hannahl9811 Posted March 14, 2018 Posted March 14, 2018 Almost two weeks ago, I matched with this great guy on a dating app. We've talked every day, and we hung out two times. He's in a band, so I went to a show of his and we got coffee before, and then the next day I spent the night at his apartment (we did not do anything besides make out). He's a bit older than me, as well (I'm 21 he's 30). Before I left his apartment Friday afternoon, he expressed interest in seeing me again but also told me he wants to "take it slow" with me. Since then, the everyday talking has dwindled. I asked him if we could hang out again soon this past Sunday, and he said yes, but since then we've only talked for a few minutes out of the whole day. I know he's getting to know other girls, as well, which is fine since we aren't exclusive or anything. But I really like this guy a lot. However, I'm the only girl he has on Snapchat (I know because I saw his homescreen and he has a total score of about 30 or something). Our conversations were amazing, and we both agreed we had a connection. I guess I need to know what I should do from here. Should I reach out and express that I still really like him and I want to hang? Should I wait for him to reach out to me? I just really want this to work I guess and I'm a little lost.
Zahara Posted March 14, 2018 Posted March 14, 2018 After two dates there is no need to show this much eagerness in that you want to tell him you like him and push to hang out. You've already asked him to meet so let him come to you. He already knows you are interested. You both started off with much communication and now it has dwindled. And now he wants to take it slow -- he's feeling pressured in some way, in his mind so give him the space and let him pursue you/make the next move.
d0nnivain Posted March 14, 2018 Posted March 14, 2018 You can reach out to initiate your next hang out. That action will convey that you like him. There is absolutely no need to announce that you like him. Seriously do not say anything. Verbalizing things -- or as you put it being direct -- will backfire. It's too soon. N.B. If somebody wants to "take things slow" stop the sleepovers. 3
Maggie4 Posted March 14, 2018 Posted March 14, 2018 He already knows you like him. Also he has told you he wants to "take it slow", which often translates to "no". He said it so that you'd back off a bit. You've already been too direct that he needed to tell you to slow down. 1
Exformer Posted March 14, 2018 Posted March 14, 2018 There's a difference between being direct and oversharing. You don't express affection toward someone who hasn't had time to develop understood feelings for you. In other words, save that stuff for when you aren't worried he isn't going to call you back. Direct is saying what you want, which you've already done; that is a good thing. You've put the ball in his court. If he's interested enough, he'll call. If not, he won't. You say he is seeing other girls too, and you're fine with that. So, he could just be busy with the other girls. There are only so many hours in the day. He wants to take it slow with you, but I wonder if he wants to take it slow with the other girls. He could be dating around and having fun while putting you on the back burner for something slower after he's done.
Gaeta Posted March 14, 2018 Posted March 14, 2018 * want to take things slow * = Please wait in line. You will be much more happy and you will find much faster your prince charming if you concentrate on men that do want to get to know you and don't suffer from slow-pokeness. 1
PRW Posted March 14, 2018 Posted March 14, 2018 Thank God!!! Finally!!! A guy the knows what he is doing!!! Follow his lead. See each other about once a week for the first month or two. Forget the "everyday talking", that will screw it up and apparently he is smart enough to know that and is not letting you do that. Chasing him is perfectly fine but don't be a stalker,...or I guess since he is in a band,...don't be a "groupie". Try to go on casual dates with other guys once or twice during the month. That is,... "casual dates",...that means they are not your boyfriend, keep pants zipped and clothes on. The purpose for that is to give you a proper perspective so you aren't totally zeroed in the the band guy and become a groupie stalker. Plus he is probably a guy with options and he will probably go out with others until he becomes exclusive with someone,...so you need to do the same.
smackie9 Posted March 14, 2018 Posted March 14, 2018 He's pretty much expressed you are just an option and you don't really stand out for him. When anyone says take it slow, usually means, not that into you. Dump this chump. Remember date those who treat you the way you want to be treated...a priority, not take a number and we will see.
iVisa Posted March 14, 2018 Posted March 14, 2018 "Take it slow" sounds bad... You should wait and look whether we will engage.
Author hannahl9811 Posted March 14, 2018 Author Posted March 14, 2018 He already knows you like him. Also he has told you he wants to "take it slow", which often translates to "no". He said it so that you'd back off a bit. You've already been too direct that he needed to tell you to slow down. I guess what I didn’t mention is that he’s the one who initially told me he had feelings for me. Like he went all out telling me about how happy he was he had a chance with me and how he’s got feelings for me. So I’m beginning to think this is just him wanting to explore all his options.
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