LIFEISCRAZY Posted August 30, 2005 Posted August 30, 2005 Well here is my story. I recently was dumped by my ex about 2 months ago. We went out for about 2 and a half years. I loved this girl to death. She was my everything. I would do anything for her. I felt that she was my future wife. Well she had me thinking the same. She would always cry saying she would die if she wasnt with me and that she could never imagine herself without me and all this stuff that would make me believe she loved me just as much. You see we were a couple who argued a lot. We argued about very stupid things though. But for some reason we always argued. I mean dont get me wrong, we also have had very great moments too but we just fought so much. The bad thing was that I would not get to see her so much and I would probably see her once or twice a week so we couldnt really talk about things face to face. We lost each others virginity too. Well basically the thing was that she broke up with me 2 months ago. I dont really know why. I thought it was because she wanted freedom but it seems to me that wasnt the answer. At first she went crazy and talked to every man she seen. She would be so quick to give out her number and screen name. Then she found someone and started going out with them. She is still with that person now. It kills me to know that she is not with me. I can talk to many girls but i just prefer not to because im always thinking of my ex. I just loved her so much. I still see her twice a week at church. We dont look or even say a word to each other. It feels so weird. Well the thing is I need some advice. First of all is it bad for me always thinking about her knowing she found someone else and has moved on? Also I was cleaning my room like 3 days ago and I found every single letter she ever gave me and a few other things. I read every single one of them. It got me even more sad seeing how she used to act like she loved me so much. I put them all in a bag and I was planning on giving her all of the stuff. I kinda feel one day she will come back but im not sure. i know I was a very good boyfriend and I really never expected this. I mean we argued but everyone argues and we would always solve it. I just dont get it. Well I want to make her feel like dang I cant believe i felt that way for him and just feel bad or something. So do I give her all her stuff back? I mean I dont know what I want or what to do. Please give me some advice.
Fallen_Angel Posted August 30, 2005 Posted August 30, 2005 Forgive my nosiness, but how old are the two of you? Is this your first serious relationship, and was it hers as well? I only ask because I'm going through something similar, where I feel as though my ex came down with "grass is greener" syndrome except he worded it to me as "I don't see myself marrying you." Anyway, you're not going to get over a 2+ year relationship overnight, much less after a month or two or five (I'm at five). Heck, it might take you two months to get the shock to wear off. Of course you're going to torture yourself with thoughts of your ex with someone else, but you have to try and limit these thoughts or else you'll go mad. Allot a specific portion of your day to them, just so you get them out. One of the most important things to do after the demise of a relationship is to HIDE THE EVIDENCE. That means every picture, every letter, every reminder, every anything (aside from gifts you use all the time - that's your stuff now!). I don't necessarily mean you have to have a huge bonfire or anything, but you need to put these things out of sight until you're strong enough to face them again. Unfortunately even the best boy/girlfriends get dumped. I too feel as though I gave my ex everything he asked for and then some, but in the end that apparently wasn't enough. You have to convince yourself that SHE is losing out. Somewhere along the line you're going to meet a girl who will be so very, very happy with the things you have to offer. I know such a thought is nearly impossible to grasp right now, but you have to make a concerted effort to move forward. Don't worry; there are plenty of us here going through the same roller coaster of emotions you are.
Author LIFEISCRAZY Posted August 30, 2005 Author Posted August 30, 2005 First of all im sorry to hear what happened to you. Im sure you are a great girl and you didnt deserve it. Well I am 18 years old and yes this is both our first serious relationship. Look I know that there might be other girls out there offering so much but its just so hard because I dont want to hurt any girl knowing I still have really deep feelings for my ex. Not only that but just going through the whole getting to know someone else allllllll over again. Have to ask them millions of questions and find out if they really are my type. See the reason I feel like this is just that I know this girl isnt like this. I think she is confused and doesnt know what she wants. I promise all the things we have been through and done and all the things we have told each other, there was no doubt in my mind that she was my future wife. I dont get this. Why would she do something like that? Also so should I give her everything she has ever gave me and all the letters back? Maybe if she reads the letters she will realize how stupid she really was and feel bad and not to be mean or anything but to find out that she wants me back would make me feel so much better.
Author LIFEISCRAZY Posted August 31, 2005 Author Posted August 31, 2005 Well sorry to say but I know I might have done the wrong thing in yall eyes but I just had to do it. Today I put everything that my ex ever gave me in a bag and I went to her house and gave it to her. When I went in the house I just handed it to her and walked out. Then she stopped me and asked if I had went all the way to her house just to give her that and I replyed with Yes and then she said I gave you these things so you need to keep them and then I said No they belong to you and said I had to go. So she opened the door for me while saying oh you are so immature and saying that it was imaturity and nothing but imaturity. So I didnt say anything and just walked out and went in my car and left. Now I dont know if what I did was stupid or imature or not? I dont think it was but I need yall opinion. What do you think I should have done? Did I do the right thing?
Art_Critic Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 Now I dont know if what I did was stupid or imature or not? It was very immature .. Those were your things that she gave you and you gave them back to her so that you could hurt her. everybody has done it.. Cut yourself some slack You are hurting .. Try and leave her alone for a while and you need a good bit of time to clear your head, as you obviously aren't thinking with your head and are thinking with your heart. Chin up dude .. You will start to feel better and your will find somone better for you than she was
Author LIFEISCRAZY Posted August 31, 2005 Author Posted August 31, 2005 Look the main reason I gave her stuff back was because of all the letters she ever gave me and all the things she ever wrote to me behind pics and stuff. I just wanted her to read some of those things and see how she acted like she loved me so much and how she was so stupid for what she did. Also I felt that was what I wanted to do. If I wouldnt have done it then I would have always been questioning myself like "oh what if I would have gave her everything back". Look its so hard to forget about her. I see her atleast twice a week at church and Im always hearing about her by somebody somehow. I dont know what to do and this is really stressing me out. I wonder what she is thinking right now and if she even read the letters and seen all the pictures or just probably threw everything away. I dont understand why am i feeling so bad when i know i wasnt the wrong one for this break up? Somehow she makes me feel like this is my fault and for some reason I let that crap affect me. I dont know what to do.
Candy Cane Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 Forget about the letters and forget about showing her how much she cared or convincing her or anything of the sort. You've done enough. Now, just let go of the situation. Let time and space work its magic. When you see her in church, make a point to smile really big at her and act like everything is super good. Hang out with your friends and laugh. If she says something to you, be very kind but keep it short and act like you've got things to do. You do these things and you've got the best chance of her coming back to you. Now, dry your tears. Be positive. Things will work out great. You're the man, right? She'd be a fool not to be with you.
Author LIFEISCRAZY Posted September 1, 2005 Author Posted September 1, 2005 I understand what you mean in a way. Well first of all I dont think she will ever come back to me. She shows in so many ways that she doesnt even have 1 little feeling still left for me. She is boy crazy now and loves attention from all of them. Another thing, she will never say something to me because she never has since like 2 months ago. She really shows she doesnt care no more. And the last thing is I left the church so I wont get to see her at all and Ill just go to another church for now. I cant go thinking about my ex all day when my real purpose is to go for God and learn about the word. Do yall think that was smart of me to say no more going to that church for now though?......By the way, I dont think I can cry anymore because I have before so much that I dont even have tears left in my eyes. Well just get back to me on some feedback please. I know pretty soon ill get over this for good and instead of asking for advice ill be giving it.
Candy Cane Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 I don't know. Why do you have such a defeatest attitude? Why not try to get her back? Go to church and smile at her like I said and act all cool. Laugh with your friends and stop acting miserable. She's not going to want you if you're acting miserable. She wants a strong guy who knows what he wants and who is confident enough to go after it. Start flirting with her friend. When she starts showing an interest in you again, make her wait for awhile before you ask her out. You can sit and "not cry" about it if you want or you can take some proactive steps in getting back what you lost if you are man enough to handle it. Are you?
Author LIFEISCRAZY Posted September 2, 2005 Author Posted September 2, 2005 Listen ive lost her before. Right after we hit our year anniversery she had told me one day out of nowhere that she didnt want to be with me because she didnt feel she was rdy for what i wanted and that she wanted to explore and date around and stuff because she realized if she was going to be, it was going to be serious and we were going to work our way to marriage. Well I didnt understand and thats when I would cry and be all sad and just do everything I could to show her my love. I would go to her school just to give her letters or poems and I would buy her flowers and teddy bears and gifts and I would visit her when she was sick and I would call her all the time to find out if she was okay and I would be like her dummy and she was my pimp or something. She basically would control everything at the time. Well I did this for 3 WHOLE MONTHS. I was so in love that I did it. Then thats when one day she said how she couldnt believe i waited for her so long and she cryed and went back with me. SO basically what im trying to say is ive fought for her allready. And to be honest I dont know anyone who would wait for 3 months like an idiot like that. I was just so blinded by love. Look I would LOVE to be with her but I dont think that if I had the chance I would. She has hurt me so much now. She acts like I got no feelings. Yeah im a man and can take pain but I got a heart too. And I stopped going to the church so she wont see me anymore and I guess I will do that until I feel rdy to go back. So now what do you think?
Candy Cane Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 I think if she's so awful that you should forget about her, go BACK to church and date her friend...like I said.
Author LIFEISCRAZY Posted September 2, 2005 Author Posted September 2, 2005 She isnt awful. I didnt go out with her for 2 and a half years and fell in love with her for no reason. She isnt a bad person she is just very concerened about herself right now and not caring about me at all. She has hurt me in many ways and she has changed herself into something that I am not really in love with anymore. Like ck_guy02 said, do I really want someone who doesnt feel the same for me and who would just leave me like If I was nothing? Well No I think im worth a little more then that and I deserve true love. Now I have a question. What type of person would go and date her friend? First of all that is showing that im very immature and I have no respect for myself and what makes you think that one of her friends would want to talk to me knowing how deeply in love i was with my ex? I mean dont you think there is other ways to handle this? I dont know. Im confused.
Candy Cane Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 Yeah, I don't see it as being immature at all. It's moving on. What's immature is sitting around dwelling about your feelings toward this girl. Personally, I don't see any other way in handling it. I think you are hiding and over-analyzing and I think you're stuck. Learn the phrase, "Easy come, easy go. This won't break my heart don't ya know." It's a song. Probably before your time. One thing you seriously need to realize is that love isn't always unconditional and sometimes you will need to earn it. As a man, you need to prove that you are tough and have the ability to move on. How do you do this? By going back to church, smiling in her face and flirting with her friend like you mean it. Hey, you might actually come to like that friend. Trust me, as a woman there is NO WAY I'd date you knowing that you couldn't be man enough to face me or have the ability to move on without me. I'm trying to help you out here, dude. Trust me on this one.
Author LIFEISCRAZY Posted September 5, 2005 Author Posted September 5, 2005 Well thanks for the advice but personally I think im going to try my way for once and see how it goes. Im not going to try and see her anyway possible. Im going to just be invisible to her and try and start working on myself. And when I feel im strong enough and mentaly rdy, then ill go. If not it will be like wasting my time going and just hurting myself everytime. To be honest with you I dont think I could flirt with a friend of hers. Her friends wouldnt flirt back. They just know how I was into her and they wouldnt want to talk to me because of that reason. Im sorry I just cant see myself doing as you say. I dont know if you are right or not but im just going to try it this way and then if it doesnt work ill have to do something else. Thanks anyways and hopefully you can support me either way.
DawgyLama Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 Staying away from her and working on yourself is the best thing you can do right now. It's going to hurt for a while but it does get better eventually. I have found that writing letters (but not sending them) can be helpful in getting your feelings out and helping you learn what you can from the relationship so you don't have to learn the same lesson again.
Author LIFEISCRAZY Posted September 6, 2005 Author Posted September 6, 2005 You know what confuses me though? Why would someone be so cool with a break up like this and move on like its nothing after 2 and a half years and losing her virginity to you and just saying things like "i want to marry you" and "i cant wait for us to have kids" and "I would die without you". I mean I just dont understand. If someone loved someone else that much dont you think that they should just stay neutral for a while and not talk to anyone and just stay at home thinking or something?
Merin Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 It's always hard to understand how a person can appear so into you only to end the relationship... In your mind it was sudden, but honestly my guess is your GF had started to emotionally pull away from the relationship long before she actually ended it. I know it doesn't make you feel any better here, but your relationship isn't the first one that ended even when you thought things were great and someone loved you a lot... people grow and change sometimes they do that together and sometimes they do not. At this point don't sweat giving her back her letters or whatever else you gave... whats done is done... what matters now is finding solace in other things and moving forward with what is going to make you okay. Hang in there
Rocko Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 This is seriously the biggest problem here on LS and on other heartbreak sites. "Grass is Greener" Syndrome or "Changes." I call Shennanigans. If everyone's changing, why does it feel like we're the ones being left behind? How do people remain in long term monogamous commitments? Why do people let go if they love you so much? It's been one month since my ex told me "things change." She's entered college, and now, 2 weeks later, she's got a boyfriend who she doesn't even know that well. Yes, I'm bewildered. And yes, I treated her like a queen. I'm 19, she's 18. I understand the whole exploring bit. And yes, in hindsight she began pulling away months ago. So what did I do? A few days ago, I told her I loved her, and that we could not be friends at this time. Now I'm just letting her go. It's up to her to decide what to do. Me, I'm trying my best to move on. We've got so many external ties though, so I'm not sure whats going to happen...She's going to be in my life no matter what, so I've got to handle this the best I can.. I know i haven't really said much...I'm just venting in your thread, but apparently everyone can relate.
Mary3 Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 Do NOT under any circumstances get involved with ANYONE while you stew over this mess. You will hurt the next nice girl that comes your way. I would not take this girl back. Period. What once was.....is no more....and you need to move on. Some people just need to get away from the takers , the ones that hurt and STAY away. Don't * wait * for this girl. Thats like waiting for a freight train to run you over.. Move on . Now.......
Author LIFEISCRAZY Posted September 9, 2005 Author Posted September 9, 2005 Thanks for all your support. Its been really helpful and it really shows that there are many people out there like you guys who really care about others because you might have gone through it too. Well Ive been better. Im not fully recovered but Ive been a little better. I went to the club a few days ago and I was with some girls and I felt much better. Only thing is those girls arent here with me now and I probably will never talk to them again. I dont know. I guess im doing pretty good. Ive been just trying to stay busy by going to school and working and just trying to work out and play ball as much as I can. I wont lie to you though. No matter what I always have time where im just relaxing at night and I start to think about past stuff. Look I dont know why im acting like this. I mean to be honest with yall, I dont think that any girl who really wants to find love wouldnt want to be with me. I mean I am not the perfect guy but I know what love is and I know how to treat a girl or atleast I think I do. The only thing is like Mary3 said, I dont want another girl because I dont want to treat them bad or make them feel for me more then I do for them knowing that I still have feelings for my ex which I think I will have for a very long time. I dont know. Im still a little confused but im working at it.......I Guess.
Mary3 Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 No You wont have feelings for her for a VERY long time because you are going to GET ON with you LIFE ! Which by the way is happening right NOW and so I would not depend on CLUBS to find nice girls. Its normal to feel many weeks of hurt and pain but thats where you are going to change and be different,. There's lots of places to meet nice girls. Bars arent one of them. Ballgames maybe....concerts....yes....art shows Definately....Gyms...maybe....You pick your cup of magic,...whatever works for you ! Good Luck. Please dont mull over her for too long....just not worth it !
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