poob_bubes Posted August 30, 2005 Posted August 30, 2005 My gf and i have been dating for 3 years. When i first met her she had a bf so i was just friends with her. Eventually she broke up with him to date me. The first year 1/2 or so our realtionship was great. It seems like the latter half of the relationship has been different though. We don't talk as much as we used to and i'm not as anxious to see her as i used to be. A couple of months ago i initiated a break between us that lasted about a month. She was so scared i was going to dump her that she was a wreck. She would cry all the time and tell me she would do anything to make our relationship work. I got back together with her because i still loved her and realized that even though our relationship is not as good as it once was i still loved her very much and wanted to be with her. That was about 2 months ago. We were more caring and intimate when we initially got back together but soon fell back into our same old routine. Well last night she got a text message saying "are you ok?" When i asked her who it was she said it was a girl she worked with. Well i've never had any trust issues with her and i know she's never been initerested in anyone else. So after she got home she calls me and told me it was really a guy that sent the message and she felt so guilty for lying that she had to tell me. She then told me she works with this guy and has gone out to lunch with him a couple of times. He is older than her and he's going through a divorce. She said that she can talk to him about stuff cause he is wise and gives her advice. She then said she knows our relationship isn't as good as it used to be but she still loves me. She said she only thinks of this guy as a friend but i know he's interested in her if he's going to lunch with her and sending her text messages. She didn't say she wanted to break up or anything but now i can't get my mind off the fact that she's confiding in another guy instead of me. I'm really worried now. I used to trust her completely and i never got jealous. But now i can't help thinking about him talking to her and i'm afraid of what will happen. I really don't know what to do...
JS17 Posted August 30, 2005 Posted August 30, 2005 Maybe she's talking to him about you and your relationship just like you're coming here for advice. You've been together for a long time and seem to love each other so why not try to spice things up. Try some romantic gestures or plan a trip or something along those lines to bring some life back into the relationship.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 30, 2005 Posted August 30, 2005 She and this guy are not 'just friends' - because I have little doubt that the motivation is entirely platonic friendship. They may not have crossed any inappropriate lines (and given that she has at least told you something about it suggests to me its still innocent to some extent), but here is what tipped me off - and what people who later find out they have been cheated on noticed in the beginning, as well: 1. Lies. She lied to you about this guy to protect what she has with him from you. 2. Meeting up outside of work, and contact by phone/text/email etc. 3. They "confide" in each other in ways they can't "confide" with their SO's - they talk about 'problems'. 4. Fast, close friendship. 5. Hint of attraction (your gut feelings are on target here and you are right not to trust this guy). etc, etc... Only one thing is going to come out of this 'friendship' and it won't be good. They will continue to confide, spend time together, and eventually attraction will surface in a natural reaction to shared "misery" with their SO's. Its at an infuriating point right now, because nothing has happened - but if it continues chances are pretty good that something will happen between them - at the very least, they will engage in an emotional affair (if they aren't already having one). The first truth in affairs is never the whole truth. You may see an ice cube floating on the water, and not even realize that it is only the tip of a very large glacier. Have you shared your concerns with your g/f about this particular relationship she is having with this guy? If you can get her talking about it, that would be best. The 'problems' that she is confiding in this guy, are the things that she needs to be talking to you about, so that they can begin to be resolved.
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