PegNosePete Posted May 16, 2018 Posted May 16, 2018 I would be SHOCKED out of my mind if he did something crazy. [Where did you get that?] Well you say you don't have a boyfriend, but your ex "marks territory" and gives off "still mine" vibes. When/if you do get a boyfriend your ex may escalate those behaviours. Who knows what he will do if he feels someone is encroaching on what's "his"? Even if he doesn't want a relationship, he might not want you to have one either. "I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you either" kind of thing is very common. There was a guy [also an artist that is in the same social circles] showing interest until the ex showed up at an event. If I'm reading him right, it pissed him off. Maybe. Or maybe it didn't p him off; maybe he just saw that it could cause drama down the line and decided it wasn't worth the risk. it appears that people seem to go back to exes enough that any interaction is suspicious. That's not my situation from my point of view. We are fine co-parenting and polite chit chat when we are in the social setting involving kid but that's IT. That's how they always start.
Author Asta Posted May 16, 2018 Author Posted May 16, 2018 Well you say you don't have a boyfriend, but your ex "marks territory" and gives off "still mine" vibes. When/if you do get a boyfriend your ex may escalate those behaviours. Who knows what he will do if he feels someone is encroaching on what's "his"? Even if he doesn't want a relationship, he might not want you to have one either. "I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you either" kind of thing is very common. Maybe. Or maybe it didn't p him off; maybe he just saw that it could cause drama down the line and decided it wasn't worth the risk. That's how they always start. Well, I think you could be spot on with the "I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you." I really wasn't paying that much attention to it until recently and really zoning in on him and watching him. My thoughts were if I tell you its done, what does it matter what vibe the exe is giving off with the little passive aggressive behaviors. BUT, if I flipped the switch on this, I'd probably bounce as well--no triangle dramas. The difference is that I've actually said, "its over." I can't imagine him escalating but point taken on that too. Its all a PITA for me to think about, let alone some newcomer. I get it. Thanks.
preraph Posted May 16, 2018 Posted May 16, 2018 I was dating a single mom maybe 6 years or so ago. She invited me to her daughter's softball game. When I showed up, my girl was there with her mother and her ex. They all had camping chairs they were sitting in to watch the game from the sidelines. No chair for me. Yeah, I knew she wasn't fooling around with her ex-husband or anything, but being the outsider standing around a broken family is awkward. I left and broke things off with her not long after. A new person feels very much like the outsider in that situation -- and just wait until family holidays!! 1
preraph Posted May 17, 2018 Posted May 17, 2018 The nightmare situation is when the ex can and will still pull the person's strings, where they will drop some plans with you because the ex is manipulating them. And let's face it, in any breakup, there's usually one who wanted to break up and one who didn't. So you often have that dynamic. And plenty of exes don't want anyone else to have you even when they don't want you. Good example: One bf I was friends with him and his whole circle and when something happened in his marriage, they broke up and he came straight to me. I wasn't wanting that. In fact, I was in love with someone I'd recently has a traumatic breakup with, not in any state to have a real relationship yet. But he wouldn't take no for an answer and I was in a weakened state so I let it happen. So on weekends, his wife would have him come over to sort their belongings. Well, one weekend, we had something loosely planned. He came over later and said sorry he didn't make it that night, that they were sorting things and then she got so upset and crying that she said she couldn't sort things anymore and so they just went out to dinner. That was it for me. I was like, So you're dating your wife? He couldn't believe it was our first anything resembling a fight and I was done. I don't like fighting. Once I'm pushed to that point, I'm done. I wasn't hanging around for her shenanigans. I didn't even know why they were breaking up at the time. He wasn't talking about it. All I knew is he was breaking up both with her and his band. I was too absorbed in my own heartache to give it much thought. Years later, I found out she had either cheated or tried to cheat with some of his closest friends. The odds that one ex or the other is still invested enough to stir up some problems are pretty good. 1
Author Asta Posted May 20, 2018 Author Posted May 20, 2018 Well, I can't imagine all that occurring but I do think there is the possibility that the one that thought it was greener on the other side of the septic tank suddenly has a change of heart when the partner decides to date someone. Regardless, you would have to know that's temporary. One time ohhhh, we need to put closure to this, I probably wouldn't care that much. I look at patterns or repeats.
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