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For those in the "over it" phase of your breakup, what is your empowerment song?

escapedmelody

By escapedmelody
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Mac0908 Established Member

Mac0908

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It's never too late if you're looking to apply NC for the real reason it should be applied, which is to get over your ex.

 

In your case it sounds like you want to try and steer your ex back to you by becoming scarce through NC. In this case you it can be too late, but it all depends on the situation and how friendly you became with said ex and how much you may have even over pursued them.

GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

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If you are going NC to make your ex miss you, it looks like you are trying to manipulate her and continue with whatever kind of drama is currently going on with your ex.

 

You go NC for yourself and your peace of mind.

guest569 Established Member

guest569

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The best time to start is now. I think the sooner you start, the easier.

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escapedmelody Member

escapedmelody

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I told my ex that I didn't want to be FWB and that I deserved better. I also told him that I wanted to be just friends. He asked if I was ok, then tried to make small talk before ending the phone call. A few days later he texted me something random. Up until now we've been talking, because I think it's him being nice and respecting my decision.

 

 

My friend, however, thinks otherwise and said to cut contact.

 

 

(FYI, my ex broke up with me).

 

 

What to do?

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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Your friend is right. You can’t be friends if you’re still emotional about him regardless of whether he’s stringing you along.

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Happy Lemming Established Member

Happy Lemming

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Your friend is right. You can’t be friends if you’re still emotional about him regardless of whether he’s stringing you along.

 

I agree...

 

Go "no contact"....

Beachead Established Member

Beachead

Posted
Posted
I told my ex that I didn't want to be FWB and that I deserved better. I also told him that I wanted to be just friends. He asked if I was ok, then tried to make small talk before ending the phone call. A few days later he texted me something random. Up until now we've been talking, because I think it's him being nice and respecting my decision.

 

 

My friend, however, thinks otherwise and said to cut contact.

 

 

(FYI, my ex broke up with me).

 

 

What to do?

 

Cut Contact.

 

This isn't a friendship. This is damaging to you. You're heart and mind want you to grieve but it can't because this guy is in your face everyday. If he cared about you, he wouldn't have asked for this. Everyday you stay in this FWB situation, you are doing a disservice to your well-being and mental health. He gets 100% from you without committing and if he meets someone else and decides to cut you out, you're not even justified to get mad..because you're not together with him. He also gets to keep you around and ween himself off of you. So he gets everything out of this deal while you get nothing.

 

Cut Contact

 

- Beach

Mittens Established Member

Mittens

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Cut Contact.

 

This isn't a friendship. This is damaging to you. You're heart and mind want you to grieve but it can't because this guy is in your face everyday. If he cared about you, he wouldn't have asked for this. Everyday you stay in this FWB situation, you are doing a disservice to your well-being and mental health. He gets 100% from you without committing and if he meets someone else and decides to cut you out, you're not even justified to get mad..because you're not together with him. He also gets to keep you around and ween himself off of you. So he gets everything out of this deal while you get nothing.

 

Cut Contact

 

- Beach

 

All of this. I lived it for 2 and a half years...I was still in love with the guy, and he knew it. I look back at that time, and the way I acted, and cringe. By accepting his breadcrumbs, I made it clear to him that I didn't value myself in any way...I was his doormat, his plaything. I'm still ashamed that it took me that long to see the light...

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escapedmelody Member

escapedmelody

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After a few months of keeping in contact with my ex I’ve decided to do NC. I don’t feel the need to talk to him because I know that I’m only going to feel anxious and have to start NC over, but want HIM to send ME a text or email or message online. It’s sad when I don’t hear from him but I feel good when he does.

 

Anyone else not want to talk to their ex but wish that their ex would contact them?

Beachead Established Member

Beachead

Posted
Posted (edited)
After a few months of keeping in contact with my ex I’ve decided to do NC. I don’t feel the need to talk to him because I know that I’m only going to feel anxious and have to start NC over, but want HIM to send ME a text or email or message online. It’s sad when I don’t hear from him but I feel good when he does.

 

Anyone else not want to talk to their ex but wish that their ex would contact them?

 

Hey OP,

 

I used to feel that way. But like you mentioned, when they'd contact me, the feel good moment would be quickly replaced by stress/anxiety of how to proceed. We were broken up for a particular reason and there was nothing that would change that in the present or the immediate future. Contacting eachother was simply out of weakness because detachment was difficult...postponing the inevitable. Eventually it would all come to an end when they'd meet someone new. Why drag it out? No more relationship. No chance for a friendship (Atleast not in the immediate future) and holding onto hope was stagnating/painful. There was nothing left. So I just delete their number. Pull them off of social media so I don't have to see heart-crushing updates and simply just remove them from my life.

 

In the end, that thing about feeling satisfaction when they message is really just a temp fix for the ego.

 

- Beach

Edited by Beachead
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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You are longing for some affirmation that the other person still cares. That is normal but it doesn't matter who initiates any communication breaks NC & sets your healing back.

 

There's an old song called I'll Never Get Over You Gettin' Over Me. It captures some of what you are feeling.

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escapedmelody Member

escapedmelody

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Examples: "Let me know if you want to come over," "Let me know if you want to see a movie."

 

 

 

Uh, why not come out and ASK if I want to do things with him? Whenever I get these texts from him, I feel insulted and don't respond lol.

ItIsNotMe Member

ItIsNotMe

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Next time respond him with "let me know if you want to continue our communication"

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escapedmelody Member

escapedmelody

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Next time respond him with "let me know if you want to continue our communication"

 

 

That's a good one!

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Just a couple of days ago, you were complaining about feeling sad when you don't hear from him and want him to contact you. Now he's contacting you and you're insulted because he's not doing it in the way you want.

 

This wording is him trying to keep in contact without being pushy. I know it's not the way you'd like him to do it, but it's hardly something worth being insulted over.

 

If you want this solved, you need to communicate.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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He dumped you. Then he suggested FWB & you foolishly agreed. When you finally wised up & stopped the free sex, he started this. His motivation is simple: if you voluntarily come over to his house or meet him for any reason he knows he can easily manipulate you back into bed, no strings attached.

 

If you want reconciliation respond as follows:

 

What I want if for you to man up, get back together with me and stop trying to use me for sex. If you can't or won't do that leave me alone.

 

You need to be strong or he will continue to manipulate you for easy sex without a commitment. He will lose respect for you because by sleeping with him you tell him you don't respect yourself.

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Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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Examples: "Let me know if you want to come over," "Let me know if you want to see a movie."

 

All of the above = Maybe I can get her to have sex with me.

 

Uh, why not come out and ASK if I want to do things with him? Whenever I get these texts from him, I feel insulted and don't respond lol.

 

Why aren't you on NC with this clown? When a man tells you he doesn't want a relationship with you, then demotes you to a sex buddy, you pick up your self-respect and walk the other way. If he's having a change of heart, I'm sure he would have no issues telling you how he feels just as how he had no issues telling you that he didn't feel the same way about you anymore.

DrReplyInRhymes Established Member

DrReplyInRhymes

Posted
Posted
Examples: "Let me know if you want to come over," "Let me know if you want to see a movie."

 

 

 

Uh, why not come out and ASK if I want to do things with him? Whenever I get these texts from him, I feel insulted and don't respond lol.

 

Phrasing a question as such allows this guy to get a feel for your schedule or time,

If you want him to ask, just tell him to ask, and hopefully he stops his crime!

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