Questions After First Date Last Night

March 13, 2018

Hey guys, I'm a 24 Male, and went out with a 24 Female last night.

This was a girl I met online, and honestly didn't even talk for a long time. She really quickly wanted to go out with me on the spot yesterday, like we were texting in the morning and she's just like "id love to go out today" so I went to see her, which is a little bit of a far drive.

So we went out for a night on the city, this was the first time seeing her... I picked her up AT her place, and went bowling, walked around the city for a bit, then spent a while at a really nice restaurant. The date started I'd say around 6pm, and ended at about 11:30pm, which to me is a pretty long first date.

So I've went on a lot of dates, some that I knew afterwards just wasn't the best, but this one was probably my best date ever. We just seemed to connect so much, talk about similar things, we were really into each other's interests and talking about personal matters and things like that. We just never really had a single dry moment, lots of eye contact, touching each other as in arms around each other, holding hands etc. We never ran out of things to talk about, we both laughed a ton. There just seemed to be such a strong connection that lasted so long.

All throughout the date, almost after everything we had an interest in doing at some point in the future, she'd even hint and say "we can definitely do that another time" or "that's something we can do next time" or "that's something that we have to add to the list" as if I'll be seeing her again i guess.

Now I took her home, it was very late for a sunday (11:30 PM), and today being monday we LEGITIMATELY had to get up and I lived a decent time away. Both of us were tired, definitely from having fun, and had to get going.

***** To end it, we hugged eachother for a little while, she kissed me on the cheek first, then i kissed her on the cheek. The fact that that exchange of kissing on the cheek happened pretty quickly and she did it first before she headed off and said "Text me when u get home" kind of thing, made me think there wouldn't be kissing on the lips. Again, this is a thing ive seen and not seen on dates, alot of the girls kissed me on the lips first date and then nothing happened after the first date, others, like this one, seemed like it's not her thing.

*** Important note, this girl literally just went through a divorce, or sort of still going through a divorce. She was married for 3 years and said she was a mess over the divorce for a while but is okay now.

Now I've been texting her today, and she's been kind of slow responding, still texting me back and everything, but maybe that's cause she was busy today or something, so trying to not make a big deal that she doesn't seem super quick responding like she was prior. We talked briefly about the date, we both had a really great time and let each other know that, and i asked her generally about going out again, towards the end of the week when we're both off. she responded with "Yeah sure! I'm not sure when im free yet but definitely soon"

So after all of that, what is everyone's views of this? Between the "girl" kissing you first on the cheek, how quickly she wanted to go out with me before really knowing her and picking her up at her house, and what the texting is like after our first date, and what generally texting is like after a first date.

Thank you so much for the help!

March 13, 2018

She is very young to be married and divorced already, but just going by your description of the date, it sounds like she's interested . It's not a great idea to judge her "response time" on a Monday after a weekend date. She was probably busy with work.

March 13, 2018

She is very young to be married and divorced already, but just going by your description of the date, it sounds like she's interested . It's not a great idea to judge her "response time" on a Monday after a weekend date. She was probably busy with work.

That's what I thought too, and she even acknowledged that. She's like "yeah i know it's hard to believe, but the guy i was with just would not chip in and would leave for days without coming back, so i ended it. And i was sick over it for a long time"

I've just been devastated and let down a lot in the past. Maybe since I like her so much I'm looking too into it. I feel like I did everything perfect and there was so much between us so quickly. I guess i'll just lay off the texting for a bit and see what's up towards the end of the week if she doesn't message back

March 13, 2018

That's what I thought too, and she even acknowledged that. She's like "yeah i know it's hard to believe, but the guy i was with just would not chip in and would leave for days without coming back, so i ended it. And i was sick over it for a long time"
I've just been devastated and let down a lot in the past. Maybe since I like her so much I'm looking too into it. I feel like I did everything perfect and there was so much between us so quickly. I guess i'll just lay off the texting for a bit and see what's up towards the end of the week if she doesn't message back

It's one date, but it's very positive so far. I know it's easy to get worried about slow response to texts because you don't want to be let down, but remember she has a life too. And a lot of jobs don't lend themselves to endless texting, nor would you want them to be - you'd never get anything done!

I'd keep in touch through the week but don't expect responses until the evenings. If she gets around to it during a coffee break or lunch, that's a bonus. If not, don't stress.

March 13, 2018

It's one date, but it's very positive so far. I know it's easy to get worried about slow response to texts because you don't want to be let down, but remember she has a life too. And a lot of jobs don't lend themselves to endless texting, nor would you want them to be - you'd never get anything done!

I'd keep in touch through the week but don't expect responses until the evenings. If she gets around to it during a coffee break or lunch, that's a bonus. If not, don't stress.

Appreciate it. Do you think people usually text a ton after a first date throughout the week or do people usually lay low? Idk whether to text her now or wait a day or something. Basically the last thing she sent me a few hours ago was a picture of her new haircut she got today, i told her how great it looked, and nothing after that

Edited March 13, 2018 by Braytc

March 13, 2018

That's what I thought too, and she even acknowledged that. She's like "yeah i know it's hard to believe, but the guy i was with just would not chip in and would leave for days without coming back, so i ended it. And i was sick over it for a long time"
I've just been devastated and let down a lot in the past. Maybe since I like her so much I'm looking too into it. I feel like I did everything perfect and there was so much between us so quickly. I guess i'll just lay off the texting for a bit and see what's up towards the end of the week if she doesn't message back

NO!! Don't do this!! Don't' bombard her with texts by any means, but text her at LEAST once a day just to ask how her day is, or think of something else to ask her (with no pressure, like about the weather if you're in the zone of the Nor'easter or something). DO NOT follow the advice of "Corey Wayne" and be all cool and nonchalant and disinterested.

March 13, 2018

Appreciate it. Do you think people usually text a ton after a first date throughout the week or do people usually lay low? Idk whether to text her now or wait a day or something. Basically the last thing she sent me a few hours ago was a picture of her new haircut she got today, i told her how great it looked, and nothing after that

Her sending you a pic of her haircut was a great sign. I hope you told her how awesome it looks.

March 13, 2018

Her sending you a pic of her haircut was a great sign. I hope you told her how awesome it looks.

That's for sure. Heck, sending almost any kind if pic is usually a good sign.

And yeah, don't bombard her with texts by any means, but do keep in touch. Don't wait days to send her a text.

March 13, 2018

Her sending you a pic of her haircut was a great sign. I hope you told her how awesome it looks.

Yep, I just haven't sent anymore today, i guess like tomorrow in the evening i'll send her a text if she doesn't send me one? For sure, I told her how amazing it looks. If her response was "Thanks!!" is that like, a good response from her? lol. I was hoping for a little more

March 13, 2018

Yep, I just haven't sent anymore today, i guess like tomorrow in the evening i'll send her a text if she doesn't send me one? For sure, I told her how amazing it looks. If her response was "Thanks!!" is that like, a good response from her? lol. I was hoping for a little more

That response is fine. Don't overthink it.

March 13, 2018

That's for sure. Heck, sending almost any kind if pic is usually a good sign.

And yeah, don't bombard her with texts by any means, but do keep in touch. Don't wait days to send her a text.

That's what i thought, cause it really did look amazing! This is why i ask . Thank you, I will text her tomorrow evening I guess if she doesn't message me back

March 13, 2018

That response is fine. Don't overthink it.

Alright! Yeah so basically, a couple hours ago her response was "Thanks!!" then i just said something like "You're welcome! just heading home from work now" and then she didnt say anything in response to that so i was just wondering. By the way, your name says newyorker, we spent our night in Manhattan and it was beautiful! I'm from PA and it was my first real time hanging out in new york

March 13, 2018

Things to note:

It was a spontaneous emotional decision for her to do the date. It is not solidly grounded. It was a "quick fix" for the loneliness she feels after the divorce. It shows she has "reckless" tendencies. she might be 24yo, but may have the maturity of 16.
Her marriage probably happened the same way, and hence why it only lasted 3 years and ended badly.
Her only kissing on the cheek was a sign of her lack of substantial commitment to you. It all happened with you because you just happened to be there at the right time. It could have easily been someone else.
You kissing her on the cheek was a sign of your fear or lack of confidence that she most definitely would have picked up on but probably just didn't fully register in her mind till later that night in bed or during the next day.
Never ever "...asked her generally about going out again...". That is wishy-washy and weak. Hence her "weak" response,...think about what her response actually said, "...Yeah sure!...<then>... I'm not sure...<then>...but definitely. There's a lot of contradictions in that response.

Give her a week to have an emotional "cool down.

Then...

You don't "ask" for a date,...you "offer" a date, with a specific place, day, and time. If the date/time/place doesn't work for her then she will give you a counter offer if she truly wants to spend time with you. But if she turns it down without a counter offer then leave her alone for another week so she can sort out her thoughts and emotions a little longer. Try again and if she does not accept that attempt then walk away and chalk it up as a girl inventing a reckless spontaneous date with whoever was close by at the time (it just happened to be you),...to dull whatever emotional need she was feeling at that moment.

March 13, 2018

Things to note:

It was a spontaneous emotional decision for her to do the date. It is not solidly grounded. It was a "quick fix" for the loneliness she feels after the divorce. It shows she has "reckless" tendencies. she might be 24yo, but may have the maturity of 16.
Her marriage probably happened the same way, and hence why it only lasted 3 years and ended badly.
Her only kissing on the cheek was a sign of her lack of substantial commitment to you. It all happened with you because you just happened to be there at the right time. It could have easily been someone else.
You kissing her on the cheek was a sign of your fear or lack of confidence that she most definitely would have picked up on but probably just didn't fully register in her mind till later that night in bed or during the next day.
Never ever "...asked her generally about going out again...". That is wishy-washy and weak. Hence her "weak" response,...think about what her response actually said, "...Yeah sure!...<then>... I'm not sure...<then>...but definitely. There's a lot of contradictions in that response.
Give her a week to have an emotional "cool down.

Then...

You don't "ask" for a date,...you "offer" a date, with a specific place, day, and time. If the date/time/place doesn't work for her then she will give you a counter offer if she truly wants to spend time with you. But if she turns it down without a counter offer then leave her alone for another week so she can sort out her thoughts and emotions a little longer. Try again and if she does not accept that attempt then walk away and chalk it up as a girl inventing a reckless spontaneous date with whoever was close by at the time (it just happened to be you),...to dull whatever emotional need she was feeling at that moment.

I definitely understand that side of it that you mentioned, and that's sort of in my mind as well. I was thinking since she went through that divorce and still sort of going through it, she might have weird emotions that come along with that. Like i said, i've went in to kiss tons of girls on the first date. She 100% was not ready for a kiss on the lips, i can tell by her actions, so i did not.

It's monday, the weekend is how far away, I was not going to say "we should go friday" or whatever because I honestly can't even say if i have anything majorly important with work etc that i need to do. How can i expect her to know exactly what she's doing this weekend and even be able to counter offer? I can definitely ask her like what, maybe tomorrow or wednesday if you think i should, about a specific date this weekend.

March 13, 2018

NO!! Don't do this!! Don't' bombard her with texts by any means, but text her at LEAST once a day just to ask how her day is, or think of something else to ask her (with no pressure, like about the weather if you're in the zone of the Nor'easter or something). DO NOT follow the advice of "Corey Wayne" and be all cool and nonchalant and disinterested.

Once a day will drive her away, probably after about 3-4 days. Hmmm... That rhymes. I think I'll keep that one:

"Once a day will drive her away"

Corey Wayne does not teach "cool and nonchalant and disinterested". He teaches what he does in order to allow her to have time to clear her thoughts and time to organize her emotions. It also has the same effect for the guy who's first instinct is usually to screw it up by over pursuing. What Corey Wayne says about this is also meant to be temporary for maybe 6-8 weeks, then things become more relaxed and more fluid and natural.

March 13, 2018

Once a day will drive her away, probably after about 3-4 days. Hmmm... That rhymes. I think I'll keep that one:

"Once a day will drive her away"

Corey Wayne does not teach "cool and nonchalant and disinterested". He teaches what he does in order to allow her to have time to clear her thoughts and time to organize her emotions. It also has the same effect for the guy who's first instinct is usually to screw it up by over pursuing. What Corey Wayne says about this is also meant to be temporary for maybe 6-8 weeks, then things become more relaxed and more fluid and natural.

My initial thought also when she mentioned she was going through divorce, is that she doesn't want to kiss me right away and get super attached and all of that, she is super defensive is what i thought afterwards. She probably learned from going so quickly into it with the last guy, so quick that she got married without even "living" with him for long enough to see what he does, and now she wants to really sort of "slow it down" by not getting attached to me right away. That's my thought of it.

So basically we are now between some people saying "text her tomorrow evening" or "don't till after a week" ?

March 13, 2018

Once a day will drive her away, probably after about 3-4 days. Hmmm... That rhymes. I think I'll keep that one:

"Once a day will drive her away"

Corey Wayne does not teach "cool and nonchalant and disinterested". He teaches what he does in order to allow her to have time to clear her thoughts and time to organize her emotions. It also has the same effect for the guy who's first instinct is usually to screw it up by over pursuing. What Corey Wayne says about this is also meant to be temporary for maybe 6-8 weeks, then things become more relaxed and more fluid and natural.

If texting her once a day really drives her away, then she's simply not into the guy at all, lol. Case closed.

I've never had to do this thing where I deliberately not text a woman for a few days, and I've never had issues. How funny is that?

If anything, it would cause the opposite effect and them thinking you're not really that into them.

March 13, 2018

Like i said, i've went in to kiss tons of girls on the first date. She 100% was not ready for a kiss on the lips, i can tell by her actions, so i did not.

Fair enough. Judging her body language and behavor is a good thing. I've sensed the same on dates before and responded the same.

How can i expect her to know exactly what she's doing this weekend and even be able to counter offer? I can definitely ask her like what, maybe tomorrow or wednesday if you think i should, about a specific date this weekend.

How can you expect her...? Give her some credit, she's not that helpless. Give her a week of clear space to think. Then on Monday or Tues attempt to make a date for the coming weekend. If you are able to set a date then leave her alone until you see her on the date,...no texting or "checking in" between then and the date. If she contacts you then answer, be nice, be polite, but don't drag it out. The phone is for setting dates, not "getting to know" someone. Just show up at the time/place as you said you would. You need to prove to her that you are reliable and do what you say,...and she needs to do the same. If she doesn't show, you got your answer, welcome to the real world.

The things I say may seem rigid,...but it is to keep things from going off the rails,...by the fault or either one of you.

March 13, 2018

Fair enough. Judging her body language and behavor is a good thing. I've sensed the same on dates before and responded the same.

How can you expect her...? Give her some credit, she's not that helpless. Give her a week of clear space to think. Then on Monday or Tues attempt to make a date for the coming weekend. If you are able to set a date then leave her alone until you see her on the date,...no texting or "checking in" between then and the date. If she contacts you then answer, be nice, be polite, but don't drag it out. The phone is for setting dates, not "getting to know" someone. Just show up at the time/place as you said you would. You need to prove to her that you are reliable and do what you say,...and she needs to do the same. If she doesn't show, you got your answer, welcome to the real world.

The things I say may seem rigid,...but it is to keep things from going off the rails,...by the fault or either one of you.

I'm glad we both feel the same way about the "signs of a first kiss"!

Problem is i have so many people telling me different things. My natural instinct makes it so hard to just not say anything to her for that long, you know? It might hurt her

March 13, 2018

If texting her once a day really drives her away, then she's simply not into the guy at all, lol. Case closed.

Exactly. That's the point. To reveal that. It is also to keep guys from saying stupid things while hiding behind their smart phones that damage her interest in the guy.

I've never had to do this thing where I deliberately not text a woman for a few days, and I've never had issues. How funny is that?

You got lucky.

If anything, it would cause the opposite effect and them thinking you're not really that into them.

Only the insecure women. Also, her fingers aren't broke. She can text him, and then he is supposed to know that it is his "cue" to set the next specific non-fuzzy date. Now it has moved up a level and the "rate" of the dating is now controlled by her and how often she contacts him (now a symbiotic cooperative situation),...which can be more that just the once-a-week it starts out at with just the guy doing it alone. This is where you want to get to after the guy uses the once-a-week dating thing to "jump start" the process the first few weeks.

March 13, 2018

Problem is i have so many people telling me different things.

Unfortunate, but true. But then that forces you to think things through to make the right choices, since you obviously can't possibly do everything everyone says (even if it is me saying it).

My natural instinct makes it so hard to just not say anything to her for that long, you know? It might hurt her

That isn't natural instinct, that is undisciplined emotion,...and that harms women more than anything else. It is how men become stalkers. The framework I give people is to keep that stuff "in check" so that the dating situation can mature into something more stable during those first few months.

March 13, 2018

Exactly. That's the point. To reveal that. It is also to keep guys from saying stupid things while hiding behind their smart phones that damage her interest in the guy.

You got lucky.

Only the insecure women. Also, her fingers aren't broke. She can text him, and then he is supposed to know that it is his "cue" to set the next specific non-fuzzy date. Now it has moved up a level and the "rate" of the dating is now controlled by her and how often she contacts him (now a symbiotic cooperative situation),...which can be more that just the once-a-week it starts out at with just the guy doing it alone. This is where you want to get to after the guy uses the once-a-week dating thing to "jump start" the process the first few weeks.

Nah, wouldn't say lucky if this has been the case with pretty much every woman I've dated. You just have to have a good balance to it, and it's not that hard to find it.

Insecure women would freak out if you don't back in seconds, never mind minutes, lol. If you're constantly going days without texting back, then that's something else entirely.

March 13, 2018

You just have to have a good balance to it, and it's not that hard to find it.

It is that hard for most men. That's part of why the dating environment today is such a wreck. I want to keep men away from the edge of the cliff,...not see how close they can get before falling off.

No one is forced to follow my advice to the letter. They are still responsible for their own decisions.

March 13, 2018

It is that hard for most men. That's part of why the dating environment today is such a wreck. I want to keep men away from the edge of the cliff,...not see how close they can get before falling off.

No one is forced to follow my advice to the letter. They are still responsible for their own decisions.

I could see totally if you're like, yeah, text her wednesday or thursday. But an entire week not say a word to her if she doesn't say anything to me? It just seems too weird, not that i have the ability to do that or not, but it just seems way long

March 13, 2018

I could see totally if you're like, yeah, text her wednesday or thursday. But an entire week not say a word to her if she doesn't say anything to me? It just seems too weird, not that i have the ability to do that or not, but it just seems way long

We're talking Monday or Tues (when you set the date) until the weekend,...that is 3-4 days. You can handle it. She can handle it. You'll both be more excited about the date when you get to it. This is also during that early first-stage period of dating that only lasts a few weeks in the first place if things are going well. Things pick up after that.

Edited March 13, 2018 by PRW

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