califlorgian Posted August 30, 2005 Posted August 30, 2005 Here's an update on what's been going on. MM came over not this last thursday but the thursday before and spent the night. Didn't call his wife. Was telling me this was going to be the end of his marriage, etc. He told me "Now you're stuck with me," in a joking context. He just kept on about how much he loved me and how we were finally going to be together for good. He went home the next afternoon and I didn't talk to him much the entire week. A little here and there on the phone and on yahoo messenger and once at work, the night I quit. When we did talk, he was telling me how he was leaving/packing his suitcase and other things of the sort. Well, he worked day shift on Saturday and said he might be coming by later that night. I didn't give to much thought to it because he usually flakes when he says he is going to call or come over. Well, a few hours after he was supposed to be off work, I get a knock on my door. He was standing there and said we were going to go out that night to this other club. So we went out then came back to my apartment and he stayed the night again. He told me he needed to tell his w where he was so she didn't think he was dead on the side of the road. He told me he wanted me to talk to her and tell her where he was. I have talked to her several times previously... but ironically enough, I really like her and it makes me very uncomfortable discussing things that are destroying her life... So I got on yahoo and sure enough she was signed on. I talked to her some, he begged me to tell her he was asleep (i usually don't lie but he was dead tired and basically passed out already, it was 5 something in the morning, I believe) so I did and tried to avoid most of the conversation because I didn't want to tell her much and I just cannot lie. The next day he told her he was going to get lunch and then come home by 5 at the latest. Well, we had some margaritas at lunch then came back and passed out on the floor and woke up around 8 pm. He went home and I had several worried messages on my voicemail from w. I wanted to let her know he was okay and on his way home so I instant messeged her. If you are interested, I could post the conversation between her and I. I found out he had a therapy session scheduled today that he didn't tell me about. When he was here, he said he was going to go home, pack some clothes and stuff and then come back here later that night or today. He never came by. Never even called. I called him tonight. He was at work. He said he went to therapist today and made her cry. He said that everyone (at work and in his/her family) is asking him why he would give up his family and his w for me. They tell him I will leave him. They tell him I am crazy (this is coming from people we worked with, he still works with them... i had a bad drunken episode one night and lost it.... it was something that stemmed from something he said/did... it's hard for me to deal with crap like that when I have been drinking). They say we won't work, he'll regret it. That I don't know what I want in life because I am only 21 (that's another one of our problems..... he is nearly twice my age) and will surely change my mind within a few years. They say he's just going through a mid-life crisis and just badger him and talk our relationship down so much. He told me yesterday he was 100% positive he wanted to be with me. And would be finally, for sure this week. He told me he has still never lied to me and only wants to be with me. He is supposed to be moving in tonight. But now, after I just talked to him, he said he needs to take a couple days to himself. Without me or her around (he will be staying at his friends) and needs to figure out what he is going to do. But if he was so certain that he wanted to be with me... why does he need a few more days? I am just so confused. It's like a yo-yo. A horrible, emotional roller coaster. I cannot take it anymore. I want to know if there is a future for us or if I need to move on. I don't want to wait any longer. I can't. I am a wreck and I need to pick the pieces of my life up and put myself back together. I just don't know what to do. I don't know if I should wait for him to figure himself out over the next few days or if I should just finally give up. He has got me so messed up....
9Lives Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 oh my goodness! This is the hard part. He is having doubts honey. I guess you have been there this long I guess you can see what he does for sure. My heart goes out to you. This is very very hard and I can undestand why you are a wreck. It is just not fair. I dont know what to say.
zoey15 Posted September 8, 2005 Posted September 8, 2005 I say give him his space. Let him figure out what he wants. Do you really want to be w/ this man? I thought in one of your posts you said you weren't sure? If he decides to go back to his W, you need to leave him alone. You need to get out of this, cause if not he's going to screw w/ your head over and over again. It has been a while since you posted. Are things still this way, or have things changed?
TXgal Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 -Califlorgian- I completely agree with Zoey... I think it would be best for BOTH of you to take a few days to yourselfs... To both have time to go over every possible scenario, and know FOR SURE you are both willing to do this, and make it work... Especially if he is breaking up his family... Be prepared for the reparcussions of this decision... His family will be destroyed, and it won't be a very pleasant situation with the W or kids for a while... It's natural to have doubts, even if you feel positive. It's healthy that he is taking some time to think about things before he does something very rash. It would be best for you to use this time wisely for yourself, and go over everything... make sure to decide what is the best decision for YOU...What you want in life, your goals and dreams... Make sure YOU don't have any doubts, because this man is going to leave his family for you... make sure you absolutely want it 100% as well... Before he does... Yes, at 21 you are still very young, and still have alot of life to experience. People do tend to change over the years, and develop into the adult they will become. The person you are at 30 may be completely different than you, now. Your views, opinions, goals, ect may all change... Just be very careful, and sure about everything. I'm sure it will be very difficult to wait, and I know you feel anxious, but it's best thing for both of you. He just wants to make sure this is what he really wants... He doesn't want to make a decision he'll regret... because if he does end up regretting... It won't be good for you to be around that... It will bring you down... You've both come this far... wait, think, and see what conclusion he's finally come to. If he decides to stay with his family... At that point you need to move on with your life ,and leave him alone. Time does heal... If he stays with W cut off contact until your heart has time to heal, and where you can learn to love someone else. Maybe sometime in the future you two could talk here and there, and try to be friends... But that may be a long time down the road... This is just my view and opinion... I wish you both the best of luck. Take care hunni... Just take it day by day...
Author califlorgian Posted September 12, 2005 Author Posted September 12, 2005 Alright, I realize it has been a while since I updated about the situation with him.... so let me briefly explain what has been going on. He only took one day to himself. And he said it wasn't to decide what he wanted and that he only needed a day to himself because he was going through a lot.... he said he knew he wanted me and I just misunderstood him. Since then, he has been separated from his wife and has been staying with me a lot of the time and his friend, Jerry, on other nights... I even went over there one night. The only reason he stays at his friends house on the nights he is not with me is because it is a long drive from my house to the area where his friend's house and his house are. And he has to go by there to watch his kids most of the weekdays while his w is at work. He and his wife don't even really talk anymore. They talk about the kids and essential things... like when he will be there to watch them, etc. But they are separated. And he is staying with me most of the time. He said that even if I didn't want to be with him they were still going to get divorced.... it has been coming for a long time. I don't really know how I feel about this whole situation and I don't know what is going to happen. Things have been getting more serious between us I guess. Everything is just... so confusing. I feel so.... caught up in such a whirlwind. I don't know what to think, what to do or how to feel. I love him..... I just feel so lost....
9Lives Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 well just keep your guards up. He is still not quite settled. Just keep in the back of your head that you never know. I hope everything works out. YOu sound better.
Recommended Posts