Butterflying Posted May 15, 2018 Posted May 15, 2018 I’m dating this guy for a month. It’s long distance. We see each other on weekends due to our jobs. We’re moving slowly in the relationship due to past mistakes we don’t want to repeat. We’re overall satisfied with everything, except today, he confessed that our kisses could be better. WHAT! I freaked out, feeling insecure. No man has ever complained about my kisses or anything sexual for that matter. What’s wrong with the way I kiss? He said it’s fine except he feels that I’m not relaxed, maybe apprehensive, and holding back, not surrendering to the kiss. How do I surrender to a kiss? When a man kisses me, I kiss back. He sticks his tongue in my mouth, I suck it & then stick my tongue into his mouth. It usually goes back & forth like this until we progress to something else. What am I missing? When I watch people kiss, both seem to be involved in the process. Relax seems the same as laying there & not doing anything? How do I relax while kissing someone?
preraph Posted May 15, 2018 Posted May 15, 2018 Maybe he doesn't like tongue back. Try it and ask him. Keep it in your mouth but mingling slowly leisurely. Maybe he likes to nibble lips and doesn't like them being muscular while kissing back. I mean, people are different about it. I'm sure your kissing is fine for most people. All you can do is try and see if it's better or not.
carhill Posted May 15, 2018 Posted May 15, 2018 Kissing critique, eh? IDK, outlier here. The emotional content of love and desire and intimacy has always overshadowed reviews of the mechanics. However, for some people, perhaps most, a good kisser becomes desirable rather than a desired person becomes a good kisser. Maybe I have it backwards. I remember, a bit humorously, the person in life I consider the best kisser I ever had a relationship with and it was more the total embrace and her lips were like gentle pillows. I remember she used to apologize about her lips (best celebrity example is Angelina Jolie) but man I could kiss her for hours. Had we got married I doubt I ever would have tired of that kind of physical affection with her. Hopefully others will be along with specific tips. I see it more as two people connecting and a whole body experience. TBH I don't remember specifics. Apparently your guy does. Good luck!
anduina Posted May 15, 2018 Posted May 15, 2018 Your technique does sound a bit stiff. When he puts his tongue in your mouth, relax your lips, mouth and tongue and move your tongue slowly and sensually against his. Depending on his personality, some guys like to take the lead. Some guys prefer give and take. Some are consistently passive kissers. 1
RecentChange Posted May 16, 2018 Posted May 16, 2018 Yeah maybe more lip? Gentle sucking in his lower lip, more acceptance of his tongue and less poking yours back. Let him lead the dance and follow - see if that changes things? 1
Fair Posted May 16, 2018 Posted May 16, 2018 Personally, the tongue thing ruins a good kiss. Best kissers I ever had kept them in their mouths... I don't really get what tongue is supposed to do for a person. It's a bit nasty, I think. But that's just me. I've never used tongue and I've always been told I'm a good kisser... but so were they so I suppose we both deserved the credit as one person alone can ruin it. Hard to say what you're doing wrong other than what your partner said... that you're not relaxed enough. The fact that you're posting over it underscores that... you must overthink it way too much and that makes you stiff and awkward.
FilterCoffee Posted May 16, 2018 Posted May 16, 2018 I can relate to what he’s talking about. Whenever my partner’s facial muscles were contracted it made it harder for me to kiss her. I think it has less to do with technicalities like where your tongue is going. Try being calm and totally relaxed the next time you guys kiss. 1
Author Butterflying Posted May 16, 2018 Author Posted May 16, 2018 Yes I’m overthinking it now, and much less relaxed now because he brought it to my attention. Before I just kissed the way I’ve done it with other guys before. Everyone is different. In the past I’ve never had a guy complain about the kiss. We just simply adjusted to each other’s pace, never talking about it. But now kissing has become a big deal for me, despite my boyfriend saying “it’s not a big deal.” Why did he bring it up then? Since everything else between us is great, I wonder if the horrible kisses mean we’re not intimately compatible.
carhill Posted May 16, 2018 Posted May 16, 2018 'Show me how you like it, honey' Have fun with it. Flirt a bit.Sass a bit. Get physical a bit. It'll pass. 1
Andy_K Posted May 16, 2018 Posted May 16, 2018 Match style, tempo, and rythm with whatever your partner is doing. Be responsive. How well matched the kiss is, is often (but definitely not always) a good indicator of how compatible you'll be in bed
Art_Critic Posted May 16, 2018 Posted May 16, 2018 Match style, tempo, and rythm with whatever your partner is doing. Be responsive. How well matched the kiss is, is often (but definitely not always) a good indicator of how compatible you'll be in bed I like this advice, I don't think you can go wrong with paying attention to what he is doing. I also think you should take his mind off the kissing and give him the best BJ he has ever had and your kissing won't seem as important to him anymore 1
coolheadal Posted May 17, 2018 Posted May 17, 2018 Yes I’m overthinking it now, and much less relaxed now because he brought it to my attention. Before I just kissed the way I’ve done it with other guys before. Everyone is different. In the past I’ve never had a guy complain about the kiss. We just simply adjusted to each other’s pace, never talking about it. But now kissing has become a big deal for me, despite my boyfriend saying “it’s not a big deal.” Why did he bring it up then? Since everything else between us is great, I wonder if the horrible kisses mean we’re not intimately compatible. Sounds like he's being a jerk about this but still. You kiss the way you want with him. If he doesn't like then he needs to go sit down and think what the heck he just said to you. I am sure you kiss just find don't let he attack your ego. His ego is that he's spoiled sticking him tongue into your month and sucking yours like a piece sour candy. Do you like his kisses and tongue action. He's a bit too deep as we say. If your not happy with his kisses or he's not with you then he's making your life uncomfortable over this. Tell him if you don't like the way you kiss him then might as well call this quits..I am sure he doesn't want to do that..
Ruby Slippers Posted May 17, 2018 Posted May 17, 2018 Since everything else between us is great, I wonder if the horrible kisses mean we’re not intimately compatible. I've always felt like the kisses tell you volumes about the connection. But I agree with RecentChange's advice to let him be more assertive and try being more receptive. Unless that feels all wrong given your nature, that adjustment could make a big difference.
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