carabianca Posted March 21, 2018 Posted March 21, 2018 I feel broken and angry. My ex and I were together for almost 2 years. For the last couple of months it was a long distance relationship. He's in the US and I was moving to Italy due to certain circumstances temporarily. After I had left I offered him to explore other options if he likes, he said no we communicate well and decided to stick by me. He supposedly loved me. I loved him and cared for him more than I had for anyone previously. All his exes cheated on him. He didn't have all the qualities I wanted in a partner but I compromised and stayed in the relationship for the sake of love. I was loyal and committed except for one time when I cheated but was upfront about it the same evening and told him I made a mistake. He was mad for weeks but then came around. This was early last year. We were good since then. I felt I could change him and turn his weaknesses to strengths in 2 years but he seemed perpetually demotivated and stubborn. So in a moment of anger, last Friday I broke up with him. 2 days later I texted him and said I made a mistake. He didn't reply to my texts or email. A day later he replied we can talk today i.e. yesterday. And texted it'll just be disappointing because if you hadn't broken up with me I would have. I called and said I want to hear it. He said I met someone. And I said so you cheated on me. He said technically no we were broken up. And I said for 2 days! He also had the nerve to tell me that I like her quite a bit. I said you cheated on me. Screw you and go to hell. I removed him from facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram and deleted all our pictures and any traces of him from my computer and phone. I'm so upset at this betrayal I don't know what to do. He could have come clean and been more upfront about it. I would have let him go. But to cheat behind my back, I feel i'm a bad judge of character.
PegNosePete Posted March 21, 2018 Posted March 21, 2018 My goodness, I have a lot of tips for you. You should not compromise for the sake of "love"! What you mean here is more likely the fear of being alone, or co-dependence. You were too afraid to lose a bird in your hand even though you know there are better ones in the bush. You cheated... why? Clearly if you cheated you did not love him and were not as committed to him as you claim. Maybe because deep down you knew he wasn't right for you. I don't know. But people who are happy in relationships do not cheat. You wanted to change him. Big mistake. You should never date a "fixer upper". It always ends badly. When you date someone you should believe that the person they are, is the person they will always be. You broke up with him. Again, people who are in happy relationships do not break up. They work together to fix problems and issues. The fact that you chose to bail rather than communicate suggests that you're not well suited to each other. Yes he cheated on you, but you cheated on him too. Remember that when you're ragging on cheaters for their betrayal. You should stay clear of this guy because clearly the relationship was not meant to be. 4
Author carabianca Posted March 21, 2018 Author Posted March 21, 2018 I didn't bail on him. When I broke up it was in anger so I wanted to make amends because I still loved him. I wanted us to be together again. And the difference is when I cheated on him, I owned up to it I'm the one who told him and apologised. When he cheated he did it behind my back and didn't tell me anything until I asked. We are different. I'm not a lying bitch as much as he is a lying bastard. I'm obviously going to stay away from him, there is nothing left. He made it clear that he likes the girl he cheated with a lot and would have broken up with me. But he's a coward he didn't. It was 2 years of lies from his side. I have no fear of being alone. I've been alone many times when I've not been in a relationship. Sometimes love is blind and that's why happened and he took advantage of it. I find it rather strange that you find ALL the fault in me whereas he's the reason we're not together anymore.
PegNosePete Posted March 21, 2018 Posted March 21, 2018 Sometimes love is blind and that's why happened and he took advantage of it. Hopefully you have learned from the experience and will go into your next relationship with your eyes open. I find it rather strange that you find ALL the fault in me whereas he's the reason we're not together anymore. Not at all. His behaviour is the reason you broke up. But you must accept at least part of the fault for staying together WAY longer than you should have -- "blinded" or not.
basil67 Posted March 21, 2018 Posted March 21, 2018 Peg Nose Pete nailed it. You were doing so many things wrong. And if you truly love someone you don't go and dump them in a fit of anger. It's entirely likely that the had a thing for her but didn't act because he was with you. Then when you dumped him, he went to her because he could. If that was the case, he did nothing wrong. And for what it's worth, cheating and admitting to it is no better than cheating and saying nothing. I would say that the two of you are now even. 1
Young mind Posted March 21, 2018 Posted March 21, 2018 Unfortunately, this reeks of many mind games and blame games, and your inability to own some part of the breakup shows that as well. No one is here to blame you but you must sit back and analyze this , some cool of period will be good 1
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