Serious Problem!!!!!!!

[ConfusedMM]

My exOW just text me and said that her husband wants to have a meeting with me. I was wrong about the open marriage, she never told me that but I just assumed and they were coming clean and working on their marriage and she told him about me.

 

I'm worried. My wife is definitely going to find out, but her husband is a big guy and I'm worried about what will happen. If I meet with him though there is a chance that I can keep my wife from finding out, but if he hits me my wife is going to know. I don't know what to do. Help!!! I'm panicking!!!

[bluechocolate]

Why does he want to meet you?

 

If I meet with him though there is a chance that I can keep my wife from finding out.....

 

How is that? Is there some kind of threat going on here that if you don't agree to this meeting they'll tell your wife?

 

She's your exOW - keep it that way. I don't really see that you have any obligation to fulfill her husband's wishes to meet you & I find it very difficult to understand how that can help rebuild their marriage. If fact, if they were trying to rebuild their marriage I would have thought that you would be the last person in the world that either one of them would want to talk too, never mind actually meet. I fail to see how any one of you can benefit from this meeting - it seems quite strange to me.

[ConfusedMM]

She isn't threatening me, and it is not uncommon for someone that founds out that their spouse has had an affair to want to meet and talk to the person that they had the affair with. She would never threaten me. She isn't like that. They have not threatened me with going to my wife either. I'm not sure where you got that from. He simply wishes to speak to me. I'm worried.

[hotgurl]

I'm confused I thought they had an open marriage?

 

Well now that the truth is out it is better that you wife finds out from you than someone else because now she will find out.

[TUDOR]

My exOW just text me and said that her husband wants to have a meeting with me. I was wrong about the open marriage, she never told me that but I just assumed and they were coming clean and working on their marriage and she told him about me.

 

I'm worried. My wife is definitely going to find out, but her husband is a big guy and I'm worried about what will happen. If I meet with him though there is a chance that I can keep my wife from finding out, but if he hits me my wife is going to know. I don't know what to do. Help!!! I'm panicking!!!

 

First off calm down and don't do anything stupid. With your wife pregnant she doesn't need any major stress right now and you know that. Your OW's husband wants to get some stuff on his chest and your best bet is to let him but try to set it up in a controlled enviroment. You made your bed now is time to lie in it. He won't do anything stupid because I am sure he doesn't wan to go to jail or anything.

 

Suggest a phone call to let him say what he needs to say and avoid the face to face meeting. If he insists then make it a public place and insist his wife be there because hopefully she will keep him in check! Its time to face the music though and if you think this going to affect your wife then you better be the one to tell her and keep this as controlled as possible so that her health and your unborn baby's health is not a problem. Stay calm but prepare yourself to deal with this. You are all adults, so just treat him like one and make sure you assure him that it is over and not something he ever has to worry about again with you! Might help if you show some remorse too!

[ConfusedMM]

My exOW never told me that they had an open marriage, I guess I just assumed that. Her H had an affair too and well now I guess they spent the weekend coming clean with each other and now the H is determined to speak to me. The exOW just gave me a heads up about the whole thing instead of letting me fall into it blindly. She promised and swore to me that she would not be telling him where I live. Although he does know where I work. I'm very scared and nervous. I'm panicking here. My wife is already almost due to give birth any day now. She is dialated and experiencing labor pains. I can't believe this is all tumbling down. What a mess.

[whichwayisup]

My exOW just text me and said that her husband wants to have a meeting with me. I was wrong about the open marriage, she never told me that but I just assumed and they were coming clean and working on their marriage and she told him about me.

 

I'm worried. My wife is definitely going to find out, but her husband is a big guy and I'm worried about what will happen. If I meet with him though there is a chance that I can keep my wife from finding out, but if he hits me my wife is going to know. I don't know what to do. Help!!! I'm panicking!!!

 

Confused, you better come clean and tell your wife now. If she hears it from your OW's husband you're dead meat. There is NO point in trying to hide it from your wife anymore. This guy is pissed off and hey, many Betrayed Spouses inform the other person's spouse. Not meaning to scare you more, but this is a definate possibility.

 

DO not meet this man in person. You tell her if he wishes to contact you it will be through emails only. NOT phone or in person!

 

Please read Owl's advice. I'm telling ya too, come clean with her and tell her it's over with OW and you're going to do EVERYTHING to make it up to her. Be an open book, don't hide anything - Even if the OW contacts you by IM or Email, allow your wife access to all your accounts so she can see for herself what is going on.

 

This isn't going to be easy but it has to be done.

[bluechocolate]

They have not threatened me with going to my wife either. I'm not sure where you got that from.

 

from this

 

If I meet with him though there is a chance that I can keep my wife from finding out....

 

How is meeting him going to stop your wife from finding out?

 

He simply wishes to speak to me. I'm worried.

 

Then speak with him on the phone. Of course it is common that the jilted party would be curious about who the other person was & what their partner saw in them, etc. I just don't understand what higher purpose it would serve any of you for you to actually meet her husband face to face. Regardless, you have to be complicit in the arrangement, if you're worried & uncomfortable about it then don't do it.

[ConfusedMM]

First off calm down and don't do anything stupid. With your wife pregnant she doesn't need any major stress right now and you know that. Your OW's husband wants to get some stuff on his chest and your best bet is to let him but try to set it up in a controlled enviroment. You made your bed now is time to lie in it. He won't do anything stupid because I am sure he doesn't wan to go to jail or anything.

 

Suggest a phone call to let him say what he needs to say and avoid the face to face meeting. If he insists then make it a public place and insist his wife be there because hopefully she will keep him in check! Its time to face the music though and if you think this going to affect your wife then you better be the one to tell her and keep this as controlled as possible so that her health and your unborn baby's health is not a problem. Stay calm but prepare yourself to deal with this. You are all adults, so just treat him like one and make sure you assure him that it is over and not something he ever has to worry about again with you! Might help if you show some remorse too!

 

Hey I think you know who I'm dealing with here. Yes we are all adults but this guy is really big, not fat, but big. I am scared of a face to face meeting. The exOW did say that if we all got together face to face that she assured me that she would not let him lay a hand on me. But as I've said before she is a little teeny tiny thing and I'm sure she couldn't stop him. Though, I don't know. I'm really panicky at this moment.

[ConfusedMM]

They have not threatened me with going to my wife either. I'm not sure where you got that from.

 

from this

 

If I meet with him though there is a chance that I can keep my wife from finding out....

 

How is meeting him going to stop your wife from finding out?

 

He simply wishes to speak to me. I'm worried.

 

Then speak with him on the phone. Of course it is common that the jilted party would be curious about who the other person was & what their partner saw in them, etc. I just don't understand what higher purpose it would serve any of you for you to actually meet her husband face tace. Regardless, you have to be complicit in the arrangement, if you're worried & uncomfortable about it then don't do it.

 

 

If I don't do it then there is another problem. I work in a store that everyone goes to and he knows I work there as well. He could come up to me on my job and confront me. I'll get fired. The reasons being is that when I would see her during the day I was still on the clock at the store. Sure I'm a manager but I'm not suppose to leave the property at all. This is a huge mess and I feel immensely sick. My exOW has been calming and soothing in saying that she'll keep her husband at bay but that he does want a confrontation and I guess I understand. I don't want my wife to find out but he has told her that he should go and tell my wife. With all the histories of our chats online, cell bills, and everything else. I feel like ****.

[TUDOR]

Hey I think you know who I'm dealing with here. Yes we are all adults but this guy is really big, not fat, but big. I am scared of a face to face meeting. The exOW did say that if we all got together face to face that she assured me that she would not let him lay a hand on me. But as I've said before she is a little teeny tiny thing and I'm sure she couldn't stop him. Though, I don't know. I'm really panicky at this moment.

 

 

Stop worrying about how big he is. If he admitted to cheating on her as well then he has no intentions of beating you up when he did not better than she did. This about him having his own piece of mind that it is over between the two of you and he needs to hear it from you. If you duck him and try to avoid it then it doesn't say anything about your willingness to do the right thing moving forward. If you are going to f*ck another man's wife then you have to know it comes at a price. Right now you can let your pride be that price and face this guy and hear what he has to say or you let him show up and force the issue, make a big scene at work, you loose your job, your wife finds out and has complications with the child, etc.

 

You don't have to talk to him and they could just show up and force the issue. My advice is you agree to talk to him so that her husband, her and you can put in this in the past and you can focus on your marriage and new baby.

[whichwayisup]

You have no choice now but to tell her. You think she wants to hear it from your OW's husband? NO. Ofcourse not. My best guess is she doesn't want to hear it period! But, given your choices now, it's best coming from you.

 

TUDOR is right, you need to calm down and think things through. Don't do anything yet, take a day to figure it out.

[ConfusedMM]

You have no choice now but to tell her. You think she wants to hear it from your OW's husband? NO. Ofcourse not. My best guess is she doesn't want to hear it period! But, given your choices now, it's best coming from you.

 

TUDOR is right, you need to calm down and think things through. Don't do anything yet, take a day to figure it out.

 

I can't take a day to figure it out. The exOW said that he wants to meet up today, and wouldn't take no for an answer. So I have no choice but to panick and think about it now. Not later. My biggest fear is that I lose my job, my home, my wife, and my soon to be child. I can't stand this. This was all really stupid. What's worse is that I'm stupid, I am still in love with the OW even though this is all going on. At least she was nice enough to give me a heads up and not let me get blindsided.

[JPMorgan]

She is dialated and experiencing labor pains. I can't believe this is all tumbling down. What a mess.

 

Shouldn't you be off-line and with your wife right now?

[ConfusedMM]

Shouldn't you be off-line and with your wife right now?

 

 

My wife is at work, not at home. The doctor said even though she is dialated it could take a few more weeks. If you're going to start with nasty crap like that then please do me a favor JP, don't post to any of my threads anymore.

[Owl]

Sounds to me like you're going to have to switch to damage control now. Your wife will almost certainly find out (they almost always do eventually anyway), either from her husband or from something else as his drama unfolds.

 

You've got the choice of coming clean yourself, or let her find out about it. Up to you.

 

As far as meeting with the husband...DON'T. Call him, or something, but do not meet him in person. He may even go with the best of intentions, but when the emotions run high neither of you are likely to be able to remain rational. You're likely to end up in a bad situation...I'd suggest that you make arrangements to call him before you find yourself cornered by him physically. (But I STILL suggest you come clean to your wife BEFORE you do anything...or word may get back to her first, and that will MASSIVELY damage your chances at reconciliation.)

[ww]

I am sorry but i am gonig to harsh this time:

IF YOU WERE A MAN ENOUGH TO GET YOURSELF INTO THIS MESS BC OF SEX, THAN GET YOURSELF OUT OF IT AS A MAN SHOULD DO.

 

And next time please stay away from taen ladies...even better stay at home with your wife

NO MERCY

[ConfusedMM]

WW,

 

Weren't you an OW? And you want to get on my case about being with someone that is taken?! That is like the pot calling the kettle black.

 

I was on conference call with my exOW and her husband and surprisingly he wasn't that bad towards me. He just wanted to warn me to stay away from her because if he finds out that I even have attempted to see her that he will go directly to my wife, but as of right now he doesn't want to harm my wife or our marriage in her fragile condition. I couldn't be more pleased with this outcome. So I'm still not going to tell my wife. There is no sense in that. I'm glad it is over with.

[ww]

couldn't be more pleased with this outcome. So I'm still not going to tell my wife. There is no sense in that. I'm glad it is over with.

 

you r so cool.

really sorry if I was harsh on you.

 

BTW my H knows about it. Dunno...maybe bc I felt like starting with being honest will helps us to move on finally

[JS17]

You still need to tell her. Now you have the ability to wait until after the baby is born but you still need to do it.

[ww]

OH wait!

but you only did it just bc she is pregnant!

Please accept my sincere apology:mad:

[Dean3922]

Grow some balls and meet him. He deserves to meet you and your wife deserves to know the truth. Tell her before she finds out some other way. It will go better for you.

[whichwayisup]

I was on conference call with my exOW and her husband and surprisingly he wasn't that bad towards me. He just wanted to warn me to stay away from her because if he finds out that I even have attempted to see her that he will go directly to my wife, but as of right now he doesn't want to harm my wife or our marriage in her fragile condition. I couldn't be more pleased with this outcome. So I'm still not going to tell my wife. There is no sense in that. I'm glad it is over with.

 

Then if you're not going to tell her, take this ONE chance and now forget this OW and focus on your very pregnant wife. DO not ever speak or see the OW again. Say goodbye, get the closure and move on.

 

You're pleased with this outcome, take it as a blessing as a second chance. Be very strict with yourself. Stick with therapy to help you grieve and get over the OW. Better yourself and work on your issues of WHY you actually had the affair to begin with.

[ConfusedMM]

OH wait!

but you only did it just bc she is pregnant!

Please accept my sincere apology:mad:

 

I did not have the affair because she is pregnant. I had the affair for a lot of different reasons. My wife does not need to know and if I can keep her from that hurt I will. I'm sorry I don't happen to agree with you, OWl or anyone else telling me to tell my wife. I'm not going to do it. So you're banging your head against a brick wall here. I appreciate all the advice though and I'm glad her H was at least mature about the situation. He told me to simply stay away and he better not see my number on her cell bill or see me attempting to make contact because if he does he will go directly to my wife first and then to my job. I'm not willing to risk it anymore, though I'm still immensely in

love with the exOW and will be for quite some time.

[TheDiva]

Glad it all went well, ConfusedMM.

 

What are you going to do a little down the road after the baby is born? Do you think he will then tell your wife? You repeatedly state your still "in-love" with OW. You think you will be able to stay completely away from her? It will only take one mistake to send him straight to your wife. And if your OW is really working on her marriage, she will tell him of even the most innocent text, email, call etc.... She needs to be an open book to him, and as such he will probably have free access to everything.

 

I hope this can be a resolution for you as well.

 

And you really should get your wife away from work, she needs to be resting up.

The due date would have to be very very soon, for the doctor to not be concerned about her dialation and labor pains...esp. since she has had a miscarriage.