Ncpeter12 Posted May 25, 2018 Posted May 25, 2018 About 3 months ago, i met this girl at a party and we hit it off. I got her number and she has been texting me each day since. We’ve gone on 5 dates in this past month, and each time we’re together i can tell that she is extremely into me, holding hands, lots of kissing, even mentioning things we can do in the future. She has also recently introduced me to a few of her close friends. However, i have noticed that the days after our dates she will become a little cold and distant, which unfortunately made me start to act a little needy and start to rush things into a relationship. I also find out 5 months ago she ended her long term relationship with her ex. So last week we were hanging out, i ask her to be my gf, and she says yes. The next morning a get a long text about how shes not ready and the timing isnt right. I told her i understand and that we shouldnt be talking until she figures her stuff out. I understand that i may just be a rebound, but i do like this girl and i believe there is a connection. We havent talked for a week. I dont plan on initiating any contact, but i am really bummed that this didnt work out. Im wondering if anyone has any experience or advice on this situation. Will she ever contact me. Can it work out eventually?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 25, 2018 Posted May 25, 2018 Any chance she's still holding a flame and/or still talking to her ex?
Author Ncpeter12 Posted May 25, 2018 Author Posted May 25, 2018 There’s definitely a chance, im not naive. But i do believe its more of her trying to get over him. They dated for over 2 years and he cheated on her multiple times throughout, and when she finally found out she ended things. I know theres no way she would be ready for a relationship, i guess i just chose to ignore that fact cause i was really into her.
Purrrfect Posted May 25, 2018 Posted May 25, 2018 Honestly any hint of reluctance from her is a red flag. She hasn’t contacted you in a week. I would back off and give her space but unfortunately it doesn’t look good.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted May 25, 2018 Posted May 25, 2018 About 3 months ago, i met this girl at a party and we hit it off. I got her number and she has been texting me each day since. We’ve gone on 5 dates in this past month, and each time we’re together i can tell that she is extremely into me, holding hands, lots of kissing, even mentioning things we can do in the future. She has also recently introduced me to a few of her close friends. However, i have noticed that the days after our dates she will become a little cold and distant, which unfortunately made me start to act a little needy and start to rush things into a relationship. I also find out 5 months ago she ended her long term relationship with her ex. So last week we were hanging out, i ask her to be my gf, and she says yes. The next morning a get a long text about how shes not ready and the timing isnt right. I told her i understand and that we shouldnt be talking until she figures her stuff out. I understand that i may just be a rebound, but i do like this girl and i believe there is a connection. We havent talked for a week. I dont plan on initiating any contact, but i am really bummed that this didnt work out. Im wondering if anyone has any experience or advice on this situation. Will she ever contact me. Can it work out eventually? Complete and utter BS, had that line pulled on me more then once. Your best bet is walk away and find a girl who is interested in being w/you. At one point after my breakup, I could even look at another guy w/out feeling upset. In those hard times, I didn't date anyone nor did I try to go on any other dates. More then likely she found a better option and will keep you on the side in case things fall apart. Don't hold your breath on it working out as she may come back, show interest and pull the same stunt when you start taking interest in her. This is a lost cause, if she wanted to be w/you, nothing would stop her. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted May 25, 2018 Posted May 25, 2018 You were doing well ... until you upped the request in response to her being distant. If she's distant ... you want to, strange as it seems, relax and loosen up ... you don't chase someone being this kind of distant. So instead of asking her to be your gf, that was the time to stop calling her for a bit ... give her room to come to you ... What that would have showed is that you really aren't needy ... that you aren't desperate ... and that you have a full life apart from whatever happens with her. Also very good for your own confidence to do this ... And here's the truth: if the relationship was gonna work, it requires two people reaching out ... So you were already reading out ... So you didn't need to stretch another mile ... You had fulfilled your part of the dance ... if it was gonna happen it was her turn to reach out. But as you say, hard to do when we're really feeling it for someone ...
Romantic_Antics Posted May 26, 2018 Posted May 26, 2018 I'm going through something similar right now with a woman in my own life. When we're together the chemistry is virtually magical, but when we're apart I feel like we would never talk again if I didn't initiate it. It's very confusing. What I did (and I really hate playing games) was stop contacting her for awhile. It was hard and I was "getting over her", like a small scale version of NC, and of course she didn't make any attempt to contact me...until today, when she suddenly texts me asking if we can talk tonight and telling me "I think I really need to talk to you". Right now I'm thinking it's just as likely that we don't talk tonight as it is that she'll drop a nuclear bomb on me, ie, "I'm still married, but separated" or "I'm still seeing my ex". I guess my point in posting this is that I can relate to what you're going through and can tell you from a lifetime of experience that someone being wishy-washy with you like this is never a good sign. Will she contact you? Maybe. Will things work out eventually? That depends on whether or not she contacts you and what she has to say when/if she does. For now, think of her as being gone for good and do your own thing. That worked for me at least as far as getting some kind of contact from her and the time apart has me not caring as much about potential bombshells or a lack of follow through.
Author Ncpeter12 Posted May 26, 2018 Author Posted May 26, 2018 How long were you in NC for until she contacted you. Im interested to hear how your situation works out. Goodluck!
Romantic_Antics Posted May 26, 2018 Posted May 26, 2018 How long were you in NC for until she contacted you. Im interested to hear how your situation works out. Goodluck! Not long, actually. Only 10 days, but considering we talked or texted on a daily basis prior to that, and the relationship was still in its infancy, 10 days can feel like an eternity. I care(d) about her very much, had a full blown crush on her, and based on the chemistry and the ridiculous amount of things we have in common I was already thinking ahead to longer term possibilities. However, she consistently let me down with wishy-washy antics until I decided to back off altogether. Part of that was a test to see if she would even reach out at all and part of it was just simply letting go of someone who wasn't committing as much as I was to the blossoming relationship. The time apart allowed me to take a step back from the magic and ask myself if I even wanted to continue pursuing a relationship with her. My answer to that is no. Not if I have to be in turmoil and confusion. She's a great gal with a great personality, but there's *something* going on with her that's hindering the relationship. I won't know what that is until/unless we actually talk tonight. I'll let you know what she says if we do.
Romantic_Antics Posted May 26, 2018 Posted May 26, 2018 She didn't call like she said she would so I let her know that she hurt me and said goodbye. Sometimes that's all you can do.
act00 Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 Thanks for the update Romantic. I've BTDT as well. You finally have to realized that maybe s/he just isn't that into you. It's so hard not to check in, especially when you feel like you have some good momentum going. I agree, even in such a short period, it is incredibly difficult when things seem so perfect as far as compatibility and long-term. This one will hurt for awhile. I had one of these. It lasted 2-1/2 months, and even before that, his busy schedule and limited time had me pondering if this is something I could live with or not; wait for, as more time and flexibility had some potential in the future, but how long? I decided to just go with it until or if I couldn't anymore...it will improve or not. I realized at some point, between some cancellations and him not reaching out...I realized he stopped contacting me first and thought the same as you. If I never reach out, life will just go on, and he may notice, but he's just not into me enough to care or worry about it...I probably won't hear from him again. I stopped, and it was SO HARD. Six months later he reached out. Same thing happened. He was texting me daily, then fully dropped off, and I asked, "What happened, did you change your mind?" Oh, this and that, he says, busy and "something going on," he says. I also reached out to him and didn't wait on him to do all the first communications. I don't like this all day texting, but to reach out in the evening after work, dinner, kids, responsibilities, just to touch base, say Hi, maybe talk about what's going on is nice, and I didn't leave him to do all the reaching out, but once again, I realize I'm the only one. So I texted him that he hurt me as well...at this point it doesn't matter if that comes across as desperate; I was at a place where I can't be with someone who's not in it as well, and I also wonder if there was something else going on since his preferred text method of choice was an app instead of phone. It is what it is, OP, and there's nothing you can do about it. It's hard because everything seems so perfect and can go the long haul. These are the ones that are harder to get over as well, even though the time is short. You never get the opportunity to get out of the honeymoon phase and discover some realities that may provide incompatibility; you're stuck on that perfect fantasy and intense feelings of love. Accept it and move on. There's something going on with her that she can't dive into a relationship, whether it's the somewhat recent breakup or wanting to play the field or she simply doesn't feel for you what you feel for her. I don't think it's bad that you tried to get some answers and some commitment, but maybe going full "girlfriend" was a bit much, but instead you could have had a discussion about what she wants. Both situations force her to be open and think about what she's doing and wants and puts you in a place to make better decisions on what you want and are willing to deal with. In this case, you told her you'll be around when she's ready...maybe something will happen, maybe not.
coolheadal Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 There’s definitely a chance, im not naive. But i do believe its more of her trying to get over him. They dated for over 2 years and he cheated on her multiple times throughout, and when she finally found out she ended things. I know theres no way she would be ready for a relationship, i guess i just chose to ignore that fact cause i was really into her. My friend she's been damage too many times.. You didn't see this coming yet but at lease you know she could be interested in you one day but that day isn't now or any time soon. It might take her another year or two to get over the damage ex boyfriend. She has to learn to trust again and forgive too. You would just be hurt when you try to get close to her heart. It's broken badly. You can still be really into her but she's not your girl friend right now she's just a friend you have been with for 5 dates. Don't push nothing with her not even what you really wanted from her. Can't have it yet. She's not over the ex and just don't know if he's over her. But he's a cheater and she's mentally and emotionally destroyed and she has let that cheating side go way to many times. So she might not be a real good gf type of woman for you either. Just have to consider that too. Don't let her mess with your mind, go and find someone who's on your level of thinking and is really digging you 100% not like 10% is what you had with this 5 date chick who been damage from ex bf.
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