Grey40 Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 Hooked up with this girl 2 weeks ago, we went almost the whole way but didn’t for obvious reasons. That was the first night we met. She’s 22. She texted me a lot following that night, and we agreed to go on a date a few days later, she ended up bailing on the date saying she had to stay later with her family because they were going out to dinner. A few days go by and I ask her out again and she happily and excitedly agreed. When the day of the date came around, she said she got called into work at night because of delayed opening with the snow (she was supposed to work morning but because of snow got changed to night shift). So I said no worries, and then I left for a trip to Miami for a week. I didn’t talk to her at all that week, she didn’t reach out either. She did open all of my instagram stories and what not though. So I got back on Tuesday, texted her on Wednesday and asked how her day was going etc. here was the conversation: Me: Hey you:) how’s this snow day treating you? Her: hey! ugh it sucks but i'm having wine which is helping how's yours going? im sure more sucky considering you just got back from miami!! haha how was that? Me: Haha nice yeah wine will definitley help, might consider having some myself Miami was unbelievable, a literally life changing experience loved every minute of it, gotta go back eventually. But yeah getting off the plane getting hit by that 30 degree wind was brutal haha and now 8 inches of snow, so a bit of a change, how was your week? She never responded to that last text since 6pm last night, it’s almost been a full day. I find it weird that she seems excited to hear from me and even asks a question about my trip then just totally disappears. I know she bailed on me twice already, but figured both times were legitimate reasons so figured I’d try again once more when I returned. She’s been on Instagram and what not, so I know it’s not a phone related issue, she’s purposely ignoring me.
preraph Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 Probably was out for the evening and then work the next day. Not everyone likes to keep texting going back and forth forever. She'll either turn up or she won't. 3
Imajerk17 Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 It just seems bizarre to me to fret about one unanswered text. Have you actually set up the next date yet? If not then text her to set it up. She probably isn't thinking much that she didn't get back to your text so you shouldn't be overthinking it either. 1
Author Grey40 Posted March 22, 2018 Author Posted March 22, 2018 It just seems bizarre to me to fret about one unanswered text. Have you actually set up the next date yet? If not then text her to set it up. She probably isn't thinking much that she didn't get back to your text so you shouldn't be overthinking it either. Texted her about an hour ago saying we should hang out again then asked if she’s free Sunday to get drinks at XX” haven’t heard back yet
Highndry Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 When a woman is into you, there's never a question. When she's not, you get situations like this. That's not to say this one won't turn up, but her interest is obviously lukewarm. The alcohol would be a red flag for me. Sounds like a party girl - the worst kind in my opinion.
PRW Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 If someone want's too be with you they make the time. She was into you the first time you went out. She was not into you after that. She is 22. Get used to it. One the 2nd and 3rd date attempt those were just boilerplate excuses (that every experienced guy recognizes) so she doesn't offend you and to keep you dangling on the side in case she changes her mind later. When you texted her at the end you took the safe path and asked about the weather. You should have just offered (not asked, but offered) a date at a specific time/day/place. It probably wouldn't really have mattered at this point, but remember that next time with the next girl. Do not initiate contact at this point, but at the same time respond friendly and happily to her if she reaches out. If she does reach out your response will be "Great to hear from you, when are you free to get together?" and set a date. If she declines your response is, "Ok, well let me know if you change your mind" and then shut up and move on. Repeat this same process each time until she either accepts a date or stops contacting you. You have done all you can do.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 She isn't overly interested, OP. How did you meet her the first time?
Author Grey40 Posted March 22, 2018 Author Posted March 22, 2018 She isn't overly interested, OP. How did you meet her the first time? At a bar, she was with a friend and so was I. We took them back to my friends house, my friend went with the one girl upstairs and I stayed with this girl downstairs and as I’ve said we basically had a one night stand minus the intercourse part. She showed signs of severe interest the next 2 days and even agreed to a date saying “I would love to hang out again”—she was sober when saying that. and then the day came around and she bailed. This happened 2 times in a row. Then I went away. Now she’s gone cold. Been 24 hours no response to either of my 2 texts.
Mrin Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 At a bar, she was with a friend and so was I. We took them back to my friends house, my friend went with the one girl upstairs and I stayed with this girl downstairs and as I’ve said we basically had a one night stand minus the intercourse part. She showed signs of severe interest the next 2 days and even agreed to a date saying “I would love to hang out again”—she was sober when saying that. and then the day came around and she bailed. This happened 2 times in a row. Then I went away. Now she’s gone cold. Been 24 hours no response to either of my 2 texts. Don't text any more. At all. Ball is in her court.
Author Grey40 Posted March 23, 2018 Author Posted March 23, 2018 She finally texted back saying “sorry I’ve been in class all day and didn’t answer” she can’t do Sunday because she has a family party and an exam the next day..so I just said “hey no problem good luck with your exam, maybe some other time let me know when you get some free time and we’ll set something up”—moving on and not contacting her again. If she comes back and I’m still available, then we’ll see. 1
Mrin Posted March 23, 2018 Posted March 23, 2018 She finally texted back saying “sorry I’ve been in class all day and didn’t answer” she can’t do Sunday because she has a family party and an exam the next day..so I just said “hey no problem good luck with your exam, maybe some other time let me know when you get some free time and we’ll set something up”—moving on and not contacting her again. If she comes back and I’m still available, then we’ll see. Perfect just leave it there 1
newyorker11356 Posted March 23, 2018 Posted March 23, 2018 She finally texted back saying “sorry I’ve been in class all day and didn’t answer” she can’t do Sunday because she has a family party and an exam the next day..so I just said “hey no problem good luck with your exam, maybe some other time let me know when you get some free time and we’ll set something up”—moving on and not contacting her again. If she comes back and I’m still available, then we’ll see. Perfect, leave it just like that. At this point, the ball is in her court. 1
Highndry Posted March 23, 2018 Posted March 23, 2018 At a bar, she was with a friend and so was I. We took them back to my friends house, my friend went with the one girl upstairs and I stayed with this girl downstairs and as I’ve said we basically had a one night stand minus the intercourse part. She showed signs of severe interest the next 2 days and even agreed to a date saying “I would love to hang out again”—she was sober when saying that. and then the day came around and she bailed. This happened 2 times in a row. Then I went away. Now she’s gone cold. Been 24 hours no response to either of my 2 texts. This additional information gives me a totally different perspective on the situation. While your friend was upstairs banging her friend, she was downstairs with you wishing she was getting banged like her friend, and after leaving she had to listen to what a good banging her friend got, and wished that she was also getting a good banging. Party girls - that's what they want.
Author Grey40 Posted March 23, 2018 Author Posted March 23, 2018 (edited) This additional information gives me a totally different perspective on the situation. While your friend was upstairs banging her friend, she was downstairs with you wishing she was getting banged like her friend, and after leaving she had to listen to what a good banging her friend got, and wished that she was also getting a good banging. Party girls - that's what they want. Nope my friend really dropped the ball, he didn’t even do anything with her other than makout. The other girl wasn’t very into him, but took one for the team so her friend could be with me I think so that wasn’t it at all. Edited March 23, 2018 by Grey40
Author Grey40 Posted March 23, 2018 Author Posted March 23, 2018 (edited) Most likely she’s just bouncing around other options and I’m not the main one. this happens to me a lot with women I meet, especially recently. They act really really into me initially and then for some reason back off completely, say they’re too busy, bail on dates etc. (maybe because of me but sometimes it seems like no real logical reason for it) and then I’ll move on and randomly 2 weeks later they’ll start liking my posts, texting me and telling me when they’re available to hang out. Strange. Almost like they’re testing me to see if I’ll chase them down, and then when I don’t they come crawling back. (Not always, but a lot of the time. Sometimes they do go away for good too, but more often than not, they start coming back). Edited March 23, 2018 by Grey40
ExpatInItaly Posted March 23, 2018 Posted March 23, 2018 Most likely she’s just bouncing around other options and I’m not the main one. this happens to me a lot with women I meet, especially recently. They act really really into me initially and then for some reason back off completely, say they’re too busy, bail on dates etc. (maybe because of me but sometimes it seems like no real logical reason for it) and then I’ll move on and randomly 2 weeks later they’ll start liking my posts, texting me and telling me when they’re available to hang out. Strange. Almost like they’re testing me to see if I’ll chase them down, and then when I don’t they come crawling back. (Not always, but a lot of the time. Sometimes they do go away for good too, but more often than not, they start coming back). And are you meeting these girls out at bars too? I ask because it's generally not a great place to meet serious prospects. People have beer goggles on, inhibitions are lowered, it's a fun night. And then the sun rises, the booze wears off and they realize over the coming days they don't want to take it further. Don't put much weight into people you pick up while you (or they) have been drinking. It's not a good way to get a feel of someone's true interest.
salparadise Posted March 23, 2018 Posted March 23, 2018 this happens to me a lot with women I meet, especially recently. They act really really into me initially and then for some reason back off completely, say they’re too busy, bail on dates etc. (maybe because of me but sometimes it seems like no real logical reason for it) It's a form of GIGS... or unicorn hunting. They're young, fertile females optimizing and maximizing their mating potential. They have a lot of options and they aren't going to wait around unless you happen to be one of the two-percenters that electrify their autonomic nervous system and make the uncontrollably wet. When you get lucky and find them wet and ready, don't make the mistake of thinking it all about you and that your little window of opportunity is going to remain wide open. Make hay while the sun shines.
PRW Posted March 23, 2018 Posted March 23, 2018 Most likely she’s just bouncing around other options and I’m not the main one. this happens to me a lot with women I meet, especially recently. They act really really into me initially and then for some reason back off completely, say they’re too busy, bail on dates etc. (maybe because of me but sometimes it seems like no real logical reason for it) and then I’ll move on and randomly 2 weeks later they’ll start liking my posts, texting me and telling me when they’re available to hang out. Strange. That is typically because the guy over pursues and over-focuses on them and it makes them uncomfortable and makes the guy appear unattractive to them. Then when the guy backs away the girl feels more comfortable and they reappear. They are not "crawling" back,...they have lots of options. Attractive young women can get laid any time they want to, if that is all they are looking for. Their attraction level just simply began to rise again after you backed off. It does not matter if you believe you are guilty of this or not. What IS important is that they view you as guilty of that, even if they are wrong. Your job is to figure out what you might be saying or doing that is causing them to think that way.
newyorker11356 Posted March 23, 2018 Posted March 23, 2018 That is typically because the guy over pursues and over-focuses on them and it makes them uncomfortable and makes the guy appear unattractive to them. Then when the guy backs away the girl feels more comfortable and they reappear. They are not "crawling" back,...they have lots of options. Attractive young women can get laid any time they want to, if that is all they are looking for. Their attraction level just simply began to rise again after you backed off. It does not matter if you believe you are guilty of this or not. What IS important is that they view you as guilty of that, even if they are wrong. Your job is to figure out what you might be saying or doing that is causing them to think that way. It's the sign of an immature woman. I'd move on (and have) if I suspected a woman doing this, especially since I know I don't overpursue or make them uncomfortable. Luckily, this hasn't really been my experience. Also, if it's a guy they're into, most likely a guy can do no wrong (such as overpursue). It's only when they're not that into the guy that they see it as a nuisance.
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