Wyomingphoenix Posted August 30, 2005 Posted August 30, 2005 Hey everyone. Didnt know exactly where to place this post at but figured in general was best and then maybe next time someone can point me in the right direction. I appologize for the super long post but i like to get as much detail as i can into posts when i can because people can get so confused.. Course you might anyway. lol Anyway i have this problem and perhaps i can get some decent advice from strangers vs family opinions and friends. The situation is like this, from the get go you can say my b/f and i are totally opposite from what ppl expect when they see couples. I am the older heavy set woman (age 32) and he's the too thin young man (20). We met online, talked for almost 16 months before finally he moved here to be with me.I dont work due to some physical limitations, (duh, comes with being plus sized, lol) He works 10 hour shifts at a Lowe's RDC for 4 days a week, sometimes 5. We have been living now with one an other for a lil over 7 months now. The problem is , well , how do i say this. I feel ignored?!? When he first got up here he was so into keeping my attention, and paying it back. But he started to play this one video game online now, this World of Warcraft. ( I play too.) That he basically puts off doing anything else other then playing the game. He still goes to work but heck i think if the money was coming in from me, he'd sit his butt home too. Now i tried to rack this up to the age difference and everything but i've gone out with guys his age before and never had such a big problem. In fact they went out of their way to make sure we went out and did stuff together a lot before they got online. This guy here , and i really mean it, from the minute we get up in the morning before he goes to work he logs in, and the minute he gets home from work he's on. I cant even pry him away from the game long enough to eat sometimes, half the time he makes me go get his food for him or his soda because he doesnt want to get up and miss fighting the newest monster that popped up to kill. Not to mention the sex that isnt happening cuz he's always online. Course we're kinda in a rut there anyway considering my size prevents a lot of positions from happening but uh, he isnt all that well endowed to do some of the ones i can in the first place. (How do you tell a guy he isnt long enough for that position to be effective anyway.... you just dont.. otherwise sex just dont happen because of performance anxiety on their end.) Now for you shallow individuals i am sure your thinking its probably cuz i am a big heavy gal that he's sticking to the game just to avoid me.. but i doubt in every way thats it. I just think he's avoiding some other issue and he tries to get away with it by placing himself online. Yeah i've talked to him a few days ago... and basically i told him that i felt ignored.. he tried to step it up a notch since then with getting offline more often... has tried to do a few new things with sex too but thing is, during our conversation i told him , that if he isnt happy here or doesnt think this is going to work, i told him maybe he needs to move back home. Let me get my life back on track again. Well its got him all being lovey dovey obviousily from the attention happening but at the same time i get the feeling he's resenting me because he's not on the game playing it. Well i asked him what he's going to do, move back home or stay here and try to work things out cuz he swears up and down he loves me soo much, but its going on two weeks now and he still has no clue what to do. I dont want to boot him to the curb because i love him but this procrastination thing going on... with not letting me know whats up his really starting to effect my mental health i think. Now just an other side note, because i am sure people are thinking it too. No he's not cheating on me. I take him to work, i pick him up from work. We NEVER go out and do anything because there is only the one vehicle. I watch him play online half the time so i know there isnt an internet relationship happening.. its not paranoia on my end, i dont purposily watch everything he does, just i get bored and watch him play. If he's doing something at work, he only has a half hour lunch break to do it and with the folks i know at his job, well, someone would speak up if they saw anything suspicious. I mean the guy was a virgin when he came up here supposedily but even then he never had a sex drive in the first place... Well anyway, my reason for this post is just ideas on what to do here... i mean should i continue like nothing is wrong and wait for the day he tells me he's leaving or not. I would love to get married to this guy if we can get past this video game obsession of his and thats my only biggest complaint in the first place... so any advice, any recommendation, anything is useful in maybe understanding what would be my best course of action. Family and friends keep telling me to get rid of him and start over but its not that simple when you love someone. Wyoming Phoenix
Skeered Posted August 30, 2005 Posted August 30, 2005 Wyoming Phoenix - Ok here's my thoughts on this..as far as the game obsession I have been there done this with my XH...it does eat at you after a while I know what you are feeling but I do feel that his age has something to do with this..men mature at a slower rate than women...they tend to hang on to the youthful obsession's longer. So to expect him to see this as a hurt to your relationship prolly won't happen..if you continue to bug him about it he will start thinkin your naggin him. If it bothers you that much maybe you could find a hobby to keep yourself busy..right now he likes it because you are keeping him company...I had to do this with my ex because then he realized I wasn't just waiting on him anymore...you should each have your own hobbies anyway. As you talk about loving him...you sound almost like you are trying to convince yourself that you love him enough to keep him there...if you aren't sure about this relationship don't leave it up to him to leave because he prolly won't...with his age and so forth this is prolly the first time he has lived on his own and more than likely won't leave because he has a new comfort zone. If you don't feel this going anywhere you need to be honest with both of you.
Author Wyomingphoenix Posted August 31, 2005 Author Posted August 31, 2005 Well , thing is we both enjoy being on the computer. With only one computer in the house its hard to do anything. I have other hobbies, i read a lot... wanting to get the latest Laurell K Hamiliton book, but eh, money aint there for my desires... library never has the books in that i want read either... oh well... life just is. But thanks for your advice Skeered.
Recommended Posts