Questions After First Date Last Night

[PRW]

Thank you. Just the fact that she didnt respond, maybe shes just waiting for me to ask for a specific date or something, who knows. This situation makes zero sense at all

 

She isn't responding because you aren't ranking high enough in her priorities. If it was simply because you weren't specific she would have given you a wishy-washy "I'm unsure" type of reply.

 

You should already being going on other dates with others and not worrying about when she is going to respond. Besides that, if she finds out you are going on other dates she may try to compete with the other girls and you'll suddenly have her attention. Or she may think, "Good, he going out with someone else,...whew,...now maybe he'll leave me alone". Either way it goes,...see it as a good thing.

[Braytc]

She isn't responding because you aren't ranking high enough in her priorities. If it was simply because you weren't specific she would have given you a wishy-washy "I'm unsure" type of reply.

 

You should already being going on other dates with others and not worrying about when she is going to respond. Besides that, if she finds out you are going on other dates she may try to compete with the other girls and you'll suddenly have her attention. Or she may think, "Good, he going out with someone else,...whew,...now maybe he'll leave me alone". Either way it goes,...see it as a good thing.

 

Ready to just give up honestly. 3 and a half years of doing this? Its ridiculous. Every single girl i come in contact with "oh wow you're cute " or "so handsome" whatever, and nothing ever comes after the first date if i even get that. Ive been on like 100 dates, most of them im not feeling it really and its whatever, some i thought were pretty okay, and this last one i was just on along with 1 or 2 others it went amazingly and it seemed like we were really into eachother, and STILL nothing happens. I guess having a smooth, fun, genuinely great first date doesnt really mean anything, is what i get from this

[ChatroomHero]

Should i still try to set a specific date to see her this weekend on Saturday? I dont get why the entire date she would say "we have to add that to our list of to do" , " we can definitely try that next time" over and over again. How can you expect someone to know their schedule and give me options on a Monday? Hell, i dont even know if id be able to say what day works for me because idk if i have something important yet for work or school ill have to do lol.

 

Again, ive been dating way too much. Ive never seen a date go so well ever, it was such an amazing one that had zero thoughts or concerns of "oh maybe she doesnt like me" at all

 

 

For sure try, just don't get too invested.

 

 

As far as you not knowing your schedule, if she said hey Braytc, wanna go out Friday? You know right now you would say yes and make the earth move to keep the date if you had nothing planned. You also know right now reading this if you have something specific planned for this coming Friday, Saturday or Sunday. It's no different than when you get invited to a birthday party weeks or months ahead of time, buy concert tickets or tickets to a game...you put it on your schedule and schedule around it...if it's important enough.

 

 

As far as her mentioning future meet ups, sometimes people say that while together but either change their mind or don't really mean it. I met one girl I really liked and we hit it off. She indicated interest because I was getting a text from her friend early the next day asking if I was going to call her and the girl was hoping I was going to call, this was about 9 hours after I had seen her the night before. I went on a second date on a Monday at her suggestion, she seemed ok but a little flat. At the end of the night I could tell it didn't click but she very enthusiastically said, she was free Friday, let's do a movie! I fully expected a, "thanks, take care" ending, the date was that flat. So I thought, well, we had a great time the 1st time we met, an ok date 2 where nothing horrible happened on an early Monday evening date and she seemed very eager to get together the next Friday so maybe my gut feeling was off. Every communication I had with her after that I could tell Friday was not happening. Looking back, I could tell when she suggested it but her acting like she was looking forward to it tricked me.

 

 

You went out with her once, spur of the moment, If she was planning your wedding at this point I wouldn't put much stock in it. I just have a feeling based on what you said you will get a lot of mixed signals (really clear signals you just dismiss) and I would not get very invested in what she said. If she was overly interested she would not defer a commitment to see you again. That's something people do when they don't want to deal with rejecting someone. I think the other thing you need to consider is you must feel this in your gut on some level for the fact you posted on LS. Your gut feeling is usually the best indicator.

 

 

Just proceed with caution. I hope it works out.

[ChatroomHero]

Ive been on like 100 dates, most of them im not feeling it really and its whatever, some i thought were pretty okay, and this last one i was just on along with 1 or 2 others it went amazingly and it seemed like we were really into eachotherthis

 

 

 

So you've rejected 97 or 98 women out of 100 and are surprised that the 2 to 3 you are in to, in return rejected you? You have to expect that a lot of women you find you are into will put you in their 98% rejection pile to some degree. That's why you don't get invested too soon.

 

 

Maybe 50 of those women you weren't in to might have been into you and are sitting around wondering why you acted nice to them, seemed interested, probably didn't openly reject them... but never called them.

[Braytc]

So you've rejected 97 or 98 women out of 100 and are surprised that the 2 to 3 you are in to, in return rejected you? You have to expect that a lot of women you find you are into will put you in their 98% rejection pile to some degree. That's why you don't get invested too soon.

 

 

Maybe 50 of those women you weren't in to might have been into you and are sitting around wondering why you acted nice to them, seemed interested, probably didn't openly reject them... but never called them.

 

I dont get why people refer to "dating" as such a basic thing that you shouldn't put anything into. I put a lot into it. I'm "overinvested" in women I date, do you know why? Because i have alot of other things that are productive that I could be getting done, rather than "acting" like im interested in a person. I only go out with someone if I know I at least like them a lot so far into our texting or whatever. Going into a date without being invested is a waste of time, and you shouldn't even do it because there's better things to do then going into it "not invested." You're damn right when I go into a date, I'm putting every ounce of effort into that date, because why go through with it then? Why make her go through it? Why my myself go through it? Is it normal to catch pretty major feelings for someone after a 6 hour long date? If you're a truthful and genuine person, i dont see who wouldn't.

 

 

I know what I'm looking for, and I've found it a few times, and in 3 or 4 years, that's really a bad number. It's like we connect so well, and you obviously think I'm attractive for you to even come here with me in the first place, what the F could possibly be holding you back? Like this girl this past sunday. "I'm going to spend alot of useful hours on my sunday night, to make this guy come an hour down to me, hang out and go for a nice night on the town, and "pretend" that I'm interested and liking him for 6 hours straight, then say... "NAW NEVERMIND I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM" and then be a 15 year old and ghost me because you're immature?" That's literally what this girl just did. What is the point of going out with someone if you pre-determined that you like them or not? If i like someone, i go out with them. If i dont like someone, i dont go out with them. VERY VERY simple, if i wanted to screw with someones emotions and feelings, I'd go hang out with my actual friends of same gender lol.

Edited March 15, 2018 by Braytc

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

i have alot of other things that are productive that I could be getting done, rather than "acting" like im interested in a person. I only go out with someone if I know I at least like them a lot so far into our texting or whatever. Going into a date without being invested is a waste of time, and you shouldn't even do it because there's better things to do then going into it "not invested." You're damn right when I go into a date, I'm putting every ounce of effort into that date, because why go through with it then? Why make her go through it? Why my myself go through it? Is it normal to catch pretty major feelings for someone after a 6 hour long date? If you're a truthful and genuine person, i dont see who wouldn't.

 

I agree with you 100%.

[Braytc]

For sure try, just don't get too invested.

 

 

As far as you not knowing your schedule, if she said hey Braytc, wanna go out Friday? You know right now you would say yes and make the earth move to keep the date if you had nothing planned. You also know right now reading this if you have something specific planned for this coming Friday, Saturday or Sunday. It's no different than when you get invited to a birthday party weeks or months ahead of time, buy concert tickets or tickets to a game...you put it on your schedule and schedule around it...if it's important enough.

 

 

As far as her mentioning future meet ups, sometimes people say that while together but either change their mind or don't really mean it. I met one girl I really liked and we hit it off. She indicated interest because I was getting a text from her friend early the next day asking if I was going to call her and the girl was hoping I was going to call, this was about 9 hours after I had seen her the night before. I went on a second date on a Monday at her suggestion, she seemed ok but a little flat. At the end of the night I could tell it didn't click but she very enthusiastically said, she was free Friday, let's do a movie! I fully expected a, "thanks, take care" ending, the date was that flat. So I thought, well, we had a great time the 1st time we met, an ok date 2 where nothing horrible happened on an early Monday evening date and she seemed very eager to get together the next Friday so maybe my gut feeling was off. Every communication I had with her after that I could tell Friday was not happening. Looking back, I could tell when she suggested it but her acting like she was looking forward to it tricked me.

 

 

You went out with her once, spur of the moment, If she was planning your wedding at this point I wouldn't put much stock in it. I just have a feeling based on what you said you will get a lot of mixed signals (really clear signals you just dismiss) and I would not get very invested in what she said. If she was overly interested she would not defer a commitment to see you again. That's something people do when they don't want to deal with rejecting someone. I think the other thing you need to consider is you must feel this in your gut on some level for the fact you posted on LS. Your gut feeling is usually the best indicator.

 

 

Just proceed with caution. I hope it works out.

 

 

I get totally what you're saying actually and you put it in a really smart way. I just dont understand what the point of going out with me in the first place is, let alone for SIX (6) hours, getting to know me that much, getting to know eachother so much, talking about literally every single subject under the damn sun, having A TON in common, liking the same things, disagreeing on the same things, loving going to concerts, wanting to show eachother things that we like to do, talking about our families, whatever you name it, PERFECT matches for eachother to a T, then go "meh, not feeling it. bye" LOL. I posted this on here not because i felt that this wouldn't go to a second date, not at all. But because it has happened in the past to me.

 

It's like somebody handing you a bundle of $100 bills. Then going, eh whatever, and throwing it in a trash can

Edited March 15, 2018 by Braytc

[newyorker11356]

I get totally what you're saying actually and you put it in a really smart way. I just dont understand what the point of going out with me in the first place is, let alone for SIX (6) hours, getting to know me that much, getting to know eachother so much, talking about literally every single subject under the damn sun, having A TON in common, liking the same things, disagreeing on the same things, loving going to concerts, wanting to show eachother things that we like to do, talking about our families, whatever you name it, PERFECT matches for eachother to a T, then go "meh, not feeling it. bye" LOL. I posted this on here not because i felt that this wouldn't go to a second date, not at all. But because it has happened in the past to me.

 

It's like somebody handing you a bundle of $100 bills. Then going, eh whatever, and throwing it in a trash can

 

But that's simply dating 101.

 

You can have an amazing date that spans a couple/few hours, and the other person still not feel it.

[Braytc]

But that's simply dating 101.

 

You can have an amazing date that spans a couple/few hours, and the other person still not feel it.

 

Then what exactly do they feel? lol. If you don't feel that, then you don't "feel" anything

[GemmaUK]

This thread seems to have become way over complicated since I last took a look

If I go on a great date, then am in contact after, then go as far as sending a pic of my new hair and then that conversation closes nicely but the guy doesn't contact me within 24 hours at all then I am aware there is a tonne of pretty ladies and choice out there so I will think he's not into me and move right along. It's PUA, game playing, lack of confidence or laziness.

I want to see he is confident enough to be vulnerable enough to text me pretty damn soon.

I don't want to be smothered with texts but just send one leading to a couple or three that day for a brief conversation (no long paragraphs or endless questions).

If he waits quite obviously in between then heck yeah it's my turn to be ambiguous too!!

If I am thoroughly bored to the point where I am not looking forward to the next date or don't think he'll check in to make sure it's happening or turn up then I'll ghost. If he is too hard to communicate with and doesn't understand the bat and ball of it - I will ghost.

 

I'm not one to expect nor want anything in terms of the guy paying for dates and pretty quickly I am one to put things on a level footing contact wise.

 

If said guy drops that ball and offers no momentum for me to grab onto though...

 

A man needs to be somewhat vulnerable with me right in the beginning or I'll just never be that in return so a relationship or even second date won't happen.

[Braytc]

This thread seems to have become way over complicated since I last took a look

If I go on a great date, then am in contact after, then go as far as sending a pic of my new hair and then that conversation closes nicely but the guy doesn't contact me within 24 hours at all then I am aware there is a tonne of pretty ladies and choice out there so I will think he's not into me and move right along. It's PUA, game playing, lack of confidence or laziness.

I want to see he is confident enough to be vulnerable enough to text me pretty damn soon.

I don't want to be smothered with texts but just send one leading to a couple or three that day for a brief conversation (no long paragraphs or endless questions).

If he waits quite obviously in between then heck yeah it's my turn to be ambiguous too!!

If I am thoroughly bored to the point where I am not looking forward to the next date or don't think he'll check in to make sure it's happening or turn up then I'll ghost. If he is too hard to communicate with and doesn't understand the bat and ball of it - I will ghost.

 

I'm not one to expect nor want anything in terms of the guy paying for dates and pretty quickly I am one to put things on a level footing contact wise.

 

If said guy drops that ball and offers no momentum for me to grab onto though...

 

A man needs to be somewhat vulnerable with me right in the beginning or I'll just never be that in return so a relationship or even second date won't happen.

 

 

So she texted me back today. Again idk why she ignored me other messages and couldn't even respond a single word to them. But it's a pretty fair reason, her mom, I even saw for myself, was in a physical rehabilitation place after having a bad injury so she was always visiting her. Today, she messaged me back after I asked her out this Saturday. She said that her mom is now hospitalized and in ICU (which is a bad place to be) , and that she'll let me know. Wherever (I'll let you know) goes, we will see. Either she's honest or just continuing to string me along, but i have 3 more dates set up for this coming week to waste my time with (lol) so, whatever happens happens i guess,

[d0nnivain]

Mom in the hospital is a valid reason to ignore you, some guy she went on a few dates with.

 

Assume she's telling the truth unless confronted with evidence to the contrary & see what happens when mom gets discharged.

[GemmaUK]

So she texted me back today. Again idk why she ignored me other messages and couldn't even respond a single word to them. But it's a pretty fair reason, her mom, I even saw for myself, was in a physical rehabilitation place after having a bad injury so she was always visiting her.

So you knew this yet took no consideration for it and made it all about you. I'm stunned!

 

Today, she messaged me back after I asked her out this Saturday. She said that her mom is now hospitalized and in ICU (which is a bad place to be) , and that she'll let me know. Wherever (I'll let you know) goes, we will see. Either she's honest or just continuing to string me along, but i have 3 more dates set up for this coming week to waste my time with (lol) so, whatever happens happens i guess,

 

It's not a bad place to be it's a horrific place to be for the patient and relatives. My Dad was in ICU for 5 months so I know what I'm talking about.

Her Mum is probably on one or more forms of life support - my Dad at his worst was on 5 forms of life support.

 

I think you should step away kindly, say she has a lot going on and that she needs time for all of that. Don't make yourself an obligation or another pressure on her.

[Braytc]

So you knew this yet took no consideration for it and made it all about you. I'm stunned!

 

 

 

It's not a bad place to be it's a horrific place to be for the patient and relatives. My Dad was in ICU for 5 months so I know what I'm talking about.

Her Mum is probably on one or more forms of life support - my Dad at his worst was on 5 forms of life support.

 

I think you should step away kindly, say she has a lot going on and that she needs time for all of that. Don't make yourself an obligation or another pressure on her.

 

I didnt do that at all... She was fine, she was just rehabbing. All of the sudden this happens, i did not know it would get to this point, how should i know that she was in the ICU now :/.

 

Ill be texting her on and off just to check in and make sure everything is okay and that I'm still here. See whatever happens happens if shes telling the truth.

 

It just seems so weird, idk what to say. I can say though I went out with someone tonight actually (friday) and that helped me take my mind off of this one until she actually shows interest if she is. My date went wonderful tonight and this one seems really great, and actually texts me lol

[Braytc]

So basically, however many people said she's probably still in the marriage, were correct. She said she's "making amends" with him, im just like "thanks for the waste of time, good marriage"