Author nme Posted March 13, 2018 Author Posted March 13, 2018 How can she do that is she is so busy she can't spare 1-2 hours to meet you? Has she said why she is busy? No, she hasn't, which was so puzzling to me. So my post was kinda asking everyone here if I should ask her what's up, but it seems like most think I should just agree to it and just go on the date.
Grey40 Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 (edited) Eh, don't get so into this one girl, I've never had a girl actually plan the date herself, and never 3 weeks out. I mean, it's a good sign she's setting a date but so much can happen between now and then, I think it's more likely she'll cancel, flake or ghost. If I were you I'd shoot her a text and ask her if she can meet sooner than the 29th, and offer a day/time. If she says she's busy, you can do two things. 1) Ask why she's busy. 2) Just tell her to contact you when she gets free time and can meet up. Then just pretend like she doesn't exist until she reaches out again. In the meantime move on. Some women like to play guys like this to make themselves feel better and to inflate their ego but have no real intentions of pursuing you. Some girls like knowing you're waiting around on a string for her like a puppet. Don't,. One of the things I've noticed is that women who do this are usually seeing someone else, but want to keep you in the wings in case things don't work out. They'll keep pushing off dates, or continue to talk to you but when you ask them out will ghost for a while or agree and come up with an excuse last minute. 9/10 times it's because you're a backup plan--they are interested in you, but not enough to dump what they currently have. Edited March 13, 2018 by Grey40 2
d0nnivain Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 Grey40 While I like your suggestion, it fails to take into account how the 29th came about. nme met this woman then went out of town for a month. The extent of their communication while he was gone in unclear. When he got home he waited 2 weeks to reach out to her. I think, but am unclear here, that she ghosted him for 5-6 days & would only reached out after about 2 days. He suggested lunch yesterday (March 12) & she responded with March 29. To me that is some indication that she is not free until then. Whether she is playing games or genuinely busy, I can't say. But I don't see the point in begging for an earlier date. Hence my advice for him to keep busy, have other irons in the fire & go to lunch on the 29th. 1
Grey40 Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 Grey40 While I like your suggestion, it fails to take into account how the 29th came about. nme met this woman then went out of town for a month. The extent of their communication while he was gone in unclear. When he got home he waited 2 weeks to reach out to her. I think, but am unclear here, that she ghosted him for 5-6 days & would only reached out after about 2 days. He suggested lunch yesterday (March 12) & she responded with March 29. To me that is some indication that she is not free until then. Whether she is playing games or genuinely busy, I can't say. But I don't see the point in begging for an earlier date. Hence my advice for him to keep busy, have other irons in the fire & go to lunch on the 29th. No, I'm not suggesting he begs for an earlier date. Tell her you realized you can't do the 29th and try and see if she'll meet at an earlier date. He already messed things up by waiting so damn long. She's probably doing this on purpose to now make you wait. If you were really interested in this woman, why didn't you contact her when you got back right away? Did you guys set an actual place/time for the 29th? or just leave it in the air? Also, lunch dates are brutal man. Quickest way to get friend zoned is to do something like that. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 But if he tells her the 29th no longer works for him after he said yes to it, he looks like a man who doesn't know his own mind / schedule which is extremely unappealing and he ends up with no date if she doesn't counter. What's he supposed to do then, rearrange his fictional schedule to make the 29th work? That is giving her even more power. 2
Grey40 Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 But if he tells her the 29th no longer works for him after he said yes to it, he looks like a man who doesn't know his own mind / schedule which is extremely unappealing and he ends up with no date if she doesn't counter. What's he supposed to do then, rearrange his fictional schedule to make the 29th work? That is giving her even more power. It's far enough in advance that he say it slipped his mind that there was a prior engagement on that day he has. I think it's rude to make someone wait that long, and I think she's playing him. If she was really that busy she would tell him the reason she can't go out until then, instead she just says "busy". Take the higher road and show her you're not going to wait around. No one is THAT busy they can't meet you for a few hours on a given day. I'd say her interest level is low and you're backup option at this point. 1
act00 Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 Working a waitress job, her hours probably fluctuate and then school, so I can see some difficulty in planning a time to meet. What I don't get is pushing out a date for three weeks from now, on a Thursday. As a waitress, and perhaps Spring Break (what's the schedule? This is Easter weekend), this might be her stay out late and free day. But that level of busy that she can't be available in any one of the two weekends prior to the 29th, I question if she's worth it. It won't kill you to plan to see her that day and see where it goes. No need to stress over someone you haven't even gone out on a date with. As a young, pretty waitress, she probably gets hit on a lot. You and she exchanged numbers. I'm sure you're not the only one. How has your texting communication been? You texted a little during your vacation. Have you maintained texting? Can you arrange a phone call one day? Can you see if she's up for a date sooner than the 29th, while not cancelling the 29th? If she's that busy, I question if she's someone you want. It depends on you. I would prefer someone who's more available, but I don't have a busy lifestyle. You stated she seems to be more of a stay home and watch movies kind of a person, and between work and school, I certainly don't blame her. It wouldn't surprise me if her schedule jumped around between open and closing shifts and tips/income as well, and it wouldn't surprise me if she may not know her schedule in advance. I have worked jobs where on Saturday, no one knows if they have to show up on Sunday as the new schedule hasn't posted yet, and I've heard this complaint in the restaurant industry, plus sick calls and no-shows. I can understand some difficulty planning...but three weeks...just kind of weird. You have nothing to lose at this point, OP. Plan, go, have fun, text in between and live your life. 1
Grey40 Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 I bet if you just stopped talking to her completely she'll offer to meet up sooner on her own--or just never contact you again, and you'll have your answer. 1
Zippy2000 Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 This one is hard to answer. Ultimately its up to you! However girl if different and every scenario is different. I got talking to a girl on a night out and gave her my number and we talked for a couple of weeks. I always tried to get her out but she was a chef and worked 60 hours a week. I learned over time she was never available and she would always say she would get back to me. In the end she was a waste of time. She liked the attention and it was an ego boost for her. That said I had another woman I had met about 13 years ago. She was my first ever internet date. We talked for 4 weeks before we finally met! However she was good with her communication and she messaged me everyday. Even gave me her schedule to tell me when she was free. You wont really know until its the 29th. You have to play it by ear and maybe not put all your eggs in one basket. Only time will tell and if any time before the 29th she says she has to re-arrange then you`ll know she is a time waster. Three weeks to some people is a long time. To others it could be a test to see how you act inbetween that time. Ive dated women who couldn't wait a week to see me and if a woman can wait 3 weeks to see you. I see that as low interest. Ive given you two scenarios. Ultimately play the game and play it cool. Only time will tell. 2
Gaeta Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 Did you wait 2 weeks to contact her upon you arrival or you tried to reach her for 2 weels after you arrived. It's not clear to me. 1
Author nme Posted March 13, 2018 Author Posted March 13, 2018 (edited) d0nnivain, Grey40, Gaeta, So there seems to be some confusion as I might've been unclear on some details. So I met her at a restaurant where she works, and what connected us was that I found out she goes to the same college as me. So I told her that I had hoped to see her at school after winter break when I come back from my vacation. After I left, we continued texting everyday, which progressively slowed to about 1-2 texts every other day, to once a week, as the month went on (understandable, since we were still considered strangers). I did my best to keep her interested, and even watched a show she recommended so that we could have something to talk about in the meantime. Right after I came back to town, the speed was picked up since I let her know I was back in town, and things went back to normal. We texted for about a week as we adjusted to our new classes and such, but since she's a different major, we don't have any mutual classes. Then I asked her if she'd like to grab lunch at a cafe near our school, WITHOUT setting a set day yet, to which she replied and asked if what time I go to school on Monday. That's where I assumed she meant Monday the 12th, which thinking back, could've meant any and all Mondays this semester. Anyway, so I tell her I have about an hour for lunch between school and work on Monday(s), and even sent her my class schedule so she would have an idea. That was last Wednesday the 7th, and that's when she then ghosted on me up until the night of the 12th, where this situation about the 29th came about. Hopefully I cleared some things up that previously might have been left out. Thanks, guys Edited March 13, 2018 by nme
Author nme Posted March 13, 2018 Author Posted March 13, 2018 It's far enough in advance that he say it slipped his mind that there was a prior engagement on that day he has. I think it's rude to make someone wait that long, and I think she's playing him. If she was really that busy she would tell him the reason she can't go out until then, instead she just says "busy". Take the higher road and show her you're not going to wait around. No one is THAT busy they can't meet you for a few hours on a given day. I'd say her interest level is low and you're backup option at this point. I thought so too, but you know I feel like she probably thinks we've made it a month without seeing each other, that we can wait another few weeks. And she probably is thinking long-term, that since we've kept a text convo going for over a month now, a few weeks is probably not gonna be a big deal? And on my part, even though I would like to date her, I haven't exactly made clear to her about that, just asked her out for lunch, so if she catches on, maybe it's clear enough to her as well. And actually she didn't say "busy", she just put the 29th out there. The exact text was: "How about we grab lunch together on the 29th~" And after waiting a day, I agreed to the 29th, and asked her what she's really busy lately. She'll likely take a few days to respond, but hopefully we'll get our answer.
Author nme Posted March 13, 2018 Author Posted March 13, 2018 Working a waitress job, her hours probably fluctuate and then school, so I can see some difficulty in planning a time to meet. What I don't get is pushing out a date for three weeks from now, on a Thursday. As a waitress, and perhaps Spring Break (what's the schedule? This is Easter weekend), this might be her stay out late and free day. But that level of busy that she can't be available in any one of the two weekends prior to the 29th, I question if she's worth it. It won't kill you to plan to see her that day and see where it goes. No need to stress over someone you haven't even gone out on a date with. As a young, pretty waitress, she probably gets hit on a lot. You and she exchanged numbers. I'm sure you're not the only one. How has your texting communication been? You texted a little during your vacation. Have you maintained texting? Can you arrange a phone call one day? Can you see if she's up for a date sooner than the 29th, while not cancelling the 29th? If she's that busy, I question if she's someone you want. It depends on you. I would prefer someone who's more available, but I don't have a busy lifestyle. You stated she seems to be more of a stay home and watch movies kind of a person, and between work and school, I certainly don't blame her. It wouldn't surprise me if her schedule jumped around between open and closing shifts and tips/income as well, and it wouldn't surprise me if she may not know her schedule in advance. I have worked jobs where on Saturday, no one knows if they have to show up on Sunday as the new schedule hasn't posted yet, and I've heard this complaint in the restaurant industry, plus sick calls and no-shows. I can understand some difficulty planning...but three weeks...just kind of weird. You have nothing to lose at this point, OP. Plan, go, have fun, text in between and live your life. You're absolutely right, act00. I have nothing to lose by going on that date on the 29th, but it also puzzles me as well why it's set out so long from now. It does make me think that she might have a busy schedule indeed, which is why she literally set an actual date instead of saying, "how about a few Thursdays from now?" To me, I kind of doubt she'd give such a concrete date to a fallback guy... And to answer your questions, our texting has been decent. She's the one that sets the tempo though, as she literally texts once a day at most. It always slowly drags out to once a week though since she has this habit of ghosting for consecutive days. But we've maintained contact for well over a month now, and she seems comfortable telling me about her schedule and what she's been up to. Since I did agree to the 29th already, my only option is to find out if and why she's actually so busy lately. Hopefully we'll get an answer the next time she texts back lol.
Gaeta Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 I thought so too, but you know I feel like she probably thinks we've made it a month without seeing each other, that we can wait another few weeks. And she probably is thinking long-term, that since we've kept a text convo going for over a month now, a few weeks is probably not gonna be a big deal? I am puzzled how you came to that conclusion. If she was thinking long term she'd be making time to get to know you face to face. The way I see it she doesn't see you as a 'dating' prospect but as a guy-friend to have lunch with. You are worthy of her Thursday evening maybe once a month. I am amazed how men hang on to shreds of hope, not even shreds but tiny crumbs of hope.
Author nme Posted March 13, 2018 Author Posted March 13, 2018 This one is hard to answer. Ultimately its up to you! However girl if different and every scenario is different. I got talking to a girl on a night out and gave her my number and we talked for a couple of weeks. I always tried to get her out but she was a chef and worked 60 hours a week. I learned over time she was never available and she would always say she would get back to me. In the end she was a waste of time. She liked the attention and it was an ego boost for her. That said I had another woman I had met about 13 years ago. She was my first ever internet date. We talked for 4 weeks before we finally met! However she was good with her communication and she messaged me everyday. Even gave me her schedule to tell me when she was free. You wont really know until its the 29th. You have to play it by ear and maybe not put all your eggs in one basket. Only time will tell and if any time before the 29th she says she has to re-arrange then you`ll know she is a time waster. Three weeks to some people is a long time. To others it could be a test to see how you act inbetween that time. Ive dated women who couldn't wait a week to see me and if a woman can wait 3 weeks to see you. I see that as low interest. Ive given you two scenarios. Ultimately play the game and play it cool. Only time will tell. Yeah, there's really not much I can do either, so I'll let time be the judge. And thanks for the insight, I guess each girl really is different! You really won't know until that day comes. And yeah, I've definitely learned not to put all my eggs in one basket, but it's just weird how someone sets a date so far out. I think the best thing for now is to try and find out what she's been up to lately and try not to overthink things. It may be a test, but at the same time, we've already committed so much time texting that it seems there's not much to test about. Thanks again for the scenarios
d0nnivain Posted March 13, 2018 Posted March 13, 2018 nme Your attempt to clarify confused me even more. In what month was winter break? If it was around Christmas that is all the more reason your decision to post pone any date until after you both got back for the start of the Spring Semester was rational & reasonable. It was almost the norm where I went to school. So then you got back . . . when, Mid January? Seems like you have plenty of time to squeeze in a date before March. Have you been back to the restaurant where she works? If not, why not? Did you ever try asking her to meet between classes, after classes or after work? In college I met people when I got out of work from my bar shift & it wasn't as nefarious as a 2 a.m. date would otherwise sound. It was just when I had off. All in all it seems like she is not too keen. I still say keep the date on the 29th but go in with low to no expectations. 1
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