JuneL Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 (edited) This question is motivated by Greencove’s recent thread. A couple of years ago, someone who is a big name in my profession and whom I know quite well visited my area for business, and we had a relatively expensive dinner together to catch up (my choice of restaurant). He wanted to split the bill, but I thought since I was the host, I insisted on treating. The next day, after he flew back home, he sent me a very nice email, saying “Thank you for the lovely dinner” and how he had a good time and had enjoyed the evening. He also mentioned a couple of things in a light and a bit flirty manner. He’s very much married with kids, but can be both fun and serious, and a little flirty at times (to my taste). I know this is how he has always been, and I know he has absolutely no other intentions. The thing is, personally, I wouldn’t have used the word “lovely” in the follow-up note. But I’m also not a natively English speaker, so perhaps I was a little to uptight? This reminds me of my question about a man using “Dear” to address a younger woman in conversations. Edited March 24, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 What is it that Freud said? Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. The word lovely is an adjective. It was used correctly in the sentence. While there are more masculine adjectives out there, you are over reading the word choice. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 IMO, you were an exemplary host and his comment about a lovely dinner was likely indicative of his style of communication. I'll often use the same word when thanking hosts, even fellow males who are friends or business colleagues. 'Thanks for that lovely dinner, my treat next time' if we'd had a friendly haggle over the bill and they won. As many wives have told me, and the same applies to men - 'I'm married, not dead' so they still joke and flirt and use double entendres and everyone knows the boundaries or those who don't get it explained to them 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 Lovely dinner is a perfectly acceptable phrasing and not flirty in native English.... unless the dinner was absolutely awful and you were wearing a knockout dress. Context is everything! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 Nothing wrong with the use of words... But was his wife ok with the two of you having dinner at a fancy restaurant at your request while he was out of town ???...Practically all wouldn't be...Sounds like you have a crush on him and are trying to see if there is any interest....but I dunno... A good majority of men would see your gesture as an opportunity...Just sayin" TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 One of the vendors I deal with at work addressed an email to me “Dear Seven...” I’m fairly sure he didn’t mean to imply romantic feelings. Although I find the word “lovely” a bit dated, I would not infer it translated to romantic interest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyLibertyBelle Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 What is the nationality of your friend? American or British Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 No issues here from an American English perspective. Perfectly fine use of the word 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyLibertyBelle Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 British people use lovely in all sorts of situations 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 Well, instead of lovely, he could have said, "Thanks for the chow...", but that might have offended Chinese people. He could have said, "Thanks for the grub...", but that might have offended insects. He could have said, "Thanks for great meal..."But that might have offended Alexander. He could have said, "Thanks for putting on the feedbag..." But that might have offended simple country folk. Etc., ... seems there is no proper way to say thanks in more than a single word anymore... So, yeah, I think you're reading too much into a single phrase. Now, if he keeps up with the 'lovely' comments then it might be inappropriate, so I'd forgive him this once but keep an ever vigilant eye open. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 The word lovely has no other connotations. "Dear" is merely traditional. His thank you note was appropriate and nothing more. By the way, if he's in your profession, you can write off that dinner on your taxes, so I hope you kept the receipts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JuneL Posted March 25, 2018 Author Share Posted March 25, 2018 One of the vendors I deal with at work addressed an email to me “Dear Seven...” I’m fairly sure he didn’t mean to imply romantic feelings. Although I find the word “lovely” a bit dated, I would not infer it translated to romantic interest. Oh it's totally normal to open an email with "Dear June" (for the not-so-young folks anyway). I was talking about verbally calling a younger woman "Dear" (like how sometimes an waitress may call her customers) in a more professional setting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JuneL Posted March 25, 2018 Author Share Posted March 25, 2018 Nothing wrong with the use of words... But was his wife ok with the two of you having dinner at a fancy restaurant at your request while he was out of town ???...Practically all wouldn't be...Sounds like you have a crush on him and are trying to see if there is any interest....but I dunno... A good majority of men would see your gesture as an opportunity...Just sayin" TFY Interesting perspective. Oh his wife knew about me even before meeting me in person. He was one of the more senior people I would go to for advice professionally when I was more junior. So even though it was his idea to have dinner, I thought I should treat. I picked a more expensive restaurant just so that I wouldn't appear too cheap When I said he is a bit flirty, I meant he's flirty to other younger women as well; that's the way he is. For me, it's totally harmless, and I know he has absolutely no other intentions. I was just saying I wouldn't have used the word "lovely"; but like everyone here said, this word was perfectly fine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 One of the vendors I deal with at work addressed an email to me “Dear Seven...” I think my software automatically puts "Dear" as an opening, when I start a letter. I used Dear Mr. "fill in the blank" on all of my business letters for 20+ years. I think for me, its just part of the letter. Like "Thank you" or "Sincerely" at the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts