place? Even if someone is sleeping on the sofa? Are you in that place?
smackie9 Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 Come back here in a few days and let us know where things are at.
rightondude Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 I'm betting it's over. Hope it's not, but if it is, welcome to 2018. Also, hope you're not looking for a reason why it happened, cause you won't get that either. Is it something I said? Something I did? Something someone said about me? Did I stink? You'll never know!
Author Sunnyla Posted May 27, 2018 Author Posted May 27, 2018 Hello guys !! I’ve got some news .. when I got off my phone yesterday and went out, he messaged me apologising and saying he just picked up the phone from his friend So relieved and happy . Now we are catching up on Wed. Act00 You’re right it’s a lot of his time he’s investing in me , basically he comes to mine straight after work , sleeps over and then goes to work in the morning. Sometimes it takes about 1.5 hour to get to mine in a peak hour. He just moved recently so for the first month or so I would go to his most of the time as I was in initial stage of “it’s better go to his place so I can just leave when I feel like it” if you know what I mean . But now I’m thinking to have a chat with him about us omg I’m terrified but might say something between the lines: I’ve realised how much you mean to me when I thought I’ve lost you .or does it sounds a bit too much ??
Romantic_Antics Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 Hello guys !! I’ve got some news .. when I got off my phone yesterday and went out, he messaged me apologising and saying he just picked up the phone from his friend So relieved and happy . I told you that might be the case, didn't I? But now I’m thinking to have a chat with him about us omg I’m terrified but might say something between the lines: I’ve realised how much you mean to me when I thought I’ve lost you .or does it sounds a bit too much ?? It's too much. It shows that you were overreacting to not hearing from him. There's nothing wrong with potentially talking about your relationship status with him, but I don't think it's a good idea to preface it by telling him you thought you'd lost him. Get another date set up and then if you want to ask him if he considers you boyfriend and girlfriend, I think that would be fine.
preraph Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 I really think instead of rewarding him with love pronouncements, you should simply say, "I was worried about you." His reason for not responding is probably legit, but still, you don't need to reward him by upping the ante on your end. Honestly, not sure why you panicked about it anyway, because people do have other things to do than sit and text. You are too insecure. Insecurity comes off as neediness and desperation and both of those things are unattractive, so you need to learn to control yourself and be a little more patient but then let someone know you were worried or kept waiting or whatever so they realize this inconvenienced you. Don't make it seem like it only made you love him more! That will only encourage him to disappear more often.
Author Sunnyla Posted May 27, 2018 Author Posted May 27, 2018 I told you that might be the case, didn't I? It's too much. It shows that you were overreacting to not hearing from him. There's nothing wrong with potentially talking about your relationship status with him, but I don't think it's a good idea to preface it by telling him you thought you'd lost him. Get another date set up and then if you want to ask him if he considers you boyfriend and girlfriend, I think that would be fine. Omg ! You were literally the only person here who gave me some positive outlook and yes you’re right will just wait till the next date to playfully bring it up
Author Sunnyla Posted May 27, 2018 Author Posted May 27, 2018 I really think instead of rewarding him with love pronouncements, you should simply say, "I was worried about you." His reason for not responding is probably legit, but still, you don't need to reward him by upping the ante on your end. Honestly, not sure why you panicked about it anyway, because people do have other things to do than sit and text. You are too insecure. Insecurity comes off as neediness and desperation and both of those things are unattractive, so you need to learn to control yourself and be a little more patient but then let someone know you were worried or kept waiting or whatever so they realize this inconvenienced you. Don't make it seem like it only made you love him more! That will only encourage him to disappear more often. Very interesting , I’ve never thought about it from this point of view . As I mention earlier I am insecure and fully aware of it it comes from my not very good childhood I have abandonment issues and when something like this happens I feel stuck in time . It’s f..Ed up and hard to explain . It’s like my mind is linking every sign of “ rejection” with my past trauma. I need lots of time and trust to overcome this mind assumptions
Author Sunnyla Posted June 7, 2018 Author Posted June 7, 2018 Hi everyone , It turned out he didn’t ghost me ( thanks god ) and we ve had 3 dates since then . I went to his place (twice , and third time we went to movies in my area)and it was amazing He cooked for me , cuddled me all night , didn’t wanted to get up for work awww omg I feel I’m falling for this guy . But ..we didn’t speak about us again And it’s been a day without hearing from him . I don’t wanna initiate contact to see how long he can wait before texting me Let’s see how long I can last 1
Lezbhonestaye Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 Ahhhhh I hate ghosting. Check my post... I'm currently into my 3rd week of being ghosted and talk about no closure. I think in this case it is very early days so dont fret....maybe he lost his phone ya just never know. Keep a level head k ... keep me updated be interested to see how it plans out ... good luck
Lezbhonestaye Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 Sorry I just saw your last message... I knew you hadn't been ghosted... gaaaaay. Good news for you x
stillafool Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 Very interesting , I’ve never thought about it from this point of view . As I mention earlier I am insecure and fully aware of it it comes from my not very good childhood I have abandonment issues and when something like this happens I feel stuck in time . It’s f..Ed up and hard to explain . It’s like my mind is linking every sign of “ rejection” with my past trauma. I need lots of time and trust to overcome this mind assumptions Maybe get some therapy about your abandonment issues will help you with your insecurity. 2
act00 Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 Personally, I think you still need to have a talk. His disappearing act hurt you, and he needs to know that. I don't know that I would push too deep into why at this point, but the reason why could offer you some insight and whether or not this will be a continuous problem, and even though this relationship is still very new, and you may not be privy to all the finer details, there needs to be better communication and even understanding from you when he can't see you as often...but stay in touch. Without a reason why, you can't really gauge on whether this is something you wish to continue...and an apology would be nice and acknowledgement. I'm on the more "bah humbug" side of this situation, as I have had many men reemerge after days and weeks of absence ("submarining" or "zombie-ing"), and the second time around does not fare better than the first. It's just a matter of time that he slips off the grid again, leaving you just as confused and hurt. You can accept this for what it is and be available (if you haven't met someone else) when he comes calling, but don't expect more than the occasional fling, rinse and repeat. Maybe something will eventually come out of it...maybe not. I hope for the former. 2
Author Sunnyla Posted June 8, 2018 Author Posted June 8, 2018 Yes we’ve ended up our last convo with him replying :”I miss you “ after I’ve spent a night at his place . So now I’m waiting to see if he’s going to text me first cause he has been bit passive in initiating . He’s always up for seeing me but I feel like I have to initiate most of the times that’s all . He s mentioned me that I have no time for him few times before, and it’s true I get a bit busy especially over the weekend but still want to see how many days he can get without contacting me
mortensorchid Posted June 9, 2018 Posted June 9, 2018 DO you talk via text or phone calls or face to face? Because if you want an answer CALL HIM. There are way to many "relationships" which are based on texting nowadays. Texting is a passive form of communication not direct. If your whole relationship is based on this, it's not good communication. If you want an answer, CALL HIM and get your answer. 1
smackie9 Posted June 9, 2018 Posted June 9, 2018 Are you feeling this relationship (if it is one) doesn't have that much substance? That you just "see" each other? And that's why it's making you question his behavior?
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