Relationships - intense v laidback?

[Daisychain]

Just a wild-card question to raise feedback.

 

In your experience, which relationships tend to last longer, grow stronger and stand the test of time?

 

1) Those that are extremely intense to start with - i.e. constant contact with multiple daily phone calls, text messages and e.mails. Feeling the need and/or desire to see each other every day and have involvement in every aspect of each others' lives, knowing where the other person is or what they are doing 24/7. Spending all available freetime together.

 

or

 

2) Those that are somewhat more laidback but gradually increase to more contact - i.e. generally just one telephone call each day to catch up, occasionally a text message or two also. Seeing each other just once per week to start with, then progressing to that plus maybe 2 out of 3 weekends but certainly not feeling a "need" to see each other every day. Each partner also having their own "space" to do their own thing with family and friends, or simply have time out alone. Not feeling the need to continually know where the other person is or what they are doing 24/7.

 

I ask as my current relationship is exactly the latter. We have been together almost a year and although we do have much more contact now than we did in the beginning (both on the telephone and in person) we certainly don't live in each other's pockets. I have had relationships in the past that more resemble the former description and they have burned themselves out in a short space of time, generally one or both parties has ended up feeling claustrophobic and smothered. My present relationship feels different somehow, it feels right.

 

I wondered what other people's experiences and/or opinions are?

[Merin]

I think most relationships start out with the feeling of can't get enough of the other person, or more frequent calls and/or spending time together... it's often referred to as the "Honeymoon" phase it's all new and exciting where most people tend to be on thier best behaviour so to speak.

 

However over time the infatuation wears off and both parties begin to see one another as they really are which means seeing the not so great things about thier partner where as before for the most part both people were reveling only the "Good" in themselfs.

 

It is after the honeymoon phase that people generally determine if they still like the person they are with even with thier faults.

 

But I do see what you're saying in intense relationships where even the "Honeymoon" phase seems over done and IMO those do burn out faster as one or both people in the relationship can feel smothered and/or controlled by thier partner.

[Outcast]

Often the fire that has been built slowly and carefully burns much, much longer.

[AmberAriesMom]

I kinda think the second one comes after the first one. I mean, normally all the constant interest is necessary to find out about each other and to sort of 'convince' each other that they are on each other's minds alot. Then when you get comfy things slow down to a more realistic pace. I would tend to think that the ones that last the longest are the ones that go through both phases.

[RecordProducer]

I think in an ideal world it would have to start as the former, but continue and end as the latter. But the world is not ideal. Perhaps when you are with someone you're not so much in love with, you have the energy to pursue your own thing and have a life apart... So at the end it might turn out that passionate love is not so desirable.

[Blackfrost]

I like laid back mostly -- but it must have the occasional fenzied animal moments

[Shana]

Often the fire that has been built slowly and carefully burns much, much longer.

 

Very well said.

 

Merin said the "honeymoon" passes... not in my world of two years. I keep my relationship in the Honeymoon state. We are very laid back because we have up most trust in eachother, we work well together...