A shallow, yet gnawing question...

[Spectre]

If I guy insists to know, I would consider him rather insecure than anything else. Scared of experienced women, that is. So he wants to know if I am one of them.

 

Not all guys, me for example I just wanna make sure she isnt uhh, "Easy"

 

My number is not big anyway, but if I sensed a guy full of prejudices about it, I might be tempted to joke around with him and tell him I had 50.

 

In a non serious relationship right? because if you'd do that to someone you cared about..well lets jus say then Im glad you dont care about me

 

If he would be bothered by that, I would be bothered by him

 

which is fine, if it bothers him I doubt the fact that it bothers u will matter much tho

 

Actually I think that guys who are afraid of women who have had ONS don't practice them themselves either. And personally I don't think it's sexy when guys only have meaningful sex and no adventures whatsoever. And if they do practice ONS then please don't give me the double-standarded moral lessons.

 

I personally dont have ONS's, and wouldnt really wanna be with someone who had been in a lot of ONS's cuz it shows she doesnt care about sex as much as I do, you call it adventurous, I call it her boning some strange men she's never met before, which there is another name for..and it isnt "adventurous"

[Spectre]

I think that question is so high school - who asks that anymore? I hadn't been asked that in such a long time but last month I went on a date with this guy and he really wanted to know. I told him that I wasn't going to answer that I seriously thought men stopped asking after a certain age this guy was 28! Anyway I didn't answer and never do 'cuz I feel like what business is it of anyone besides me? I've never wanted to know a guy's number I think the past should be left in the past. Besides it wouldn't turn out good either way it went if the number was too high I'd freak and if it were too low I'd worry.

As for me, I'm 23 and I feel pretty good about my number. I guess that when a woman is ashamed of her number it's because she regrets most of the partners she slept with? Not me - I'm happy about my sexual history. Actually, now that I'm thinking of it there are 4 that I could've gone without doing, maybe 5.

 

Well, theres a difference between a random man on a date asking you and someone who you wanna build a relationship with, if a woman said she didnt wanna tell me honestly I'd assume she was trying to hide something..and then that turns into mistrust which turns into fighting and then a break up..if a woman is too ashamed to tell her number maybe thats a sign to stop and think about who you sleep with

[littlekitty]

If I guy insists to know, I would consider him rather insecure than anything else. Scared of experienced women, that is. So he wants to know if I am one of them.

 

My number is not big anyway, but if I sensed a guy full of prejudices about it, I might be tempted to joke around with him and tell him I had 50.

 

If he would be bothered by that, I would be bothered by him, although I've had around 15-16 by age 30. A few were one-night stands for various reasons (single for too long, craved for touch, horny for too long, or I didn't intend them to be ONS). Sex without love means nothing to me, but I think if I had met more guys that attracted me physically, the number would have been bigger. It's just that I chronically didn't like anyone I met.

 

I consider myself monogamous and faithful, but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't have a few ONS's if I am single again some day for a long time.

 

I like RP's take on this!

 

I'm 30 and I've had my fair share! Certainly a few ONS for exactly the reasons RP lists. So what?! I have a high labido, am sexually confident and attractive, why shouldn't I have?

 

There was a time in my life I was concerned about my number, not as nosybear819 says because I regretted it, but because I knew other people would pass judgement on me. Eventually I realised that if I was happy with my number myself, then it just didn't matter what other people might have thought of it if they knew! I spoke to some friends and they certainly didn't see me in a bad light, just felt I was often unlucky in love, which was true.

 

As I've got older I think there were times I probably gave myself away too easily but I wouldn't be who I am or had as much fun, and I'm still happy with who and what I am!

 

My current bf and I will never have a number discussion. We both agreed early on that the past is the past, and neither of us is interested in the others past, only in how we treat each other and our future together. I know his number would be pretty high, but who cares?

 

I guess the cheating question is also more relevant for me, than the number. I don't care how many, but I would like to know that they are faithful when in a committed relationship.

[RecordProducer]

As I've got older I think there were times I probably gave myself away too easily but I wouldn't be who I am or had as much fun, and I'm still happy with who and what I am!

So you didn't give yourself away too easily, but you decided to have fun. You didn't hurt yourself or anyone else. Why would casual sex be bad? It's only bad cuz it's not fun as opposed to sex accompanied by love.

 

I know his number would be pretty high, but who cares?

Actually I think guys who have had just several women in their 15-20-year experience are schmucks! Not that I would mind being with one if he is not a schmuck otherwise (and if he can please me in bed). And vice versa, men who have had many women are probably sluts and Casanovas, but not necessarily.

 

My current BF has had many (I mean MANY) women. But he is not interested in dating lots of women anymore, he wants to settle down, he hasn't had too many in the last 10-ish years and he is faithful. He loves women and is passionate about me, so the reason why he had so many women is because of his strong sexuality.

 

All medals have two sides. I would rather have him than a "pure and innocent" guy. You know the joke... Life is healthier in heaven, but more fun in hell!

 

I guess the cheating question is also more relevant for me, than the number. I don't care how many, but I would like to know that they are faithful when in a committed relationship.

 

Exactly! The number has absolutely nothing to do with fidelity, because the number of partners has nothing to do with morality. Infidelity has.

[littlekitty]

Exactly! The number has absolutely nothing to do with fidelity, because the number of partners has nothing to do with morality. Infidelity has.

 

Excellently put RP!!

 

And great responses to my other points! Thanx RP!

 

I agree, I'd rather have someone with experience who can please me, and someone who wasn't going to decide in a couple of years that they hadn't already had enough variety... I know my mans had his fun, was faithful in his relationships and is now ready to commit for life, as am I!

[JS17]

I don't get it. Why do people seem to care so much?

[littlekitty]

I don't get it. Why do people seem to care so much?

 

I guess because most people see it as a question of morality.

[Cecelius]

I agree with Spectre. There's a difference between asking and being bothered about the issue (so don't ask) and however you find out, or if you don't, simply not being as attracted to girls who sleep around (I don't date men so I don't care nor defend what men do -- and on the double standard question, all young men at some point in their lives have had a girl make it clear that he SHOULD be experienced, even if she has no skill whatsoever*).

 

Personally, just like preferring brunettes to blondes and smarter women to dumber women -- I just don't care for someone who sleeps around. There's no hard and fast number, but generally I wouldn't date anyone that I knew had more than a handful of college ONS (and handfull means 2, maybe 3), ever slept with someone they hadn't known at least as pals for a little while (I would never date a girl who got in on with some dude from a bar -- sounds too much like porn) or had more than say 10 prior to age 30. It's not a judgment, it's a preference.

 

Lastly, in all events caring about it too much is weak for a man. Asking is weak. If it was truly in the past, it won't come up anyway.

 

*On that "double standard", since there are many other double standards that are enforced against men even in this day and age, there's plenty of justification for that one. I never agree with condemnation of people for their past mistakes, but that doesn't mean you need to date them.

[RecordProducer]

Ceclius, sounds to me like you just eliminated all the female population as your potential dates! She should be young enough so that she is almost a virgin.

 

No woman will tell you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth about her previous sexual experiences. With an attitude like yours, you might as well run onto a real slut who will tell you that you're her third guy in bed.

 

Regarding the double standards, a guy is experienced and a woman is a slut, right? You actually just discovered a new synonyme for the word "slut" - experienced. It doesn't matter whether we call them experienced or sluts, it's degrading. I haven't been with many men so I don't take this personally and my BF has had many women and I don't think he is a slut. He is faithful to me and that's all that matters.

 

I just don't see why guys would be heroes while women should be ashamed of the same number of partners. Those guys had to sleep with some of those sluts who accepted ONS's, right? So they are partners in crime.

[Cecelius]

No woman will tell you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth about her previous sexual experiences. With an attitude like yours, you might as well run onto a real slut who will tell you that you're her third guy in bed.

 

I agree with that completely -- another reason not to ask. In my experience, though, many girls just can't help but start blurting out the stories. All I care about is that, without me investigating or probing or even asking, if I start to get the impression that she's been around the block too much for her age, she gets less attractive. Wouldn't call her a slut, just like I wouldn't call an ugly woman ugly or a fat woman fat -- not my place to judge, but it is my place to decide who is attractive. Too many ONS, too many short term b/fs = low self esteem.

 

Regarding the double standards, a guy is experienced and a woman is a slut, right? You actually just discovered a new synonyme for the word "slut" - experienced. It doesn't matter whether we call them experienced or sluts, it's degrading. I haven't been with many men so I don't take this personally and my BF has had many women and I don't think he is a slut. He is faithful to me and that's all that matters.

 

I just don't see why guys would be heroes while women should be ashamed of the same number of partners. Those guys had to sleep with some of those sluts who accepted ONS's, right? So they are partners in crime.

 

I'm not here to argue societal matters -- I don't date men, so I don't care what men do -- women have economic power in the market place of love too; if they don't want experienced men, then they should start saying so.

[JS17]

I agree with that completely -- another reason not to ask. In my experience, though, many girls just can't help but start blurting out the stories. All I care about is that, without me investigating or probing or even asking, if I start to get the impression that she's been around the block too much for her age, she gets less attractive. Wouldn't call her a slut, just like I wouldn't call an ugly woman ugly or a fat woman fat -- not my place to judge, but it is my place to decide who is attractive. Too many ONS, too many short term b/fs = low self esteem.

 

What the ****?!?! Are you for real? This is one of the most judgemental statements I've seen on LS. AND, IMO, not even accurate.

[Cecelius]

What the ****?!?! Are you for real? This is one of the most judgemental statements I've seen on LS. AND, IMO, not even accurate.

 

I don't see in what way is it judgmental to decide whether someone is attractive or not -- all people have preferences about the people that they date that go to compatibility. In my experience, those with extreme body counts usually have issues that go along with them, aside from the possibility of STDs, bad reputations, etc.

[kscholze]

I dont think the number matters, But I have found in my 29 years that I cant just have sex with anyone anymore. I truely have to be in love or its not fun. And I am A man!!