Jump to content

Why is my ex still giving me hope of getting back and how can I cut this hope?

Ivy9096

By Ivy9096
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Ivy9096 New Member

Ivy9096

Posted
Posted

He broke up with me by phone a week and half ago. I tried no contact but he told me that he wanted to see me in person and I told him I preferred by phone, we talked about 1 hour and things were like before, he told me that if i needed something i could always ask, that he doesn't want to erase me from his life and that maybe in the future when we will be more mature and with less problems around us we could be together. And that he told me no contact for some weeks but that I could talk to him whenever i felt ready.

 

I don't know what to do, i would just prefer if he told me no contact him ever again. I still love him so much and we broke up just a week and half ago and I agree that it was because of my fault.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Break ups are rarely only one person's fault.

 

He's giving you hope because you are buying into his lies. What he said is what every dumper says but doesn't mean. He's saying this to ease his conscious in a misguided effort to make you feel better.

 

You need NC to heal so stop accepting incoming messages from him. What he wants is of no consequence here. As long as you let him in, he will hurt you.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

I think we need a little more information.

 

How long were you together, and why did you break up? Why does he feel you both need to mature, and what are these problems around you?

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted

If he was the one to break up with you, hasn't asked you back but has told you you can keep in contact, BLOCK him from contacting you so you can heal. He is just keeping you on the hook for sex during dry periods or until he finds another girl. If you stay in contact with him you will be hurt worse than you feel today. Do it.

  • Like 2
  • Author
Ivy9096 New Member

Ivy9096

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I think we need a little more information.

 

How long were you together, and why did you break up? Why does he feel you both need to mature, and what are these problems around you?

 

We were together for 1 year, we broke up because after 6 months I became extremely needy so i agree that i need to be alone to cut the emotional dependence, also because we couldn't stop fighting about small things and he also said that he needs to stop lying and being manipulative. And our problems, for example, his stepfather left so he needs to work more to help his family and we could hardly see each other.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

If you were lying, being manipulative & being needy, this break up is just what you need to work on fixing those negative aspects of yourself.

 

Accept the clean break. Block him. Take time to self soothe & heal.

  • Author
Ivy9096 New Member

Ivy9096

Posted
  • Author
Posted
If you were lying, being manipulative & being needy, this break up is just what you need to work on fixing those negative aspects of yourself.

 

Accept the clean break. Block him. Take time to self soothe & heal.

 

I was being needy but HE was the liar and being manipulative but i agree with you, i need a long time to be alone and have my own dependency. It was awful to being so dependent on someone, i want to fix that.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

If he was the manipulative liar, then good riddance! Why would you want somebody like that back? Thinking you need him must be quite debilitating. What you need is a quality partner. Take some time. Forget about this EX & then go find a good person to date.

 

Best wishes.

breadbin Established Member

breadbin

Posted
Posted
If he was the one to break up with you, hasn't asked you back but has told you you can keep in contact, BLOCK him from contacting you so you can heal. He is just keeping you on the hook for sex during dry periods or until he finds another girl. If you stay in contact with him you will be hurt worse than you feel today. Do it.

 

Not necessarily just for sex, he might just be trying to ease the guilt that he has of doing the dumping. But it could be that too. My ex, and it was a woman, wanted us to be friends with benefits after she dumped me but i said no way. All or nothing. Don't know how i said this because i was absolutely devastated when she ended it. But at the time it didn't feel right. I probably thought if I went down that road I would never get her back.

 

She also led me on after the break up with texts like 'i miss you so much' and 'you know I still love you', the best one was 'i made a mistake dumping you'. I wouldn't mind if she had any intentions of getting back with me but she didn't. And every time I got my hopes up they were dashed again and it seriously puts a halt on your recovery.

 

If I could do it again and this is what you should do, i would have gone no contact straightaway and I'd have saved myself a year of heartbreak. I think what she did to me was mean and I think what your ex is doing is also mean. Don't let them away with it.

preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

Why are you leaving it up to him whether you see him again or leave it open fort he future? Make up your own mind. I agree with whoever above said he's not closing the door because he will likely go out and try to get women but if he doesn't and wants sex, he will come yanking your chain and say what you want to hear long enough to get sex and then be gone again. They never want to close the door on sex, just commitment and treating you decently and keeping up their end of a relationship.

 

My advice: Block him and close the door yourself because if you don't, he's going to try it and then you're going to hate yourself and feel humiliated and like a fool and it will be easier to heal if YOU make the move to cut him out of your life completely.

  • Like 2
canadaman817 Member

canadaman817

Posted
Posted

That sounds like a difficult situation. It is possible that he could be leading you on by telling you there is a hope for reconciliation between you two, but it's hard to know for sure, especially if you believe he was being manipulative. I know that for my friends in the past, no contact has definitely helped secure a breakup. Is it possible you could tell him that you think that might be the best thing for you? I feel that this is a good time for self-reflection and growing for you, and that you can learn what to do better in your next relationship. Hoping for the best for your future.

Romantic_Antics Established Member

Romantic_Antics

Posted
Posted (edited)
Break ups are rarely only one person's fault.

 

He's giving you hope because you are buying into his lies. What he said is what every dumper says but doesn't mean. He's saying this to ease his conscious in a misguided effort to make you feel better.

 

You need NC to heal so stop accepting incoming messages from him. What he wants is of no consequence here. As long as you let him in, he will hurt you.

 

Huh?

 

Where did you read that he was lying and hurting her?

 

When there's confusion and unresolved issues, going NC is spineless cowardice that hurts everybody.

 

Why did he break up with you by phone? What precipitated that?

 

Consider that he broke up with you by phone in part because he's weak, but also because it's possible that this is what he felt most comfortable with. Why?

 

Seek and obtain closure wherever you can. Going NC is for narcissistic, spineless cowards who can't deal with reality and think that abusively torturing someone who loved them with the silent treatment is good advice. It's not. It's self-centered narcissistic abuse and anyone who recommends NC is a worthless, spineless coward. Take care of the business on the table, assess it, and proceed from there. Completely avoiding somebody who loved you is an insult to your intelligence and emotions and the love you once shared.

 

If you treat somebody who loved you, and whose love you accepted, as less than a stranger and like an enemy, you aren't truly healing. You're just sweeping it under the rug. Ignore lame NC advice unless your SO was abusive or psychotic.

Edited by Romantic_Antics
Romantic_Antics Established Member

Romantic_Antics

Posted
Posted

I just wanted to reinforce that by recommending that you ignore most of the advice on this website. It's proffered by jaded narcissists with almost zero grasp on love and relationships. As in all things, do what's right and not just what is popular. NC is a wonderful avoidance strategy for spineless cowards, but it literally accomplishes no real healing as it's nothing more than sweeping issues under a rug.

marky00 Established Member

marky00

Posted
Posted
I just wanted to reinforce that by recommending that you ignore most of the advice on this website. It's proffered by jaded narcissists with almost zero grasp on love and relationships. As in all things, do what's right and not just what is popular. NC is a wonderful avoidance strategy for spineless cowards, but it literally accomplishes no real healing as it's nothing more than sweeping issues under a rug.

 

lol, cmon dude.

 

Dumpees use NC to heal and get their chit together so they can salvage some dignity and self-respect. Also, 99% of the time when you are dumped, the dumper meant it.

 

I agree that the dumpee should keep things open for a bit, just in case the dumper had a moment of madness. But if the decision isn't reversed within a couple of weeks, NC is the only way forward.

 

NC in the end is the best gift the dumpee can give themselves and the dumper. Exes never work out as friends so it best to leave sleeping dogs lie. The dumpee can get on with their life without receiving false hope from the dumper. The dumper can go with their life without being reminded of the guilt for hurting someone.

 

I'm guessing you dumped someone and they went NC on you. If they did that for their own self-preservation, there is nothing wrong with that at all.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
I just wanted to reinforce that by recommending that you ignore most of the advice on this website. It's proffered by jaded narcissists with almost zero grasp on love and relationships. As in all things, do what's right and not just what is popular. NC is a wonderful avoidance strategy for spineless cowards, but it literally accomplishes no real healing as it's nothing more than sweeping issues under a rug.

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao:and yet you are here! :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

  • Like 1
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...