python23 Posted March 21, 2018 Posted March 21, 2018 so I've had two dates with this girl, we had dated last year 3 times but it fizzled out due to my circumstances at the time but I initiated contact again around Christmas. we arranged to go out around the middle of feb, it went really well, we have lots in common and have very similar values. we shared a kiss at the end and that was that. she then said she was away with friends the weekend after which is fair enough, and she has an extremely busy career so seeing her during the week isn't possible. so I saw her the week after, this was at the start of march. texting isn't frequent but usually quite long, at first we text 2 or 3 times a week but now its gone down to once a week. I haven't seen her for 3 weeks, I know she has a family member who's ill at the moment so she has to be there to help them which is completely understandable. we should have gone out last weekend but she let me know last minute that it wasn't good timing due to her family members ill health but she suggested this weekend if things improved and said it was her treat for messing me around so I wished her all the best with her family and said of course, next week sounds good, let me know how it goes with the family, I hope she improves this week. that was last week. I've not heard anything since, now I know she's working really late at the minute, that takes up a lot of time, as well as a parent who's ill. so dating isn't going to be on her mind, should I just wait this out or ring her and show concern for her and her family? I really like this girl but I just feel I need to give this one a rest until she's in a better head space, either that or she's just not that interested, she's viewed my social media activity this week so she is on her phone.
SevenCity Posted March 21, 2018 Posted March 21, 2018 I think I'd wait and see if she contacts you. Agreed. Ball is in her court Doing something will just push her away. Women are like cats - you don't go chasing them around when they walk away, let them come to you. 1
PRW Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 (edited) she's in a better head space, either that or she's just not that interested, she's viewed my social media activity this week so she is on her phone. She's just not that interested. That doesn't mean she is disinterested yet, but she may be moving that direction. Over-pursuing, acting worried, scared, or insecure will push her away the rest of the way. Re-evaluate how you present yourself to her. It sounds like you might be too focused on how she is behaving toward you. It is the little things that matter.... For example when trying to get a date you need to present it to her rather than ask her. There is a big difference in saying, "Let's go do <blah> <blah>" instead of "Would you like to go do <blah> <blah>". The first sounds like a man that has come up with a plan, the later sounds weak. Don't talk or act like you are walking on egg shells. For dates be specific when you offer,...specific day/time/place. Nothing last minute, make them about a week out or at least a few days out. No "fuzzy" dates, no last-minute dates. Edited March 22, 2018 by PRW
Maggie4 Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 Give up or wait it out should be the same at this stage. If you need to delete her contact info to officially give up, you’re too emotionally invested. If you need to wait by the phone, counting how many days have passed waiting it out, you are too emotionally invested. She said she’ll treat you, so she needs to contact you for that event. That doesn’t mean you can’t text her when something relevant comes up and you feel like texting at the moment. Be around but be relaxed. 1
Redguitar35 Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 (edited) She's just not that interested. I agree, you are getting nothing but disinterest from her. Here's the thing about dating in general: if they like you, they will make it easy for you. They will be flexible with their schedule. They will make it easy to make an arrangement and spend time with you. Always remember that. I would delete this woman's number and never contact her again unless she contacts you again, and puts forth a BIG effort to meet up again. Edited March 22, 2018 by Redguitar35
Author python23 Posted March 22, 2018 Author Posted March 22, 2018 Agreed. Ball is in her court Doing something will just push her away. Women are like cats - you don't go chasing them around when they walk away, let them come to you. Thanks for all the replies, I know what I’ve got to do, I’ve followed Corey wayne so I know the cat analogy. Taking away all the factors she has going on she’s completely the opposite to the last time we dated, she was so keen to pursue me, so that’s the reason why I feel I need to show my concern and care for her and her situation, but I also understand I can’t pursue too much, I haven’t at all showed weakness or neediness. I’ve been understanding of her situation but I can’t help but feel she would still be making time to at least text or make some form of plans if she had more interest. Il let her come to me, if she does she does, I know she has a lot on. 1
heavenonearth Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 I just don’t see the point. There will never be love between you. If a person is this unenthusiastic at the begging of dating... what’s the point? Don’t you want both parties to feel butterflies? You would want to be crazy for each other and see each other all the time, no? You said she is a busy woman. Well - it seems you are there for when she is not busy, until something better comes along. I would not invest. Oh and by the way - Corey wayne and all this PUA stuff is sexist bull crap. Don’t.
LB2016 Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 I agree- doesn’t seem very interested. As the saying goes- people that want you in their life will make time for you. Trying to have that saying penetrate in my own head- I know it’s not easy!
Author python23 Posted March 22, 2018 Author Posted March 22, 2018 I just don’t see the point. There will never be love between you. If a person is this unenthusiastic at the begging of dating... what’s the point? Don’t you want both parties to feel butterflies? You would want to be crazy for each other and see each other all the time, no? You said she is a busy woman. Well - it seems you are there for when she is not busy, until something better comes along. I would not invest. Oh and by the way - Corey wayne and all this PUA stuff is sexist bull crap. Don’t. Hahaha Corey Wayne clearly states he is not a pick up artist, he is a life and dating coach. He perfectly explains what and how women respond to, he respects women in all aspects of life and helps men become more successful in dating and in long term relationships. It’s not sexist at all, I suggest you lisen to his book, how to be a 3% man, if you do you’ll see that I’m right. 1
PRW Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 (edited) Thanks for all the replies, I know what I’ve got to do, I’ve followed Corey wayne so I know the cat analogy. ..................she was so keen to pursue me, so that’s the reason why I feel I need to show my concern and care for her and her situation, but I also understand I can’t pursue too much, That implies you think you can pursue a little. Chasing the cat half the time instead of all the time,...is still chasing the cat. I haven’t at all showed weakness or neediness. Or so you think. You are BS'ing yourself with that. Just look back at your original message. You are constantly affirming her excuses, saying you understand, and treating them like they are the Gospel,...when anyone who takes a step back can see they are just excuses. There could easily be, very likely be another guy in the picture now. The best thing you can do is to assume that is true (without it being proven) and stay out of the picture. If there is another guy chances are he doesn't know what he is doing any more than the other 97% out there and you just have to wait till he blows it. Then if you stayed out of the cat's way during that time, the cat may return. But then you may not want the cat after that. In fact you should be petting other cats in the meantime. Edited March 22, 2018 by PRW
PRW Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 Oh and by the way - Corey wayne and all this PUA stuff is sexist bull crap. Don’t. Corey Wayne is not PUA, disagree's with the PUA, and argues against PUA. He's the first one to tell the PUA community doesn't have a clue what to do after the 3rd if they even get that far. The man changed my life a few years ago. I was a miserable insecure beta failure my whole life until I was rescued by him with a good figurative kick to the nuts. It, unexpectantly to me, effected all parts of my life, made huge differences in my work life, everyday life, and my dating life. My only regret is that he wasn't around 30 years ago so I could have got straightened out then rather than now in my mid-50's where I have already wasted so much of my life. He and I came from similar "miserable" home lives as kids, except he did a much better job of getting out of it than I did. Of course I don't agree with every detail he puts out,...that will never happen with anyone,...but where he is correct,...he is extremely correct.
Author python23 Posted March 22, 2018 Author Posted March 22, 2018 That implies you think you can pursue a little. Chasing the cat half the time instead of all the time,...is still chasing the cat. Or so you think. You are BS'ing yourself with that. Just look back at your original message. You are constantly affirming her excuses, saying you understand, and treating them like they are the Gospel,...when anyone who takes a step back can see they are just excuses. There could easily be, very likely be another guy in the picture now. The best thing you can do is to assume that is true (without it being proven) and stay out of the picture. If there is another guy chances are he doesn't know what he is doing any more than the other 97% out there and you just have to wait till he blows it. Then if you stayed out of the cat's way during that time, the cat may return. But then you may not want the cat after that. In fact you should be petting other cats in the meantime. I respect your reply, and that you’re answering this on the assumption it’s just your typical two people dating scenario which you’re kind of correct. But around Christmas I reached out, she agreed to go out once Xmas was over but then said she wasn’t in the right frame of mind to go out and told me what had happened to her family so I said that’s fine text me if things work out and we’ll arrange something. 3 weeks later, Valentine’s Day I get a very friendly texting making a comment about me going out for Valentine’s Day, I replied the day after of course, she then said I want to apologise for not taking you up on your offer, I’ve been in a really bad place with a few things going on but I’m trying to get myself back out there, let’s do something. So since then we’ve had two dates, when I say I’ve not been needy, I can assure you by text that’s not happened, I’ve tried to make plans and we’ve either met up or she’s cancelled, either way, I’ve followed The book, now I’m the first person who preaches “ people who like you will make time for you “ 100% but not every girl I’ve dated has a parent who’s got the big C. So this is my reasoning of her excuses, that’s all, il continue to date other girls and if she reaches out il make plans
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