Wrong text meant for someone else

March 13, 2018

We met online a month ago. Hit it off really well on phone text and decided to meet.

He lives on the east coast and I live on the west

He got me a plane ticket to visit him in about 2 weeks.

Yesterday we were texting and he said in middle of a conversation about skin, "I like your freckle SPOTS" and I don't even have freckles. I have a beauty spot. Just one spot, in singular. How can someone confuse the two? So clearly that text was meant to be for someone else. I am seriously turned off by this. Atleast keep your texts straight if you are talking to multiple girls! Calls me "baby" rarely uses my name and so I do the same for him. Easy to not mix up girls this way I guess? Lol *vomit*

Then he other thing that bothers me is all this time he said he liked "healthy" looking girls. Then yesterday he told me about a girl he likes who is "thin, brunette". He even told me to eat pizza and gain 10 pounds before I come see him. What the ???

Seriously seems like playing mind games with me.

My question is, I don't even know if I should go see him anymore. Only thing is he bought me an expensive plane ticket and now I feel obligated to go. What would yo do in this situation?

Edited March 13, 2018 by Exoticbeauty

March 13, 2018

Don’t go. If you already feel obligated because he bought you a simple plane ticket then you’re going to be obligated to return favors as he pleases forever.

You can offer to pay him back if you want, but don’t let him *buy* you. If anything this should be a lesson for him to learn. How many other girls is he buying plane tickets for?

March 13, 2018

Don’t go. If you already feel obligated because he bought you a simple plane ticket then you’re going to be obligated to return favors as he pleases forever.

You can offer to pay him back if you want, but don’t let him *buy* you. If anything this should be a lesson for him to learn. How many other girls is he buying plane tickets for?

That is sort of what I feel too. I was just concerned if I'm overreacting. But seems like I'm not :/

March 13, 2018

If he's already behaving this way so soon into getting to know you along with what is a larger hurdle -- the distance, it would be best to move on from this guy. It's not going to go anywhere.

Offer to pay a reasonable portion of the ticket, if you feel bad/guilty about obligation. Then be done with him.

March 13, 2018

Honey, you're going to have A LOT more worries to come being that he is long-distance. Being long-distance is the root of almost all problems in LDR's. Don't be fooled.

March 13, 2018

Honey, you're going to have A LOT more worries to come being that he is long-distance. Being long-distance is the root of almost all problems in LDR's. Don't be fooled.

I agree with this. I'm not sure where on the west coast you live and where on the east coast he lives but really...to me it is a red flag if someone has to fly someone 3000 miles for a date? lol If you are on the west coast you can prob drive an hour and be in a totally different environment to meet someone. I'd rather drive an hour than fly a 5 hour flight for date night. I live on the west coast and grew up on the east coast in the middle of nowhere so I do understand that it can be hard to meet someone in small town life but there are still better options than flying someone 3000 miles for a date.

I have had 2 friends that did this, despite living in our heavily populated area. In both cases the person on the other coast had major red flags, which makes sense bc not many quality people have to search for dates on the other side of the country. Both of my friends are lonely and could be considered desperate at this point, even though they don't really try that hard to put themselves out there. One has major insecurities and self esteem issues, which is ok, but falls into what I said earlier about most quality, date-able people do not need to look 3000 miles away for a date.

I wouldn't go. It is also very hard and expensive to keep that kind of relationship going and you are already seeing red flags.

Edited March 13, 2018 by ShyLove

March 13, 2018

So tell me,...do you need a guy to show up at your door with a white hockey mask and a butcher knife before you figure it out?

Normal mentally balanced men don't go online and find a woman at the opposite extreme end of the country and offer to shell out $400-$1200 to fly her out to "his place" before he can remember her name and if she had freckles.

Maybe he has a big place and can have all of chicks come over at once. You can have your room and the skinny brunette can have her room,...each with your own personalized shackles. He can label the doors "Pizza Girl" and "Skinny" so he can choose according to his mood at the moment. Well at least on the west coast it is probably a Sanctuary State,...that will help.

Compare this whole fiasco to what you would do if asked out by a guy in your home town. Maybe you might give him your number if he didn't creep you out too much. You might say yes to the date if he kept it in a public place around a lot of people. You certainly would meet him there rather than let him know where you lived by letting him pick you up,...until you were sure. But then I guess if he bought you a plane ticket and called you "Baby".....

Hmmm...

March 13, 2018

Only thing is he bought me an expensive plane ticket and now I feel obligated to go.

He was counting on that. "Guilting" you into going.

And here I've been worried about my dates falsely thinking they owed me something because I paid $50 for the dinner date. Heck, I got it made!!!

March 13, 2018

I don't have an issue trusting my safety being there. He even told me

He'd be okay with getting me a hotel room separately and I don't have to go to his house. Plus he is pretty well known to the public and for reasons I can't explain, he can't really screw up on that part. Anyway. That isn't an issue. The issue is confusing me with someone else while texting.

March 13, 2018

Honey, you're going to have A LOT more worries to come being that he is long-distance. Being long-distance is the root of almost all problems in LDR's. Don't be fooled.

Distance won't be a problem in the long run if we decide to be serious. Either he will have me move there or vice versa.

Honestly I've dated guys in California and I've yet to meet my soulmate. And I'm 33. So I don't mind giving a chance to someone else in another state. My original question has nothing to do with distance or why would someone look in another state. It was about if mistaking me with someone else on text is a big deal or a deal breaker or not

Edited March 13, 2018 by Exoticbeauty

March 13, 2018

Distance won't be a problem in the long run if we decide to be serious. Either he will have me move there or vice versa.
Honestly I've dated guys in California and I've yet to meet my soulmate. And I'm 33. So I don't mind giving a chance to someone else in another state. My original question has nothing to do with distance or why would someone look in another state. It was about if mistaking me with someone else on text is a big deal or a deal breaker or not

So, you met online and hit it off, you hit it off so much that you even spoke about up-rooting yourself to be together. So what is all that 'hitting off big time' worth if he is playing around with other women, calling them baby, and liking their freckles? You think all that he said to you was THAT genuine? I wouldn't be surprise he's flying women left and right to meet with him.

March 13, 2018

I don't have an issue trusting my safety being there. He even told me
He'd be okay with getting me a hotel room separately and I don't have to go to his house. Plus he is pretty well known to the public and for reasons I can't explain, he can't really screw up on that part. Anyway. That isn't an issue. The issue is confusing me with someone else while texting.

OK, ignoring the crazy distance you have to go for the first meet (as you requested) then, yes, you're over-reacting. Should he be able to keep you clear in his head from other women? Yes. But when I am multi-dating, it's super easy to get confused. I multi-date for days, not weeks, until I identify the one that I want to get to know the best and hopefully build a relationship.

But I can tell you unequivocally, if I haven't met you yet, you have not been chosen. I may be leaning your direction but until I meet, you're only potential.

So the freckles thing to me isn't that big of a deal. You apparently talked about your mole so him getting that confused with another woman he's talking to (and probably hasn't met) should not be surprising.

The eat some pizza thing is odd. But I'm betting he was trying to be funny and a problem with not having met is that humor can get lost in translation until later. Or he could be a jerk. I dunno. And neither do you.

Now, getting back to the 3,000 miles and assuming this isn't a date with Aziz Ansari (which is what this sounds like so far), it's weird that you'd be willing to go to NY from the west coast to meet him the first time but if you decide to, it shouldn't be surprising that you're not yet soulmates. And if it is Aziz, just one glass of wine and no interviews, please.

March 13, 2018

OK, ignoring the crazy distance you have to go for the first meet (as you requested) then, yes, you're over-reacting. Should he be able to keep you clear in his head from other women? Yes. But when I am multi-dating, it's super easy to get confused. I multi-date for days, not weeks, until I identify the one that I want to get to know the best and hopefully build a relationship.

But I can tell you unequivocally, if I haven't met you yet, you have not been chosen. I may be leaning your direction but until I meet, you're only potential.

So the freckles thing to me isn't that big of a deal. You apparently talked about your mole so him getting that confused with another woman he's talking to (and probably hasn't met) should not be surprising.

The eat some pizza thing is odd. But I'm betting he was trying to be funny and a problem with not having met is that humor can get lost in translation until later. Or he could be a jerk. I dunno. And neither do you.

Now, getting back to the 3,000 miles and assuming this isn't a date with Aziz Ansari (which is what this sounds like so far), it's weird that you'd be willing to go to NY from the west coast to meet him the first time but if you decide to, it shouldn't be surprising that you're not yet soulmates. And if it is Aziz, just one glass of wine and no interviews, please.

Thank you this helps a lot! He's fine with just a glass of wine, no sex etc. Anyway I told him to kindly not send me texts meant for someone else because that is disrespectful. Because I don't know whom his other texts were directly to anymore and if he meant to say what he said to me on texts so far.

March 13, 2018

OK, ignoring the crazy distance you have to go for the first meet (as you requested) then, yes, you're over-reacting. Should he be able to keep you clear in his head from other women? Yes. But when I am multi-dating, it's super easy to get confused. I multi-date for days, not weeks, until I identify the one that I want to get to know the best and hopefully build a relationship.

But I can tell you unequivocally, if I haven't met you yet, you have not been chosen. I may be leaning your direction but until I meet, you're only potential.

So the freckles thing to me isn't that big of a deal. You apparently talked about your mole so him getting that confused with another woman he's talking to (and probably hasn't met) should not be surprising.

The eat some pizza thing is odd. But I'm betting he was trying to be funny and a problem with not having met is that humor can get lost in translation until later. Or he could be a jerk. I dunno. And neither do you.

Now, getting back to the 3,000 miles and assuming this isn't a date with Aziz Ansari (which is what this sounds like so far), it's weird that you'd be willing to go to NY from the west coast to meet him the first time but if you decide to, it shouldn't be surprising that you're not yet soulmates. And if it is Aziz, just one glass of wine and no interviews, please.

So, you met online and hit it off, you hit it off so much that you even spoke about up-rooting yourself to be together. So what is all that 'hitting off big time' worth if he is playing around with other women, calling them baby, and liking their freckles? You think all that he said to you was THAT genuine? I wouldn't be surprise he's flying women left and right to meet with him.

I agree. And that's the reason for my disappointment.

March 13, 2018

Thank you this helps a lot! He's fine with just a glass of wine, no sex etc.

You are being naive a bit here.

This guy knows you coming over means sex whether you're in a hotel or not. He prepped you, created all that magic around your meeting, he's a master at this. The way you speak about 'hitting it off' with him you really think you won't be sleeping with him?

March 13, 2018

Distance won't be a problem in the long run if we decide to be serious. Either he will have me move there or vice versa.
Honestly I've dated guys in California and I've yet to meet my soulmate. And I'm 33. So I don't mind giving a chance to someone else in another state. My original question has nothing to do with distance or why would someone look in another state. It was about if mistaking me with someone else on text is a big deal or a deal breaker or not

What was his response when you asked him about the "freckles" comment? Also just because a girl is thin does not mean she isn't healthy. I would imagine him being long distance, famous and single he is definitely talking to more women than just you.

March 13, 2018

Also ignoring the whole LD thing (if you’re convinced you can make it work nothing will convince you of otherwise.) so assume you do make it work with the distance, would you trust him not to be dating others, sleeping with others, or even entertaining others? Men get awfully lonely and they want someone physically there... holding a woman is their only way to get that emotional oxytocin fill they can’t get anywhere else like us women.. we hug others and we don’t mind being touchy feely.

He already seems like he’s talking to others, and you say he’s well-known or something? That probably means he’s rich and got many women that would do whatever he wants. Also he sounds like a misogynist thinking he can control you with eating or whatever. Ew.

I dated someone long distance and he was the most shy calm introvert guy who wouldn’t hurt a fly and I later found out he was going to bars chatting up all kinds of women cause he got tired of the distance. That’s a loyal one woman man too!

Can you imagine what that Casanova of yours could do? It’s early and you haven’t met or gotten attached yet, so bolt!

March 13, 2018

What was his response when you asked him about the "freckles" comment? Also just because a girl is thin does not mean she isn't healthy. I would imagine him being long distance, famous and single he is definitely talking to more women than just you.

He just responded saying that he is used to calling them freckles which I don't believe still. But then he promised he is only texting me and no one else and that I could look at his phone if I don't trust him.

Anyway, I still don't know what I'm going to do.

March 13, 2018

You are being naive a bit here.

This guy knows you coming over means sex whether you're in a hotel or not. He prepped you, created all that magic around your meeting, he's a master at this. The way you speak about 'hitting it off' with him you really think you won't be sleeping with him?

Yeah, Gaeta is right. He expects sex. If you really doubt that, then definitely don't go. It doesn't mean you HAVE to have sex...you should feel secure in that you could go, decide you don't like him and NOT have sex. If you doubt that, don't get on the plane. But you should not doubt that he wants to and intends to have sex with you if you are willing. And to be honest, I don't think that's a bad thing if you two like each other and hit it off.

I guess I'm a bit more optimistic than most in that the trip doesn't sound so bad to me if me expectations for a relationship were...muted. Possible but muted. Still, hopefully you have someone out east that can be a support. If you know no one but him and he's paying for everything and you can't afford it, then you are being completely unsafe.

March 13, 2018

He just responded saying that he is used to calling them freckles which I don't believe still. But then he promised he is only texting me and no one else and that I could look at his phone if I don't trust him.
Anyway, I still don't know what I'm going to do.

I really don’t believe him, do you? Deep down? Why would he stop texting all women when you haven’t even met yet? You’re miles away and it’ll be a LDR, why would he throw it all away for you? I’m sure you’re a wonderful person, but he doesn’t know that yet!

He is a liar and I can sniff a liar miles away. This guy isn’t a good guy, OP. You deserve better than someone already unhappy with your body.

March 13, 2018

Also, why isn't he the one flying to you??

A gentleman would not have a woman fly across the country in a place she knows no one. He would want her to remain in her own environment where she feels safe. He'd be the one doing the packing, flying and sleeping in a hotel in a stranger city!

March 13, 2018

Also, why isn't he the one flying to you??

A gentleman would not have a woman fly across the country in a place she knows no one. He would want her to remain in her own environment where she feels safe. He'd be the one doing the packing, flying and sleeping in a hotel in a stranger city!

He wants me to meet his friends.

March 13, 2018

Yeah, Gaeta is right. He expects sex. If you really doubt that, then definitely don't go. It doesn't mean you HAVE to have sex...you should feel secure in that you could go, decide you don't like him and NOT have sex. If you doubt that, don't get on the plane. But you should not doubt that he wants to and intends to have sex with you if you are willing. And to be honest, I don't think that's a bad thing if you two like each other and hit it off.

I guess I'm a bit more optimistic than most in that the trip doesn't sound so bad to me if me expectations for a relationship were...muted. Possible but muted. Still, hopefully you have someone out east that can be a support. If you know no one but him and he's paying for everything and you can't afford it, then you are being completely unsafe.

I know he does. And we've talked about it and I'm sexually attracted to him too. But at the same time I will ONLY IF I WANT TO. He won't force me into it just because he can't. It will ruin his reputation. And he told me he is okay with that, and in fact that is what he wants (I.e. only if I want to and if we decide to take things to another level)

March 13, 2018

He wants me to meet his friends.

How old is he, 12 ??

This is serious business to have a woman fly across the country to meet a stranger from the Internet.

March 13, 2018

This situation is.... potentially extremely dangerous, and is fraught with red flags.

Like some else said, the gentleman thing to do, one that places an emphasis on your comfort and safety, would be to fly to you, and book a hotel from himself.

He wants you to meet his friends? This woman from the internet who he has never met face to face, and is flying out across the country for a first meeting...

Ahh okay. (do you usually want to bring a date to meet your friends on the first meeting? Do you think that is at all normal?)

PLEASE tell me you have done some fact checking to make sure he is who he says he is (so easy to commit these types of fraud online) and that you will be telling your friends and family EXACTLY where you will be going, his name, all of this contact information that you have, the address where he lives, the flights you have booked etc.

You are essentially planning to fly across the country and put your safety in the hands of a stranger. These things rarely result in fairy tale endings.

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