kgal Posted August 30, 2005 Posted August 30, 2005 I Have been the one to text and call lately.. its exhausting. So what if my phone isnt working at the moment... he doesnt like to text me on my moms phone, cuz he knows she doesnt like him. I mean.. he could at least email just to say hi right!? There has to be two equal forces of communication or else one person gets the heavier load. Lately...thats been my job! I guess tonight Im calling and Im gonna get some answer. I cant keep doing this.
Curt Posted August 30, 2005 Moderators Posted August 30, 2005 I Have been the one to text and call lately.. its exhausting. So what if my phone isnt working at the moment... he doesnt like to text me on my moms phone, cuz he knows she doesnt like him. I mean.. he could at least email just to say hi right!? There has to be two equal forces of communication or else one person gets the heavier load. Lately...thats been my job! I guess tonight Im calling and Im gonna get some answer. I cant keep doing this. How long is it between e-mails or text messages? Does he go for many days or? Reason I ask is that some people suggest that guys not call too regularly. Absence making the heart grow fonder I guess? If it's not too long, perhaps it's a good thing? Just wondering. Curt
Author kgal Posted August 30, 2005 Author Posted August 30, 2005 How long is it between e-mails or text messages? Does he go for many days or? Reason I ask is that some people suggest that guys not call too regularly. Absence making the heart grow fonder I guess? If it's not too long, perhaps it's a good thing? Just wondering. Curt Curt, Just last week he went without contacting me for 3 days.... although, he did have a good excuse. I have been thinking about laying off for a few days.. just to see if he does end up missing me and contacting me. I just don't think I have the patience to wait too long, though. I keep kicking myself for being the first one to call or text or IM! I know he's real laid back.. so maybe he's just taking it easy and not rushing during this time... I dunno.
Curt Posted August 30, 2005 Moderators Posted August 30, 2005 Curt, Just last week he went without contacting me for 3 days.... although, he did have a good excuse. I have been thinking about laying off for a few days.. just to see if he does end up missing me and contacting me. I just don't think I have the patience to wait too long, though. I keep kicking myself for being the first one to call or text or IM! I know he's real laid back.. so maybe he's just taking it easy and not rushing during this time... I dunno. Well, personally, I don't think 3 days is too much to worry about. Thing is though, if you need a certain level of contact from him, and he needs a totally different level from you, perhaps you just need to sit him down, talk to him about this, and come to some agreement on a "middle ground" you can meet each other on. If he's a laid back type of dude, it means he's likely also quite content and secure in himself, and doesn't worry too much. That's a good thing in a person. Just let him know how you feel, and see if you can't both meet somewhere in the middle on calls and contact. Keep us posted. Curt
Author kgal Posted August 31, 2005 Author Posted August 31, 2005 Well... considering how he used to talk to me more often... this just isn't like him to go w/out talking... he's acted so distant lately.. I just hope he hasn't found someone else.
Author kgal Posted August 31, 2005 Author Posted August 31, 2005 I just wanted to add to this post, rather than start a new thread. I seem to post a new one each day, lol. I just want to get these fears out of the way, fears that he doesn't want me...fears that he wants someone else, fears that keep me up obsessing over this and I really cant take it anymore. I called him last night so I could get down to the bottom of this... and finally find out how he feels. I ended up leaving him a message, he didn't answer. Hours later, I sent two emoticons over messenger.. but nothing. I don't know what's going on and its driving me nuts. Do I need to just stop contacting him? I have to have answers,though! Ugh.. should I just chill? I am confused.
Curt Posted August 31, 2005 Moderators Posted August 31, 2005 I just wanted to add to this post, rather than start a new thread. I seem to post a new one each day, lol. I just want to get these fears out of the way, fears that he doesn't want me...fears that he wants someone else, fears that keep me up obsessing over this and I really cant take it anymore. I called him last night so I could get down to the bottom of this... and finally find out how he feels. I ended up leaving him a message, he didn't answer. Hours later, I sent two emoticons over messenger.. but nothing. I don't know what's going on and its driving me nuts. Do I need to just stop contacting him? I have to have answers,though! Ugh.. should I just chill? I am confused. kgal, I believe that he may have given you his answer in his apparent lack of answer. Perhaps I'm out to lunch on this (and I have been on times ), but, I think you should perhaps let things be at this point. I know from personal experience that sometimes, we never get the answers that we so desparately desire from the other person. Sometimes, closure is very elusive, especially when we aren't met on the same "level" by the person we want. In these cases, we need to be strong enough to call some situations a learning experience, and move on. I'm sorry that this appears to be the case in your situation as well. Don't fear losing him, and certainly not that he doesn't want you. The world is full of people with different tastes and preferences for the kind of man/woman they want in their lives. Sometimes it just comes down to the fact that one person doesn't fit what the other person wants. Although we sometimes take these things personally, we shouldn't. If he's not interested, he's merely expressing a preference, not a personal judgement on you. You come across as being quite a nice girl, and in time you'll find a guy that wants you as much as you desire him.
Author kgal Posted September 1, 2005 Author Posted September 1, 2005 kgal, I believe that he may have given you his answer in his apparent lack of answer. Perhaps I'm out to lunch on this (and I have been on times ), but, I think you should perhaps let things be at this point. I know from personal experience that sometimes, we never get the answers that we so desparately desire from the other person. Sometimes, closure is very elusive, especially when we aren't met on the same "level" by the person we want. In these cases, we need to be strong enough to call some situations a learning experience, and move on. I'm sorry that this appears to be the case in your situation as well. Don't fear losing him, and certainly not that he doesn't want you. The world is full of people with different tastes and preferences for the kind of man/woman they want in their lives. Sometimes it just comes down to the fact that one person doesn't fit what the other person wants. Although we sometimes take these things personally, we shouldn't. If he's not interested, he's merely expressing a preference, not a personal judgement on you. You come across as being quite a nice girl, and in time you'll find a guy that wants you as much as you desire him. Thank you , Curt.. I just feel really bad right now.. I am trying to keep my mind free of thoughts that bring me down about this situation. I just feel denial, and I really don't want to believe this... I'm still hoping he contacts me.
Author kgal Posted September 1, 2005 Author Posted September 1, 2005 Well I actually got a reply back last night... I asked what was going on, I sent a text, cuz I was to afraid of the rejection of me calling and him not answering. (I know, its babyish.. I should've just called...or better yet..not have said anything) I just feel like I have to know what is going on... I hate wondering or even believing he doesn't want me. It gets me so down... Anyways... he replied about two hours later and said that not much was going on. I then waited a while and then said, "Thats nice.." lol I just dont know what to do anymore. PS.. He hasn't even shown any desire for me when we talk. He might feel a bit awkward now that Im back at home w/my family and Im always calling on my Moms phone. He did say he doesn't like that I'm here.. and he wants me to be where I can follow my dreams, which isnt here.. but what else can I do? I need money to get back to where I was!! Still.. if he LOVED ME , it wouldnt matter where I was.. or how much money I had right!? Ugh! I really hope things get better.
Outcast Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 Your gut is telling you what you need to know. You are fighting it and trying to find ways to deny it. Deep down, however, you know this isn't going anywhere. Listen to your gut.
Author kgal Posted September 1, 2005 Author Posted September 1, 2005 Your gut is telling you what you need to know. You are fighting it and trying to find ways to deny it. Deep down, however, you know this isn't going anywhere. Listen to your gut. I guess I have to just go with the flow huh? I'm gonna try to not contact him so much and see what happens.
simplybrill Posted September 27, 2005 Posted September 27, 2005 When he was very interested, he talked a lot, and would text you a lot. Maybe that should tell you something? The distance is hard on both of you, and LDR's take more work than sometimes people realize when they first start liking someone-its the period of time when anything and everything seems possible. Maybe it's the distance, maybe it's a lot of things-but for one reason or another he's decided to back off. In your best interests, I would back off if he's being lazy on communicating with you. Get out with your friends, and just hang out, keep busy-not just to keep your mind off of whether or not he's gotten off his butt and decided to call/text/email you back-but because you deserve that much in your own life. You definitely deserve a guy who's going to give as much as you are, to the relationship. Relationships should add to your life, not hold it back in any way-and you've spent way too much time trying to figure this guy out. I'm not saying he's a complete jerk, but he's getting too comfortable with you making all the appropriate moves to keep the relationship alive. He needs to step up, or you'll move on, period. You've got more control over this situation than you think.
Author kgal Posted September 27, 2005 Author Posted September 27, 2005 Thank you simply... You just made my day with that last comment. I guess you are right.. I could turn the tables at any time. I think its time!
Juliet Posted September 27, 2005 Posted September 27, 2005 If someone is really into you they call, text...drive over and see you. I hate to say it but it maybe time to find someone who is more into you. I know a lot about men and if staying in touch is a chore..that is a bad sign all together.
Curt Posted September 28, 2005 Moderators Posted September 28, 2005 If someone is really into you they call, text...drive over and see you. I hate to say it but it maybe time to find someone who is more into you. I know a lot about men and if staying in touch is a chore..that is a bad sign all together. Perhaps ... but sometimes, situations prevent a guy from really giving a girl the kind of treatment he'd like to give her. Sometimes, the equation is not simple. There could be mitigating factors at work here. Curt
emmam0rgan Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 I can relate to what kgal was going through earlier on in September. I have been in similar situations before, and am actually in one now, although not quite as distressing. I feel slightly bewildered though. I got myself into a a LDR around a month ago, having been on a trip (across sea). It was love at first sight on both sides. We have been in contact every day, but I am the one who calls every time. There is a reason for this. He is unfortunately out of work at the moment, so has less cash to top up his pay as you go phone, he has just moved house, and has explained to me that this is the reason that he is unable to put more of an effort in for the time being. So most people would agree that I have nothing to worry about- especially considering he always picks up every time I phone, always seems glad that I have called, and always ends the conversation with 'I miss you' and 'I love you'. But because, recently I have been the one making all the calls, I can't help worrying that I'm being needy. I am aware that men are generally more content with the idea of not being in contact absolutely every day, and I wonder if I'm being paranoid. Occasionally I will call at a bad time when he's int he middle of something, and instead of just brushing it off, I get really worried that I'm hassling him. I have told him (in very gentle terms) how I feel, and he tells me I am worrying unneccessarily, so why do I feel like this? Emma
emmam0rgan Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 Just to say that I hope things work themselves out for you, whether you're together or not with this boy. I just posted another message explaining a similar situation, but yours seems a lot more stressful, and I sympathise, because I have received a similar reception from other men in the past, and it can make you feel as if you're going crazy. I think it's a good thing to lay off a little...if he's into you, playing 'hard to get' (apologies for the cliche) does work, because he'll miss you. Emma
Author kgal Posted October 3, 2005 Author Posted October 3, 2005 Thanks Emma... (boy this site is runnin wayyy slow today!) I appreciate your posts!
Jadey Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 I understand how you feel. Ive only been with my bf 3 weeks, yeah 3 weeks lol. Hes always telling me that he loves and misses me and wnts to be with me but im scared. Because of the distance im so worried he will go off me. This week ive had to stay round my sisters house so havnt been able to get on msn much and also he ran out of credit on his phone. I spoke to him earlier and he has gone out tonight with his friends, which is fair enough, but i cant help worrying hes gone off me And LDR are alot harder then i thought it would be. But knowing me im probably being really silly cos he tells me he loves me and when we met on holiday he acted like he was totally smitten. Its just hard to be sure when theres no physicalness! ANyway i hope everything eworks out for you, best of luck!
Author kgal Posted October 3, 2005 Author Posted October 3, 2005 You're absolutely right about the no physical contact, Jadey. It seems like I am trying my darndest at times b'cuz I'm not there "in the flesh" and I keep feeling like the 'ship has to stay interesting or I will lose his attention. I'll just be glad when I get to see him again and the distance thing is over with.
Jadey Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 Me too, Atlough i might not be able to see him for awhile Havent even spoken to him today..Im really worried hes gone off me as last week and the weekend weve hardley spoke, but he reckons hes been busy and plus his phone has broke so we havent been taxting, which is probably alot of it. I just left it today but if he isnt on MSN tomorrow ill either call him or text him saying we need to talk more if we want a relationship. This distance is SO hard
missmolly Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 Maybe he hasn't needed to call you because you always call first. If you are calling every day at 5 o'clock, then I'd suggest skipping a day or two. And texts....well, my man says they take way too long to write, so he'd rathar just talk on the phone.
Jtizzle Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 If someone is really into you they call, text...drive over and see you. I hate to say it but it maybe time to find someone who is more into you. I know a lot about men and if staying in touch is a chore..that is a bad sign all together. perfectly said, same thing i was gonna say...i was dating this dude in nj, at first he was all lovey dovey, oooh i love you, blah blah, sweet stuff here, blah blah bull bull, more bs, and then out of nowhere, he stops callin for about a week..calls second week, leaves me a message saying something happened with his phone and whanot, and thats why he wasnt able to call, and then i call back say i understand (yea right) and then another three weeks go by no hearing from him..means he wasnt into me, i know it wasnt something i did, cuz i was perfect gf material, just not what he was looking for, which is cool... cant stop truckin on cuz one dude not feelin u a certain way..
teressa0397 Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 I Have been the one to text and call lately.. its exhausting. So what if my phone isnt working at the moment... he doesnt like to text me on my moms phone, cuz he knows she doesnt like him. I mean.. he could at least email just to say hi right!? There has to be two equal forces of communication or else one person gets the heavier load. Lately...thats been my job! I guess tonight Im calling and Im gonna get some answer. I cant keep doing this. how long has it been since he text orE_mail you? Men thinks different from women. but if you think there is something rong get your answers from him but he might not tell you the truth. so use your own judgement. good luck.
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