Did any of you GFs make you think you were crazy?

[c.a.f.]

Near the end of our LTR, my gf would mention something that she believes I said, and I never said it. Quite random things too:

 

Example 1: There was an opened pouch of coffee in the fridge, which had been in there for months at that point. It was my GFs, but only opened and used once, by me, and until that day had stayed put. I was out of coffee and so I remembered her pouch in the fridge and I knew she never used it. So I asked her if I could.

 

Now when I make coffee, I almost always consistently make a full pot. I know I will drink it throughout the day, and especially with it being Saturday I would have more than enough time to drink the full pot.

 

Anyways so I was 100% planning to make a full pot. I even checked the contents to make sure there was enough for a full pot before even asking her. Plus she never used it anyways and rarely drinks coffee at all, so I knew she wouldn't mind that I made coffee with her stuff. She said yes, I said cool thanks, and went on my way back to the kitchen to make it. Maybe 20 minutes later she comes in the kitchen and sees the full pot of coffee, and says to me:

 

"Oh, you made a full pot. You said you were only going to make 1/2."

 

"Uh, no. You must have misheard me, I didn't say that."

 

"But I heard you say it."

 

"Maybe you did, but I don't remember saying it. I don't think I would have said that."

 

"So you're saying I'm crazy? Or I'm lying?"

 

"No, maybe you misheard me or something. I wasn't planning on making a 1/2 pot so why would I have said that?"

 

So you can imagine the type of weird conversation that takes place. Like I'm seriously trying to think back and remember if I could have even said that, because if I did, I had literally no recollection of it. I had no intention of making only 1/2 a pot so her story doesn't make sense.

 

Example 2: We were playing a new board game that I was familiar with and she was not. It had been a while since I last played it so I was going over and following the instructions. We played for maybe an hour that day. And I would say we both knew the rules well.

 

The next time we go to play, she asks about a rule that she heard me when I was explaining the rules last time. The conversation went as follows:

 

"So how many points do you need to instantly win the game?"

 

"Uh, I don't think you can instantly win the game like that."

 

"Yea, you told me about that last time we played."

 

"Um, no I didn't. I'll check the rules to make sure..."

[i went over the instructions very carefully, looking for that rule]

"Yea, it's not in here..."

 

"Well I heard you say it."

 

"Why would I tell you a rule that isn't in the instructions?"

 

"I don't know but that's what you said. You said there was a certain number of points that you need to instantly win the game."

 

"I don't remember saying that, because I was following the instructions and the rule isn't in there. So why would I have said that?"

 

It just didn't make sense to me logically. Even if I completely forgot what I said, I don't think I actually would have realistically said it. I was following and reading outloud the instructions as we were playing, so it just doesn't make sense that I would have mentioned a rule that doesn't exist.

 

So then she says that I should bring her to a psychologist because it's not normal that she is crazy like that. How the hell do I respond to that? Am I actually supposed to drive her down to a psychologist because of this?

 

A part of me believes she was just playing. I'm not sure why she would want to do that, but it felt like she was messing with me. But then there's another part that believes her, that perhaps I said something that I completely forgot. But it doesn't make sense why I would have said any of those things in the first place, even if I forgot. And yet another part that believes maybe she is actually crazy and needs help.

 

Anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? Is she just playing me, is she crazy, or am I crazy? Really only one of three ways this can go. Thanks

[somanymistakes]

Some people have really bad memories and are super-defensive about being challenged on it.

 

Some people actually like to make you think that you're crazy because that makes it easier to browbeat and manipulate you. If you get used to thinking you can't trust your own memory, it's easier for them to tell you whatever they want you to believe.

[c.a.f.]

Some people have really bad memories and are super-defensive about being challenged on it.

 

Some people actually like to make you think that you're crazy because that makes it easier to browbeat and manipulate you. If you get used to thinking you can't trust your own memory, it's easier for them to tell you whatever they want you to believe.

 

I do tend to be rather forgetful, but not quite like this. Perhaps I say things and forget about them later, but it's still me saying them in the moment. It doesn't stand to reason that I would tell her something that I was never intending to, or make up something that I had no reason to make up. That's why it's such a remarkable experience, because then possibly I had been saying things this illogical and silly and forget about them for years! What if I actually am crazy?

 

So I hope she's just messing with me, or something.

[Arieswoman]

c.a.f.

Look up "gaslighting" and you'll have your answer.

 

It's a subtle way of controlling people by keeping them off balance psychologically and make them doubt their own reality.

[Chilli]

But was it just a couple of silly little things like that or does it happen dozens, all the time over and over ?

 

Does she start getting nasty ?

[preraph]

Maybe she needs to do that for some reason, make people feel nutty. It is gaslighting. If she'll do it on coffee, she'll get right nasty on more personal stuff. Not a good sign.

 

Now, I did watch a narcissist play Monopoly once with her bf also playing. Her instant win was promising him sexual favors for properties. So I'm not suggesting you bend the rules, but do with that information what you may.

[basil67]

The biggest red flag I'm getting is that she's fighting over things which really don't matter. We can all mishear people. And sometimes we can be absolutely sure in our belief about what was said. But sensible people don't have arguments over it, they just say "Oh, OK then" and let it go.

 

If a partner did to me what she does to you, the pettiness would drive me crazy and I'd break up.

[d0nnivain]

Why would you want to continue a relationship with somebody who selfishly begrudges you a 1/2 pot of coffee? I'd give the shirt off my back & my last dollar to help somebody I love.

 

I question your sanity for putting up with this.