hannahl9811 Posted March 21, 2018 Posted March 21, 2018 Recently, I’ve been talking/hanging out with a guy who I really really like. Everything was looking promising until we stopped talking as frequently and there have been no plans to hang out again. Before this sudden lack of communication on his part, he was telling me about how great of a catch I am, how beautiful he thinks I am, smart, funny, etc. When I was with him the connection felt genuine and he said so as well, and it felt really wonderful. Before I left the last time (going on two weeks ago) he told me we’d plan to see each other in a few days but that he wanted to “take it slow” with me. It’s worth noting though that he was the one to initiate seeing me, talking to me, and admitting to having feelings for me. I know he is more than likely also going out with other girls or at least talking to them, I’m not dumb, and I realize that since we aren’t exclusive that is obviously what he is going to do. I recently asked him if I had said or done something to ruin how he felt about me, and he assured me I didn’t. He went into detail about some things going on in his life and how he was taking time to “sort it all out.” I guess my question is: should I take what he said at face value? Am I overthinking things? I just really like this guy and being the idealist that I am, would like for it to work out.
Camillus Posted March 21, 2018 Posted March 21, 2018 If I had to guess I would say that he has moved on from you but has trouble telling you. I know when I was dating I found telling her I wasn't interested to be quite difficult so I looked for other ways to get the message across. 1
Agonistes Posted March 21, 2018 Posted March 21, 2018 Only time will tell for sure. Enjoy your life and don't wait for him. If he eventually comes around you can decide what to do then based on what else is going on in your life at the time.
newyorker11356 Posted March 21, 2018 Posted March 21, 2018 (edited) If I had to guess I would say that he has moved on from you but has trouble telling you. I know when I was dating I found telling her I wasn't interested to be quite difficult so I looked for other ways to get the message across. By trying to get your message across in an indirect way, you're doing more harm than good. Just be straight up and say you're not feeling it, or don't feel as if you're compatible. Not being direct like that could give the other person hope that in the future, you'd change your mind. As for the main topic, it's hard to say. He could be genuine or be saying it as a way to let you down easy. Only you can really tell since none of us know him. The funny thing is, I'm actually in an almost exact situation with a woman right now. Almost scary how similar our stories are, lol. Edited March 21, 2018 by newyorker11356
ExpatInItaly Posted March 21, 2018 Posted March 21, 2018 I think he's lost interest, OP. I would step back give it a couple more weeks to see if he reaches out. Perhaps he truly has some personal issues he needs to deal with. If he doesn't initiate, then you have your answers.
heavenonearth Posted March 21, 2018 Posted March 21, 2018 He liked you at the beginning but it seems he found someone who better suits his needs. I think you may have to move on from this one.
act00 Posted March 21, 2018 Posted March 21, 2018 To stick around or not is the million dollar question. At this point you can only accept what he tells you at face value. You like the guy enough to see this progress, but also realize he may be seeing other people or simply isn't into you enough, or his life is crazy, and with that, you can enjoy what time you get while getting on with your regular life, meaning don't wait around. Live your life like normal and see other men if the opportunity is there. I guess what it boils down to is if this guy has all kinds of personal issues in his life he needs to contend with, you need to decide if you're getting the time or connection that you want, and how long you're willing to wait for these things to sort themselves out. As you get to know each other, you should be let in more and more...now if his life is messy, you have to decide if you want that as well. I would say that for now, as long as you can maintain a realistic idea and don't get overly invested, enjoy what you can get and see if it progresses. If you can be okay with a date once a month, great. If it's nothing but pen-pals and cancelled dates, move on. If you're not okay with once a month, move on. Right now you're only dipping your toes in the pool and testing the waters. Guys that come on really strong with the complements seem to be compensating for something. They burn hot and burn out fast. I wouldn't put much hope in this going the distance, but I have gone by the route of seeing how things go until I see it's not going anywhere, and it can be quite enjoyable, also a little heartbreaking. 1
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