daterhater Posted August 30, 2005 Posted August 30, 2005 I recently started dating my guy friend of four years. he broke up with his girlfriend of 7 years for me. i was in love with him long before he broke up with her and he had fallen for me, but tried to shake the feeling away out of respect for his girlfriend. he never acted on his feelings toward me. anyway, we started dating in spring and things were good. i was really happy with him. we both felt like we'd found our soul mate. he tells me he loves me now. he's completely in love with me and i can feel it. however, now he's let himself go. he has gained weight. he won't hang out with my girl friends, but i hang out with his male friends all the time. he claims it's because he feels awkward and would have no one to talk to. i'm far more shy than him, but manage to throw myself into situations where i only know my boyfriend. he also puts no effort into coming to my place. he won't drive to my town because he hates interstate driving and only has done it once in his life. i enjoy driving, but i can't afford to keep doing it and am tired of putting so much effort into things. also, while he was still with his girlfriend, i developed an enormous crush on my young, cute photography instructor. he's friends of friends so i've seen him around at shows, bars, etc. he's shy around girls. i'm shy period, so this really hasn't gone anywhere. we've made eye contact so many times at shoes and both shy away. i THINK he likes me or at least is attracted to me, but i don't know. he's 32 and i'm 23, so there's a bit of an age gap as well. at the last show we were both at, we had a conversation and while he was really awkward and quiet, i feel like he liked me but was a little uneasy or shy?? i assumed that finally hooking up with the man i'd been in love with the past four years would cause me to forget my photography teacher, but i have not. the crush is as strong as always. when i go to shows now, i secretly hope he'll be there so i have a chance to talk to him. i know it's not ideal to date my ex-teacher and i could just be in love with the idea of the unknown older, talented, attractive guy. i love my boyfriend and care about him so much. i'm just not sure if it's right to be dating him. also, when we first hooked up, sex was amazing, but now he just lays on his back making me do all the work. I HATE THAT. same ole same ole me always on top doing all the work. he doesn't even try to turn me on.
kitkat826 Posted August 30, 2005 Posted August 30, 2005 Hmm...Im not sure if this photographer guy is something that would actually pan out, but the current boyfriend doesn't seem too promising either. Maybe a lot of the intial attraction between you two was desire for the forbidden? And now that you have it, its not what you expected... I say dump the current guy and try out photographer man and a bunch others while you are at it. You are too young to settle for pudgy, lie-there-like-a-beached-whale sex.
Author daterhater Posted August 30, 2005 Author Posted August 30, 2005 i'd say the photographer would be unlikely to be something long term just because i don't know how comfortable he'd be with me being 10 years younger. who knows. i'm afraid to dump my boyfriend because i can picture him being the father of my kids, a great husband, a great father, and a friend for life. i don't want to lose him now and not be able to get him back later when i realize there's no one better.
kitkat826 Posted August 30, 2005 Posted August 30, 2005 i'm afraid to dump my boyfriend because i can picture him being the father of my kids, a great husband, a great father, and a friend for life. i don't want to lose him now and not be able to get him back later when i realize there's no one better. Are you afraid, or are you confident? Those are two separate things.IMO, you should always stay with someone over reasons of confidence. From your original post, it doesn't sound like you are very confident, or you woudn't have written it. I understand your fear of losing him forever and regretting it, but I can assure you that the wonderings mentioned in the original post will not just go away with time
Recommended Posts