Mac0908 Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 (edited) Women don't like when people hate them so they want to patch things up so they don't. They also don't like to feel guilt so as long as you are ok being friends she's done no harm in her eyes. This is true but in this particular case she waited 6 MONTHS before she reached out to him. That's evidence that she was doing pretty well for quite some time and something must have triggered her deciding NOW to reach out. She probably hit a dry spell with guys or maybe its not working out with a guy she's currently involved with. So my point is it's pretty clear nothing she says should be taken as sincere anyway. OP needs to go No Contact and thats the end of it really. Edited March 22, 2018 by Mac0908
Mac0908 Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 Not really This answer should be a flat out no. If you don't get that now, you will one day, trust me. You're 23 after all, so you do still have some stuff to learn.
Author Jxmpy Posted March 22, 2018 Author Posted March 22, 2018 No, she wanted it to be on HER terms. The terms are only good for her, they suck for you. Women don't like when people hate them so they want to patch things up so they don't. They also don't like to feel guilt so as long as you are ok being friends she's done no harm in her eyes. The best thing you can do is dissapear like a ninja. Not only will it help you, but it will make her realize what it means to be broken up. Right now you are giving her everything she needs and you are getting nothing in return. Yeah her terms do suck for me. Of course, no one likes being hated against. Yeah, I havent talked to her since we had that talk.
Author Jxmpy Posted March 22, 2018 Author Posted March 22, 2018 This is true but in this particular case she waited 6 MONTHS before she reached out to him. That's evidence that she was doing pretty well for quite some time and something must have triggered her deciding NOW to reach out. She probably hit a dry spell with guys or maybe its not working out with a guy she's currently involved with. So my point is it's pretty clear nothing she says should be taken as sincere anyway. OP needs to go No Contact and thats the end of it really. I wondered what triggered her? Maybe the guilt was getting to her perhaps? Then again, it shouldnt take 6 months to feel guilty
Author Jxmpy Posted March 22, 2018 Author Posted March 22, 2018 This answer should be a flat out no. If you don't get that now, you will one day, trust me. You're 23 after all, so you do still have some stuff to learn. So far I have been 0 contact
usa1ah Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 Im 23. The reason she hit me up, was because she wanted to be on good terms. She blindsided me in the beginning and never talked to me since. She felt bad and wanted to be friendly. So she felt guilty for breaking up like she did and then f’d you over with false hope. Blocking her isn’t being petty, it’s the first step in getting over her for good. You know now you can never be friends with her.
Mac0908 Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 (edited) I wondered what triggered her? Maybe the guilt was getting to her perhaps? Then again, it shouldnt take 6 months to feel guilty No. It shouldn't. Bottom line is that if she TRULY felt guilty for dumping you she would have reached back out in a matter of weeks. Reaching back out 6 months after a 3 year relationship ending shows that she was more than likely just lonely, sad or bored and she was looking for some attention/validation, and you gave it to her. If you dated this girl for 3 MONTHS and she reached back out after 6 months, then I'd say there's more of a chance that while still probably lonely, sad, bored, she actually might want to give it another go, as 3 months is nothing in the grand scheme of things. You guys had your day. You had 3 YEARS. It didn't work out. But my overall point is it's very rare that after a LTR where a girl comes back that long looking to rekindle. Now you know for the future though and that's good. There's nothing more to do on your end but NC. She isn't interested in anything more. Younger women like this are a dime a dozen unfortunately. Insecure, immature, and selfish. Don't blame yourself so much at this stage. Give her a call in 5 years, maybe she'd have grown up by then. Edited March 22, 2018 by Mac0908 1
marky00 Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 For your situation, it's more a case of her boosting her ego and possibly attempting to relieve some of the guilt. 6 months NC is the spot when female dumpers reach out. Pretty much been the timeline for all of my exes. Reason is that it is long enough to make them think its possible you have totally moved on. That makes them uncomfortable so they contact you to test the waters and most dumpees slip up and give them the ego boost. This is why I have said on this site before that I probably wouldn't think anything good could come out of an ex reaching out unless it had been very long time, like 2 years or more. If after that time, they reach out, the reasons for the contact could be more genuine or at least likely to be more respectful. Not saying a dumpee should definitely respond in this case, really depends on how bad the breakup was. But at least after 2 years, your not giving them en ego boost or relieving guilt because after such a long time, both parties would have been forced to find their own closure. 2
BC1980 Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 She wanted to be on good terms. That's why she hit me up. That's a pretty common reason. It's an unproductive way to deal with guilt, but she probably didn't think it out. There's also a curiosity factor. She was with you for 3 years, so she's probably genuinely curious about what you are up to and how you are doing. And then she probably does still care for you and miss you being around. You can miss a person's presence without wanting to be in a relationship with them. I'd say guilt is likely the overriding factor motivating all of this. Hurting a person doesn't make you feel good about yourself. Many dumpers want to keep you around but keep you on the periphery of their lives. They like to know you are out there somewhere, safely in the background, and that you don't hate them. That's what "good terms" mean. That would be ideal for a dumper. The problem is that it's very bad for the person dumped. It will kill you inside if you still love the person and haven't moved. You should ask her to stop contacting you. You can do it in a nice, cordial way and say you need to move on. Otherwise, she will probably reach out again and follow you on social media if you don't block her. It's really up to you to decide whose feelings you prioritize and how badly you want to move on. 1
marky00 Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 The problem is that it's very bad for the person dumped. It will kill you inside if you still love the person and haven't moved. It's probably still bad even if you have totally moved on. Sometimes, you just need to set boundaries and stick with them. For example, I remember a few kids who were bullies at school. Am I over it? Of course. Would I have any desire to talk to to them if I bumped into them by accident? Absolutely not. At the end of the day, if someone rejects you, then you shouldn't engage with them in any way. Even if your totally over it, you never know what they might be thinking. There are some dumpers on here who have posted about how little respect they had for dumpees that remained in communication on some level for years after a breakup. Who wants to be one of those dumpees? Not me.
Art_Critic Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 No, I see that as petty I see it as strong, showing yourself some respect and moving on.. Block her 1
Mac0908 Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 It's probably still bad even if you have totally moved on. Sometimes, you just need to set boundaries and stick with them. For example, I remember a few kids who were bullies at school. Am I over it? Of course. Would I have any desire to talk to to them if I bumped into them by accident? Absolutely not. At the end of the day, if someone rejects you, then you shouldn't engage with them in any way. Even if your totally over it, you never know what they might be thinking. Dude, it's easier said than done. Anyone who's been in love or in a relatively long relationship knows this. Most people on here know this. You can't compare a school bully to a woman you've shared endless nice/warm memories with and had sex with, in the OP's case for years. That all being said, there always comes a point where NC needs to be implemented without question and the OP has reached that point. She came back, fine. But it wasn't for what he was hoping for. Therefore she should never ever contact him again unless she wants to give him what he wants. He must now move on in any way he can and begin dating other girls and taking care of himself.
BC1980 Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 It's probably still bad even if you have totally moved on. Sometimes, you just need to set boundaries and stick with them. For example, I remember a few kids who were bullies at school. Am I over it? Of course. Would I have any desire to talk to to them if I bumped into them by accident? Absolutely not. At the end of the day, if someone rejects you, then you shouldn't engage with them in any way. Even if your totally over it, you never know what they might be thinking. There are some dumpers on here who have posted about how little respect they had for dumpees that remained in communication on some level for years after a breakup. Who wants to be one of those dumpees? Not me. I agree. Any type of sustained contact will end with dredging up old feelings. I wouldn't want to be friends with any of my exes on social media. I had an ex from college try to friend me on social media, and I declined the request. I've long been over that guy, but I think it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. Aside from general curiosity, I don't need to know what he is doing with his life on a daily basis. I have no bad feelings towards him and have good memories of my time with him, but I also don't want to dredge up the past. My most current ex-- that would be a big no. I'm moved on from him, but I would never want to be friends with him. I think I will always have some residual negative feelings towards him and a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to that relationship. At this point, it's something I rarely think about, but there would be no reason to bring up those feelings if I don't have to. What happens is that people think it's immature or mean to unfriend and e on social media or never talk to them again. That's not true. It's a way to move on. When a relationship ends, you move on. It's very sad sometimes, but you probably won't have a meaningful conversation with that person again. 2
Author Jxmpy Posted March 22, 2018 Author Posted March 22, 2018 So she felt guilty for breaking up like she did and then f’d you over with false hope. Blocking her isn’t being petty, it’s the first step in getting over her for good. You know now you can never be friends with her. Yeah, ill probably always have some type of feelings toward her
Author Jxmpy Posted March 22, 2018 Author Posted March 22, 2018 No. It shouldn't. Bottom line is that if she TRULY felt guilty for dumping you she would have reached back out in a matter of weeks. Reaching back out 6 months after a 3 year relationship ending shows that she was more than likely just lonely, sad or bored and she was looking for some attention/validation, and you gave it to her. If you dated this girl for 3 MONTHS and she reached back out after 6 months, then I'd say there's more of a chance that while still probably lonely, sad, bored, she actually might want to give it another go, as 3 months is nothing in the grand scheme of things. You guys had your day. You had 3 YEARS. It didn't work out. But my overall point is it's very rare that after a LTR where a girl comes back that long looking to rekindle. Now you know for the future though and that's good. There's nothing more to do on your end but NC. She isn't interested in anything more. Younger women like this are a dime a dozen unfortunately. Insecure, immature, and selfish. Don't blame yourself so much at this stage. Give her a call in 5 years, maybe she'd have grown up by then. Well said. I'll never know her true intentions, but then again i don't need to know.
Author Jxmpy Posted March 22, 2018 Author Posted March 22, 2018 For your situation, it's more a case of her boosting her ego and possibly attempting to relieve some of the guilt. 6 months NC is the spot when female dumpers reach out. Pretty much been the timeline for all of my exes. Reason is that it is long enough to make them think its possible you have totally moved on. That makes them uncomfortable so they contact you to test the waters and most dumpees slip up and give them the ego boost. This is why I have said on this site before that I probably wouldn't think anything good could come out of an ex reaching out unless it had been very long time, like 2 years or more. If after that time, they reach out, the reasons for the contact could be more genuine or at least likely to be more respectful. Not saying a dumpee should definitely respond in this case, really depends on how bad the breakup was. But at least after 2 years, your not giving them en ego boost or relieving guilt because after such a long time, both parties would have been forced to find their own closure. I also think it was just to relieve guilt.
Author Jxmpy Posted March 22, 2018 Author Posted March 22, 2018 That's a pretty common reason. It's an unproductive way to deal with guilt, but she probably didn't think it out. There's also a curiosity factor. She was with you for 3 years, so she's probably genuinely curious about what you are up to and how you are doing. And then she probably does still care for you and miss you being around. You can miss a person's presence without wanting to be in a relationship with them. I'd say guilt is likely the overriding factor motivating all of this. Hurting a person doesn't make you feel good about yourself. Many dumpers want to keep you around but keep you on the periphery of their lives. They like to know you are out there somewhere, safely in the background, and that you don't hate them. That's what "good terms" mean. That would be ideal for a dumper. The problem is that it's very bad for the person dumped. It will kill you inside if you still love the person and haven't moved. You should ask her to stop contacting you. You can do it in a nice, cordial way and say you need to move on. Otherwise, she will probably reach out again and follow you on social media if you don't block her. It's really up to you to decide whose feelings you prioritize and how badly you want to move on. Well said. She probably does miss me, but not in a romantic way.
Author Jxmpy Posted March 22, 2018 Author Posted March 22, 2018 Dude, it's easier said than done. Anyone who's been in love or in a relatively long relationship knows this. Most people on here know this. You can't compare a school bully to a woman you've shared endless nice/warm memories with and had sex with, in the OP's case for years. That all being said, there always comes a point where NC needs to be implemented without question and the OP has reached that point. She came back, fine. But it wasn't for what he was hoping for. Therefore she should never ever contact him again unless she wants to give him what he wants. He must now move on in any way he can and begin dating other girls and taking care of himself. It really is easier said than done. I don't think you can compare that to a bully as well.
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