Shyguy94 Posted March 14, 2018 Posted March 14, 2018 So I've been working with this girl for almost 3 years now, she was just a summer student at first but was signed to a contract less than a year ago working the same position as I am so we now see each other everyday. Ever since she started working at my office we've been chatting a lot and realized we have a lot in common with each other, pretty much anytime we'd walk by the others desk we'd stop and chat for a few minutes. Anyways she has a boyfriend that she has been with since she started working here, which has prevented me from making a move(I just don't believe in trying to steal another guy's girl). I've moved on and figure there's plenty of other fish in the sea, but the reason I'm posting is that in the last few weeks I've been getting signals(or so I think), whether they're intentional or just me reading too much into it is what I'm wondering. A couple weeks ago she mentioned that I was in her dream that night, something about her car breaking down and I coincidently showed up and helped her. Other things like being curious about my whereabouts when I'm not in the office, just yesterday I had the afternoon off for an appointment and this morning she asked where I disappeared to in the afternoon, in a playful, joking way of course. I'm definitely the person she talks to the most around the office and she shares pretty much everything about her life with me. So have I just fallen into the category of work husband/BF or does this seem like more? I certainly find her attractive and might pursue a relationship if she was single, however I'm not sure if that would even be wise given that we work in close proximity and wouldn't want to ruin our work relationship. She does talk about boyfriend once in a while and she seems happy with him so I got over pursuing a relationship a while back but lately I seem to be getting a certain vibe from her, but I'm probably just overthinking it. What do you guys/girls think? Are there any other signs I should be on the lookout for?
d0nnivain Posted March 14, 2018 Posted March 14, 2018 You are not her work husband & you are not somebody she is interested in. You are the nice guy she works with who she enjoys talking to at work. If she ever does want to date you she will make sure you know that the BF is out of her life. She will touch you more & arrange to spend time with you during non work hours. For example she will ask if you want to grab a drink after work & she will touch you a lot then. For now you are a colleague only. 3
CptInsano Posted March 14, 2018 Posted March 14, 2018 Yes, definitely friendly at work. Many women like to share, or overshare, but that doesn't mean a whole lot other than them trusting you. (Which is a good thing. It probably means that you know how to work well with women.) But yes, I cannot see a romantic interest, either 2
Popsicle Posted March 14, 2018 Posted March 14, 2018 She sees you as a work husband only and that's the way it stays. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Work_spouse 1
smackie9 Posted March 14, 2018 Posted March 14, 2018 It's just co-worker bonding, that's it. I've had co-workers and even their spouses have me in their dreams, probably because I work with them so much and we talk a lot about each other. When you have feelings for someone, your perception gets distorted because you like them so much. Your imagination is being hopeful. 1
lurker74 Posted March 14, 2018 Posted March 14, 2018 I'm not a woman so I would defer to their judgement but yes, she seems interested. A co-worker telling you that you were in her dream is flirtatious. One telling you that you were the hero of her dream is borderline obvious. Maybe she won't pursue it but it is difficult to believe that she's not at least intrigued. The problem is that it's work and moving on that assumption is dangerous and, if I'm wrong, pig-headed. So proceed - if at all - with caution.
carhill Posted March 14, 2018 Posted March 14, 2018 So have I just fallen into the category of work husband/BF or does this seem like more?IDK, can't read her mind. I certainly find her attractive and might pursue a relationship if she was single, Either she's attractive to date or she's not. Eliminate the 'might'. Choose. however I'm not sure if that would even be wise given that we work in close proximity and wouldn't want to ruin our work relationship. It's OK to find someone attractive and choose not to mix business and pleasure. Make the choice and act on it, decisively. She does talk about boyfriend once in a while and she seems happy with him so I got over pursuing a relationship a while back but lately I seem to be getting a certain vibe from her, but I'm probably just overthinking it. Is it the 'I'm available' vibe? Do you see other men circling? What?What do you guys/girls think? Are there any other signs I should be on the lookout for? First, decide what you want to do. I can help with the work-spouse/friend thing. You state: I'm definitely the person she talks to the most around the office and she shares pretty much everything about her life with me. How do things go when you share your life with her? The answer to that will be helpful. My advice? Decide what you want, then proceed. You can't read her mind and IMO it's fruitless to spend valuable time trying to analyze things. While you're doing that, another woman you could easily date could walk right by you and you'd never notice her because of being preoccupied with a workmate in a relationship.
smackie9 Posted March 14, 2018 Posted March 14, 2018 If a coworker ask me out on a date, full knowing I was in a relationship, would be gettin a warning, and I wouldn't feel comfortable around them anymore. Even if she found you attractive, doesn't mean she wants to date you....proceed with caution.
Author Shyguy94 Posted March 14, 2018 Author Posted March 14, 2018 Thanks for the replies everyone. If a coworker ask me out on a date, full knowing I was in a relationship, would be gettin a warning, and I wouldn't feel comfortable around them anymore. Even if she found you attractive, doesn't mean she wants to date you....proceed with caution. This is pretty much what I was thinking prior to posting, I personally wouldn't feel comfortable asking her out knowing she's in a relationship, and I wouldn't want to date someone who would cheat on their bf or who would leave them for another guy so quickly. I was mostly just curious about what people thought. 1
PRW Posted March 14, 2018 Posted March 14, 2018 Anyways she has a boyfriend that she has been with since she started working here, which has prevented me from making a move(I just don't believe in trying to steal another guy's girl). I've moved on and figure there's plenty of other fish in the sea, but the reason I'm posting is that in the last few weeks I've been getting signals(or so I think), whether they're intentional or just me reading too much into it is what I'm wondering. A couple weeks ago she mentioned that I was in her dream that night, something about her car breaking down and I coincidently showed up and helped her. Other things like being curious about my whereabouts when I'm not in the office, just yesterday I had the afternoon off for an appointment and this morning she asked where I disappeared to in the afternoon, in a playful, joking way of course. I'm definitely the person she talks to the most around the office and she shares pretty much everything about her life with me. So have I just fallen into the category of work husband/BF or does this seem like more? Forget it. You're in the role of what some in the dating world affectionately refer to as "the gay-male-girlfriend" or the "emotional tampon". Yea, I know, the terms are kind of crude, but I didn't make up the terms. She is not going to think of you in a romantic way. You are in the "friend zone" and it will be nearly impossible to get out of. Here's how it usually plays out. The guy eventually hears that she broke up with her boyfriend (doesn't matter how he heard). He thinks this may be his chance, so he cautiously asks her out in a mild non-specific, non-threatening kind of way such as, "Hey, maybe we could get together for dinner sometime or maybe a movie, if you have the time, what do you think?". Shes responds with something vague, like, "Aww! That's so sweet! Maybe we could do that sometime". The guy periodically "checks in" to see if he can get that date but she is just so darn busy lately,...and she's still trying to get over her Ex of course "You understand" and the guy agrees that he understands and tries again in another week or two. The next time he tries it is basically a repeat of the same thing. This time however he notices that she is just a little more distant from him than before. As she becomes more distant the guy might ask if anything is wrong (or if he did anything wrong). She assures him "of course not, I've just got a lot on my mind, and work has just gotten so busy" but things don't change and she gets more distant. If he ever does get the date it will feel very platonic, but "friendly". He might get a hug at the end. If he is real lucky he might get to kiss her but only on the cheek. He may hear her say "I'm confused right now and just don't know what I want to do. I'm still healing from the Ex and have a lot on my mind". But it is most likely he will never get the date to start with. If it continues and the guy doesn't take the hint she may ask the company to move her to another area (but the guy won't know that). If he still doesn't take the hint HR may call him into the office to have a chat with him. In some cases the guy gets fired.
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