What is this??!!!

[tigerspirit26]

Hey FamJam!

 

Need a little insight on this issue!

 

So, I went out with this guy last week and he seemed interested throughout our date. Before departing, we talked about our next date. He claimed he was “excited” for our next round.

 

The day after, I texted how I had fun and he immediately replied back he did too.

 

After that it was silence, no, more like crickets. So I decided once again to break the ice and asked how his weekend was going…he replied back 5 hours later.

 

Okay cool, life gets busy, no big deal.

 

As the week progresses…..Still silence. At this point, I’m like not even a hello text or anything! I refuse to keep initiating a conversation!

 

So today he stopped by my office suite ( I was in the next room) and he didn’t even say HI!!!

 

What gives?

 

This is my first time back on the dating scene in two years, not sure if I’m cut out for this lifestyle.

Edited May 23, 2018 by tigerspirit26
Title change

[PRW]

It was one date.

You are not boyfriend/girlfriend yet

He seems well balanced and in control of himself.

He doesn't want to put you on the spot in front of people at work

 

He did make the one mistake of talking about the next date while still on the first date. That is a bad sign of clingy/neediness, but maybe he just had a weak moment of old habits and then later got his act together again.

 

I don't see anything else he did wrong. There should not be a bunch of chit chatting on the phone between dates,...particularly if you see each other at work and are in the next room from each other.

 

This is my first time back on the dating scene in two years, not sure if I’m cut out for this lifestyle.

You are coming across, at least in this message, as insecure. Maybe you are, maybe you are not,...but it is the way you are coming across.

 

This below is a guide that I give men. He seems to be following it fairly well...

 

This outline is for give guys who struggle with the early dating process that often leave the freaked out woman running down the street with both hands in the air screaming in a high pitch voice. Now if you are a guy that is good with women and successful at dating then this isn't for you . It is a framework to help keep things from going off the rails and creating a train wreck. Every detail of it has a very specific reason for being listed even if I don't fully explain it in the text itself.

 

Early Dating Outline for Guys

 

Phase One – a few weeks to a month long

 

It begins when the guy offers a girl a specific date once a week and sets the date for a week away. You are making her an offer, present it that way like you know what you are doing. Plan it out ahead of time so you already know what you are offering. A good pattern is ask on Monday or Tues for a weekend date. No “fuzzy” dates! She needs a specific time/day/place. If you hit a day she can’t do it and she actually wants to spend time with you she will give you a counter offer or at least let you know in some way that it is ok to try again later. If she does neither of those then she probably isn’t into you. A compromise option would be to ask her when she is free to get together then offer a specific time/day/place.

 

No chit-chatting, texting/calling between setting the date and arriving on the date, but if she contacts you then be nice, pleasant, friendly, chat with her a bit, but keep it short. This is important to build anticipation for the date so both parties are excited to see each other when they arrive. It demonstrates integrity of both parties when they actually show up for the date without needing to be reassuring each other leading up to it. It eliminates either party from saying something stupid in a text or phone call to weaken the other’s attraction to them before they even make it to the date or maybe causing the date to be canceled or at minimum cause the other to be half-hearted about it. It is needy, insecure, and impatient people on both sides that think they need to maintain chit-chat leading up to the date or the other one might forget about them and not show up.

 

No expensive dates, no exuberant dates, no long trips, no weekend trips, no vacation trips, no meeting family/friends. Guy pays for the date. Get over it. Maybe the woman can pick up the tip if she wants. Guys, keep it happy, fun, and light hearted. No heavy subjects. Guys, what a woman remembers about a date are different than you remember. She remembers how you made her feel. So make sure she always thinks of happy feelings and fun when she thinks of you.

 

Do not bring up any labels what-so-ever, such as boyfriend, girlfriend, relationship, marriage, love, or anything else along those lines. At this point you are not her boyfriend and she is not your girlfriend. That is her job to bring that stuff up when she is ready,…not your job, so don't do it. You both still need to understand that you have the freedom to see other people at the same time, even if you don’t choose to act on it,…it is a frame of mind you both need to have.

 

Rinse and repeat, over and over each week or so, but not more than once a week at this early point. Show some discipline and that you aren’t still in high school.

 

Phase Two – a few more weeks long to a couple months

 

After a few weeks if you haven’t made mistakes the woman will start to contact you in between the dates. This is your cue to set the next date. This shifts some of the power over to the woman. Earlier the guy did all the chasing and setting the date. But now the dates happen each time the woman contacts you which gives her control of the frequency. You are both now sharing in the process. This means to an extent that the dates are her idea and if she is chasing you then she isn't dumping you. It also means that you may now potentially see each other more than once a week. But don’t get carried away, still show some discipline. The rest of this phase is about the same as phase one.

 

Minimal chit-chatting, texting/calling between setting the date and arriving on the date. You can do a little more at this point because she is reaching out to you, but the principle is still the same, so keep it to a minimum.

 

As earlier, no expensive dates, no exuberant dates, no long trips, no weekend trips, no vacation trips, no meeting family/friends. Guy pays for the date. Maybe the woman can pick up the tip if she wants. Again, keep it happy, fun, and light hearted. No heavy subjects. Guys, what a woman remembers about a date are different than you remember. She remembers how you made her feel. So make sure she always thinks of happy feelings and fun when she thinks of you.

 

Still you do not bring up any labels what-so-ever, such as boyfriend, girlfriend, relationship, marriage, love, or anything else along those lines. At this point you still are not her boyfriend and she still is not your girlfriend. That is her job to bring that stuff up when she is ready,…not your job. You both still need to understand that you have the freedom to see other people at the same time, even if you don’t choose to act on it,…it is a frame of mind you both need to have.

 

Phase 3 – Lasts until you breakup, co-habitate, get married, or she runs over you with the car

 

If you haven’t made a bunch of mistakes and screwed things up yet, on average at around 7-8 weeks (maybe longer if you made mistakes) the woman may bring up the exclusivity conversation. She may be vague about it, so you might have to question a little to be sure if that is what she is saying she wants. If that is what she wants, and if you agree to it then you are now finally boyfriend/girlfriend and will need to drop off any others that you both may be seeing.

 

Even after exclusivity happens you still have to keep your head screwed on straight and don't forget what got you to where you are. You still have to show discipline, emotional control and impulse control. Although women may claim they like someone who is a bit impulsive, erratic impulsiveness is not attractive and sometimes just flat scares the crap out of them.

Edited May 23, 2018 by PRW

[smackie9]

What gives? He's not that interested and or he met someone he likes better. Can't win them all, just let it roll off your back and move on. better luck next time.

[lurker74]

Well, I don't entirely agree with PRW. I find formulas for dating don't often fit the uniqueness of any specific relationship, even if the relationship is brand new. So I agree - not even saying hi to you if he was that close is likely a sign that he's not as interested as you thought. Frankly, the whole pattern fits a structure that says he had another date over the weekend and he liked her more or that he hooked back up with an ex.

 

Honestly, I'd chill either way. Maybe he's PRW in which case he'll reach out and at some future point you can say that you'd like more inter-date communication. Or maybe he won't and you can chalk it up to not being the right guy. But after one date, there is literally a million good reasons not to have a second date and trying to decide which reason applies here is fruitless and pointless. Don't wait for him to communicate - start looking around for your next potential guy now.

[PRW]

Well, I don't entirely agree with PRW.

 

No one ever does or is expect to.

 

I find formulas for dating don't often fit the uniqueness of any specific relationship

 

It is not a formula. It is a guide and it clearly states it's purpose and who it is meant for (and why) and who it is not meant for. It is not anything unusual or anything unique to me or anyone else. It is taught by many dating and relationship experts all over the place including youtube and the Internet in general. It is common knowledge, or at least it should be.

 

I'm not telling anyone here to follow it. She is a woman,...it is written to men,...so obviously. I am telling her that he may well have learned of it from one of the many dating "experts" on the Internet and that he may indeed be following it.

 

Not even saying hi to you if he was that close is likely a sign that he's not as interested as you thought.

 

 

.....Or a dozen other emotional or psychological reasons. Yes, I think he should have said "Hello" as well,...but I wouldn't lose a bunch of sleep over the fact that he didn't.

 

Maybe he's PRW in which case he'll reach out and at some future point you can say that you'd like more inter-date communication.

 

 

If he were me we'd be on our third date by now and she would not be asking for advice on a web forum on the Internet,...because I know what I'm doing.

 

Now the guy may very well be dating others as well. He is within his right to do that,...and so is the OP. Both should be seeing others until becoming exclusive with just one,...or they should at least be mentally willing to. That by itself eliminates all the hand-wringing of "does he/she love me, does he/she not". Then when one comes along that you want to be exclusive with there is no ambiguity at all because you have something to compare against.

 

It seems like the standard answer in these forums for every situation is "Dump Them!!!" as if the "other" person, who never gets any honest representation for their side of it in these conversations, has to be some kind of perfect Dating AutoTron that isn't human and never makes a mistake,...and if they ever make a mistake or seem unsure of themselves,...why!!,...they must be dumped!!!

[Purrrfect]

He’s not interested. Sorry.

[Lotsgoingon]

I get your confusion ... But saying I enjoyed myself ... is not the same as I really want to hang out again.

 

Reminds me of this thinking in Hollywood about what movie goers want ... There are movies people hear about or see a trailer for ... and they might say they'd like to see that movie.

 

Then there are movies that as soon as they are released, people get off their butts, arranged the schedules, find showing times. call friends, purchase tix and go out to see.

 

Another angle ... maybe he has a followup date with someone else ... on his mind ... he enjoyed you ... but he's already gotten into this other person ... like they're on date #4 ... So he might have liked you ... but he's already getting closer to someone else.

[act00]

It's not a good sign. Completely ignoring and not initiating any communication is really not good. I can understand not seeking you out at work if this is something he (and you) wish to keep private from coworkers right now, but the full radio silence makes me think he's not interested for whatever reason. It seems the date went well, but not well enough, and it's done. Who knows why. Cold feet? Met someone else? You've reached out twice and not only has he not really maintained any communication, he hasn't reached out. When they're interested and excited to see you again, they don't want to lose that momentum and will reach out. Not all men chat a lot, but they take the time to ask how you're doing or to set up another time to see you. Time to move on.

[hippychick3]

For whatever reason, he is not interested anymore. Interested guys act interested and don't leave you guessing.

 

I wouldn't waste anymore energy on him. It was only one date. It happens. There are plenty of other men out there who will be interested in you.

[Zahara]

Hes' not interested. Sometimes people do the whole "let's do it again" just to be polite and to avoid the awkwardness of expressing that it isn't a fit.

 

Don't let it discourage you.