Author CherryBlossom1980 Posted March 19, 2018 Author Posted March 19, 2018 Gaeta, no I wasn’t expecting him to reassure me. I respect the decision he makes. It was a hard decision to decide to bring it up so early as I New this may happen. A few friends have said it’s too early to bring it up. But I feel the sooner the better to avoid any heart ache. It’s more the fact I’ve seen a pattern in him pulling away when there is conflict or something big that needs to be discussed. If it was a one off I would understand but it’s not. Plus him just not being nice and checking if I got home ok, he supposedly loves me...this isn’t the actions of a man in love.
vickyp Posted March 19, 2018 Posted March 19, 2018 Gaeta, no I wasn’t expecting him to reassure me. I respect the decision he makes. It was a hard decision to decide to bring it up so early as I New this may happen. A few friends have said it’s too early to bring it up. But I feel the sooner the better to avoid any heart ache. It’s more the fact I’ve seen a pattern in him pulling away when there is conflict or something big that needs to be discussed. If it was a one off I would understand but it’s not. Plus him just not being nice and checking if I got home ok, he supposedly loves me...this isn’t the actions of a man in love. I went threw this hot and cold bs, and it was mentality draining. Dont even get me started on the silent treatment. From what i know now, I would walk away and move on with my life. You dont need this sh*%. You deserve better. Hope all works out for you.
Author CherryBlossom1980 Posted March 20, 2018 Author Posted March 20, 2018 I’ve still not heard from him. Despite knowing I want to end things. I am still so completely and utterly shocked by his lack of respect towards me. To not even do the decent thing and explain that this isn’t right for him. I would have understood, instead he has taken the cowardly way out! he told me he loved me and then nothing...complete BS.
vickyp Posted March 20, 2018 Posted March 20, 2018 I’ve still not heard from him. Despite knowing I want to end things. I am still so completely and utterly shocked by his lack of respect towards me. To not even do the decent thing and explain that this isn’t right for him. I would have understood, instead he has taken the cowardly way out! he told me he loved me and then nothing...complete BS. So now you walk away, block everything, and enjoy your life. 1
Author CherryBlossom1980 Posted March 20, 2018 Author Posted March 20, 2018 I have walked away. I don’t see a need to block him, I have no intention of contacting him or checking up on him. I have self control. And I am carrying on with my life, it just never fails me how guys feed you a load of BS and then run. Clearly this wasn’t about the child thing, for me he probably had one foot out the door. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 20, 2018 Posted March 20, 2018 I have walked away. I don’t see a need to block him, I have no intention of contacting him or checking up on him. I have self control. And I am carrying on with my life, it just never fails me how guys feed you a load of BS and then run. Clearly this wasn’t about the child thing, for me he probably had one foot out the door. And this is probably also the case. You two hadn't really spend a lot of time together in person, so there could be multiple factors contributing to this that he never really shared.
Author CherryBlossom1980 Posted March 20, 2018 Author Posted March 20, 2018 Thanks Expat. There is one major thing I forgot to mention. All contact in between us meeting up was down via WhatsApp. It’s not for want of trying to have a phone call with him. I said when he first moved back home that it’s importanf to talk on the phone and he seemed to worry his English wasn’t good enough, so I didn’t press the issue. But now I’m wondering if he either had some done else, I never got that impression - but you never know what someone is hiding. Or it was his way of keeping at a safe distance.
Gaeta Posted March 20, 2018 Posted March 20, 2018 If I remember well he said ILY after 1 month dating? Always be cautious when the ILY is said too early, they don't mean much. I am sorry this happened to you. A poster suggested you block him not so you won't contact him but for him to not contact you. These men always come back later down the road just to see if they still turn your blood, if you block him then you avoid being hurt and troubled by him in 3-4 weeks or even 3-4 months down the road. 1
Author CherryBlossom1980 Posted March 20, 2018 Author Posted March 20, 2018 He said ILY after 3 months, firstly over what’s app and then to my face. Personally I felt it was too soon. Oh I see, I definitely won’t be contacting him again! If he does message me, I’ll formally end it with him.
Gaeta Posted March 20, 2018 Posted March 20, 2018 He said ILY after 3 months, firstly over what’s app and then to my face. Personally I felt it was too soon. Oh I see, I definitely won’t be contacting him again! If he does message me, I’ll formally end it with him. Take control over your life, officially end it now, and move on with the satisfaction it's done, no?
Author CherryBlossom1980 Posted March 20, 2018 Author Posted March 20, 2018 Do you not think it’s just better to leave it? In a way I feel by me sending him a message to end it I’m almost opening up lines of communication again, feeding his over inflated ego. In my eyes, it’s over I have nothing to say. My actions to him of not initiating contact says it all. I know I’m doing the same as him but really I don’t feel I owe him anything.
Gaeta Posted March 20, 2018 Posted March 20, 2018 Do you not think it’s just better to leave it? In a way I feel by me sending him a message to end it I’m almost opening up lines of communication again, feeding his over inflated ego. I don't care how he feels and his ego. You are done with him so why care if he gets a kick out of it or not. What I care about is 'you' and what you need to move on. If you don't need to make it official then it's ok but I also know after 4 months dating if you don't say your good byes it's because some small part inside of you hope he'll get back to you with an extraordinary explanation and things will be normal again. In my eyes, it’s over I have nothing to say. My actions to him of not initiating contact says it all. I know I’m doing the same as him but really I don’t feel I owe him anything. Like I said I don't care about him, but I think you owe to yourself to end it for your own peace of mind and that he's not going to bounce back next week.
stillafool Posted March 20, 2018 Posted March 20, 2018 I have walked away. I don’t see a need to block him, I have no intention of contacting him or checking up on him. I have self control. And I am carrying on with my life, it just never fails me how guys feed you a load of BS and then run. Clearly this wasn’t about the child thing, for me he probably had one foot out the door. You would block him so he can't reach you again. Blocking him will show him you got the message so now he can get the message that you don't put up with BS and never wish to talk to him again. It would probably be best to date older men with kids. Most younger men who don't have them do not want to raise another man's child but want their own children. I agree with Gaeta that reality set in for this man that the relationship wasn't going to go any further but he took the coward's way out. 1
Author CherryBlossom1980 Posted March 20, 2018 Author Posted March 20, 2018 But if he has decided he wants a child that badly and decided to cowardly disappear, surely there is no chance he would try and get back together with me. Do you think this message is sufficient? Hi x, I hope you are well. I’ve had time to think about everything, and feel it’s not going to work between us. I wish you all the best for the future and enjoyed getting to know you.
Author CherryBlossom1980 Posted March 20, 2018 Author Posted March 20, 2018 Thanks Gaeta, you are right. I probably feel down hoped that he would reply with something. I guess this way I have closure and move on properly. 1
stillafool Posted March 20, 2018 Posted March 20, 2018 NO! just NO! It is clear it has ended to both of you and that message sounds like you are fishing to talk to him. Just block him and move on. He doesn't deserve a final message. He didn't even have enough respect for you to send you one so why have any respect for him. Block him and move on.
stillafool Posted March 20, 2018 Posted March 20, 2018 But if he has decided he wants a child that badly and decided to cowardly disappear, surely there is no chance he would try and get back together with me. It may not be that he is wanting a child that badly now but he knows one day he is going to want to marry and start his family. That reality sunk in.
Author CherryBlossom1980 Posted March 20, 2018 Author Posted March 20, 2018 Ha ha! Ok I won’t sent it. I’ll just walk away. I doubt I will ever hear from him again anyway.
Gaeta Posted March 20, 2018 Posted March 20, 2018 NO! just NO! It is clear it has ended to both of you and that message sounds like you are fishing to talk to him. Just block him and move on. He doesn't deserve a final message. He didn't even have enough respect for you to send you one so why have any respect for him. Block him and move on. Sending a message is not for him. It's about OP empowering herself and terminating it herself to better move on. If she doesn't end it herself there will always be a little part of herself thinking he'll be back with an explanation. 1
Author CherryBlossom1980 Posted March 20, 2018 Author Posted March 20, 2018 I’ve just had a massive cry I know it seems silly but at first he seemed so accepting of my situation and every time we had a problem it was HIM who was the one trying to keep me from walking away. I’m still completely confused the best thing to do?! Do I do I not send a message? I don’t want him thinking I’m trying to start up communication again. That’s not the point, it’s supposed to be closure like you said.
Gaeta Posted March 20, 2018 Posted March 20, 2018 I’ve just had a massive cry I know it seems silly but at first he seemed so accepting of my situation and every time we had a problem it was HIM who was the one trying to keep me from walking away. I’m still completely confused the best thing to do?! Do I do I not send a message? I don’t want him thinking I’m trying to start up communication again. That’s not the point, it’s supposed to be closure like you said. Every time you had a problem he kept you from walking away. At 4 months dating you should not have that type of dating history together. That is indicative the relationship was not building a solid ground. If sending a message is too hard then you're not ready to say your good byes yet and I respect that. Don't contact him, don't block him, and let a few days go by. As the week advance you'll see clearer what needs to be done.
Author CherryBlossom1980 Posted March 20, 2018 Author Posted March 20, 2018 I completely get what you are saying Gaeta. The main reasons we had problems was because of the distance, my daughters father was moving to Australia when I first met him and I was worried the same thing would happen again. So I was hesitatent to want to pursue anything with this new guy. I think long distance relationships are hard work as I’ve found out!
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